Love’s Journey Home (22 page)

R
aised voices greeted Annie when she finally pushed through the screen door and trotted
into the house. Luke and Leah’s voices. Annie slowed, torn between wanting to know
what Leah would dare to argue with Luke about and knowing she shouldn’t be listening.
After the events of the day, starting with Catherine’s visit to the bakery and then
Emma’s labor and delivery, and ending with Isaac’s proposal that they take a buggy
ride together, Annie felt numb with exhaustion. She could barely lift her feet, let
alone face an argument between her brother and his wife.

Even after all these years of marriage, Leah hadn’t learned her place. Or how to state
her thoughts and opinions while still giving Luke the support he needed. As a woman,
Annie could understand Leah’s frustration, but she hated to see her brother constantly
trying to placate a woman who didn’t know when to stop arguing and let her man be
the man. Annie liked to think of it as Plain diplomacy. That would’ve made David laugh.
He laughed at all her daffy ideas. And then he told her he loved her. That was David.

Managing a smile at the thought, Annie trudged toward the stairs. The aroma of pot
roast still lingered in the air, tempting her to head to the kitchen for a late supper.
She hadn’t been able to eat after her conversation with Isaac. She’d felt his gaze
following her as she helped the girls put supper on the table. He hadn’t pursued an
answer to his question, but she could see it still lingering in his face every time
he looked at her.

She was too tired to try to contemplate what her answer would’ve been had the baby
not chosen that moment to wake up crying. Her stomach rumbled now, making her wish
she’d tried harder to eat the ham, navy beans, and hot cornbread Abigail had served
at the supper table, but the loud voices deterred her. She could wait until breakfast.
Better to get up the stairs before they found her and decided she’d been eavesdropping
on a private conversation.

Luke, an angry grimace plastered across his face, strode into the room before she
could make it up two steps. He halted at the sight of her standing on the staircase,
shoes in her hand. “How’s Emma? The baby?” He slapped his hat on his head so hard
it must’ve hurt. “I expected you home earlier—to let us know how things went.”

“They’re both doing fine. Didn’t Mark tell you?”

“Just that the baby came. I sent him out to mend a fence. The hogs got out again today.
We lost two of them. Looks like wolves.”

No wonder he seemed so out of sorts.

“They named her Lilah. When Emma went into labor at the bakery, I thought we might
have to help her deliver right there. It was a good thing Helen and Catherine were
there.”

“Catherine? What was Catherine doing there?”

“Just visiting. She drove us to the farm.”

“Drove you to the farm. In a car?”

“Yes, Emma was in hard labor. We were afraid…”

“Did you ask Josiah? He could’ve taken her in a buggy.”

Annie found it interesting that Mark hadn’t filled Luke in on the details. Smart boy.
“There wasn’t time.”

“Ach.”
Luke slapped his hat against his dusty work pants. “We’ll hear it now. I’m sure Micah
already knows.”

“We did what we thought was best. Catherine didn’t go into the house. She didn’t hold
the baby, even. I felt mean, not letting her hold the baby.”

“Nee. She shouldn’t even have been there.”

“Soon it won’t matter. She’ll go back to college, and we won’t be here the next time
she shows up.” Leah marched into the room. She stuck her hand through the crook of
Luke’s arm. “I’m sorry, Luke. I didn’t mean to argue…”

“We won’t be here?” A chill raced up Annie’s spine. The shoes dropped from her hands.
“What do you mean, we won’t…”

“Leave it be.” He tromped past Annie and shoved open the screen door. “I’m checking
on Mark. He needs to finish up. The sun is almost down and he’ll be out of light soon.
Don’t wait up for me.”

The screen door slammed.

“What was that all about?” Annie came back down the stairs. Leah’s scowl melted away,
replaced by trembling lips and scarlet cheeks. Annie had never seen her sister-in-law
look so forlorn. “What is it?”

Leah plopped into the rocking chair and put her head in her hands. Her shoulders heaved.

“Leah? Leah!” Annie scurried across the room and laid a hand on Leah’s shoulder. “Please,
what is it?”

“Micah spoke to him today. He says we’re to be one of the families that will move.”
Her words were muffled, but Annie got the gist of it. “The bishop wants him to lead
a group to start a new district. It’ll be us and Thomas and Emma. And four other families.”

“Nee.”

Leah raised a tear-stained face. “Jah.”

“Is it because of the oil?”

“Jah. Thomas and his family are to go because of the oil. Micah fears there may be
more. Besides, the rest of us can’t make a living anymore here with our wheat, milo,
and alfalfa. They think it’ll be better in Missouri. Or maybe Oklahoma. There’s been
some talk of Arkansas, even. We don’t know yet.”

“Thomas didn’t say a word.”

“He may not know yet, with the baby coming today.”

This news on the heels of the baby’s birth. Joy married to pain. “Why only six families?”

“The ones who have businesses here can keep this district going. He says it’s gotten
too big, anyway. He says too many families make it harder. I always thought it made
it easier. Easier to keep to ourselves and to help ourselves, to help each other.”

What Leah said made sense. Her sister-in-law had given much thought to these things.
Annie sank into the other rocking chair. “So that’s why you were arguing with Luke?
You know he will do what Micah asks. You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I’m only a wife and a mother, but I know how I
feel. I know I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave my family and friends.” She
lifted her apron and smothered a sob in it. “I don’t want to leave my home. This is
my home.”

“If Luke must go, so must you.” The words sounded harsh in Annie’s ears, but the truth
often was. “You won’t be alone. You’ll have Emma and Thomas and the others.”

Cold comfort, Annie knew. Leah and Emma had never been close. Emma had struggled to
come to terms with Luke and Leah moving into the Shirack home after their parents’
deaths. The strife had been alleviated when Emma married Thomas and moved away.

Leah sniffed hard and wiped her nose with a hankie. “I know. I know.” Her thin lips
formed a stern line. “It’s not right. Why us? Why can’t it be the Yonkers or the Glicks?”

Annie had no answer to those questions. The bishop decided. That was that. She rocked
for a few seconds, trying to absorb this news. “When?”

“Luke and Thomas are to make a trip up there next week, Monday or Tuesday, depending
on when Michael Baldwin can drive them. They’ll scout out the farm land that’s for
sale. Micah’s been corresponding with another new community in that area. They say
there’s land to be had, the weather is decent, and they’ve been well received by the
Englisch folks out there.”

“I can’t imagine living anywhere but here.”

“You don’t have to.”

“What do you mean?”

“Micah says those with businesses that are supporting their families can stay. They
want the community to continue with the families that can make it here.”

Most months, the bakery paid for itself. Annie could stay.

Did she want to stay? Alone in this house with little Noah. She tried to imagine the
rooms empty, without Mark, William, Joseph, little Esther and Martha, Jebediah. How
strange it would be. Since Mark worked in the bakery, perhaps he could stay with her.
Would that be fair to him? Would he want to stay? How would she keep up the garden?
Who would farm the land without his help?

Josiah. Josiah would want that. He was a farmer at heart, as much as he’d embraced
the blacksmith shop as a way of supporting his growing family.

Her mind raced ahead to all the changes they faced. Emma and Thomas would take Lillie
and Mary, their little sisters. She wouldn’t see them grow up. Trips during the holidays…that
would be it. It wouldn’t be the same. She relied on Emma. She needed Emma. Miriam
was wrapped up in her husband and her kinner. She couldn’t always make time. “What
about Helen Crouch and her family?”

“Her brothers Tobias and Thaddeus are offering to go with Luke and Thomas on the scouting
trip. They are chomping at the bit for a new start.” Leah sounded tired and bitter.
“Helen will have to decide whether to go or try to make it on her own with her jams
and jellies and her produce.”

Helen would be at home having the same thoughts and fears swirling around in her head
as Annie. Maybe Helen would want to work in the bakery. Annie tried to imagine that.
Helen, with her clumsy falls and her awkward way of talking to Englischers. Annie’s
head felt heavy. She could barely hold it up. Her arms and legs were drained of all
energy. She closed her eyes.

“I’d better get myself up to bed.” She stood. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to put Noah
to bed.”

“Noah went to bed without a peep tonight.”

She sank back into the chair at the implied criticism in Leah’s words. “No fussing?”

“None.”

“How did you do it?” A spurt of something ugly and mean ran through her like a snake
slithering after its prey. Jealousy. Leah could make Noah do something his own mother
couldn’t get him to do. Sleep. “I’ve been trying for months. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You must’ve done something. Did you rock him first?” Annie wanted to grab the words
back and soften them. Too much excitement and too little sleep made her cranky. “Did
you give him a cup of milk? A snack?”

“Nothing.” Leah’s thin lips curled up in a half-formed smile. “I relaxed.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re so tied up in knots when it’s time to put him to bed, and he feels it. He
gets all tied up in those same knots.”

“So it’s my fault he won’t go to sleep.” Of course it was her fault. She didn’t have
much experience and no mother to show her how to do it right.
Stop it. Stop wallowing. God, help me look forward instead of backward
. “I make it so he can’t fall asleep?”

“Not intentionally.” Leah stretched and cranked her neck from side to side. Her bones
made little popping sounds. “He feels your sadness and your grief and all those bottled-up
feelings you have inside you. Let them go and he’ll sleep fine. You’ll sleep fine.
You know, you need to find yourself a husband. That will solve your problems at home
and at the bakery. Why, you won’t even miss us at all.”

“I…I…” Annie sputtered. “I don’t think…”

“Goodnight.” Leah stood and trudged to the staircase. “I’ll check on the babies on
my way to bed. You go to sleep. You look all done in.”

Leah might be older. She might be married to Luke and the mother of five children,
but she didn’t know everything. She didn’t know when or if it was time for Annie to
marry again.

Sleep. Annie could sleep now. David had left her. Now the rest of her family would
do the same. She stood, feeling like an old woman, and went to the kitchen. Noah might
be able to sleep now, but she might never sleep again.

G
abriel ladled another scoop of potato salad onto his plate, his mouth watering. Despite
having eaten a helping of everything on the picnic table in Thomas’s yard already,
Gabriel had to have one more serving of the potato salad. A few more bites wouldn’t
hurt, especially since all his pants had grown too big around his waist since the
move from Indiana. For the first time in a long while, he had an appetite. Watching
the kinner play volleyball, eating good food, and not thinking about the future for
a few hours proved to be a balm to his cranky heart.

Still, the celebration of the arrival of Lilah Brennaman was muted by the silent acknowledgment
that these gatherings would soon be a thing of the past. The knowledge that Thomas
and Luke would set out for Missouri the next day hung over the farm like a thick,
scratchy wool blanket donned in the scorching heat of midsummer. Gabriel wanted to
go with them, but he wouldn’t. Let them determine a course of action and then, if
he still felt it necessary, he would tell his children of the change in plans. Only
then. Let them enjoy this new place for now.

“You like the potato salad?”

He glanced up at the now-familiar voice. Helen Crouch. He’d figured she’d be here.
Still, he looked around, uncomfortable. Everyone else already had seats near the volleyball
net so they could watch the children play. No way for him to avoid a conversation
with this woman.

“It’s real
gut
.” He stuck the serving spoon back into the greatly reduced mound. “It has something
different in it. Did you make it?”

“I did. It’s a recipe I copied from a magazine from the library.” She looked pleased
with herself. “It has dijon mustard and dill weed in it. I’m glad you like it.”