This made me think about Edward and his predictability. Was it that bad? Sure, life was destined to be one long and boring schedule, but at least I knew he would be there. Didn't I?
Still, I couldn't shake the feeling I got from Cinco, the buzz that caused me to stop thinking straight.
“Hey.”
I looked up, and Elisabeth was stepping on the curb. She hugged me, and when she stepped back, I couldn't believe it. She looked like she'd aged ten years. I swore I could even see gray hairs. She glanced at the kids. “They okay?”
“Yeah.” I smiled. “They were a delight.”
“Good.”
“How are you? And Henry?”
She shook her head, tears blocking words. Finally she managed, “I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen.” She stared at the ground. “How could I have done this? How could I have been so stupid?”
I took her hand. “It's going to be okay.”
She wiped away her tears and then looked at me. “Thanks for doing this for me. You're the best friend I could ever have.” She embraced me, then said, “I shouldn't keep you waiting. You're meeting Edward, right?”
I nodded, and before I knew it, I was confessing, “I think I might break up with him.”
“What?”
“I know, it sounds crazy. Maybe it is crazy! I don't know.”
“I can't even imagine that, Leah. You really might break up with him?”
“I'm not happy. I don't think. Maybe I am happy and don't know it.” I covered my face with my hands and took a breath. “I don't even know what I'm going to say when I step into Billy's.”
“Billy's?”
“The restaurant.”
“I know the place. Are you sure you're meeting there?”
“Yeah . . . why?”
“Oh . . . um, no reason.”
“What?”
She shrugged. “It just doesn't seem like the kind of place Edward frequents.”
“What kind of place is it?”
She patted me on the shoulder. “I'll let you be surprised. Now, let me get these kids out of your hair.”
“Do you want some help?”
“No. I parked just around the corner. You go and enjoy . . . Billy's.”
The air became thicker and greasier the closer I got to Billy's. The neighborhood indicated I wasn't here for the fine dining. I was so bewildered I could hardly think about what I would say to Edward. He was going a little overboard on the spontaneity, wasn't he? As I stared up at the big glowing sign that announced Billy's as a “diner,” along with the smaller sign below it that announced they were having a double onion rings special, I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Edward had lost his mind. And come to think of it, I hadn't ever seen Edward eat a hamburger. He wasn't fond of eating things that didn't require utensils.
I opened the wooden door, which creaked and led me into darkness for a few steps until I rounded the corner. At least there was someone there to help me to my seat. “I'm meeting someone,” I told the hostess as she grabbed a laminated menu from beneath her stand.
“Edward is waiting for you over here,” she said, motioning to her left. I looked and there Edward sat, waving at me. I walked over, and the hostess put the menu in front of me and asked me if I wanted a Coke. Edward, to my astonishment, was having a Coke. I had never seen him drink Coke.
“Sure,” I said. My hands were trembling underneath the table, but I tried to act as calm as I could. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“This is . . . quite a place.”
He looked around. “Yeah. A different kind of atmosphere, right?”
I nodded. “How did you hear about it?”
“I asked around. Wasn't sure what a good place for lunch would be.”
“Ah.”
He held up the menu and looked it over. “Hope you like hamburgers.”
“Actually, I do,” I said. “And onion rings.”
“Really?”
“It's the Southerner in me.”
“I thought Southerners liked fried chicken and fried okra.”
“That too. Maybe we can save that for next weekend.”
He went back to reading his menu. I tried to look over mine, but I didn't have an appetite. I had no idea how I would . . . how I could . . . broach the subject. After the waitress came and took our ordersâhamburgers for both of usâI decided I had to at least get my feet wet.
“Edward,” I began, “I want you to know how much I appreciate your trying to be spontaneous.” And then I noticed Edward's hands were shaking. They were folded on the table in front of him, but they were shaking like he was on a caffeine high. It sidetracked me, because I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he was shaking so badly. Was it because he'd ordered a hamburger? Was this what spontaneity did to him?
I started to say something, but before any words could actually come out, Edward said, “Leah, I need to say something.”
I couldn't stop looking at his hands. “What?”
He sighed, and now we were both looking at his hands. “I'm sorry, give me a second.” He wiped his mouth. What was happening?
“What is it, Edward?”
He finally met my gaze. “Look . . . I can't keep dating you.”
Now my entire insides were shaking. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “You . . . you can't . . . keep . . .” My eyes blinked at an absurd rate. I took a breath. “Is this because I want you to be more spontaneous?” I asked, my voice rising. “This is about spontaneity?”
“Sort of,” he said with a shrug. I wasn't sure I'd ever seen him so flippant as when he said that. He seemed distracted, like there was something more important than breaking my heart. But . . . was he breaking my heart? Wasn't there, deep inside me, a little bit of relief? I tried to search at the same time I tried to decode the man in front of me.
He looked at me. “Leah, I brought you here because I didn't want to do this at one of our usual places.”
I fell back into my chair, stunned. He didn't want to do this at one of our usual places? Like have to spend a lot of money on dinner just to break up with me? I felt my eyebrows crashing down with force. Even with a lot of sleep, this was probably more than I could take, but after the two nights I'd had, this was close to unbearable. “This is unbelievable,” I breathed. “Why . . . why didn't you want to do this at one of our usual places?” It was the only question I could think to ask. I couldn't imagine there was even a reasonable answer.
“You wanted me to be spontaneous,” he said.
I slapped my hand to my forehead. It was throbbing like I'd been hit with an ax handle. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. Instead, my entire body went numb. But when I looked up at Edward, to my confusion, he was smiling.
And then I saw him reach into his pocket. He pulled out a tiny black box. It was like I was watching someone else's life. He opened the black box and there, sitting in the middle of it, was the most beautiful diamond ring I'd ever seen. I gasped and threw my hands to cover my mouth.
“How's that for spontaneous?” he asked. And then I watched as he stood up and took my hand in his. We were both shaking so badly it was hard to hold on. I felt tears rolling down my face as I looked up at him. “I can't go on dating you, Leah. It's time that we secure our future together. It's the right time.” He smiled and said, “Will you join me in this new journey of our life by entering into wedlock with me?”
“I . . . I . . . ?” I stared at the ring. Was that Edward's way of asking me to marry him? I assumed he wasn't down on one knee because of the filthy floor beneath us. I glanced around. The entire diner had hushed. And for the first time in my life I felt like I might pass out.
I looked at Edward, who was patiently waiting. I wasn't sure if a full minute had passed or only ten seconds. I'd lost all sense of reality. Edward squeezed my hand as a reminder that he'd just asked me a very important question, which prompted me to do the only thing I could.
“Yes,” I squeaked.
Edward nodded approvingly and slid the ring onto my finger. He pulled me to my feet. And he kissed me. Then he hugged me. Then he said, “Look out there.” He pointed through a window at the side of the restaurant to a horse-drawn carriage. “That's for us. Come on!”
He pulled me through the restaurant and through the front door. “But . . . but what about . . .” I was pitching my thumb backward. What about the hamburgers? And why was I thinking of hamburgers at this moment?
He laughed and whispered, “That was all part of the ruse. We're going by horse-drawn carriage to a real restaurant.”
He helped me into the carriage, which was sprinkled with pink and red rose petals. We were the main attraction on Twelfth Street. I tried my best to enjoy the moment. But deep inside, I was so scared I could hardly speak.
And oddly, still craving onion rings.
[She lifts her glass.]
T
he carriage took us three miles to a posh new restaurant we'd never been to before. It was very . . . clubby, and Edward seemed particularly proud of himself. The entire day was a complete shock to me, and at the end of it all I was so numb I could barely feel the kiss Edward planted on my lips.
He took me back to my car, which he'd paid someone in the restaurant to keep metered, and took my left hand into his. “Do you like the ring?”
“I really do.” And I did. It was gorgeous.
He couldn't stop smiling. I'd never seen Edward like this. He was actually giddy. Of course, why not? He was engaged. So why wasn't I giddy? I was forcing every smile that appeared on my face.
“You look really tired.”
“I am a little. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm, um, behind on my play.”
He batted his hand in the air. “Who can think about work at a time like this?”
“Not me,” I said, stretching yet another smile across my face.
“So when do you want to get married?”
“We want plenty of time to plan the wedding,” I said quickly.
“I can't wait too long,” he said with a wink.
“We've got the rest of our lives.”
“Right. We do. We do!”
He kissed me again, this time on the cheek, lingering there like we were starring in a romantic movie. Then he stepped back. “I'll let you go for now. But we've got big plans to make. I want this to be the most amazing wedding. We've both waited long enough. We deserve the best.”
Deserve the best.
Even once I got home, that phrase was all that kept going through my head. Was Edward the best for me? I couldn't look at the beautiful ring without a lump forming in my throat. Surely that was enough of a red flag. But there was a part of me that was happy. I couldn't deny it. I wanted to be married.
It was late afternoon and I had done nothing but pace my apartment. I'd decided not to tell my family about the engagement. Not yet. There would be a right time, but not now. I wasn't sure if there was actually going to be an engagement.
The phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and hesitated. It was Cinco. I held the cordless phone in my trembling hand. Should I answer it? I was now an engaged womâ
“Hello?” I said.
“Leah? Are you okay?” Cinco's voice flooded my ear. I loved his voice. Then I squeezed my eyes shut, hating that I loved it.
“Hi. How . . . how are you?”
“I'm fine. Worried about you, though. How'd it go with the kids?”
“The toys made it bearable.” I laughed, pinning the phone between my shoulder and chin and twisting the ring around my finger. It was good to hear from him. Somehow I knew Cinco would have wise words for me if I could only tell him what was going on, but that would mean explaining how I'd somehow become engaged to my brother. “Hey, I'm running out the door. Maybe I can call you later?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, thanks. And thanks again for bringing by the toys.”
“You're welcome.”
I lay on the couch, phone in hand, and drifted into a deep sleep about two onion rings getting married.
I called Edward in the morning to say I'd come down with a cold and couldn't make church. It was a lame excuse, but I couldn't face him. Not yet. I knew I couldn't marry this man. I loved Edward. Or at least I had. But there was more of me that said no than yes. After all, I'd had full intentions of breaking up with him, and now I wore a ring promising to marry him. If I let Jodie speak, she would have a lot of things to say about the transpiring events. But I kept her locked away for now.
I knew Edward wanted to see me this evening, and I'd agreed. But I also knew it would be one of the most painful experiences of my life. I was going to have to give the ring back and tell him I couldn't marry him . . . and that I didn't want to be with him anymore.
I cried a hundred times that afternoon. I knew there was a very real part of me that loved Edward. The relationship hadn't been a fake all these years. I'd just . . . evolved. I wanted more, and I realized Edward couldn't give it to me. It seemed silly, but maybe it all really did boil down to flaming pancakes and a show-stopping pink dress.
I'd taken my eighth Advil of the day when a knock came at my door. I prayed it wasn't Elisabeth needing a babysitter. I prayed it wasn't Cinco. I couldn't face him right now. I prayed it was just a figment of my imagination.
But as I peered out the peephole, I saw my sister. I opened the door, and she threw her hands up into the air like a cheerleader, jumped up and down and squealed. Then she threw her arms around me and pulled me into a lung-deflating hug. When I brushed her hair out of my eyes, I saw Dillan, standing a few feet behind her, looking at me and smiling. It startled me. I felt like I was looking into the face of the devil. He had that same gentle, engaging expression that had won my entire family over in an instant.
Kate grabbed my shoulders and held me two feet away from her and looked me up and down, then grabbed my left hand and pulled it up to her face. “It's beautiful! Congratulations!”