Read Mission: Earth "Doomed Planet" Online

Authors: Ron L. Hubbard

Tags: #sf_humor

Mission: Earth "Doomed Planet" (28 page)

 

 THE TRUE AND FINAL END OF MISSION EARTH

 

Key to THE DOOMED PLANET Absorbo-coat-Coating that absorbs light waves, making the object virtually invisible or undetectable. It is usually applied to spacecraft. Afyon-City in Turkey where the Apparatus had a secret mountain base. Agnes, Miss-Personal aide to Rockecenter. Apparatus, Coordinated Information-The secret police of Voltar, headed by Lombar Hisst and manned by criminals. Their symbol is an inverted paddle which, because it looks like a bottle, earned its members the name "drunks." Atalanta-Home province of Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak on the planet Manco. Babe Corleone-The six-foot-six widowed leader of the Corleone mob who "adopted" Jettero Heller into her Mafia "family." Bang-Bang-An ex-marine demolitions expert and member of the Babe Corleone mob. Bawtch– Gris's chief clerk on Voltar. Bis-Intelligence officer of the Fleet, friend of Jettero Heller. Bittlestiffender, Prahd-Voltarian cellologist that Sol-tan Gris took to Earth to operate a hospital in Afyon. Blito-P3-Voltarian designation for a planet known locally as Earth. It is the third planet (P3) of a yellow-dwarf star known as Blito. Bluebottles-Nickname given to the Domestic Police of Voltar. Blueflash-A bright, blue flash of light used to produce unconsciousness. It is usually used by Voltarian ships before landing in area that is possibly populated. Bury-Rockecenter's most powerful attorney. His favorite pastime is feeding white mice to snakes. Calabar-A planet in the Voltar Confederacy on which Prince Mortiiy is leading a revolt. Caucalsia, Prince-According to a folk legend, he fled Manco during the Great Rebellion and set up a colony on Blito-P3 that became known as Atlantis. Cellology-Voltarian medical science that can repair the body through the cellular generation of tissues, including entire body parts. Code Break-Violation of the Space Code that prohibits disclosing that one is an alien. Penalty is death to the offender(s) and any native(s) so alerted. Confederacy-See Voltar. Coordinated Information Apparatus-See Apparatus. Corleone-A Mafia family headed by Babe, a former Roxy chorus girl and widow of "Holy Joe." Corsa, Lady-A large, muscular lady pledged to be married to Monte Pennwell. She is heir to over half of the provincial planet Modon. Crobe, Doctor-Apparatus cellologist who worked in Spiteos; he delights in making human freaks. Cun-Footgirl to Flick, J. Walter Madison's driver. Drunks-See Apparatus. Epstein, Izzy-Financial expert and anarchist hired by Jettero Heller to set up and run several corporations. Exterior Division-That part of the Voltarian government that reportedly contained the Apparatus. Faht Bey-Turkish name of the commander of the secret Apparatus base in Afyon, Turkey. Fleet-The elite space fighting arm of Voltar to which Jettero Heller belongs and which the Apparatus despises. Flick-Apparatus driver for J. Walter Madison. Flip-Former circus girl, now member of J. Walter Madison's gang. Flisten-One of the conquered planets in the Voltar Confederacy, its humanoid inhabitants are long-nailed and yellow-skinned. When it was conquered, its queen was exiled by treaty as a hostage to Voltar. Gracious Palms-The elegant whorehouse where Jet-tero Heller resided. It is across from the United Nations and is operated by the Corleone family. Grand Council-The governing body of Voltar which ordered a mission to keep Earth from destroying itself so it could be conquered on schedule per the Invasion Timetable. Gris, Soltan-Apparatus officer placed in charge ofBlito-P3 (Earth) section, and an enemy of Jettero Heller. Heller, Hightee-The most beautiful and popular entertainer in the Voltar Confederacy. She is also Jettero's sister. Heller, Jettero-Combat engineer and Royal officer of the Fleet, sent with Soltan Gris on Mission Earth, where he operated under the name of Jerome Terrance Wister. Hisst, Lombar-Head of the Apparatus; his plan to overthrow the Confederacy required sending Soltan Gris to sabotage Jettero Heller's mission. "Holy Joe" Corleone-Head of the Corleone family until murdered; he did not believe in pushing drugs, hence the name. Hot Jolt-A popular Voltarian drink. Hoodward, Bob-A famous investigative reporter for the Earth newspaper, the "Washington Roast," who brought down a president and other mob figures. Hound-Servant to Monte Pennwell. Invasion Timetable-A schedule of galactic conquest; the plans and budget -of every section of Voltar's government must adhere to it. Bequeathed by Voltar's ancestors hundreds of thousands of years ago, it is inviolate and sacred and the guiding dogma of the Confederacy. Joy, Miss-See Countess Krak. Krak, Countess-Condemned murderess, former prisoner ofSpiteos, a nonperson and the sweetheart of Jettero Heller. On Earth, she is known as Heavenly Joy Krackle or "Miss Joy." Lepertige-Large cat-like animal as tall as a man. Lissus Moam-Daughter of Count Krak of the planet Manco. Forced by an Assistant Lord of Education on Manco into teaching children to steal and captured by the Apparatus for her training skills, she became known as the Countess Krak. Madison, J. Walter-Fired from a public-relations firm when his style of "PR" caused the president of Patagonia to commit suicide, he was rehired by Bury to immortalize Jettero Heller in the media. He is also known as J. Warbler Madman. Manco-Home planet of Jettero Heller and Countess Krak. Manco Devil-Mythological spirit native to Manco. Meeley-Former landlady of Soltan Gris. Mister Calico-A calico cat that was trained by Countess Krak. Mortiiy, Prince-Leader of a rebel group on the planet Calabar and the son of Emperor Cling the Lofty. Peace, Miss-Secretary to Delbert John Rockecenter. Pennwell, Monte-Unpublished author who found the Gris confession. Retribution-Prince Manny's command ship. Rockecenter, Delbert John-Native of Earth who controlled the planet's fuel, finance, governments and drugs. Roke, Tars-Astrographer to the Emperor of Voltar, Cling the Lofty, and close friend to Jettero Heller. It was Roke's report that sent Heller on Mission Earth. Section 451-A Section in the Apparatus on Voltar, in charge of Blito-P3, headed by Soltan Gris. Shafter-Driver for Monte Pennwell. Simmons, Miss-An antinuclear fanatic.
Ske-Former driver for Soltan Gris.
Snelz-Platoon commander at Spiteos who befriended Jettero Heller and Countess Krak when they were prisoners there.
Spiteos-On Voltar, the secret fortress prison of the Apparatus.
Spread, Maizie-Alleged by J. Walter Madison in Earth newspapers and television to have been impregnated by Jettero Heller, known as the "Whiz Kid."
Stuffy, Noble Arthrite-Publisher of the "Daily Speaker," a major newssheet on Voltar.
Switch, Toots-Alleged by J. Walter Madison in Earth newspapers and television to have been bigamously married to Jettero Heller, known as the "Whiz Kid."
Tayl, Widow Pratia-Nymphomaniac on Voltar.
Tug One-A spaceship named the Prince Caucalsia, equipped with the feared Will-be Was time drives, and used by Jettero Heller to travel the 22»/2 light-years to Earth from Voltar.
Tup-An alcoholic beverage on Voltar.
Turn, Lord-Justiciary of the Royal prison who Soltan Gris surrendered to.
Twa-Female bodyguard to Flick.
Twoey-Nickname given to Delbert John Rockecenter II.
Utanc-A belly dancer that Gris bought to be his concubine slave.
Vantagio-Manager of the Gracious Palms whorehouse.
Voltar-Home planet and seat of the 110-world Confederacy that was established over 125,000 years ago. Voltar is ruled by the Emperor through the Grand Council in accordance with the Invasion Timetable.
Whip, General-The most popular general in the Voltar-ian Army. J. Walter Madison faked Whip's death to bring discipline and make headline news.
Whiz Kid-Nickname given to Jettero Heller by J. Walter Madison.
Whopper, Teenie-A highly promiscuous Earth teenager, appointed Hostage Queen of Flisten. She is also known as Queen Teenie.
Will-be Was-The feared time drive that allowed Jettero Heller to cover the 221/2-light-year distance between Earth and Voltar in a little over three days.
Wister, Jerome Terrance-Name that Jettero Heller used on Earth.
The End

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