Authors: Aaron Thier
I asked Old Dan would they tell me about when Florida had secede for I had seceded myself after all and I were interested in secession. Which time said Old Dan for it seceded many times. This most recent time I said. It were nothing to tell said Old Dan the United States it let them go. Was you living in Florida when this happened I said. Yes he said however I did not know it happened. There was no wars about it I said. No he said it were not worth the trouble there was bigger troubles it were Hurricane Devaun it were the robot war with China it were all number of other disasters manmade or sent by God or both. What did you say I said do you believe in God. Of course he said in God in Buddha in Zagigai in Namwa spirit of the forest too. What about Peaches I said. I believe in Peaches he said. I mean Peaches does believe in God I said but you poisoned him for it. No said Old Dan Peaches he just repeats the name of Jesus that is because he is mad. Now we looked at Peaches he were mad yes for he were chewing his hand bloody.
Old Dan knew this country pretty well but he said it were all changed for there was no more piney woods. It is now become the great Atlantic swamp forest said the captain. Okay said Old Dan that must be what is different. It were certainly a swamp for there was just green trees water
mushy grass and only one kind of bird which was blue and yellow parrots. Also there was millions of bugs they bit us and bit us our faces were all swole. Even Christopher the kitten was bit though not as bad for his fur protected him.
Sometimes there was old buildings grown over in vines. Other times we seen foundations down in the muddy water for the sea it had come up and swallowed the beaches plus the outlying islands plus the beachfront properties. I looked at the foundations they was all covered in slime. Imagine the people living there long ago I thought imagine if you could say to them in two hundred years here is what your house would be just a crust of cement plus slime. Here is your garden you could say just swamp and muck. It were a amazing thought how everything changes but then I also thought how Old Dan said it changes back again. Even more amazing it all goes in circles.
Old Dan and me was going to break away soon and go in search of the treasure. The captain he didn’t believe in the treasure but even if he had believed he were obliged to go to Saint Augustine. He were going to take Peaches for we didn’t know what to do with him. We thought maybe the captain could give him to a church. These plans was frustrated however when we stopped at a knob of dry land to eat berries and the captain revealed that he had got a parasite in his foot. Oh I said what parasite. Nematode he said. You have got it in your foot I said. It buried its self in my foot yes he said. Are you sure said Old Dan. Would I lie about this said the captain. Very well said Old Dan we must go into the forest we will find hwaraca to cure it. The captain looked at Peaches to see the effect of Old Dan’s medicine. I will simply dig it out he said. He had got his knife still for it were hung to his belt and he now begun cutting into his foot. Uh oh said Old Dan bad news my man it will not heal in this heat and damp. Dammit said the captain I know what I am doing dammit old man suddenly he were very angry.
Old Dan were right however for in the morning his foot were swelled up two times it were like a squash with toes. It is the nematode makes it swell said the captain not the digging and cutting. You can’t walk said
Old Dan what will we do. I can walk said the captain. You can’t said Old Dan. I can said the captain. It were very clear he could not. He could not even stand up.
We did not like to abandon the captain so we waited on our knob of land to see if his foot would get better. Instead of getting better it swole up even more. Now it were a melon with toes. Why are the toes not swollen I asked. No one could tell me. We had got some shade but the mosquitoes was so bad I cannot even say how bad. Plus there was other flies fleas chiggers and bees that did sting us in our armpits. All this time Peaches were slowly coming to himself for now he said where am I. You are in Florida said Old Dan. Oh said Peaches whereafter he said once more where am I. This time we ignored him. It were hard to think positive about all these things but I tried.
Next it were two men and a lady come past in their canoe. They was true Florida types said Old Dan later. We asked how far to Saint Augustine or was there a town closer for the captain needed help. I am fine said the captain waving his hand. His face were very pale plus it were covered in mosquito bites. Aint five mile to Saint Augustine said the lady who was brown and wrinkly like a leather bag where someone had drawn a face. I can fuckin walk said the captain. What are you all doing out here said Old Dan. What does it look like granpa said one of the men the tall one. I don’t know is why I ask said Old Dan. We is not out here for pleasure said the man we are huntin gator. He pulled back a sheet so we could see. It had a gator there at least three feet long so dark scaly with a pink mouth fearsome teeth. Old Dan said oh it is just a baby. Baby said the man very loud very angry it is huge lookit this thing. It used to have gators thirty feet long said Old Dan they was like two boats end to end. Okay granpa said the old man now he were laughing. Okay said Old Dan.
We had some food with these three we shared yucka bread. They had some caju wine also but I said no I don’t want any wine no thank you whereafter I felt very proud. I were suddenly in high spirits again despite our setbacks. But the captain he did have some caju wine and then he were
fucked up laughing vomiting poor guy. Then Old Dan thought he would try them on Anna Gloria. I am looking for a woman he said you might know her as Anna Gloria. Anna Gloria said the lady. She was working in the library he said or so I remember. Don’t know her said the fat man.
Suddenly the captain begun shouting. Hey he shouted. What we said. We are getting away from the point with all this eating and drinking and talking he said the point is I can walk just fine where is Saint Augustine. Aint five mile said the lady again who were a expert on where Saint Augustine were. Oh fantastic said the captain my ordeal it is at a end.
The fat man were looking at Peaches. This fellow is not well neither he said. No I said Peaches is not well that is a fact. I will buy him from you said the man. No I said he is not for sale. Now hang on said Old Dan let us hear him out maybe we could sell him after all. You had better take this chance the man said you will have trouble selling him I promise. No I said we are not selling him end of discussion. Very well I were just asking said the man did you say his name were Peaches. Yes I said Peaches like more than one Peach. Interesting he said once I knew a man called Oats are you sure you will not sell this fellow Peaches. I am sure I said.
Soon these three left saying enjoy Florida for it is the best country it is the land of freedom liberty no carbon tax. After this the captain begun shivering even though it were so hot. We stayed through the next day we ate swamp insects and then Old Dan skum some slime off the water which me and Peaches also ate. Isn’t it delicious said Old Dan though he did not eat any himself. Food of the Meshica he said. Delicious I said for I did not want to hurt his feelings. It were the worst thing I ever ate.
Next day I said okay what is our plan. Well said Old Dan the captain he may die. What I said. Yes he may die do you remember you asked what I would take with me from the past now I have a new answer I would take antibiotic. It have antibiotic in Boston I said it doesn’t work. It used to work that is my point said Old Dan it were magic. Is antibiotic like probiotic I said. Similar he said yes however you apply the antibiotic to kill the probiotic if it gets in the wrong place for you see the captain
he has got a probiotic in his foot. It is bad to have a probiotic in your foot I said and good to have one in your stomach. Yes he said you’ve got it exactly. But what will we do I said we have not got any antibiotic. I don’t know said Old Dan. Maybe there is a antibiotic leaf in the forest I said you mentioned hwaraca. I am looking he said I haven’t seen any. You don’t know another leaf I said. No he said I should have listened to Quaco when he tried to teach me damn it damn it.
The captain now begun to go mad as Peaches. In our journey to come it were a saying with us mad as Peaches. Don’t eat that berry said Old Dan laughing you will go mad as Peaches haha. That were later however. For now the captain were going mad. He said fuckin trees and fuckin bugs and I can fuckin walk don’t touch me. Christopher the kitten avoided him carefully. He were a nice man until he gone mad as Peaches we did not hold it against him we knew it were only the nematode had got into his brain.
Next day I were doing good and Peaches were better and Old Dan were the same as always but now the captain were dead. It were the nematode or the swole up foot that had got him in the end. I were very much saddened by this death for I had felt I knew the captain. Also the specter of death renewed my interest in treasure just as Lun-Biao’s death had suppressed it. It were a enigma how the same thing caused the opposite feelings. It were because human thoughts is just random like marbles rattling around.
Fine I said okay let us go find the treasure of Anakitos it seems we will need riches after all. Well said Old Dan now my conscience is pricking me about Peaches. Oh I said I forgot. We have got to deliver him to Saint Augustine said Old Dan. We looked at Peaches. He grinned. He were a impediment but we was going to take care of him for we had seen enough suffering.
I had bad feelings about Saint Augustine and I were correct sad to say for no sooner did we arrive when I begun drinking corn whiskey. I don’t know why I done this it were almost a kind of accident. All my positive thinking was gone to waste after that. In the first taste I got a feeling of chaos immortality death violence the falling away into sweat crime
ecksekera. The more I drank the more it mattered to me about the treasure. Now I wanted it so bad and I thought again of air condition like I use to. It seems that corn whiskey makes a hole can also be filled with air condition.
At least I did learn something of why Florida had secede. This were told to me by a man called Hwan. It were a question of dikes dams walls he said. It were a proposal to wall out the sea as in New York Boston Savannah except here it were a wall around the whole state. The government would not agree to this whereafter Florida simply left the Union stating it would not pay taxes to such a government. Next all Florida pitched in they built a wall it were the great wall of Florida. It were only twenty miles long however. The water come in north and south and up from the ground what a mess what a mess and the water still rising. Wow I said to Hwan what were they thinking. They was trying to save themselves he said. Oh I said. But it just keeps going said Hwan for we have now heard that Minnesota is seceded too they have got a king.
All was darkness after that. In the morning I were sad as I always was after such a night but I hydrated with coconut juice and thought positive as much as I could. I pardoned myself as it was my right to do for I were king of the Independent States of Jam.
Peaches were meanwhile beaten up in the street for Old Dan had filled his head with thoughts of Namwa spirit of the forest. He were carrying on saying Namwa this Namwa that and they beat him for it as they should. He were a crazy fucker. We brought him to the church to have him exorcised and then at last it were time for us to go find the treasure of Anakitos. But I were trying to renounce treasure I said. Well said Old Dan you can always renounce it after we find it.
Mrs. Galsworthy did not betray me, and instead she did as I asked, and made Mr. Galsworthy aware that some thing was amiss with his coin collection. Soon he had forgotten the loss of his physician for the greater loss of his treasure, and up and down he went, raving & tearing at his cloathes, & also, it grieves me to report, tormenting the slaves that they should tell him what had happened. Far from accusing me he now lookt upon me as the only one he could trust, and it was then he made a shocking assertion, for he said at this time I can only trust Green, I can only trust Green though he be a
Son of Africa
. Passing on thereafter to another aspect of his grievance, he made no more of this terrific discovery, as if it were of no consequence.
So, dear Reader, he had found me out after all, or known it all along, & never cared a particle for it. Is there not a great moral to be picked handsomely from this? Yet I know not what it is.
I was in such a position as required great self-possession and courage, but I felt the buttons and stays of self had come all unfastened. I had lost all of Dr. Dan’s money at cards, and all of my own as well. Then Dr. Dan had confessed he was mistaken about Anna Gloria. Now I had learnt Mr. Galsworthy had always known my secret, yet I had abus’d him by stealing from him, and betraying him with his wife. And though I knew all these things, and saw myself in a new and frightful light, what could I do? I was criminated, and there was nothing for it but to continue with Quaco’s plan, knowing now that there was more concealed in the glassy depths of the human heart than ever I had suspect’d.
I had as a final stroke placed some small number of coins in Mr. Corvette’s room, which room Mr. Galsworthy now caused to be searched, finding also that Mr. Corvette was hastening his preparations for
departure. The slave Herodotus discover’d the coins along with some china and silver that Mr. Corvette had stolen upon his own option, & thus was any investigation diverted. This outcome at least spared the slaves further molestation, and even earned them a fat pink hog, which my employer gave them in apology, and also so that they could feast themselves in honor of Dr. Dan. No doubt it made a welcome change from rat meat.
I ne’er saw Mr. Corvette but one time more, and this as he was taken away to town, there to be lock’d away. Now and then I see him in my mind’s eye, pusillanimously venting his griefs, and talking of trumpet playing, & I lament the part I played in his misfortune, though one could see he was a man especially marked for misfortune.