nant! How old are you?” I asked, fuming mad. The girl cast a long
glance at me shuffling her feet. I had the feeling she was asked this
question one too many times. “Sixteen,” she mumbled, rolling her
eyes.
“
Dat girl gonna smoke if I give it to her or not,” Nina said. “I
smoked with my first two babies, and all of them came out all
right,” she continued.
I turned ready to smack the shit out of Nina. She held a pipe
in her hand, a rock balanced on top of it. From the look in Black
Pearl’s eyes, she wanted to hit that pipe awfully bad. For the first
time in my life I was overcome with guilt. This little girl with
Hope’s eyes caused the incantation of the words to flow all over
again
, you’ll end up dead or in prison
. This shit was strange. One
thing was for sure, this girl was somebody’s child, somebody’s
daughter, sister and now was about to be somebody’s mama. Shit!
This was not supposed to be part of the game. Someone was vio-
lating the r ules.
“
Girl, where in the fuck you live at?” I asked her.
Nina cut in, “She lives wit me sometimes, now leave that gurl
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alone.” I continued to stare her down, like waiting for an answer.
Finally she looked up at me and blinked her eyes the way a child
does when they are being chastised.
“
Where your mama at … your family … somebody?” My
emotions consumed me. I found a part of myself that I, along with
millions of hustlers, find it difficult to identify with–the plight of
Black life and just how destructive we are in selling poison to our
people. Her bottom lip began to tremble as her delicate starry eyes
began to brim with tears. Her features Nubian, like an African
Princess, she possessed the kind of beauty that should be captured
and placed on a poster for the world to see the destruction of
Black humanity. How the ghetto chews up and spits out children
like recycled waste.
Someone else was at the door, a body with no face. I was in a
fog. My emotions were on my sleeve. A voice asked, “Lemme get
six for fifty.” Just as I reached in my pocket and passed him the last
of the dope, a police car cruised by. Too close for comfort. I need-
ed to get out of there. I tried my best not to look at the little girl,
but I couldn’t help it. Her ebony cheeks were streaked with tears
as she cried silently. She watched me as if I were the one responsi-
ble for her tears. To the strongest of men, to watch a child cry,
especially a pregnant child is truly tormenting.
Keep the babies and
the fuckin children out the game!
I thought.
I heard a noise as I was about to leave. I turned around to see
Nina Brown on the floor on all fours, searching … searching for
an invisible rock. The dope was starting to play tricks with her
mind.
As I checked to see if the coast was clear to make my exit. I
tried to shake the scene from my mind, but it was too strong, the
voice in my ears was too much. The girl was now holding her
stomach bent over crying. From the look on her face I did not
know if she was in pain or what. My insides were killing me! I
decided right then and there, there was no way in hell I was going
to leave this child in this crackhouse. Gangsters have hearts, too. I
reached out taking hold of her little hand and together we walked
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out the door.
A cool morning breeze welcomed my damp skin as we walked
out of the house. It felt like I had been in a cave all night. It was
the start of a beautiful morning. In the blue sky the sun strobe the
clouds in search of its place in the heavens, while below in hell, I
was trying to make reason for what I was doing with a pregnant
child.
Once we were safely in the car, I watched her as she struggled
with the seat belt. “Oh, you’ll wear a seat belt but you won’t stop
smoking to save your baby’s life,” I said indignantly. She gave me
a look that pleaded with me not to go there. It worked. I swal-
lowed the dry lump in my throat. I realized that I was powerless
by her stare. I couldn’t help thinking how much she looked like
Hope. I had to turn my head.
After I drove a few blocks, I heard my voice ask ever so gently,
“
Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?
“
Yes … I’m hungry,” she answered in a bare whisper. I
watched as she rubbed her stomach. I imagined the life of the
child in it.
“
Where do you want to eat at?”
She shrugged her shoulders as if to say, I don’t know. We rode
in silence. Up ahead I saw a Shoney’s Restaurant.
“
What ‘bout dat there?” I asked, pointing. She nodded her
head yes. I thought I detected a sparkle in her brown eyes.
This was my first lesson in taking a pregnant Black woman to
an all you can eat buffet. The sister could throw down! She ate
everything in that restaurant, twice. Cheese eggs, strawberry waf-
fles, bacon, toast–they definitely lost money that day. As I sat there
watching her eat, it made me feel good, and the whole time she
carried herself like a young lady, polite and well mannered.
After ward she belched and we both laughed.
I drove to a Dollar General Store and gave her a hundred dol-
lars. We went inside and she bought panties and bras as well as
scented soaps and deodorants. For the first time she looked up at
me and smiled, it was the smile of gratitude, something that
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comes from a woman’s heart that melts a man’s soul leaving him
powerless. Black Pearl’s biggest strength–a child’s smile that
seemed to radiate in infusions of love–would, from that day for-
ward, be my weakness.
*****
When we pulled into the hotel parking lot, I already knew
what was on her mind. It was placed there by all the men that vio-
lated the sanctity of her chastity. Men that were sent into her bed-
room in the wee hours of the night. Men that stole her virginity
robbing her of a woman’s greatest virtue. These men had been sent
in payment for a debt in drugs owed by her mother.
“
Dig Shouty, you can stay wit a nigga as long as you like, but
you got to keep it real, promise me you’ll stay off that shit. And
once you have the baby you’ll get back in school and tr y to do
something constructive with your life.” Black Pearl nodded her
head. She was not much for words.
“
I’ma be aiight. I only star ted smokin’ when one of my moth-
er’s boyfriends raped me and forced me to get high with him,”
Black Pearl said confidently as she innocently curled her finger
around a lock of hair. “I tried a few times, back there with Nina,
I just wanted to fit in, needed a place to chill for the night.”
“
What’s your real name?” I asked.
“
Annie Bell,” she replied.
Annie Bell
, I thought. She’s a country girl in this redneck-ass
town.
“
I want you to meet my girlfriend.”
Black Pearl jerked her neck like she had been hit with a stun
gun. “Girrrrrl friend!” she screeched like one of Grandma’s old 45
records.
*****
Black Pearl and I entered the room, shopping bags in tow. The
soft murmur of feminine voices filled the room, and suddenly
stopped, replaced with the evil glares you give a peasant or some
unwanted person. To my surprise, Trina, Tomica and Evette were
in the room. The air was tainted with the sweet redolence of per-
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fumes and Juicy Fruit gum. Shoes and wine cooler bottles clut-
tered the floor.
“
I see you finally met the ‘if it ain’t nailed down they can steal
it crew’,” I said, sarcastically talking to Trina. Evette was sitting on
the floor between her lover’s legs, getting her hair braided. For
some reason, Tomica had this satisfied smirk on her face.
“
L, why you give me that girl’s bracelet?” Trina asked, getting
out of bed. She was talking about the bracelet from the heist that
I had to knock the cop over the head for. I gave it to her before I
left yesterday in front of Tomica to piss her off. From the looks of
things my little ploy backfired. Trina got out of bed wearing my
T-shirt. I could still see the sleep in her eyes, or perhaps it was a
hangover. I noticed the bracelet on Tomica’s wrist. She shots me a
knowing glance, like she just scored points for the shit she had
started with the bracelet.
“
And where is my damn money at?” Tomica questioned, rais-
ing her voice for the sake of an audience. Those Brooklyn bitches.
Tomica was talking about the money that I took from Evette to
rent the place for Blazack and the crew. If I didn’t know any bet-
ter I would have thought they conspired against me in my
absence.
“
Don’t get used to wearing that bracelet,” I said to Tomica,
hoping something slick would come out of her mouth. Trina
hopped her ass out of bed, pink panties cutting in that ass. I saw
Tomica’s greedy eyes watching as she walked up to me and rolled
her eyes at Black Pearl, with all the makings of a cat fight.
“
L, I need to speak with you in private,” Trina said with her
jaws clinched together like her teeth were super glued. On her left
cheek, I could see a small scar from where I slapped her in the
parking lot. Before I could answer, she pulled my arm and led me
into the bathroom.
“
What the fuck you doin’ bringin’ that young-ass girl here?”
Before I could open my mouth to answer Trina made a face and
continued. “In case you haven’t noticed she’s pregnant.” In the
small bathroom, her voice carried like we were in an underground
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tunnel. Trina was standing close, real close. She was my boo, but
that morning breath smelled like pig feet. I took a step back, crin-
kled my nose.
“
Listen, the girl doesn’t have a place to stay, she’s 16 years old.
What was I s’ppose to do?”
“
You was s’ppose to bring yo ass home last night! That’s what
you was s’ppose to do.” Trina sassed, shaking her neck one way,
her hip another, with her hand on it, lips pouting, nostrils flaring.
“
Instead, you come in here with this pregnant heffa smelling
like …” Trina was lost for words. She pulled at my shirt, using two
fingers like I might be contaminated, she sniffed.
“…
Smelling like you’ve been up all night smoking crack,” she
finally said, her voice laced with the heavy accent of broken
English. A curly lock of unruly hair fell over her forehead. I could
see the outline of large nipples waving at me every time she
moved. She was not wearing a bra. Something about her began to