Long Hard Road Out of Hell (44 page)

     
UNDATED

Tried to call Trent again today. They gave us some lame excuse, the same kind of excuse he would have us give when he didn’t want to accept calls from people he hated.

     
JANUARY 16, 1997, ON A HIGHWAY SOMEWHERE

Shitty hotels, shitty drugs, shitty shows with shittier after-parties, shitty conversations, shitty blow jobs, shitty buses, shitty bus rides, shitty fights, shitty reconciliations, shitty television with shittier Spectravision, shitty Gothic bars, shitty interviews, shitty photo shoots, shitty Christians, shitty atheists, shitty demo tapes, shitty moods, shitty food, shitty shit.

     
JANUARY 17, 1997, SEATTLE

Jimmy has warts.

     
JANUARY 27, 1997, 7 A.M., LOS ANGELES

Tonight—or this morning—I can’t get to sleep, as usual, and I’m actually feeling happy. Trent surprised us all and showed up at our show. We hadn’t talked to him—or he hadn’t wanted to talk to us—since we finished the album. Right after the show I was taking a shower and he came in to the room and it was just like old times. We hugged, we were joking around. And it was a total holocaust night. We were totally high and we had Quiet Riot play at our after-show party at the Dragonfly. I think we reunited them, just like we did W.A.S.P. We take sole responsibility for the return of retro heavy metal, and I’m ashamed.

But I digress. What happened was Trent and I walked out on the balcony of the hotel room later that night and I just said to him, “Whatever happened happened, let’s just put it behind us. I don’t care.” And then he said, “Well just for the record, I didn’t…” He defended himself for about an hour, I defended myself for an hour. Then we told each other, “Listen, it doesn’t matter, it’s over, I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.” And we meant it. Everything that had happened was necessary for the birth of
Antichrist Superstar
. It was a difficult birth but it was worth it. So supposedly everything is fine now. I hope it is.

     
JANUARY 29, 1997, SAN DIEGO, 7 A.M.

A horrendous night. Daniel Ash from Bauhaus and Love and Rockets knocked on my hotel room door and wanted to hang out, which seemed strange since we’d never even talked before. Twiggy had lines of coke out in my room and Daniel Ash was with an entourage of six people. None of them touched the drugs. They just kept putting their drinks on the tabletop the drugs were on. I was getting sick because I was kissing Daniel Ash’s ass, telling him what a big influence his guitar playing was on me, and he was kissing mine, telling me he wanted to remix a Marilyn Manson song. Then, out of nowhere, he turned on me.

He hissed something like, “I don’t believe in what you do and I think it’s a bunch of bullshit. I don’t know about your music but your message—I worked with someone who hung out with you for a couple of days, and they told me what you were all about!” The rest of the band was totally cool—Kevin Haskins, the drummer, asked me for my autograph and David J. is just a weird creepy lizard man. Daniel Ash’s girlfriend kept trying to shut him up, but he wouldn’t. “I’ve been where you are, and I don’t ever want to be there again. It’s a hot trip to heaven, that’s what my album was about. You’re never going anywhere.” I think he was under the impression that we worshipped the devil and advocated rape—probably from those phony fucking affidavits—and he ended up chewing us out and ordering room service all night. A total schizo, and another idol forever shattered.

     
FEBRUARY 4, 1997, LUBBOCK, TEXAS

God has somehow managed to find his way into the Hippocratic oath because the paramedics here refused to treat me with oxygen for exhaustion after our performance, explaining that they didn’t agree with my morality, therefore I didn’t deserve their emergency life-preserving skills. Apparently Jesus saves, but the paramedics here don’t.

     
FEBRUARY 7, 1997, KANSAS

I’m not sure what I hate more: the bomb threats or the bomb dogs that are trying to save us. Because those happen to be the same dogs that sniff out drugs, and I don’t know whether I’m more paranoid of getting blown up or arrested.

     
FEBRUARY 14, 1997

I lost the last connection with my past today, Missi. The fact that I wasn’t with her today must have symbolized my priorities to her, and she doesn’t want to speak to me. We’ll always be close, because she has a part of me inside her. But it’s a part of me I no longer have—and it was the darkest part of me, too. I hope it doesn’t cripple her the rest of her life.

     
FEBRUARY 19, 1997, MASSACHUSETTS

I can’t decide if I hate America more than it hates me.

     
FEBRUARY 21, 1997, MASSACHUSETTS

Another shitty show. Now I can’t decide if America hates me more than I hate myself.

     
UNDATED

The ironic part about all this Christian outrage is that on certain levels this tour pales compared to some of the things that we’ve done in the past. The Christians are complaining about the way I compare them to Nazis. They’re not complaining about me tearing up the bible; they’re not complaining about me wiping my ass with the American flag. I don’t know what’s more ridiculous: the stories they’ve created or the fact that people believe them. If I didn’t commit those acts, then where did they come from? Nowhere other than the imagination of my accusers. So who’s the sinner now?

     
MARCH, 1997, NEW YORK

I met Fiona Apple at the Grammy Awards after-party the other night. She’s this little singer who no one’s heard of. I’m a huge fan of her music. And she’s so sexy and fragile, definitely too fragile for me. If I was ever to be put in a circumstance where I could have sex with her, I would decline because her vagina is probably too precious to be dirtied by my filthy cock. When she walked in the room they were blasting the song we did for
Lost Highway
, “Apple of Sodom,” and the lyric playing was “I got something you can never eat.” Total delusional self, because that song’s about obsession and things you can never have and, in a distant way, is kind of inspired by her.

She was slouched over and looked very timid, almost like a wounded deer, as if she was about to cry. I asked her what’s wrong, and she said she was overwhelmed and show business was too much stress for a girl of her age with her constitution. I asked her to sit down and said I’d bring her some food or a drink, but she was a vegan and—unlike me—was really picky about what she’d put into her body, which definitely means we’ll never get along even though I’m attracted to her on many different levels. When I was speaking with her, I was distracted for two seconds by some celebrity’s drunk teenage daughter who was bouncing around singing songs and talking about the various rock stars who had made her pregnant. Another starfucker and sycophant sucking the life out of me and distracting me from the conversation that I want to have. When I turned back around, this weird fellow had kind of slithered his way up to Fiona and was performing card tricks for her. Really lame. In the book of shitty ways to pick up women this was chapter one. But I think it worked.

AFFIDAVIT OF

[
NAME WITHHELD
]

STATE OF OKLAHOMA

COUNTY OF OKLAHOMA

I [NAME WITHHELD] HEREBY SWEAR, AFFIRM, DECLARE AND AFFITT:

1. I
AM A SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD MALE AND RESIDE AT
[
ADDRESS WITHHELD
] O
KLAHOMA
C
ITY
, O
KLAHOMA
[
ZIP WITHHELD
].

2. T
HREE YEARS AGO
I
WAS A RUNAWAY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD WHEN
I
FIRST MET
M
ARILYN
M
ANSON
(B
RIAN
W
ARNER
)
AND WAS ACCEPTED BY HIM INTO HIS CIRCLE OF FRIENDS OR “FAMILY.”
O
VER THE COURSE OF THE PAST THREE YEARS
I
HAVE SPENT PERIODS OF TIME WITH
M
ANSON ON TWENTY SPECIFIC PERIODS OF TIME, THE MOST RECENT BEING TWO MONTHS AGO
. I
DID SEE HIM LAST MONTH BRIEFLY
.

3. I
HAVE BEEN PRESENT IN THE CONCERT VENUES BOTH IN THE AUDIENCE AND BACKSTAGE AND BEHIND THE SCENES AT MANY
M
ANSON CONCERTS INCLUDING THE CURRENT
A
NTICHRIST
S
UPERSTAR
TOUR SIX TIMES
.

4. E
ACH CONCERT STARTS OUT A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT BUT MOST OF THE TIME THERE IS A LIGHT SHOW BEFORE THE CONCERT STARTS
. M
ANSON WILL COME OUT ON STAGE BY HIMSELF DRAGGING A BIG BAG EITHER JUST BEFORE THE BAND STARTS PLAYING OR THE BAND WILL START JAMMING AND THEN STOP ABRUPTLY AS
M
ANSON COMES OUT WITH THE BIG BAG
. I
HAVE WITNESSED
M
ANSON PULL OUT SMALL CHICKENS, SEVERAL PUPPIES AND KITTENS OUT OF THE BAG AND THROW THEM INTO THE AUDIENCE
. T
HESE ARE LIVE ANIMALS
. I
KNOW BECAUSE
I
HELPED TO GET SOME OF THESE ANIMALS FROM THE DOG POUND FOR
M
ANSON
. M
ANSON WILL THEN TELL THE AUDIENCE TO MAKE A SACRIFICE TO THE MUSIC AND HE WILL NOT START THE SHOW UNTIL ALL THE ANIMALS ARE DEAD
.

5. I
WITNESSED THE CROWD RIPPING THE ANIMALS APART, PULLING BODY PARTS OF THE TORSO OF THE ANIMALS
. T
HEY WOULD BLEED TO DEATH OR THEY WOULD BE SMASHED INTO THE GROUND
. M
ANSON TOLD ME THEY REPRESENT THE KILLING OF INNOCENCE
. I
HAVE SEEN THIS ANIMAL TRUCK WHICH IS LIKE A PICK UP TRUCK WITH A CAMPER TOP ON THE BACK WITH CAGES FULL OF DIFFERENT ANIMALS FOR CONCERT SACRIFICES
. I
HAD GONE WITH
[
NAME WITHHELD
],
A FRIEND WHO RUNS LIGHTS AND SOUND FOR THE CONCERT, TO GET TWELVE PUPPIES, BUT
M
ANSON HAD MANY ANIMALS ALREADY IN THE TRUCK
. M
ANSON ALWAYS HAS THE CROWD KILL THE PUPPIES SO INNOCENT BLOOD WILL BE ON THEIR HANDS BEFORE HE DOES THE CONCERT
.

6. T
HE CONCERTS
I’
VE BEEN TO ARE TIGHTLY CONTROLLED BY
M
ANSON SECURITY GUARDS
. N
O POLICE ARE EVER ALLOWED INTO THE CONCERT AREA
. I
F A POLICE OFFICER HAPPENS TO GET BY A GUARD
, M
ANSON IS INSTANTLY NOTIFIED THROUGH HIS HEADSET HE WEARS
. M
ANSON HAS A TEAM HE CALLS HIS PRIVATE
S
ANTA
C
LAUSES
. T
HEY COME AT THE CROWD FROM THE SIDES AND THROW OUT BAGS OF POT AND COCAINE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE FRONT TO BACK
. E
VERYONE ATTENDING THE CONCERT GETS
[
SO
]
HIGH
[
THAT IT
]
SATURATES THE AUDITORIUM
. A
LL OF THE SECURITY GUARDS ARE VERY CLEAN CUT LOOKING
. M
ANSON ALWAYS COMES TO TOWN GIVING THE IDEA THAT THIS WILL BE A VERY INNOCENT ROCK AND ROLL SHOW TO THE PRESS AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC
.