Nobody Knows (2 page)

Okay, I took it all in and it annoyed me. There’s nothing worse than swooning over someone you’re angry with.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” I asked, banishing
those
thoughts to the little compartment of my brain I’d kept especially for
those
thoughts since they first fluttered into my consciousness. Developing feelings for one of my oldest friends was right up there with moonwalking on the sun on my list of things I thought were Never. Gonna. Happen.

Yet there I stood, shamelessly ogling him with his shirt off.

“How would you feel about watching a movie in my hotel room?” Drew’s question shook me from my thoughts.

“You promised to buy me dinner.”

“I will buy you dinner, but in my room, not at a restaurant. Unless you
really
want to go out?”

His deep brown eyes flickered; a silent plea I wouldn’t make him face the journalists who’d followed us around since we arrived in London. He wasn’t used to the craziness of the spotlight yet, and I had more experience of being shunted out of the way by crazy fan girls than blinded by camera flashes.

“No. Room service and a bottle of wine is enough for me.”

Actually, room service and wine was better. London had plenty of fantastic restaurants, but for a country girl like me, none of them compared to the quirky cafes back home in Cornwall. Plus, I didn’t have to get dressed up to spend the evening in Drew’s room. I could take off my one pair of trendy shoes that squished the life out of my toes, and slip into my trackie bottoms and a hoodie. Drew had seen me at various levels of disgustingness over the years; he wouldn’t judge me for drinking wine in my lazy clothes.

Mainly because he still viewed me as the scabby-kneed kid who dropped into his life when I was seven years old, instead of the twenty-four-year-old woman who stood in front of him now.

Drew pulled me into a one-armed hug; a gesture of thanks for not pushing him to deal with his issues. I tilted my head to look up into his eyes. “You’re welcome.”

A small, appreciative smile crossed his lips. “Come on, Ells. Let’s get out of here.”

Flashy London hotel rooms shouldn’t have been allowed to reach such low temperatures. With the heater on, and wearing a t-shirt, a baggy jumper, jeans and thick socks, I still couldn’t get warm. Drew added to the frosty atmosphere, pacing around while he waited for Jason to join us… once he’d finished his drink in the bar, of course.

While we waited, I pulled out my sketchpad and some pencils from my bag.

I made my living as an artist, a job that gave me satisfaction in every way. My need to be creative made me too restless for a desk job, and the idea of a nine to five caused me to break out in a cold sweat. Once I gained my degree, I began to sell my work to art galleries in and around St. Ives. Shivers still broke out on my skin when I spotted my art in the window of harbour-side galleries, and my small amount of local success allowed me the luxury of taking a step back to work at my own pace.

I tapped my pencil against the blank page, waiting for the muse to strike; difficult since Drew’s nervous energy zapped at my concentration. I should have been working on the first draft of some illustrations for a children’s book; a story about a rabbit that gets lost in a supermarket. The thought of landing a job I’d wanted for so long made me giddy. Illustrating a children’s book since had been a dream of mine since childhood, when I used to illustrate my own, somewhat lame works of fiction. I hoped to be to a writer what Quentin Blake was to Roald Dahl. Of course, the chances of that were much slimmer if I couldn’t make a damn bunny appear on the paper.

Instead, I began to sketch the outline of a face. With no-one in mind, I let my pencil do the work. As the face began to take shape – female, with huge curious eyes – there was a knock at the door.

As he strode into the room, he grinned. His long hair - dyed dark brown with purple highlights and hints of his natural blond at the roots - was tied back for once, and a crisp white shirt and black trousers clung to his slim frame. Unlike Drew, Jason thrived on his new popularity. Regardless of what Drew and I did, Jason had probably already called some of his city buddies to hit the town, as if his biggest screw-ups hadn’t been exposed to the world. For the millionth time, I couldn’t help but wonder how he and Drew could possibly be related.

Drew eyed his brother subtly, as if he didn’t care whether Jason had watched the interview or not; his stance was way too rigid to be carefree.

“You okay?” Jason asked.

Drew gave a single nod. “Yeah. Did you watch?”

“Of course. I was only in the bar because it’s cheaper than cracking open the fridge in my room, and you took forty minutes to get back here from the studio.”

“Well, that’s London for you.” I placed my sketchpad on the bed. “So, what did you think?”

“I think our album sales are about to go up again.”

Money, money, money. No concern for his brother, no questions about how he felt.

“What? Didn’t you think it went well?”

Across the room, Drew gave me an
‘I told you so’
look, and I said, “Drew made the feud believable. But I still think the whole thing is a terrible idea.”

A spectacular understatement. Every torturous incident Drew had mentioned during his interview had wrapped around us all, choking the life out of what we used to be and moulding us into the people we’d become. Somehow, we’d come through those rough spots, but this re-hashing of events we’d all rather have forgotten was a harsh and unwelcome reminder of the hell we’d been through.

“Relax, Ellie.” Jason sat beside me and slung his arm around my shoulders. “We’ve got it under control.”

Maybe he thought he had this under control; Drew most certainly didn’t. I ducked out from under Jason’s arm, and stared into the curious eyes I’d drawn. They didn’t have the answers either, so I picked up a pencil and continued shading, bringing more life to her inquisitive features.

“Drew, did you ask Ellie about next week?”

“Not yet. I thought she might have had enough of us after today.”

I lifted my head. “I’ve known you for seventeen years. I’m still here, aren’t I?”

The smile Drew threw me awoke the butterflies in my stomach and I silently begged them to go back to sleep so I could speak. “Crazy woman. Do you want to come to Scotland with us next week?”

I’d travelled around the UK and Ireland with the band many times. Each new place gave me a new experience, new inspirations to draw from. However, towards the end of last year work became my priority and I hadn’t been on the road since mid-November. I itched to get back out with them. Travelling with my boys was one of my favourite things, and I refused to let some media fairy-tale change that. The only obstacle was my looming deadline. When I said so out loud, Jason scoffed. “I remember when you left your uni assignments until the night before they were due.”

“Yes.” I laughed, lightly clipping him around the ear. “Usually because you dragged me out to clubs every weekend when I should have been studying. But I didn’t have bills to pay then.”

“Oh, come on! Can’t you pretend to be irresponsible for a couple of days? The only thing is... Derek wants Drew and me to travel separately in case anyone sees us together.”

I blew out a breath. The whole divide and conquer idea was working out well for Derek. Divide the brothers, conquer the music industry.

“Where and when?” I asked.

“A small club in Glasgow on Thursday night. Derek reckons after this month and all the publicity we’ll be playing bigger venues in no time.”

“You’d better be.”

“It’s a means to an end, Ellie. Don’t worry so much.”

“Well, the end better come soon. Album sales aren’t worth all this drama.”

Jason stared out of the cab window as we slowly rolled out of the airport car park towards the club Razes Hell would be playing at later. The rest of the band had been in Glasgow for a day already, since they drove the long journey in the band’s van. I’d chosen to fly to Scotland with Jason for two reasons. The long journey in the van bored me senseless, plus I hadn’t had much time to spend with him since Razes Hell’s super fast rise to fame. We always used to travel together, the three of us, but since we’d been banned from touring in our usual way, I’d become piggy in the middle, bouncing back and forth between my two best friends; another unwelcome complication of this stupid situation.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “You’re quiet today.”

Jason turned to me with a smile. “I’m fine. Thinking about the interview I have to do in…” he looked down at his watch. “forty minutes. Hey, driver, can you step on it?”

The cab driver nodded but there wasn’t much he could do with so many people trying to get out of the airport at once.

“Are you nervous?” I asked.

“No, but I’ve got to be careful not to slip up. I don’t know what they’ll ask. One mistake and this whole thing will be over.”

He drummed his fingers on his thigh.

“How are you playing this? Are you supposed to be the poor, misunderstood rock star whose big brother holds a grudge against him? Or are you meant to be angry and hell bent on revenge?”

“Misunderstood. We need to keep the interest high, but also get some sympathy, too. Since Drew revealed pretty much everything I’ve ever done, I get to play the ‘I’ve made mistakes but I’m so sorry’ card.”

“Are these your words or Derek’s?”

He grinned. “What do you think? This is his invention. We’re just his puppets.”

Jason might have been amused, but I couldn’t help wondering why Drew hadn’t been given the same level of “training” about how to play
his
interview. Actually, I didn’t need to guess. Similar to his place on stage when he performed, Drew got pushed to the back of Derek’s priorities. Jason was the star, and
him
not fluffing his lines was way more important in his eyes.

“You don’t have to be a puppet to be successful, you know?”

“Ellie, why do you hate this so much? Like I said the other day, all the drama is just a stepping stone to get us where we want to be.” He reached for my hand and held on tight. “This will be over before you know it.”

“Aren’t you worried? You know how long it’s taken for us all to move on. This will be painful for you and Drew.
Especially
for Drew.”

His eyes dulled and his shoulders slouched, making me feel guilty for robbing the sparkle from his good mood with the reminder of how badly he’d screwed up and how much Drew had done for him, but his concern passed in seconds and he smiled again. “I’m not worried, and you shouldn’t be either. This isn’t for you to worry about. I know you don’t want all this crap to blow up again. I don’t want that either, but we’re are stronger now. Stronger than we’ve been in a long time. We can handle it. Please don’t worry. Enjoy this with us.”

I wanted to. But then I remembered how angry Drew had gotten on TV and how tense he’d been since, and that second of doubt that flashed in Jason’s eyes.

This couldn’t end well. It couldn’t.

“Whassup, Ellie.”

“Hey, Mack.”

I glanced around the Glasgow club’s dressing room with interest. The club’s backstage area was a vast improvement on many of the other places Razes Hell had played. Anything more than a few chairs in the dressing room was considered a luxury, and this one had tea and coffee making facilities, a vacuumed carpet, and -
bonus
- it didn’t smell of vomit. Jason booted me out of the cab we’d shared before shooting off to his interview, and left me to navigate the unfamiliar venue alone. I’d found Mack and Joey - Razes Hell’s guitarists – on the floor with several pieces of paper scattered in front of them. They were in the process of figuring out which songs they wanted on their second album and which to put on the backburner or scrap completely. Watching them choose album tracks had an uncanny similarity to witnessing children fight over toys. Best to get out of the way before they started pulling each other’s hair.

“Is Drew around?” I hovered in the doorway so as not to intrude on their selection process.

“He stepped out for some air,” Joey said. “He won’t be long.”

Unusual. If work had to be done, he’d normally be with his band mates, getting on with the job. I headed out to search for him, blinking as the darkness of the dingy bar messed with my vision. Drew definitely hadn’t been out front when I arrived. The only people near the entrance were roadies and a group of fans huddled together against the biting wind. I spun around in a circle, and as if I’d performed some kind of Harry Potter-esque spell, Drew appeared, his large frame heading through the club towards me. A shiver ran across my skin as he approached in his ripped, faded jeans and a KISS t-shirt. He rubbed his exposed arms to warm them from the cold.

“Hi.” I kept my expression perfectly neutral, as if seeing him had no effect on me whatsoever, although my pet butterflies stirred again. “Where have you been?”

“Out the back taking a breather. Do you wanna grab a drink?”

I nodded and sat down on a barstool, idly wondering why these places had to be so bleak. Black walls, black floor, dimmed lights above the bar so you can barely see your money when you pay for drinks. Being squished against sweaty strangers is awkward enough, and I’d accidentally groped more than one while searching for my purse in the dark.