Minimize Me: 10 Diets to Lose 25 Lbs in 50 Days (8 page)

Starting Weight: 14 stone 9 lbs

Finishing Weight: 14 stone 7.5 lbs

Weight loss: 1.5 lbs

% of body weight lost: 0.9 %

Faffiness: 6/10

Difficulty: 5/10

Would I do it again? No

Total weight lost: 20.5 lbs

These two photo’s show the difference
after five diets

Friday 14th November to Tuesday 18th
November

Weight: 14 Stone 7.5 lbs

When I first came up with the concept of
the 50-day challenge, the single most important principle was that each diet
should be available in the public forum. It was extremely important to me that
all of the diets were membership and cost free. My aim here isn’t to prove
whether Weightwatchers, Slimfast, Rosemary Conley or Slimming World work (they
each have their own marketing departments telling you that they do and that
theirs is in fact the best). My aim is to try to prove that you can lose weight
without expensive diet plans and memberships, and that perhaps changing diets
is the way to achieve longer-term success. That’s still for me to prove, of
course.

I always knew that the raw food diet
would test my principle to the max because of the restricted list of foods and
the ridiculously strict set of rules dictating the way the food can be
prepared. I knew that just a day or so in I would be longing for a structured,
corporate weight-loss programme full of the obligatory free foods, pro points
and shakes. The raw food diet has four broad branches which in my opinion range
from the ridiculous to the absolutely bloody stupid. If you want to follow the
raw food diet for yourself, you’ll first need to choose which of the four
branches suits you best – either the carnivore, omnivore, vegetarian or vegan
version. Because I’m an idiot and because I’ve got a book to write, I’ve gone
for what I consider to be the hardest and most restrictive – the vegan branch.
In fact, having had a sneaky look at the ingredients list, an actual branch
sounds slightly more palatable.

The vegan version of the raw food diet
relies heavily on unprocessed and uncooked plant foods, such as fresh fruit and
vegetables, dried fruit, seeds, nuts, grains, pulses and seaweed. The rules
state that heating food above 116 degrees F is not permitted as it is believed
to destroy the enzymes which can assist in the digestion and absorption of
food. Another rule states that at least 75% of the diet must be living or raw.
So what about that 25% that I am allowed to cook at less than 116 degrees F?
Well, luckily enough I managed to unearth some valuable advice as to what
cooking techniques could be employed, and I will now quote directly from the
source.

Specific cooking techniques make foods
more digestible and add variety to the diet, including:

·
          
Juicing

·
          
Soaking

·
          
Blending

·
          
Dehydrating

I carried on reading as I assumed there
was a piece of text missing. Had it been a book I would have checked to see if
a page was missing. These are apparently four perfectly viable COOKING
techniques.

Immediately I found myself checking the
definition in a dictionary to see if I had somehow, for the last 35 years,
completely misunderstood the meaning of the word, but there it was in black and
white.

Cook

verb (used with object)

1. To prepare (food) by the use of heat,
as by boiling, baking, or roasting.

2. To subject (anything) to the
application of heat.

So I was right, both definitions include
the word ‘heat’, and unless there is something seriously wrong with your
juicer, there is never any heat involved.

It was then that I spotted the third
definition.

3.
Slang
. to ruin; spoil.

On second thoughts, perhaps they were
right after all!

As I read on the article seemed to get
stranger, suggesting I should consider foods such as legumes and seaweed and
drinks such as purified water and young coconut milk. If anybody reading this
knows what a legume is then I salute you; to me it sounds like a disease or a
rash. In fact, if someone said to me that I had legumes, I might find myself
instinctively grabbing the seaweed in an attempt to rub it on the affected
area. As for the young coconut milk, who is it that is going around checking
the age of a coconut? No wonder it’s called a coconut shy if all anyone ever
wants to ask them is their bloody age! (It’s a weak joke, I’ll admit, but my
only other options were to state that it’s no wonder they crack under pressure
and that there’s no point crying over spilt milk.)

The article went from weird to wonderful
when it began to describe the precautions. Again, I am quoting directly here.

People need to be aware that certain
nutritional deficiencies can occur on the raw food diet, including:

·
          
Calcium

·
          
Iron

·
          
B12

·
          
Protein

·
          
Calories

That’s right – calories! A diet which is
deficient in calories; whatever next?

Preparing my food list was like being
put in charge of catering on the set of
Watership Down
. There were
vegetables, nuts, fruits, seeds and pulses. Nothing on my list seemed to come
together as a complete meal, and it felt like I was simply running through the
stock list for some random health-food chain. Although I’m able to tolerate a
lot of the ingredients individually and in their own right, I knew that I was
going to struggle to stick to a diet on which ingredients like seeds and
seaweed get star billing. As I worried more about the diet my health
deteriorated further, and after just two meals on the raw food diet I found
myself tucked up in bed feeling sorry for myself. My sore throat hadn’t gone
away, my glands were swollen and I was running a temperature. Who knows?
Perhaps I had caught legumes.

The following day I didn’t feel any
better, but as it was a Saturday and my family were excited to have me home, we
went about the usual weekend activities. We went to a local children’s farm, we
popped over to see the in-laws, and we argued about whose turn it was to do the
washing up. By the evening, having survived by snacking on carrots, nuts, seeds
and dried fruit, I was totally drained. My illness had caught up with me and I
once again headed to bed for an early night. I remained in bed for most of
Sunday and it was on Sunday night that my illness really ratcheted up a notch.
I lost all sensation in my throat and mouth, including the sense of taste
(which I figured was a good thing on this diet). I was finding it harder to
breathe which made it impossible for me to get any sleep, and finally, at 5am,
I made the decision to take myself to the hospital. I knew that I needed
medication, and even if I were to wait until the morning there was no guarantee
that I could even get an appointment with the doctor, let alone the medication
I needed to help me get better.

I was seen by a doctor straight away,
and during the observation he commented on my blood pressure and pulse rate
being a little high, but it was put down to the lack of sleep and the stress of
being ill. Then followed a tricky set of questions during which I probably should
have told him what I had been up to for the last few weeks. I just couldn’t
bring myself to tell him for fear of him advising me to stop the challenge at
once. I am of course an adult and could have carried on regardless, but having
been told to stop by a medical professional and then having gone on to do
myself some serious harm, I could never have forgiven myself for. Being
economical with the truth was a far better option for me. The head in the sand
approach. I was eventually diagnosed with a viral infection of the upper
respiratory system and told I needed antibiotics, plenty of fluids and lots of
rest.

I spent the last two days of the diet in
bed, and for those two days it was more of a no food diet than a raw food diet.
I felt disappointed and relieved at the same time. I never truly embraced the
raw food diet, but I was still disappointed I wasn’t able to give it a better
go. Louis had been so enthusiastic about the diet having worked for endurance
athletes in the past and, in truth, I felt like I’d let him down.

I managed to drag myself out of bed the
following morning and make my way to the scales, and wasn’t surprised when they
registered a 3-lb loss. It was obviously the illness that contributed to the
loss and not the diet itself, so I do feel a bit of a fraud. That said, there
is every chance that the illness came as a result of the diets, so we end up
coming full-circle.

Summary:

It’s hard to summarise the raw food
diet, having not truly tested it. I can’t comment on whether it’s a good diet
to go on in order to lose weight, but it is clearly a healthy diet which, for
the right person and in the right circumstances, could work perfectly well.
I’ve certainly read lots of articles which suggest it is a very good diet for
athletes, in particular endurance athletes, which goes to show that it is
perhaps better than any of the more ‘faddy’ diets that are out there. This is
definitely a diet for the committed dieter and is perhaps not best-suited to a
corner-cutter like me.

Starting Weight: 14 stone 7.5 lbs

Finishing Weight: 14 stone 4.5 lbs

Weight loss: 3 lbs (Mostly through
illness)

% of body weight lost: 1.0 %

Faffiness: 7/10

Difficulty: 7/10

Would I do it again? No

Total weight lost: 23.5
lbs

Wednesday 19th November to Sunday 23rd
November

Weight: 14 Stone 4.5 lbs

When I first decided to include the baby
food diet in my list of ten, I was guilty of making assumptions. With so much
to organise and plan, I did find myself skim reading the small print on some of
the diets, and in doing so I had wrongly assumed that the baby food diet
consisted solely of blending up a little home-cooked food. I had imagined
myself cooking a batch of food that was low in salt, spice and, let’s be
honest, flavour, before simply blending it or mashing it to a pulp. Not so.

The baby food diet is shrouded in
mystery, and after undertaking an afternoon of internet research (which, if I’m
being entirely truthful, did mainly consist of watching Friends re-runs and
copious videos of cute animals on YouTube) I found that there were no set
guidelines at all. The diet has never been officially published and the
apparent creator, Tracy Anderson, has distanced herself from it.

The very few snippets of information I
did manage to gleam from the internet informed me that I should replace two of
my three main meals per day with baby food. It was very specific in that the
baby food should be the kind that comes in pouches or jars and not the kind
that you can simply muster up at home. Worryingly, some versions of the diet
call for eating up to fourteen servings per day and, as much as I’m willing to
embrace each diet, that for me is taking it too far. Talking of taking it too
far, I must take this opportunity to thank my wife for presenting me with a
three-pack of baby spoons and bibs, each with my name on, this morning. I
suppose she thought she was being funny. Well, we’ll see how funny she thinks
it is when I wake her up in the middle of the night crying my eyes out after
wetting the bed!

While shopping for baby food, I did have
a sense of deja vu, as the combinations of vegetables and fruits seemed
worryingly similar to the juice diet. There were broccoli, peas and pears,
there were carrots, apples and parsnips and even spinach, apples and swede. I
could feel my heart rate quicken as I looked at the food on offer, and the
memories of the juice diet kept on flooding back. I consoled myself with the
thought that at least with the baby food diet, I could have one normal,
adult-sized meal per day, and that would be enough to get me through.

When heating baby food it’s accepted
practice that one should check the temperature of the food by dabbing a small
amount against the lips, but during a lunch out with the family the previous
week I ended up taking it one stage further and had two full mouthfuls,
wondering what it was like in preparation for this week. The looks I received
were priceless. I didn’t make things any easier on myself by not actually
ordering any lunch for myself in the first place and by proudly declaring that
it "wasn’t bad" and that it "just needed a little more
salt".

I have to say that my initial opinion of
baby food was definitely affected by not having eaten for a couple of days and
the fact that I was recovering from a particularly nasty bout of illness. I’d
have probably said the same about anything in truth. But I can boldly declare
right here and now that baby food is in fact disgusting. There obviously isn’t
anything wrong with baby food, and they certainly wouldn’t be giving it to
babies if there were, it’s just that it’s so bland. For all the triumphant
hyperbole about ‘organic’ this and ‘free from’ that, it ends up tasting exactly
like what it looks like – green or orange mush. The ‘free from’ should simply
be followed by the word ‘flavour’ and be done with it. So why is it that babies
go so mad for it? It’s probably because they don’t know any better. Babies are
just finding their feet in the world of gastronomy and so every day is a taste
sensation, even if it is just green or orange mush. I feel a little jealous of
them actually, knowing that they have yet to experience the wonders of fish and
chips, toad in the hole or chicken jalfrezi. If I were to use a wholly
irresponsible analogy involving alcohol, right now they are currently still at
the stage where they are downing cheap vodka and cider in the park, with a
whole host of premium beers and fine wines ahead of them. The lucky bastards!

Day one of the baby food diet happened
to fall on one of my busiest days. Wednesdays are always busy at work, and it
just so happens that on Wednesday evenings I also record a weekly podcast with
a good friend of mine, Damien. (Check out the
Money To The Masses
podcast if you’re interested in top financial tips!) It meant that I wouldn’t
have time to prepare a healthy evening meal, so I decided that I would have
baby porridge for breakfast and baby food for dinner, leaving me to have a
normal healthy lunch. It sounded like the perfect idea at the time, but what I
should point out is that we often record the podcast at Damien’s parents’
house, as it is conveniently located halfway between where we each live. It
meant that I had the awkward task of arriving with, explaining, and then eating
a jar of Grandma’s Sunday Lunch.

While Damien knew all about my challenge
and had looked forward to ridiculing me weekly on my haggard and drawn
appearance, Damien’s parents had been away to Florida for an extended break and
I hadn’t seen them since the start of the project. Luckily for me they thought
it was hilarious, and, being proud grandparents themselves, they happily
presented me with bibs, baby spoons, bowls and even a high chair. They offered
me milk throughout the evening, suggested to Damien that I looked tired and
might need a nap, and even presented me with a rusk instead my usual biscuit
with my post-recording cup of coffee. All very good fun indeed. It was a great
end to the first day on the baby food diet and I felt confident that not only
could I see it through, I might actually enjoy it too.

How wrong I was. I woke up the following
morning absolutely starving. Buoyed by my busy day and fun and games at
Damien’s parents’ house, I didn’t actually get a minute to appreciate how
hungry I was. Having calculated how many calories I actually ended up
consuming, I was shocked to discover that the total was just under 650! That’s
like doing the 5:2 diet all over again, but doing so for five days solid! At
least on the 5:2 diet, following a day of fasting I could go to town on breakfast.
All I was allowed on day two of the baby food diet was a bowl of baby porridge.
I decided to use the same theory as on the 5:2 diet, and in order to get me
through the day I skipped breakfast.

The baby food diet is effectively just a
faddy way to introduce a strict control on your daily calorie intake, so I
figured that I’d be doing the same by skipping breakfast. All I do by having
breakfast is stoke the fire, and I end up wanting to take on more fuel. I’m
fully aware that I’ve skipped breakfast in a lot of my diets now and that this
goes against the advice of health professionals, nutritionist and dieticians
alike. I’d also like to point out, however, that I am not condoning this
behaviour, in fact I wholeheartedly discourage it. I’ll say it again – if
you’re thinking of taking on the challenge yourself, don’t! Yes, I’ve had some
fairly good results, but it has been at the cost of both my health and my
sanity. If I weren’t writing this book I would have given up on the challenge
by now, there is absolutely no question of that.

Louis had mentioned that I might
struggle on the baby food diet. He said that while there is nothing
particularly unhealthy about baby food, it doesn’t contain anywhere near enough
calories for adults. He also mentioned that constipation, irritability and loss
of concentration would again be an issue. Why is it that every diet only seems
to have negative side effects? I’m longing for the day when Louis says to me,
"Now Andy, on this diet you are never going to be hungry, you’ll be alert,
your mood will improve and you will almost certainly beat Joel at golf this
weekend."

I struggled through days two and three
of the baby food diet by skipping breakfast, drinking black coffee and then
slipping off to a quiet corner at work to endure the various delights that
Heinz, Ella’s Kitchen and Cow & Gate had to offer. I would then struggle on
for the rest of the day, hungry, tired, irritable and downright miserable,
until it was time to go home, where I would then prepare a healthy meal. My
healthy meals consisted mainly of chicken and vegetables, with a small amount
of potato in the vain attempt to lift my mood. It was incredibly hard to keep
going, and the lack of calories was tough, but it was the general blandness of
the baby food itself that made it so difficult for me. Even though I was
starving, I found myself dreading lunch. I ended up adding so much salt to the
baby food that I genuinely thought I could be doing myself some damage, so by
day three I had started adding Tabasco sauce instead.

Days four and five were the hardest of
all as it was the weekend. They say that men think about sex every seven
seconds, and whether that’s true or not, I can confirm that the study was
definitely not conducted while those men were on the baby food diet. There was
no way I could be thinking about sex every seven seconds whilst I was consumed
with thinking about food every three seconds. With no work to distract me, food
was all I could think about. I tried to steer clear of the kitchen, but even
then I’d be confronted by the children’s play kitchen in the dining room. I
would try everything I could to take my mind off food, and suddenly every
answer on the crossword was a food item, my daughters suddenly wanted to play
‘shops’, and every programme on the TV was a cooking programme. It got so bad
that I ended up voluntarily suggesting we went shopping. Actual shopping that
involves walking around the shops, looking at things and buying things.
Usually, in order to convince me to come shopping, my wife has to use a clever
system whereby she deploys on me the perfect mix of guilt and bargaining.

The idea of the shopping trip was to
take me away from the temptations of food and to distract my mind, but it was a
disaster right from the very start. From the moment we walked into the shopping
centre we were surrounded by people giving us cards and leaflets offering us
money off various items of food and drink. A little further on we were met by a
huge Christmas food market, complete with pretty girls in gingham dresses
offering free tasters. I ducked into a book shop to escape the temptation and
was immediately met by the faces of Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay, each
peddling their latest Christmas offerings.

I managed to get through the day without
giving in to the food, but I did end up spending far more money than I had
anticipated in the desperate hope of staying one step ahead of temptation. I
was excited when it came to stepping on the scales because I knew that I had
worked so hard. For the first time in quite a few diets, I hadn’t cheated at
all (except for skipping breakfast, which I saw more of a modification than a
blatant rule break) and I was therefore disappointed to discover that I’d only
lost one pound. In diet terms, weight loss of one pound a week is perfectly
acceptable and is in fact deemed the healthiest way to lose weight. The idea is
that you make slow and steady process, but on a 50-day challenge there is no
room for slow and steady. As irresponsible as it is to admit, for this challenge
I have been aiming for nothing less than fast and furious. Losing just one
pound is a crappy return for such an unpleasant five days. Still, the one-pound
loss brings me to within just half a pound of my 25 lb goal, an amazing
achievement in just 35 days.

Summary:

The baby food diet is just another faddy
diet which offers a different twist on strict calorie control. Previous
converts are reported to include Lady Gaga, Madonna and Jennifer Aniston, three
women who, to the outside world at least, need no help when it comes to keeping
in shape and looking good. The only upside to this diet as far as I see it is
that there’s very little planning or preparation needed. The food is readily
available and can be consumed on the go, but do so at your own risk, for you
will forever be the weirdo who was eating baby food in Starbucks.

Starting Weight: 14 stone 4.5 lbs

Finishing Weight: 14 stone 3.5 lbs

Weight loss: 1 lb

% of body weight lost: 1.0 %

Faffiness: 2/10

Difficulty: 8/10

Would I do it again? No

Total weight lost: 24.5 lbs