My Heart Can't Tell You No (5 page)

November 1966

It was the championship football game. If they won this one, the three of them would make it through high school without a single loss. They were all seniors, with nothing more important on their minds than this championship game and the newest Beach Boys and Four Seasons albums. It wasn’t surprising Jackie Baker was the quarterback for the final deciding play of the game, and everyone knew his intended receiver would be Joe McNier. But as Jackie fell back, he saw Joe was swamped. Not only the home fans knew to whom he would throw the ball, the visiting team knew as well. There was only one other safe choice—his second man. The power of his arm sailed the ball through the air, toward the opposite side of the field from Joe. A leap into the air caught it and, with silver wings on his heels, Johnny Baker ran thirty yards to the goal line.

The game was over. Joe had missed his chance to make the deciding touchdown, but it didn’t matter. He had had his share throughout the season. If it had to be anyone else making that touchdown, he was glad it was John.

As the final seconds ticked away on the scoreboard he felt a little depressed, knowing when the board was dark they would lose something to the past. He was barely off the field before Lena, a blonde, slim, but well-curved cheerleader, pushed herself into his arms. She had a snobbish air—she was used to getting her way—but at the time that wasn’t what interested him. She was eager to press her mouth against his, showing everyone watching one of the stars of tonight’s game that he was
hers
.

He turned to glance at the crowd of dirt-and-grass-smudged jerseys around him, looking for his two friends momentarily lost in a sea of whiteness. As the players finally thinned out, he saw Jackie with a cheerleader in each arm. One, a black-haired beauty with her nose stuck three feet in the air most of the time, was an occasional date for Jackie, and the flame-haired beauty on his other arm was her best friend. It didn’t surprise Joe. Jackie had jet black hair and features much like his father’s, but cut sharply, as if chiseled in stone. The only flaw in his appearance was the dark-rimmed glasses he wore. But for some reason the girls disregarded this flaw as they flaunted themselves before him.

A few steps behind Jackie was John, standing without a cheerleader, with red cheeks as he searched the crowd for his family. There was no doubting Jackie and John were brothers when you looked at them. John looked much like his older brother, but his features were softer and his hair a medium brown in color. John didn’t have any girl waiting on the sidelines. Not that he couldn’t have one; John just didn’t have the courage to date yet. His conversations with the girls at his school were few, always leaving him with tinted cheeks and a tongue that seemed to have turned itself into a huge knot.

“There’s a party over at the dike,” Lena whispered in Joe’s ear.

“Is there?” Joe asked as he started for the locker room with his arm around her waist.

“Uh-huh. We’ll be expected to show up.”

“Why will
we
be expected to show up?” He asked.

“You know perfectly well why. Everyone knows we’re a couple. Just like Jack and Sue.”

“We’ll see,” he said simply before going inside.

The boys showered quickly, the hot water tingling the flesh that had been exposed for over two hours to thirty-degree air. Getting dressed came a little slower, each reluctant to leave the glow of the locker room that they would never be able to rekindle. But, as the last of the players made their way for the dike or their homes, John and Jackie Baker sat with Joe McNier.

“They say there’s a big party over by the river, at the end of the dike,” Jackie said as he stood up.

“Yeah, I heard.” Joe stood next.

“They say we’re expected to show up,” said Jackie.

“I know.”

“Are you going?” Jackie asked John.

“No. I’m going over to Lew’s. Mom and Dad are waiting. You guys go though, if ya want. They really don’t expect me—but they will you two,” John said.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Jackie sighed.

“Sue and Lena are waiting out there for us. So is Mom and Maddie,” Joe told them.

“So? Where are you going?” asked John.

The answer was simple, they all knew it as they smiled to each other.

“Joe!! Hurry up!” Lena called into the locker room.

The three boys walked outside, closing their coats as they eyed the five females waiting for them.

“Are you ready?” Lena asked as she slid her arm through Joe’s.

“Yeah. We’re ready.” He glanced at seven-year-old Maddie. “You ready, John?”

“Uh-huh.” John’s eyes were cast toward the ground, his embarrassment in the presence of three debutantes of the high school evident.

“He’s going with us?” Lena asked as she watched John.

“No, he never goes with us,” Sue laughed out loud, then glancing back at Sarah, without any consideration that she could easily hear her. “He goes home with his mommy, where he belongs.”

“And that’s where we’re going, with
our
mommy
,” Jackie said as he picked Maddie off the ground. “You ready, Mouse?”

“Yep.” Maddie’s smile gleamed, very much satisfied that her oldest brother chose her family’s company over the company of the three cheerleaders—
yuk
!

“Are Bob and Tom over at Lew’s already?” Joe asked Sarah.

“They went with Jack and Lew at the end of the game. They wanted to beat the crowd.”

“You mean you’re going over to their uncle’s house?!” Lena asked with astonishment.

“Yep.” They started walking toward the gate.

“But, Joe.” Lena tried to pull him aside. “Joe, not over there! It’s right next to the dump! It smells—and those people are—are . . . .”

“Poor,” Joe finished for her, making a red fire of anger rise in her face.

“
Yesss
,” she hissed. “I’m not going over there!”

“I know. You weren’t invited. See ya later, Lena.”

“Where are your glasses, Jackie?” Sarah asked, relieved to see the three girls walking in the opposite direction than they were heading.

“In my pocket,” he answered his mother.

“I didn’t pay out all that money for you to wear them in your pocket.”

“Okay,” he sighed, pulling them from his shirt. “I’ll put them on. Only because I’m carrying the Mouse, and we’ll be walking in the dark. I wouldn’t wanna drop her, she’d get lost and we’d never find her.”

“You better not drop me,” Maddie warned, pulling her arms tighter around his neck.

“Did you see me throw the ball tonight?” Jackie asked her.

“No.”

“Why not?!”

“I couldn’t see which one was you. They all looked the same. But I saw the one who caught it. Mom says it was Johnny. Does that mean Johnny won the game?”

“So much for your swelled head, Jack,” Joe laughed at him.

“Yeah, but what about John’s?” asked Jackie.

“John’s head couldn’t swell if ya had an air pump attached to his ear.”

Joe saw the girl waiting at the edge of the bridge, a pretty little thing with brown hair. The rest of her held a passive beauty that was captivating, if you took the time to look past the clothes she was wearing. A little out of date, obviously second-handed, but clean, even at times a little baggy for her short stature. His glance moved to Jackie, seeing he had seen her also as his face took on an almost peaceful expression. At school everyone assumed Sue was going steady with Jackie, an assumption Sue planted and helped to flourish, and although Jackie took her out occasionally, Joe knew she wasn’t the one Jackie would eagerly seek out. The fact that he was seeing someone else was kept hidden, but it wasn’t Jackie’s idea. If it were up to him, he’d shout from the rooftops that he was in love with Brenda Taylor. But they had to be careful, for Brenda was still only a sophomore. Brenda’s and Jackie’s relationship began to blossom when, as a freshman and a junior, they would meet in the school library and noticed their interests were much the same. Jackie was captivated by her, but he knew a poor girl from the
south
side of town would be ripped apart in no time by the golden girls like Sue and Lena and their friends.

“Here, John, you’re Maddie’s hero tonight.” Jackie smiled as he handed his little sister to his younger brother.

“Hi Brenda,” Sarah smiled. “You coming over to Lew’s?”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Brenda answered.

Jackie lagged behind Joe and the rest of his family, quietly slipping his hand into the young girl’s as they all crossed the short bridge that separated the rest of the city from the road where Lew and a few other families lived.

“Well, if it isn’t the stars of the team,” Lew’s wife, Janet, called as the group of people moved into the small kitchen already crowded to capacity.

“Some stars. If the wind hadn’t been blowing when Jackie threw that ball it wouldn’t have traveled fifteen feet, let alone forty yards,” Lew teased. “And Johnny only caught the ball because he tripped over his big feet, otherwise he would have been way outta range.”

“That’s what I tried to tell them,” Joe said.

“Oh yeah? And what were you doing over on the other side of the field with those four guys on top of ya? Dancin’?”

“Well, I thought I’d give John a chance at it.”

“Brenda, what are ya doing with a mangey mutt like Jackie?” Lew asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. He’s kind of a cute little puppy, don’t ya think?”

“So, when are you two gettin’ married?” Lew asked, making Brenda’s face deepen to a crimson.

“She’s only fifteen,” said Jackie. “Now, if you guys will excuse us, we’d like to go for a walk.”

“Be back by eleven or you’ll lose your ride home,” Jack told his oldest son.

Joe took a seat across from Lew and Sarah and picked up Maddie to sit on his lap, where she leaned back against his chest. He knew Jackie and Brenda were going to the dike, but close to the bridge they had crossed a few minutes ago. It was another three miles to the river party that Brenda would never be allowed to attend. He knew she would fill a need in Jackie’s heart this night that his cheerleader-admirers could never get close to.

“Maddie! Come on! Let’s play!” One of Lew’s sons ran from the room and spotted her, then after relaying the message to the rest of Lew’s ever-growing family, ran back to retrieve Maddie from Joe’s lap.

“You guys be careful with her!” Lew yelled in the room at his romping sons. “Hey, brat!”

Maddie stopped in her tracks, her face turning with an eager smile toward her uncle. “What?”

His answer was a tongue he stuck out, making her giggle before returning the gesture and running into the room again.

By ten that night Tommy and Bobby were in the kitchen hanging over Jack’s and Lew’s shoulders, listening to the fast-moving conversation between the four adults while Johnny sat on the floor, munching on a sandwich and listening with as much interest as the younger boys. At the other end of the house, Lew’s children were asleep in their bedrooms as Maddie slept on the sofa, giving Joe his chance to move outside to sneak a cigarette in the darkness.

“You take Brenda home?” whispered Joe as Jackie walked toward him.

“No, wasn’t time. She said she’d walk.” Jackie took the cigarette from the pack Joe offered him. “We’re gonna get married.”

“What?”

“You heard me. We’ll take Dad’s car this weekend and drive to Maryland.”

“But she’s only fifteen. She’s only in tenth grade!!”

“And she’s only three months pregnant. And I want to marry her. I only waited before because she’s so young. But God, I need her, Joe. You don’t know how she makes me feel when she’s with me. You don’t know how she makes me feel when she’s
not
with me and I think about her. I love her, Joe. She’s gonna have my baby too. Christ, I’m gonna be a father! I’m gonna have a baby!”

“Is that why you’re marrying her? I mean you aren’t just trying to convince yourself you love her because you got her pregnant?”

“No. If I didn’t love her I wouldn’t have touched her. I could have gotten it from Sue if it was just that—but I wanted Brenda. You know that—or have I been talking to the walls for the last six months?”

“No, you haven’t been talking to the walls. Do you want me to go along? As a witness or anything?”

“How about as my best man?”

“Can I go too?” Maddie whispered from the doorway, making the boys’ eyes widen. They were sure she had been sleeping.

“Go? Where?” Jackie asked shakily as he quickly pulled her outside with them.

“To Maryland. I can be your best girl,” she yawned.

“No, Mouse. This is a secret. You have to keep this secret for me or I can’t marry Brenda. And you like Brenda, don’t ya?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then you can’t tell anyone until we get back on Sunday. Can you keep that secret for me?”

Jackie never got to take his father’s car the next day. Sarah got a telephone call from Lew in the morning. Some boys had found Brenda hanging from the bottom of the bridge in the middle of the night. The authorities ruled it a suicide without investigation.