Life in the Clearings Versus the Bush (13 page)

I
will say no more. The quotation, though but too true, is too well known; but it will serve as the best illustration I can give to the various annoyances which beset the path of him who is musically inclined, and whose soul is in unison with sweet sounds. This was my case. I loved music with all my heart and soul, and in order to give myself wholly up to my passion, and claim a sort of moral right to enjoy it, I made it a profession.

Few people have a better opportunity of becoming acquainted with the world than the travelling musician; yet such is the absorbing nature of his calling, that few make use of it less. His nature is open, easy, and unsuspecting; pleased with his profession, he hopes always to convey the same pleasure to his hearers; and though doubts will sometimes cross his mind, and the fear of ridicule make him awkward and nervous, yet, upon the whole, he is generally sure of making a favourable impression on the simple-hearted and generous among his hearers.

The musician moves among his fellow-men as a sort of privileged person; for who ever suspects him of being a rogue? His first attempt to deceive would defeat its own object, and prove him to be a mere pretender. His hand and voice must answer for his skill, and form the only true test of his abilities. If tuneless and bad, the public will not fail to condemn him.

The adventures of the troubadours of old, if they were more full of sentiment and romance than the every-day occurrences that beset the path of the modern minstrel, were not more replete with odd chances and ludicrous incident. Take the following for an example of the many droll things which have happened to me during my travels.

In the summer of 1846 I was making a professional tour through the United States, and had advertised a concert for the ensuing evening at the small town of —, and was busy making the necessary arrangements, when I was suddenly accosted, as I left the hotel, by a tall, thin, lack-a-daisical looking man, of a most unmusical and unprepossessing appearance: “How-do-ye-do? I’m highly tickled to see you. I s’pose you are going to give an extra sing here ain’t you?”

“Yes; I intend giving a concert here this evening.”

“Hem! How much dew you ax to come in? That is – I want to say – what are you goin’ to chearge a ticket?”

“Half a dollar – the usual price.”

“How?” inclining his ear towards me, as if he doubted the soundness of the organ.

“Half a dollar?” repeated I, carelessly.

“Tis tew much. You had better chearge twenty-five cents. If you dew, you’ll have a pretty good house. If you make it twelve and a half cents, you’ll have a
smasher
. If, mister, you’ll lower that agin to six and a quarter cents, you’ll have to take a field, – there ain’t a house would hold ‘em.” After a pause,
scratching his head, and shuffling with his feet, “I s’pose you ginnerally give the profession tickets?”

“Sometimes.”

“I’m a
leetle
in your line myself. Although I’m a shoemaker by trade, I leads the first Presbyterian choir upon the hill. I should like to have you come up, if you stay long enough.”

“As that is the case, perhaps you can tell me if I am likely to have a good house to-night?”

“I kind a reckon as how you will; that is, if you don’t chearge tew much.”

“Where shall I get the best room?”

“Well, I guess, you had better try the old meetin’ house.”

“Thank you. Allow me, sir, to present you with a ticket.” I now thought that I had got rid of him, and amply paid him for the information I had received. The ticket was for a single admission. He took it, turned it slowly round, held it close to his eyes, spelt it carefully over, and then stared at me. “What next?” thought I.

“There’s my wife. Well – I s’pose she’d like to come in.”

“You wish me to give you a double ticket?”

“I don’t care if you dew,” again turning the new ticket in his hand; and, scratching his head more earnestly, he said, “I’ve one of the smartest boys you ever seed; he’s a fust-rate ear for music; he can whistle any tune he hears right straight off. Then there’s my wife’s sister a-staying with us jist now; she’s very fond of music tew.”

“Perhaps,” said I, losing all patience, “you would prefer a family ticket?”

“Well; I’d be obliged. It don’t cost you any, mister; and if we don’t use it, I’ll return it tomorrow.”

The stranger left me, and I saw no more of him, until I
spied him in the concert-room, with a small family of ten or twelve. Presently, another man and a dog arrived. Says he to the doorkeeper, “What’s a-goin on here?”

“It’s a concert, – admission, half-a-dollar.”

“I’m not a-goin’ to give half-a-dollar to go in here. I hire a pew in this here church by the year, and I’ve a right to go in whenever the door’s open.” So in he went with his dog.

The evening turned out very wet, and these people happened to form all my audience; and as I did not feel at all inclined to sing for their especial benefit, I returned to my lodgings. I learned from my doorkeeper the next morning, that my friends waited for an hour and a half for my reappearance, which could not reasonably have been expected under existing circumstances.

I thought I had got rid of the musical shoemaker for ever, but no such good luck. Before I was out of my bed, he paid me a visit.

“You will excuse my calling so early,” says he, “but I was anxious to see you before you left the town.”

Wishing him at the bottom of the Mississippi, I put on my dressing gown, and slipped from my bed, whilst he continued his introductory address.

“I was very sorry that you had not a better attendance last night; and I s’pose that accounted for your leaving us as you did. We were all kinder disappointed. You’d have had a better house, only the people thought there was a
leetle
humbug about this,” and he handed me one of my programmes.

It is well known to most of my readers, that in writing these bills the name of the composer generally follows the song, particularly in any very popular compositions, such as

“Humbug!” said I, attempting to take the bill, in order to see that no mistake had originated in the printing, but my tormentor held it fast. “Look,” said he; “Now where is Henry Hertz; and Henry Russell, where is he? And the Old English Gentleman, Martin Luther, what has become of him? The folks said that he was dead, but I didn’t believe that, for I didn’t think that you would have had the face to put his name in your bill if he was.”

Thus ended my acquaintance with the enlightened shoemaker of the Mississippi. I was travelling in one of the western canal boats the same summer, and was sauntering to and fro upon the deck, admiring the beauty of the country through which we were passing, when I observed a very tall, thin-faced, sharp looking man, regarding me with very fixed attention. Not knowing who or what he was, I was at last a little annoyed by the pertinacity of this steady stare. It was evident that he meditated an attack upon me in some shape or other. Suddenly he came up to me, and extending his hand, exclaimed, –

“Why, Mister H—, is this you? I have not seen you since you gave your
consort
at N—; it seems a tarnation long while ago. I thought, perhaps, you had got blowed up in one of those exploded steam-boats. But here you are as large as life and that’s not over large neither, (glancing at the slight dimensions of my figure,) and as ready to raise the wind as ever. I am highly gratified to meet with you, as I have one of the greatest songs you ever he’rd to show you. If you can but set it to music, and sing it in New York city, it will immortalize you, and immortalize me tew.”

Amused at the earnestness with which the fellow spoke, I inquired the subject of his song. “Oh, ‘tis des-crip-tive; ‘tis tre-men-dous. It will make a sensation all over the Union.”

“But what is it about? – Have you got it with you?”

“No – no, mister; I never puts these things down on paper, lest other folk should find them and steal them. But I’ll give you some
idee
of what it is. Look you, mister. I was going from Syracuse to Rochester, on the canal-boat. We met on our way a tre-men-dous storm. The wind blew, and the rain came down like old sixty, and everything looked as black as my hat; and the passengers got scared and wanted to get off, but the captain sung out, ‘Whew – let ‘em go, Jem!’ and away we went at the rate of tew miles an hour, and they could not stop. By and by we struck a rock, and down we went.”

“Indeed!” said I, “that’s very unusual in a canal-boat; were any lives lost?”

“No, but we were all dreadfully sceared and covered with mud. I sat down by the
en-gine
till I got dry, and then I wrote my pome. I will repeat what I can to you, and what I can’t I will write right off when I gets hum. – Hold on – hold on –” he continued, beating his forehead with the back of his hand, as if to awaken the powers of memory –

“I have it now – I have it now, –’tis tre-men-dous –”

The poet paused for a moment to gain breath, evidently overcome by the recollection of the awful scene. “Is not that bee-u-tiful?” he exclaimed. “What a fine effect you could give to that on the pee-a-ne, humouring the keys to imitate his squabbling about in the mud. Let me tell you, mister, it would beat Russell’s ‘Ship on Fire’ all hollow.”

Wiping the perspiration from his face, he recommenced, –

I could not listen to another line of this sublime effusion, the passengers who had gathered around us drowning his nasal drawl in a complete roar of laughter. Seeing that I was as much infected as the rest, the poet turned to me, with an air of offended dignity, –

“I don’t take the trouble, mister, to repeat any more of my
pomes
to you; nor do I take it kind at all, your laughing at me in that ere way. But the truth is, you can’t comprehend nor appreciate anything that is sublime, or out of the common way. Besides, I don’t think you could set it to music; it is not in you, and you can’t fix it no-how.”

This singular address renewed our mirth; and, finding myself unable to control my inclination to laugh, and not wishing to hurt his feelings, I was about to leave him, when the man at the helm sung out, “Bridge! ”

The passengers lowered their heads to ensure their safety – all but my friend the poet, who was too much excited to notice the signal before he came in contact with the bridge, which sent him sprawling down the gangway. He picked himself up, clambered up the stairs, and began striding up and down the deck at a tremendous rate, casting from time to time indignant glances at me.

I thought, for my part, that the man was not in his right senses, or that the blow he had received had so dulled his bump of caution, that he could no longer take care of himself; for the next moment he stumbled over a little child, and would have been hurt severely if I had not broken his fall, by catching his arm before he again measured his length on the deck. My timely assistance mollified his anger, and he once more became friendly and confidential.

“Here, take this piece of poetry, Mister H—, and see if you can set
it
to music. Mind you, it is none of mine; but though not
quite
so good, it is som’at in my style. I cut it out of a newspaper down East. You are welcome to it,” he continued, with a patronizing nod, “that is, if you are able to do justice to the subject.”

I took the piece of dirty crumpled newspaper from his hand; and, struck with the droll quizzing humour of the lines, I have preserved them ever since. As I have never seen them before or since, I will give you them here.