“Give me the bag.” She reached for it, but he held it away. Thunder cracked.
“Five minutes,” he said. “Let’s get out of the rain.” He took her arm.
She jerked it away. How dare he hold her hostage. “I want my purse!” A stare-off ensued. Tucker’s eyes looked dark under the storm’s shadows. Dark and stubborn.
“Fine. We’ll do it right here then.” He tightened his fist around the strap of her bag.
She crossed her arms, a futile act of defiance. He could have his say. She didn’t have to listen, didn’t have to respond. He wanted to settle the score. Let him say all the awful things he could, call her all the names she deserved.
At the thought, a whimper rose in her throat, but she strangled it before it escaped.
He was quiet so long she wondered if he’d changed his mind. But no, he was only waiting for her to look at him. Rain trickled down his face like tears. His spiked lashes framed eyes that were full of something that contradicted her expectations.
“I know you’re not the woman who did that dishonorable thing.”
She searched his eyes, confused. “What? Yes, I am—”
He put his fingers over her mouth. “Shush, it’s my turn.” When she quieted, he spoke again. “I know you did it, but it doesn’t define who you are. It was one night, one mistake.”
He was letting her off the hook? It didn’t make sense. Somehow it angered her. Where was the justice in that? The justice for Tracey.
“Don’t make excuses for me. Of all people, you shouldn’t be defending what I did. You should detest me on your sister’s behalf. What I did destroyed her marriage.”
Tucker gave a sad smile.“You were one in a long line for Sebastian. Tracey discovered the truth after that morning. She would’ve been able to forgive him the one indiscretion, but he has a problem that goes beyond that one night with you.”
There’d been others? The divorce hadn’t been her fault alone? The news removed a bit of weight from her shoulders. Still, how could Tucker be so . . . so . . . ?
“I don’t hate you, Sabrina. I—”
She wished she could pull the words from his tongue. But they seemed stuck there. His gaze roamed over her face, making her conscious of her own state of dishevelment.
Sabrina wiped the rain from her cheeks.
“I forgive you.” His words washed away every other thought. “You don’t need to leave. Nothing needs to change. Don’t go.”
It was so tempting, everything he said. But could she continue with the way things were when he didn’t know the truth? Forgiving Sabrina the café waitress for her perfidy was one thing, but could he forgive Sweetpea for the same crime? Could his sister ever forgive her?
Of course not. It was more complicated than Tucker dreamed. And she was weary of the pretense. Weary of loving a man who thought she was someone else. The relationship that meant everything to her was nothing but a lie because Tucker was in love with an illusion.
“Sabrina?”
She looked at the man she loved and knew with sudden clarity that he deserved more than she’d given him. More than she could ever give him.
It was over. All of it. She would tell him the truth and let the chips fall where they may. Then Tucker would hate her. Then Tucker would gladly return her purse and let her leave the island.
The thought carved away a section of her heart, the part where courage resided. She didn’t have the guts. Didn’t have the strength to face him when he learned who she was, and found her profoundly lacking in integrity and basic morality. She wasn’t at all who he thought she was.
Renny’s words played back.
“What about honesty? What about doing the right thing and trusting God to work things as he wills?”
But what if . . . what if she couldn’t handle it? What if it cut her to the core?
Do you trust me?
The small, familiar voice came from somewhere deep inside.
“Sabrina, talk to me.”
She took one last look at him as he was now, savoring the compassion in his eyes for a moment longer. He was a good man. He deserved better than she could offer. He deserved someone who wasn’t dragging her past around on a heavy chain. Someone like Arielle. The thought appeared out of nowhere.
Of course.
Sabrina had been nothing but selfish through the entire relationship. She could do this one selfless thing. It would hurt, but it was time to let Tucker go, set him free. It was time to tell him everything.
She whispered a quick prayer for courage. “Okay, you’ve had your say. Now I need to have mine.” She suddenly felt shy, remembering all the words she’d said, all the letters she’d written. He knew more about her than anyone. To tell him the truth was to expose herself, to be vulnerable. All the things she’d thought she was done with.
“Go on.”
“I—”
Dear Lord, how can I say it? Give me the words.
He looked so innocent, and she was going to hurt him. She hated that more than anything.
He wiped a trickle of rain from her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Go on,” he said again.
She closed her eyes against the touch, then forced them open. “I—I have something to tell you that may come as a shock. I’ve done something—I’m afraid it’s going to hurt you and—” Tears burned at her eyes, clogged her throat with a lump the size of a boulder.
“Just say it.” His tender look was about her undoing.
He was going to hate her afterward.
Do you trust me?
“I’m not who you think I am, Tucker. I—”
Just say it
. “I’m Sweetpea.” Once the boulder came loose, she couldn’t stop the flow of words. “I’ve been her all along, since the beginning and—”
“Sabrina.”
“—when you sent the photo, I was afraid because—because I had feelings for you, and I didn’t think you could possibly love someone like me, and then later I realized what I’d done, that Sebastian was your brother-in-law—and then you asked me to find her—to find
me
, and I didn’t know what to do, so I pretended to look for her—”
“Sabrina.”
“—but I felt so guilty taking your money, so I donated it to Nantucket Soundkeeper, and then Arielle showed up—she’s my cousin—and then you saw her and—”
“Sabrina!”
He dropped her bag and took her face in his hands. “Would you just shut up?”
Her thoughts spun slowly to a halt, like a vacated merry-go-round.
And then her mind began spinning slowly again, this time with questions. Why was he touching her so gently? Why was he looking at her like that—with such tenderness?
“I
know
.” He looked at her as if to drive each word home. “I know who you are,” he repeated in a whisper.
He knew she was Sweetpea? But how, and when? And why did he hire her?
“Aw, honey, I’ve waited so long for you.” His thumb grazed her cheek, sending a shiver down her arms.
“But how—when?”
“From the beginning. I sought you out.”
“But why?”
“I wanted to know you.”
“But you hired me . . .”
“To spend time with you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted you to tell me who you are.”
His words filled the empty places in her heart. “But Arielle . . .”
“I wanted to knock you silly when you stuck me with that woman. But then Arielle told me she wasn’t Sweetpea, and I told her I already knew who—”
“You knew all along?” Sabrina felt dazed. He wasn’t in love with Arielle? She remembered his letter that night.
“I love you,”
he’d written. And she’d thought the words were for her cousin. But the words had been for her alone.
She remembered their date, the boat ride. “The kiss . . .” she said.
One side of his mouth tilted in a grin. “The kiss.”
He’d let his feelings run away that night. He’d wanted to be with her, not Arielle. He’d wanted to kiss her, not Arielle. Could it be true? Even now, she was afraid to believe.
That morning suddenly rushed to the front of her mind. It seemed so long ago, though it had been an hour at most. She’d seen the look on his face, the look on his sister’s face. He hadn’t known that part. She stepped back now, needing distance. His hands fell away from her face.
“What’s wrong?”
How could anything come of their relationship when they had that between them? Even if Sebastian had made a hobby of sleeping around, could Tracey ever forgive what Sabrina had done?
Her lip wobbled, and she bit it still. “Tracey.”
For the first time since her admission, his face sobered. A rivulet of rain traced a path down his temple, his jaw.
“How could she ever forgive me?”
“Same way I did.”
“But I don’t deserve it.”
Tucker pulled her against him. She curled into his wet torso and hid her face in the wall of his chest.
“None of us do, Sabrina. You think I haven’t made mistakes?” His words rumbled in her ear. He lifted her hand and kissed the tender flesh of her wrist where the coffee had spilled. “You think Tracey hasn’t made mistakes? She’s a strong and compassionate woman. She’ll come around in time because she knows how much I—”
The sentence hung in the misty air, but Sabrina was enjoying the heavy thud of his heart too much to leave the comfort of his embrace.
But she felt Tucker’s hands on her arms, felt him pushing her away. Felt him looking at her with eyes that spoke all the words she needed to hear. “She knows how much I love you.” He squeezed her arms firmly and gave her a little shake. “
You
, Sabrina. No one else.”
She soaked it up, all his eyes had to say, all his words meant. If she heard it a million more times it wouldn’t be too much. The words turned her legs to noodles and warmed a path clear to her heart, seeping into all the dark crevices. The journey had been long and hard, but the destination was worth the trouble. More than worth it.
Tucker.
He lowered his head, and his mouth tested hers. She was sure he could feel her heart banging against his stomach, but soon, she forgot about her heart. All she could think of was the way his lips felt on hers, soft as a feather’s touch. When he pulled away, she wanted to protest.
“Our first kiss.” He brushed her wet hair from her cheek.
“Second,” she corrected.
He grinned. “That one didn’t count. You thought I was a two-timing creep.”
Her thoughts returned to the uncertainty, the confusion of that night. “No, I didn’t.”
He gave her a look.
“Maybe a little.”
“I couldn’t help myself. You were so beautiful sitting there on the water, with the moonlight on your hair. You must’ve been so confused.” He dried her face, the rain and tears, with the back of his hand. “Don’t be confused about this, though, Sabrina. I love you with all my heart, and nothing’s going to change that.”
Were lovelier words ever spoken? She wanted Tucker to feel the way she did now. She wanted to tell him the rest of it, the part that mattered most.
“I love you, too, Tucker. So much.” Emotion closed her throat.
“I’ve waited a long time for those words,” he whispered, then dropped a quick kiss on her lips. After a pause, he was back for more. Sabrina wrapped her arms around his neck, ran her fingers through the curls at his nape. She couldn’t get enough of him. He smelled like Tucker and tasted of heaven.
His lips were strong and gentle all at once. His touch sent a shiver of pleasure down her spine into the farthest reaches of her heart. When he ended the kiss, it was only to gather her closely in his arms.
“I meant what I said about going to the wedding with you. If you’ll have me.”
She smiled. “I’d love that.” Peace enveloped her, and she remembered Renny’s words from weeks ago.
“God will give you peace on this. I know it.”
Now Sabrina knew it too.
She was all wrapped in Tucker’s embrace, a chick under his wings. She could get used to this, she decided. The rain pummeled them, but they were already drenched and she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Not in a hurry to get out of the rain after all?” she asked.
“What rain?” he whispered. And with one last grin, his lips closed over hers again.
Dear Friend,
I hope you enjoyed your brief journey to Nantucket through the characters of Sabrina and Tucker. My goal in this Nantucket series has always been to show the love of Christ through the relationship of the hero and heroine. Writing it has made me think long and hard about Christ’s love for us and the human response to it.
You may have noticed that Tucker loved Sabrina in a God-theFather kind of way, that he sought out the relationship, pursuing her until she was ready to come to him fully. Conversely, Sabrina was intent on hiding, shamed by the sin she committed “against” him. She’s not so very different from us!
I’m so thankful to have a God who seeks me out, one who persistently pursues me—despite my efforts to hide and build walls—and lavishes love on me like I’m his only child. I hope you’ve discovered that same kind of love on your own faith journey and that
Seaside Letters
has somehow given you a fresh view of Christ.
Blessings!
Denise
1. Sabrina hid behind the facade of the Ice Princess because of past suffering. What are some of the events that caused her to withdraw from relationships?
2. Sabrina was unattractive as a child, and though she grew out of it, she still viewed herself as homely. What baggage (words, attitudes, or actions) from your childhood do you hang on to even though it’s not necessarily true?
3. What were some of Tucker’s characteristics and actions that reflect Christ?
4. Tucker knew Sabrina was Sweetpea from the beginning. How did his activities at the beginning of their relationship reflect God’s actions toward us?
5. Things began to spin out of control for Sabrina after she told her first lie—sending the photo of Arielle to Tucker. Have you ever found yourself getting deeper and deeper in your own pit of deceit? How did you extricate yourself?
6. When Sabrina asked Tucker what he wanted most, his reply was that he wanted to know her more. Do you think God feels this way about you? Why or why not?