Loving Lo: Devil's Knights Series (15 page)

Chapter 22

Meg

              I awoke to a pounding on my front door and a pounding in my head. I took stock of my body, noticing the kink in my neck, a horrible ache in my back, and my left arm numb. Guess that’s what happens when you sleep on the floor all night.

              The pounding on the door got louder and I crawled off the floor.

              “Hold your fucking horses!” I yelled at the door. I walked hunched over, rubbing my neck, wiping the drool off my face.

              I threw the lock and swung the door open to a pissed off Cyn and Troy.

              “I don’t want to hear it, Cyn.’ I glanced at Troy and hissed, ‘Fuck off, Troy.” I was still pissed off at him for ditching me for his latest girlfriend.

              “Good to see you too, Meg.” Troy grumbled as he pushed in the door, knocking me to the side.

              “Lo called me.” Cyn whispered.

              “Why?” I demanded.

              “He told me he left you pretty upset and thought that someone should be with you. Are you ok, honey?” Cyn asked, worry etched across her face.

              “I’m fine. It’s over, I told you guys it wouldn’t last long. End of story.” I snipped. I walked in the kitchen and fired up the coffee maker.

              “What happened?” Troy asked.

              “Lo didn’t want to put up with my shit. He said I kept thinking he was Hunter, making him prove to me each time we were together that he was different. He was right to leave, I’m fucked up and broken.” I filled the filter with coffee grounds and slammed the lid shut. Lo did deserve someone better, he was better off without all my shit.

              “Did you keep thinking he was Hunter?” Troy asked.

              “I didn’t mean to. I am completely over Hunter, but I am not over what he did to me. He broke me and I can’t let it go. I will not let someone else in to do the same thing again. Hunter took away my confidence, love, and any semblance of happiness. I don’t know how to get any of it back. I want it back. Lo gave me that all, but he could so easily rip it away from me.” I divorced Hunter and thought that would make me happy, and it did, to a certain point. For the past five years, I have just been going along with life, never really finding out who I was and what made me happy. 

              “Meg, I love you with all my heart and it fucking sucks to watch you going through this, struggling, but it’s about fucking time you wake up and start living. Hunter hurt you, I was there, I saw it all, but it’s over. You took away his power to hurt you and I know you will never let someone hurt you like that again. Leave Hunter in the past and start a future all your own.” Troy insisted.

              “Why do you think Lo is going to hurt you? What has he done for you to doubt him so much?” Cyn asked quietly.

              I was pretty sure I was in the middle of an intervention, and the last stop to get off had passed me by and there was no turning back. “He didn’t do anything, not yet. But he will, it’s the only way it can go.”

              “Do you ever think that you could hurt Lo just as easily as you him hurting you?” Troy grabbed three cups and grabbed the creamer from the fridge.

              Me hurt Lo? No fucking way. “I could never hurt Lo. I’m doing him a
favor
by not dating him, not
hurting
him. He should be relieved we are over.” I stressed, annoyed that they were concerned about Lo getting hurt.

              “Well honey, the Lo I talked to did not sound relieved to be done with you.” Cyn filled her cup after the coffeemaker beeped and sat down at the kitchen table.

              “He’ll be fine. I saw all the girls hanging out at the club, he probably had someone in his bed last night after he left.” I turned away and braced my arms on the countertop, hanging my head, knowing the tears were about to come. God that fucking hurt, thinking about Lo with other women.

              Troy grabbed me around the waist and spun me around. “I can see you’re hurting Meg, he didn’t want to let you go, you made him let you go.”

              “I ended it before he could! I’m not going to be hurt again!” I screamed.

              “You’re not hurt right now, Meg? You normally scream at us when you’re happy?” Cyn said calmly.

              “Fine, I fucked up! I pushed Lo away. I made him pay for things he didn’t do. He’s gone and he won’t come back.” I said defeated.

              “You were put in a cage for the twelve years you were married, and then you divorced his sorry ass, but you’re still in that cage, the cage he put you in. It’s like you think you don’t deserve to get out and live. The door to the cage is wide fucking open, but you won’t step out. We all know who you are and how fucking awesome you are, you just need to see it now. Lo made you happy, why do you think you don’t deserve that happiness?” Troy demanded.

              “I want to be happy, Troy. I really do, but I’m so afraid to be hurt.” I pleaded.

              “Everyone is afraid to be hurt, Meg. Look at me, my Asshat of a fiancé cheated on me. That fucking hurt, but I’m still here. Still living, learning how to be happy without him, and knowing that I am better off without him.” Cyn quaked, tears streaming down her face.

              I walked out of Troy’s arms and pulled Cyn out of her chair. Cyn had been hurt and it wasn’t self-inflicted. I created my own hurt by not believing in Lo. “I’m sorry, Cyn, you must think I’m a fucking idiot, but I don’t know how to fix me.”

              “You don’t need to do it all yourself. Troy and I are here, we want to help. You need to get your head on straight, Meg, figure out who you are. What makes you happy, sad, and pissed off or whatever! Troy and I both know who you are, but you don’t. You are worth it, Meg.” Cyn sobbed into my shoulder.

              We both clung to each other, crying and sobbing. We were both hot fucking messes.

              “All right, all right. Enough of the fucking crying. I’ll drive to the clubhouse.” Troy threw back the rest of his coffee and slammed his cup on the counter.

              Troy was my best friend and could totally dole out some good advice, but apparently he drew the line at girly crying.

              “No.” I state, wiping my eyes.

              “What the fuck do you mean no? I thought we drilled it in your head that you are worth it and you deserved to be happy and blah blah blah. Let’s go.” Troy ranted, clearly done with the situation.

              “I heard everything you guys said, but I don’t believe it.” Troy rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in the air and stalked to the living room.

              “Meg.” Cyn gulped, as she grabbed a paper towel and dried her eyes.

              “I don’t believe it yet. I’m not going back to Lo broken.” I stated. I needed to figure out who I was without Hunter. I knew we hadn’t been together for years, but after we divorced, I stayed in the same house, kept the same routine, and changed nothing except Hunter wasn’t there anymore. Lo thought I was worth it, so did Cyn and Troy. But I didn’t. ‘I can’t be with someone and want them to think that I am worth it when I don’t think I am. I need to find me.”

              “Finally!” Troy shouted from the living room.

              “Stuff it, Troy. I’m still pissed at you for ditching me.” I pouted as I filled my cup and sat down next to Cyn.

              Troy walked back in the kitchen and refilled his cup he had set down. “I didn’t ditch you. I am entitled to have a life.”

              “You can have a life and still be friends with Meg.” Cyn chided.

              “I know. I took your fucking advice by the way.” Troy mumbled.

              “What advice?” I asked, not sure what Troy was talking about.

              “I didn’t take Tiff to that fancy restaurant. I took her to The Roadhouse and then back to my house for a fire.”

              “How did that go?” I asked.

              “Dinner was ok, but after I got the fire started, she got up to go to the bathroom and tripped over a log I had laying by the fire pit and she twisted her ankle. I ended up taking her to the E.R. because it swelled like a fucking watermelon.” Troy sulked.

              Cyn and I burst out in giggles. “Is she ok?” I choked out.

              “I don’t know. I took her to the E.R. and then she called one of her friends to pick her up. She told me I could go home. I tried calling her today but she isn’t answering.”

              “Oh, Troy. I’m sorry, honey. We sure are a rag tag bunch. Cyn gets cheated on, I fuck things up, and you broke your date.” Cyn burst out laughing, spitting her coffee out.

              “Fuck off.” Troy grumbled.

              I looked at my two best friends, and realized things were going to be fine. They see something in me, just like I see their awesomeness in them. Now it was time for
me
to see how awesome I was, than I would go find Lo, and beg him to take me back.

              Hopefully.

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C
hapter 23

Meg

              “Pontoon time!” Cyn yelled as she walked through the front door and threw her beach bag on the couch.

              It was Remy’s birthday, and he had decided he wanted to head out on the lake with some friends, so I invited Cyn and Troy to help chaperone and help me not freak out about the fact I had a seventeen year old son now.

              Yowzers! That made me feel old.

              It had been a week since Lo had walked out of my living room, possibly my life, if I didn’t get my head together.

              I saw quite a few guys from the club around, but I never saw Lo. I found it odd that I was seeing them around so much, but didn’t really think too much about it.

              I missed Lo so much. Cyn and Troy were being awesome, helping me to figure shit out, but fuck, did I miss Lo.

              Every day, I figured out more and more who I was.

              I loved to cook and bake. I loved my son more than anything. I loved my friends. Just looking at my dog made me smile and realize I loved the shit out of Blue. Music made me happy.

              All those things and more, were the things that made me who I was. I loved all those things and I was learning to love myself. Hopefully Lo would be added to the list of things I loved, and therefore he would be part of who I am.

              “Mom, Troy’s here. The guys and I are going to ride with him.” Remy stood in my bedroom door, looking like a grown up and my heart clenched a little with the thought that my baby was growing up.

“Ok, honey. You guys get the pontoon from Grandpa’s and Cyn and I will meet you at the dock.” I shoved two extra towels into my tote and slung it over my shoulder.

“Thanks, mom, see you there.” Remy said as he booked it out the door and climbed into Troy’s truck.

“You look like you’re going to cry, Meg. Tough day?” Cyn asked as she pulled out a six pack of wine coolers from her bag and stuck them into the cooler.

“I am actually fucking good. My son is becoming a man, I’m spending the day with two of my favorite people, and I can honestly say that I am happy.” I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye and laughed. “I’m kind of new to this happy stuff, but I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to cry.” I joked with Cyn.

“All that’s missing is Lo.’ Cyn said as she slammed the lid of the cooler down. ‘I talked to him today.”

I was half mad that Cyn was reporting to him about me and half jealous that she got to talk to him. “How is he?”

“He sounded ok. Asked how you were doing.” I grabbed one end of the cooler and Cyn grabbed the other and we waddled out the door to my truck.

“What did you tell him?” I flipped the tailgate down, and we hoisted the cooler in.

“That you’re happy. Figuring things out.” Cyn smiled at me and I realized it didn’t reach her eyes.

“You ok, Cyn?”

“I’m pregnant, Meg.” Cyn blurted, with instant tears streaming down her face.

“Oh my god.” I cried and threw my arms around Cyn and pulling her in for a hug.

“It’s Asshat’s, Meg. I’m meeting him tonight to let him know. I don’t know what I am going to do.” Cyn sobbed.

“I’ll come with you. You don’t need to do this alone.” I added, wiping tears off her cheeks.

“No, I need to do this by myself. I just needed to tell you. I had to tell someone. My mom doesn’t even know yet. I was going to tell you last weekend but then the whole Lo thing happened and I figured I have nine months to figure this out so I just put it on the back burner and focused on you.”

“Cyn! What the hell! You’re problems are just as important as mine! You should have told me!”

“I did, just now, and I feel a thousand times better.” Cyn said, relieved.

“I love you, Cyn. You don’t need to do this all alone. I’m here for you. Troy too, in his own way.” I laughed and Cyn smiled and it finally reached her eyes.

“Please, Troy is probably going to freak out more than my mom will.” Cyn joked.

“You’re probably right, but you know he’ll be there for you.”

“Ok, ok, enough of this crying. Let’s get to the boat landing and get Remy’s party started.” Cyn slammed the tailgate shut and headed back into the house to grab her bag.

Cyn was pregnant. Holy shit. I climbed into the truck and waited for Cyn to come out.

Cyn was going to be a mom. Wow.

“Meg! Blue is freaking out and won’t let me out the door.” Cyn yelled from the house.

“He wants to come along. Let him out!” I yelled back, laughing. Fucking dog thought he needed to always be with me.

Blue came bounding out the door with Cyn on his heels and they both hopped in the truck. “Your dog is not normal, Meg. He looks at you and it’s like you can tell what he’s thinking.’ Blue laid his head on Cyn’s lap and looked up at her. ‘Ok, I’ll pet you.” Cyn murmured.

“That’s just your maternal instinct coming out.” I joked as I backed out of the driveway.

Cyn threw her hand up in the air and pushed Blue off her lap. “That is not funny!” Cyn screeched.

Blue sat up and looked at her like she had offended him, then laid his head on my lap and snuggled next to me. Although it wasn’t hard for him to snuggle. Blue was not exactly tiny and took up all of the middle seat. “Mama still loves you, Blue.” I said as I rubbed his head.

“What am I am going to do, Meg?” Cyn mumbled, on the verge of tears again.

“Have a baby and be the second most awesome mom ever!” I squealed. Cyn was freaking out enough, I didn’t need to weigh her down with all the other things that are going to come along, so I decided to just focus on the fact she was going to be a mom and that was awesome no matter who you talked to.

“I’m guessing you’re the first most awesome mom?” Cyn asked, pulling a napkin out of the glove box and blew her nose.

“I’m the original, baby.” I threw a wink at Cyn and we both laughed.

“Thank you, Meg.”

“You helped me, Cyn, now I get to help you, honey.”

We cruised out of town, past the clubhouse and I looked for Lo, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but saw no one. I missed him.

“You know who you are, Meg, now you need to figure what you want.” Cyn said as we pulled onto the highway.

“What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“Then he’s a fucking idiot who doesn’t deserve you. We can become lesbians, run away and raise my baby together if he doesn’t want you anymore.” Cyn joked.

“As appealing as that sounds Cyn, I don’t think you can do the things Lo can do to me.”

“Oh please! I do not want to know, because the next time I see him, all I am going to be thinking about is all the things I’m not getting that you are getting and then I’m going to imagine Lo and then things are gonna get awkward because, I’m picturing Lo’s junk. Just stop.” Cyn begged.

“It’s pierced. His junk, that is.” I sang out.

“Oh my god! La la la la!’ Cyn cried as she covered her ears with her hands. ‘I can’t hear you!”

I threw my head back laughing and tugged her left arm down. “I figured your daydreams should be detailed.”

Cyn squealed and we both broke out into a fit of giggles.

“How often have you talked to him?” I asked after we got ourselves under control.

“Just twice honey. If it makes you feel better, he sounds like he misses you.”

It did make it better, just a little. “OK, enough depressing talk! You are pregnant and I need to get my man back. Both things we can deal with later. Wait, you snuck wine coolers in the cooler, what’s up with that?”

“Just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean you can’t. I’m your DD for the next 9 months. Time to take advantage.”

“Heck yeah, except getting drunk at Remy’s seventeenth birthday party is not where I should start taking advantage of this.” We both laughed

“You’re probably right.”

“Yup.”

“We’ll go to the bar after.” Cyn cracked.

We both burst out laughing. I finally felt happy except for one thing.

I knew what I had to do, now I just needed to get the balls to do it. I needed to get Lo back.

Soon.

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