was laughable in the giant truck—he pulled out to follow Gev.
Gev hadn’t gone three blocks before he spied the black truck in his rearview mirror. He
tried to convince himself he was annoyed, but he knew otherwise—he was thrilled that Lee was
following him. A mocking inner voice was accusing him of behaving like a child, and he wished
it would shut up. He itched to call Lee on his cell, but he wasn’t going to do it. The second Lee
figured out where he was going, Gev had no doubt he’d back off.
But when Gev turned off the highway, taking the exit that led to his neighborhood, and the
black truck kept on going past, doubt took over. Maybe it hadn’t been Lee. He hadn’t been able
to see who was driving, and as Lee had pointed out, big black Ford trucks were in the thousands
in Texas.
As if to prove that point, one drove through the intersection in front of him. The exact
same damn truck.
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Carolyn Gray
“Shit,” he muttered. Fine, then. So much for that. He would probably never see Lee again,
except for the fact he’d left all his stuff at Trish and Drew’s. But maybe he wouldn’t go back
there himself or would only go long enough to drop the truck off, get his stuff, and call a cab.
Turning onto his street, he pushed all thoughts of Lee and what the hell he was going to do
now from his mind. He figured he was about to kill off yet another part of his life. Maybe
Margot would talk to her friend from the Miami City Ballet for him again. It was the only bright
possibility, though he doubted he was good enough or ever would be.
Nina’s SUV was there. He parked the car behind it and got out, then headed toward the
house. He’d been thinking about not calling Nina, and it wasn’t lost on him that that would’ve
been doing to her exactly what Lee had done to him. The door opened, and she stepped out, then
closed it behind her.
“Gev, what happened? Your phone call—”
“Where’s Mom?”
“Out back. What’s wrong? Where’s Lee?”
Gev turned, scanning the street as Lee had always done. There was no one except for a few
startled birds that suddenly rushed into the sky. “He’s—I don’t know where he is.”
Her face fell. “Oh no, sweetheart. What happened?”
He felt terrible and stupid, not knowing how to say it except to say it. “That guy Lee
chased into the parking lot?”
“Yeah? What—Do you know who it was?”
“It was Stefan. He’s alive.”
Nina stared at him, her eyes wide with shock. Then she grabbed his arm and pulled him
down the sidewalk. “What do you mean, he’s alive? That was him? Lee talked to him. He—”
She stopped, her hand squeezing his arm, then releasing. “Oh, Gev. No.”
The torment he’d been trying to hold back leaked through despite his resolve not to
crumble. He had to get through this, had to stay clearheaded. “Yeah. Lee knew.”
“And he didn’t tell you. Damn, Gev. I don’t know what to say. Or think.”
“Me, either.”
“How long has he known?”
He realized he was shaking, his fists clenched. He didn’t want Nina to see how freaked out
he really was. “He said he didn’t know for sure until right then. That Ramirez suspected but told
him not to say anything.”
When she said, “Yeah, I can see that,” he stared at her in hurt disbelief.
“You think he was right not to? Nina, what the hell—”
She laid a hand on his arm. If it had been anyone but his sister, he would’ve jerked back.
“They didn’t know for sure, right? What evidence did they have?”
“No, he should’ve told me.” She gave him a patient look, the kind he’d seen her give the
kids. He stiffened. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“They only had those pictures, right? And they were fuzzy at best. Sweetheart, what would
it have done to you if he had told you before he was sure? Why did you fight? Was it because he
didn’t tell you right away? Or did you think—Oh hell, Gev, did you think he was going to dump
you?”
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177
He glared at her stubbornly. “What else would I think? And I was right.”
“No, I don’t believe that,” she said. “You idiot, he’s in love with you. It’s written all over
his face!”
Her words smacked him into surprised disbelief. “No way. That’s crazy.” She couldn’t be
right. That would mean his reaction might have hurt Le—No. “You’re just a romantic,” he
insisted.
“A smart romantic. Oh, Gev,” she said, her eyes dancing. And she was smiling.
Smiling
.
“Lee is the kind of guy who respects authority. He travels all over the world, and it’s essential
that he respects the rules and laws wherever they go. The same applies here. A cop told him to
keep his mouth shut, so he did. Doesn’t mean he liked it. I’m sure he hated it.”
He wanted to deny her logic, but fuck, he couldn’t help the excited racing of his heart.
Still… “But he saw Stef in the parking lot. Why didn’t he say anything then?” He folded his
arms over his chest and waited.
“I don’t know, except maybe he was afraid you would overreact—like you did.”
That cold, hard truth slammed into him. He sagged, the last of his anger and denial flying
away. He didn’t want to let it go, wanted to hold on to it, its hard black surface, and keep it
tightly packed inside his chest. Then it wouldn’t hurt so much that it was
his
fault.
Then he wouldn’t give a damn that Lee was gone, probably for good.
And if he
was
gone for good, there was no one for Gev to blame but himself and his stupid,
self-centered ego. “Nina,” he wrenched out, and she pulled him into her arms. He clung to her,
fierce love for his sister burning brightly. She murmured softly to him that it would be all right; it
would work out. He pulled back, rubbing his eyes. “No, I sent him away.”
“Lee is stubborn.” She poked him. “Like you but in a different way. He doesn’t give up on
people. Plenty of evidence of that fact. I doubt he’s gone far.”
She was right. Of course she was. Hope started to grow inside him. Maybe it wasn’t too
late to find Lee and figure this whole thing out. Then he recalled something. “He remembered
what happened that day, Nina.”
She looked puzzled at first, and then her eyes widened. “Oh, my God. What did he
remember?”
Gev looked at the house, anger and emotions he didn’t know what to call catapulting
through him. “He says the guy who took Stefan was their math teacher, and Stef went with him
willingly.”
“Willingly,” she said dumbly. “He went
willingly
?” She looked as freaked as he felt. She
sat down on the front stoop, and he had no choice but to join her. He waited, watching her go
through the same mental gymnastics he’d gone through. “Willingly. Which makes sense, given
what he’d written up to the end.” She turned her head, eyes wide. “Mom
knew
.”
“Yeah. I doubt she kept the journal all these years without having read it.”
“I wonder if Dad knew?”
He hadn’t thought about that, which shamed him. All his thoughts had been centered on his
mom, what she had done.
And that thought shamed him most of all. He really was a self-centered idiot. It wasn’t
about him; it wasn’t about anyone but Stefan. “He chose to leave,” Gev murmured, staring at the
asphalt in front of his trainers. A tiny black ant wandered aimlessly across the asphalt. Was that
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Carolyn Gray
what
he
was? An ant? He felt like it, like he was walking across a vast, empty space with
everything he wanted on the other side, but he didn’t know how the hell to get there.
“Dad’s going to be crushed if he doesn’t know,” Nina said. “You can’t just barrel in there.
It wouldn’t be right.”
He wanted that hard black anger back. He needed it in order to confront his mother, throw
the truth in her face. But it was gone now, and he knew it should be. “You’re right.”
The relief on her face pained him. “Good. Oh, good.”
He put his arm around her. “I love you, you know. I’m such an idiot.”
She leaned her head against him. “I know. But I love you too.” She pulled away and stood,
then grabbed his hand and pulled him up. She was stronger than she looked, always had been.
“So, how are we going to do this?”
“I don’t know. I guess—” He stared at the journal in his hands, sighing, then tucked it in
his back pocket. “I was going to go in there waving it in front of her face—don’t worry; I’m
done being stupid.” That made her smirk. “I think we should go together and tell them the
truth—that Stefan is alive, and we’ve seen him. Sort of.”
He grimaced at that, but she was right. “Yeah. Let’s leave Lee out of it, though, okay?”
“Good idea.” She touched his arm. “I want so badly for you and Lee to work this out.
If…if you do, and Mom and Dad won’t—”
“Dad isn’t the problem.”
“I know. I know. But if they—if
she
doesn’t let go of whatever she holds against Lee…
Which, come to think of it—if she knows that Stefan went willingly, why the hating against
Lee?”
He hadn’t thought of that. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Movement caught his eye,
and he looked up. Just a beat-up sedan driving by the end street. He shivered as he watched the
car turn a corner and disappear from sight. The air was starting to get colder.
“What’s wrong?”
Gev blinked. “Nothing,” he said, turning back to his sister. “I guess we’d best do this.”
She hugged him, drew in a deep breath, let it out. “Okay. I wish we didn’t have to, but oh
well.”
Lee had realized right away where Gev was headed—to confront his mother with what
he’d found in the journal. While Lee couldn’t blame him for wanting to demand an explanation
from her, Lee’s more immediate concern was making sure Detective Ramirez knew about the
journal’s existence.
She should’ve called him by now, if Gev had let her know.
Lee was two blocks from Gev’s parents’ house and decided to park the truck around the
corner so he could see down the street. And first thing he saw was Gev, sitting on the front steps
of his parents’ house, talking to his sister. The sudden stab of loss and longing in Lee’s chest
shocked him; all the years he’d missed Stef, ached to see him again, were nothing compared to
this. If he couldn’t make things right with Gev, convince him they had a future together, the last
fifteen years of being alone would seem like a party in comparison to the vast loneliness of the
rest of his life. He drew in a shaky breath, his anger at his own stupidity flaring brightly. Then he
picked up his phone.
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179
This time Ramirez answered right away. “Lee?”
“Did Gev call you?”
She hesitated. “When?”
“Within the past half hour.”
“No. What’s up? Did you see Stefan again?”
Lee stared out at Gev and Nina, still talking on their parents’ stoop. He wondered what
they were saying. Was Nina trying to talk Gev out of his plan to confront his mom? Lee hoped
so, though part of him wanted to be there, to see her suffer. Which, he realized with shame, was
about the cruelest thought he could have. She didn’t like him, nor he her, but he couldn’t imagine
why in the hell she would’ve kept that journal hidden, not done everything in her power to find
Stefan. He couldn’t help feeling like all this was her fault somehow.
“Lee?”
“Sorry.” He shook himself. “I cornered him, actually. He asked me not to say anything to
Gev, but it was too late. Gev and Nina both know now.”
“Damn. How did he react?”
Not well
. “Shocked, I think.” Understatement. “Did you know Stef had a journal?”
“A…
What
? A journal? He did?”
Unreal. Just unreal. As he’d feared, she didn’t know anything about it. “Nina found it in
her mother’s drawer and took it, and Gev showed it to me. Stef wasn’t kidnapped—he went
willingly.”
She was silent for a moment. “What did the journal say?” she asked, her voice terse.
He looked out the window, scanning the neighborhood again. Still empty, no one around
except Gev and Nina, standing now. Lee frowned as a late-model dark brown sedan drove down
the street.
“Lee, you there?”
“Sorry. The journal has the name of who took him.”
“
What
? Where are you? I need to see it.”
“I can tell you who it was. Stef wrote about a Mr. K. I remember him; he was a substitute
teacher, I think. He was there for about six months, and I remember that’s when Stef started to
change.”
“What was the
K
for? Do you remember?”
“Karsonov.”
“Russian,” she mused. He heard the sound of her flipping through papers. “Gev’s mother is
Russian—”
“So was he.”
“Do you remember what he sounded like?”
He thought back, his memory hazy, crowded with memories of a not-so-happy time. He’d
forgotten how Stefan had grown sullen, secretive, ignoring him more and more often. He thought
about math class, the teacher, how he had sounded when he spoke. “He had an accent. Pretty
heavy.” Stefan had been entranced right away. “Their mom didn’t teach them Russian. He was