On Lone Star Trail (29 page)

S
he ought to be back by now. TJ glanced at his watch. When he and Deb had visited friends with newborns, the staff at the hospital had suggested they leave fairly early to give the new family time alone. Even factoring in the drive back from San Antonio, Gillian should have returned. TJ looked at his watch again. The question was whether he ought to disturb her.

He'd stayed later than normal in Firefly Valley, talking to Todd and Shane about the end-of-school party. TJ wasn't certain what surprised him more—the teens planning something almost a month in advance or Todd and Shane working together. In any event, the discussion had taken almost half an hour, and it was now close to ten. That was hardly late, but TJ had learned that Gillian had left Rainbow's End very early this morning. Even if she was still awake, she might be too tired to appreciate a visit.

Gravel crunched beneath his feet as he stepped onto the Rainbow's End driveway. A wise man would wait until tomorrow, he told himself. What he wanted to discuss with Gillian was too important to leave to chance. He needed to plan the right way to explain what he felt called to do. He needed time to find the
words to tell her all he'd learned about himself and how he felt about her. He wasn't ready.

He ought to wait, and yet TJ did not want to. He wanted—no, he needed—to be with Gillian, to tell her he loved her, to see if she shared his dream of a future together. He couldn't wait another hour.

Seemingly of their own volition, his feet increased their pace, propelling him along the driveway toward Gillian. And then he heard it. The unmistakable, deep-throated rumble of an expensive sports car. Seconds later, the Ferrari's headlights blinded TJ. Shielding his eyes, he jumped to the side.

“Sorry, buddy,” Mike Tarkett called through the open window. “I didn't think anyone would be on the road. I wasn't watching where I was going. Sorry.”

TJ shook his head. “No harm done.”

Other than to his heart. It felt as if someone had taken an ice pick to it. Gillian hadn't told him she was seeing Mike tonight, so it must have been a spur of the moment thing. The way the scene played out in TJ's mind, Gillian had called Mike with the news of Kate's baby and wanted to celebrate with him. And that's what hurt. TJ had thought they were friends, but instead of him, she'd chosen to share the news of her best friend's baby with Mike.

TJ strode toward his cabin, clenching and unclenching his fists. The game wasn't over. Far from it. He wasn't going to give up without a fight. But before he told Gillian how his heart had opened and that she was the reason he'd begun dreaming of second chances, he was going to get his ducks in a row. He needed to have his future planned before he asked her to share it. That meant that for the next few weeks they would be friends, nothing more.

Gillian narrowed her eyes, studying TJ. “You look different,” she said when they met for breakfast the next morning. After
Mike had left, she'd tumbled into bed and fallen asleep, waking this morning with the overwhelming need to tell TJ what had happened. A quick call to the hospital had confirmed that Kate and John were doing well and that Kate and Greg were eagerly awaiting the doctor's arrival to sign the release papers.

Though Gillian wanted to share that news with TJ, she was hoping for some private time to tell him about her experience in the chapel. Fortunately, none of the other guests who shared their table had entered the dining room. That left her with TJ, a TJ who seemed to be changed.

Gillian wondered at the reason. It had been thirty-six hours since she'd seen him, but time alone could not account for the changes. Though she felt different and suspected her face bore testimony to the revelation she'd experienced, it was unlikely TJ had also had an epiphany yesterday. What were the odds of that?

But something had definitely changed. TJ's hair was the same. He hadn't decided to let his beard grow. As she looked more closely, Gillian decided the difference was his eyes. The pain and indecision she'd seen there so often were gone. In their place she saw peace and something else, something she couldn't identify.

“You think I look different?” he asked, breaking a piece of bacon into bite-sized pieces. “I could say the same thing about you. What happened?” That was vintage TJ, responding to a question with one of his own.

She smiled, thinking of everything that had occurred yesterday. There'd been Mike's kiss and Kate's baby, both of which had caused Gillian to look at the world a bit differently, but the most important thing had been the decision she'd made in the chapel.

“I took your advice and Sally's, and I turned my problems over to God,” she told TJ as she poured milk on her cereal. The simple words only hinted at the magnitude of her act. “It feels nice not carrying those burdens.” More than nice. Though she hadn't thought it possible, Gillian felt like a different person.

TJ met her gaze, his smile leaving no doubt of his approval. “Have you discovered what's next for you?”

“Nothing other than that I'm staying here for a while. I want to spend time with Kate and her son, but there's another reason.” This morning while she'd prepared for the day, Gillian's thoughts had focused on the teenagers, particularly Brianna, and she'd known she couldn't simply walk away. “It may sound strange, but even with all the excitement of Kate's baby yesterday, I missed the time in Firefly Valley. I've decided to stay here long enough to see those kids settled in their new homes.”

Once again TJ's expression radiated approval. “The last I heard, the builder is hoping to have the apartments finished by mid-August so everyone'll be moved even if they're not fully settled in before school starts.”

“I guess that means another three months in Dupree.” Gillian smiled as she took a spoonful of cereal, enjoying the blend of grains, fruits, and nuts that Carmen had turned into granola. How wonderful it would be if she could spend those months with TJ. It had been several weeks since he'd spoken of his trip to Big Bend, leading her to wonder whether he'd changed his mind and might remain here.

TJ raised an eyebrow. “Far be it from me to discourage you, but are you sure you're ready for June, July, and August in Texas? There are plenty of days when going outside makes you think you've walked into an oven.”

Gillian nodded. “Kate warned me about that. The way I figure it, that's why they invented air conditioning.”

As he refilled his mug, TJ gave her an approving look. “Exactly. We may have to figure out something different to do with the kids when it's so hot. Campfires lose their appeal in the summer.”

We. He'd said
we
. Her heart soaring over TJ's use of the plural pronoun, as if he were planning to stay at least as long as she was, Gillian smiled. “S'mores never lose their appeal, but we could always ask the kids what they'd like to do.”

Though it was possible they had summer activities that would keep them too busy for nightly gatherings, she doubted it. From what Kate had said, activities were scarce, which was part of the reason she and Greg had offered the Firefly Valley kids the use of the resort's tennis court and rowboats.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” TJ's expression telegraphed his skepticism. “If we ask them, half will say they want to learn to ride a motorcycle.”

Gillian's shudder was only slightly exaggerated. Many things had changed yesterday, but her fear of motorcycles had not. “That's not a good idea,” she said as calmly as she could. “Besides the fact that the kids aren't old enough, there are obvious safety issues.”

TJ laid his mug back on the table and turned to face her, a hint of a smile teasing his lips. “I understand why you feel the way you do about motorcycles, but I still wish you'd ride one. You might be surprised at how much you enjoy it.”

Gillian shook her head. “You can wish all you want, but it's not going to happen. Subject closed. On a happier note, it sounds as if you've decided to stay. Is that why you look more relaxed?”

TJ dropped his gaze to his plate in what Gillian suspected was a deliberate effort to keep her from reading his expression. “I haven't made any decisions other than that—like you—I want to be here for the kids this summer. I'm also reevaluating my future, but I'm not ready to talk about that yet.”

Classic TJ, preferring to keep his life private. Some things would never change.

W
hat's going on with TJ?” Kate pushed the button, smiling when the mobile Gillian had bought for John began to revolve. When she'd seen the Noah's ark toy, Gillian had been unable to resist. Now the animals—in pairs, of course—moved slowly in circles along with the rainbow-topped ark.

“What do you mean?” she asked, trying to buy time. She'd believed she was the only one who'd noticed how TJ seemed to smile more often and how there were times when he looked at her with a warmth that hinted at more than simple friendship.

“The man is obsessed with something,” Kate said. “He told Greg he needed to do some online research and asked if he could use one of our computers after hours. You know Greg. Of course he agreed. Ever since, TJ's been spending four to six hours a night doing something on the internet.” Kate turned to Gillian. “I don't suppose you have any idea what's going on.”

“He said something about reevaluating his future. Maybe it's related to that.” But in typical TJ fashion, he'd shared none of the details with Gillian.

When John's gurgles turned into the slow and even breathing
of sleep, Kate took a seat near Gillian. “Looks to me like you and Mike are working on your future. For a man who's supposed to be getting ready for an election, I hear he's spending a lot of time in Dupree.”

“That's hardly a secret. I told you we had lunch together.”

Kate lifted an eyebrow. “You neglected to mention that that was a daily occurrence.”

“He missed last Wednesday.”

“But his mother came instead.”

Gillian raised her hands in surrender. “If you know all that, why are you making such a big deal about it?”

“Because it's so much fun to tease you. I've waited a long time to see you date a man like Mike.” Kate leaned forward and laid her hand on Gillian's. “So, tell me. Is he the one?”

Gillian sighed. “I don't know. And, no, I'm not being coy. It's great spending time with Mike. I don't know how to explain it other than to say I'm more comfortable with him than I've ever been with a man. His family's incredible too. When I'm with them, I feel as if I'm another Tarkett.”

Kate nodded slowly. “I'm probably out of line saying this, but sometimes I wonder if the attraction is Mike or his family. You talk about Stacy and Cal almost as much as Mike.”

Did she? Gillian wasn't aware of that. “They're all pretty wonderful.”

“So when Mike proposes—you'll notice that I said ‘when' and not ‘if'—you'll accept.”

Turning her hand over, Gillian laced her fingers through Kate's the way she'd done so many times when they were growing up. “I don't know. I wish I did, but I'm just not sure.”

“Why? What's holding you back?”

“Nothing. Everything.”

Kate's eyes narrowed. “TJ?”

Unwilling to admit the truth, Gillian countered with another question. “What made you say that?”

“I'm not blind, Gillian. I've seen the way you look at him. You can deny it all you want, but you care for him.”

“I do. He's a friend. A good friend, but that's all it'll ever be. TJ's like my dad. He's a one-woman man.” To Gillian's dismay, she burst into tears.

It was awful. Not even in her kindest moments would she call the sounds coming from the center “music.” Whoever was attempting to play the piano was torturing it. For the past three days, each time she'd left the bookstore, Gillian had heard the noise. Butchered scales, chords that would make Beethoven grateful for his deafness, mangled arpeggios. Today it was worse than ever. Though Gillian couldn't be certain, it sounded as if two people were attempting a duet. Surely it was better for Sally's piano to gather dust than to be abused like this.

Though she'd deliberately ignored the sounds the other days, she could ignore them no more. She crossed the street and entered the senior center. As she'd thought, two women were seated on the piano bench, banging keys as if the sheer noise would make up for hitting all the wrong notes.

“Ladies, what's going on?” Gillian raised her voice to be heard over the cacophony.

Amelia and Edie, two of the Matchers, turned, their expressions radiating innocence. “We were trying to play ‘Chopsticks.'”

Gillian tried not to cringe. The notes they'd hit bore no resemblance to the simple tune. If she hadn't known better, she would have said they were deliberately pressing the wrong keys, but surely no one would do that.

“Why don't we try a prettier song?” she said, reaching for the pile of sheet music someone had left on top of the piano.

“I can read music,” Amelia told her, “but I've never had formal lessons.”

“We both want to be able to play Christmas carols this year.” Edie gave Gillian a look that was little short of beseeching. “Can you help us?”

And so Gillian found herself agreeing to give piano lessons each afternoon when she finished work at the bookstore.

To her surprise, the women weren't as inept as the noise that had emanated from the center had led her to believe. All three Matchers displayed basic competence. It was Sally who found the stretch required for octaves to be a challenge. But, though she admitted that her hands hurt when the lessons were over, she persisted.

“She's a real trouper,” Gillian told Kate a week later, “but she's making progress.”

“What about you? Are you enjoying it?”

Gillian nodded. “I never expected to. You know how my dad is about teaching. After years of listening to him carry on about how I was meant for better things, I never even considered it.”

She smiled at Kate as she tickled little John's nose. “I should have listened to TJ when he told me I ought to try teaching. He was right.”

The ache in Gillian's heart that never completely disappeared deepened. Somehow everything came back to TJ.

Today was the final test. TJ swung his left leg backward, retracting the kickstand, then nodded as the bike moved forward. He'd expected to feel nervous, but to his surprise, he didn't. It was time. It had been almost two weeks since he'd realized what he wanted his future to be.

He took a deep breath as he turned onto Lone Star Trail, heading for Dupree. There had been two parts to his vision of the future, and he was close to settling the first. That was the reason the past two weeks had been so busy. In addition to his
teaching responsibilities and the time he spent with Gillian—breakfast, supper, and evenings at Firefly Valley—TJ had stayed up late each night researching his choices.

There had been more options than he'd expected. He'd briefly considered lay ministry, but that didn't feel like the right answer for him. It seemed definite that God wanted him to make the commitment of attending a seminary and being trained as a minister.

When he reached the top of Ranger Hill, TJ glanced in his rearview mirror. The panorama spreading out behind him never failed to touch him with its beauty. Against all odds, he'd found peace in a place that included an RV village and a Christian resort. Two months ago he would have believed that impossible, but two months ago he hadn't known Gillian.

TJ's smile faded as he considered the woman who'd captured his fancy in so many ways. Ordinary moments spent with Gillian seemed extraordinary. Just walking together toward Firefly Valley, their hands occasionally brushing, was enough to stir TJ's blood. But he'd done nothing about his feelings, because he knew it wasn't time. Not yet.

Meanwhile, Mike Tarkett was courting Gillian. Todd had told TJ that Mike's Ferrari was parked in front of Hill Country Pages each day at one, leaving an hour later. TJ couldn't imagine that lunch in a bookstore where customers could arrive at any moment was romantic, but Mike's taking time away from both work and his campaign told TJ how serious he was.

He also knew Mike and Gillian had gone on what TJ would classify as real dates the last two Saturdays, because Gillian had mentioned that she wouldn't be at supper those nights. He hadn't asked for details. There were some things a man didn't need to know. What he needed to know was whether he was right in believing God intended him to be a minister, not just the itinerant RV Reverend, but a fully ordained minister with a church of his own.

Two minutes later he parked his bike in the lot next to the church. It was time to find the answers to his questions.

TJ walked confidently up the stairs. When he entered the narthex, one of the men he'd seen at the senior center gave him a warm smile and the church bulletin. “It's good to see you, TJ.”

“It's good to be here.” Though the words were a polite reply, TJ realized he meant them. As he'd walked through the doors, he'd felt welcomed and not simply by the greeter. He took a seat in the last row, not wanting to draw any more attention to himself. Gillian was seated toward the front with Kate, Greg, and their baby along with Kate's grandmother and her husband. TJ knew they'd be happy for him to join them. Perhaps he'd do that next week, but today he needed to be alone.

He closed his eyes, offering a silent prayer for direction. Afterward, TJ could not have told anyone which hymns were sung, which Scripture readings had been chosen, or what the sermon had been. But when Pastor Bill pronounced the benediction and the congregation began to file out of the church, TJ had his answer. This was where he was meant to be.