One Last Love (2 page)

Bonnie woke as movement near his bed startled him. Not knowing how long he had slept.

‘Who are you?’

‘Martha Lloyd. I’ve been told you only like being called Bonnie.’

‘You’re well informed.’

‘I try to be. So I hear you need some new clothes.’

‘You make me sound like a bloody emperor.’

‘Ah, so you know your literature then. Do you read a lot?’

‘Na, not much. Newspapers and the comics mostly. Cheap Westerns sometimes.’

‘Would you like me to find some books for you?’

‘Hardly worth the bother really. Probably won’t live long enough to finish one.’

‘As you wish,’ she said in such a matter of fact way that Bonnie decided he quite appreciated her frankness. ‘So, you need a few things I hear.’

‘Well, not really sure how I should dress for this.’

‘Casual and comfortable I’d say. Jeans, T-shirts and pullovers perhaps.’

‘Yes. Sounds ok to me.’

‘I’ll need your address and keys then.’

‘Sure. My house keys are in the drawer there,’ he said pointing at his bedside cabinet he couldn’t reach. She found his keys then wrote his address in her notepad as he gave it to her.

‘Ok Bonnie, I’ll be back later today. Hopefully before you move, but you can’t tell with the organisation around here. If I miss you, I’ll catch up with you after you move.’

‘Thank you. Very kind of you to help.’

‘Oh it’s nothing. Happy to help. Well, must be off. Toodle-oo!’ she said in such a bright manner that Bonnie half smiled and then smiled even more as he noticed how Martha seemingly waddled as she walked off purposely. Then he watched some TV. The choice between inane game shows and shopping channels had him hit the off button quite quickly. He checked the time on his watch. Eleven twenty-five. Leaning back, he thought he’d close his eyes until lunch arrived. Doing so only welcomed back the demons as Michelle wandered through his mind. So many years ago and long forgotten. How he’d met her in the public bar of his favourite pub at the time. He was drunk; she was pissed and dressed in a mini-skirt and white boots up to her knees. Her breasts threatening to escape her top at any moment. She was mutton dressed up as lamb, but Bonnie didn’t mind. They talked briefly before leaving together and she’d gone down on him in the dimly lit car park moments later as a hint of what she wanted.

He had sex with her at every given opportunity in the weeks that followed. He’d never felt so sore in his life and when he just couldn’t anymore, she found a way to arouse him and have him do it yet again. He was red raw and his balls and stomach ached, but she only demanded more. When he finally told her he’d had enough, she threw her teddy from the cot and told all their pub friends that he was impotent and couldn’t get his leg over. The last straw for Bonnie was in hearing that she was telling everyone that he was queer and could only get it up for little boys – and how she had pity on his wife. Her spite knew no boundaries. Although he’d had the odd affair or two later, the vengeance of Michelle never left him. What Carol had started, Michelle had finished. The poisoning of women in Bonnie’s mind.

‘Bloody bitches,’ wandered through his mind as a domestic dressed in a pink tunic set his lunch tray on his bed table.

‘Macaroni Cheese today,’ she proudly announced.

‘Thank you,’ he said with no enthusiasm at all as Michelle and Carol skirted the edges of his mind.

‘Coffee or tea?’

‘Um, coffee thanks.’

‘I hear you’re leaving us today.’

‘Good news travels fast then.’

‘Oh we like to keep up with all the gossip in the kitchen,’ she laughed.

‘So am I the topic of gossip now?’                                  

‘Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that.’

‘It didn’t. Just me being silly.’

‘We don’t really gossip, I mean…..,’

‘It’s ok. Yes, I believe I’m being moved out today. After six weeks here, I can’t say I’m disappointed. A bit like being locked up if you know what I mean.’

‘I understand. Hospitals are a bit like that….. Well, enjoy you’re lunch.’

‘Thanks,’ he said as she moved on without any fuss to serve the next bed. As she had done every other day of his stay. He had never found out her name, but she was weekdays. She was never weekends. The white walls of his small single ward felt like they were closing in as he wondered if the room had shrunk. It seemed so much bigger all those weeks ago. Now, he was ready to leave this room that had taken on the feeling of a cell, as it didn’t feel at all like a good place to die. He thought about the garden Dr. McManus had mentioned. A much better place.

*****

Bonnie’s mind drifted throughout the afternoon. Perhaps due to the changes in his medication. Sometimes while dozing and then at times wide awake and alert. The thought of his immanent death pushed out of his mind completely as he was far too occupied processing his past. The thought crossing his mind that he was picking his way through an old box of photos he had stumbled across in the attic while looking for something else. His youth now feeling as if it was only days ago. A year ago feeling lost in eternity. Today feeling like it had lasted forever.

Colin raced into his mind, then left and was suddenly replaced by his own old school friends arriving and leaving in seconds. Jobs that lasted and those that didn’t sped by as lovers and sluts came and went. Old mates and bitter enemies, and those who had been both. His young wild days fuelled by booze, anger and intolerance, when picking a fight was a late Friday night ritual after closing time – with anyone who was different. His bigger and taller drinking mates getting in the first punches and then him digging in the boots to finish them off. Blacks, foreigners or queers being first in line, but if there were none of them on offer, any wanker would do. A suit and tie in his public bar was enough. How he hated arseholes in suits.

Carol’s funeral flashed through his mind – when he couldn’t shed a single tear for her, and of the looks of hatred for him on the faces of her family that had had him hoping they would all rot in hell. Then drinking with his mates afterwards, who wished him a happy future with every new glass that arrived on the bar. How wrong they were. His weeks after the funeral lost in a mire of drunkenness, angry neighbours and police. The young smart arsed bank teller, who lived two doors up the street, knocking on his door and telling him to pull himself together. Then grabbing a hammer and smashing all the windows of the young wanker’s shiny new foreign car. When the police locked him up for two days, he didn’t care.

‘As this is your first offence Mr. Mayfield and taking into account the circumstances leading up to it, I have decided to impose a two thousand dollar fine. You are fortunate to have escaped a custodial sentence.’

Paying the fine didn’t appease his neighbours, but selling his house and moving north did. Finding new drinking friends to drown his sorrows with didn’t take long. He liked drinking in the outdoor beer garden on long hot afternoons and warm evenings, sharing his anger and spite with new friends of the same ilk. All bitter and sharp tongued, but getting too old to use their fists anymore. There had been a couple of women since he’d moved north, but he couldn’t recall their names. Maybe he hadn’t bothered to ask.

‘It’s cancer Bonnie,’ rang in his ears.

Bonnie shook his head trying to clear the fog of faces and the melange of memories. He didn’t want any of this, but it seemed his mind was intent on filing everything in perfect order before it was to be wiped clean by death.

‘Daddy, read Shep for me.’

*****

‘Let’s get you ready then Bonnie,’ the nurse said cheerfully as she made notes in Bonnie’s file. ‘Your driver’s due at five.’

‘Taxi?’

‘Sorry. Ambulance.’

‘Oh well, can’t have everything I s’pose.’

‘You’ll enjoy the change of scenery I’m sure. It’s much nicer there. It’s all a bit sterile here.’

‘Have to agree with you about that, but it won’t be a long stay. Funny you know, in a way I’m looking forward to it.’

‘It’s a very nice place.’

‘No, death I meant. I’ve had enough.’

‘You have a lot on your mind.’

‘Prefer not to really.’

‘Well, come on. Let’s get you out of that bed and ready for your transfer,’ the nurse said kindly but clearly not wanting to get closer or involved. Bonnie didn’t blame her. Instead he marvelled at her strength. She must have seen this a thousand times, and yet she could still smile. He wondered if she was married. As nurses never wore any jewellery it was hard to know. As he was about to ask, he decided against it. It wasn’t his right to invade her privacy.

‘Do you like cricket?’ he asked instead.

‘Rugby for me.’

‘So you wouldn’t know the score from Lords then?

‘Two hundred and seven for three last time I checked.’

‘Thanks.’

‘You’re welcome,’ she smiled. ‘Ok, up you get. Nice and slow.’ He stood up, shakily at first, but steadied by the nurse he made the few steps to the wheel chair by holding her arm firmly, then dropped into the chair. ‘Ready?’

‘Got ‘em queued up then. In a hurry to get me out?’

‘There’s always a queue. Now, I’ll grab your bag.’

‘Oh, Mrs Lloyd got my things?’

‘Yes, she dropped in an hour or so ago. She popped your keys in the side pocket of you bag.’

‘I’m sorry I missed her. I must’ve been sleeping. Please thank her for me will you?’

‘Will do. Now, ready Bonnie?’

‘Could we just stop by Mr. Baker’s ward on the way out. He’s been very kind and dropped in on me from time to time. Nice chap. Just like to say farewell.’

‘I’m very sorry Bonnie. Mr. Baker passed away yesterday afternoon.’

‘Oh well,’ he said after a moment’s silence. ‘Guess I’m a bit luckier huh?’

‘Good way to look at it.’

‘Alright. I’m ready then,’ he said as the nurse started wheeling him towards the elevators. ‘Um, can I ask you something?’ he asked as they stopped and waited for the elevator to arrive.

‘Sure.’

‘How do you handle it?’

‘Handle what?’

‘Death.’

‘Just have to. It’s part of my job,’ she said calmly. ‘But there are…..,’ she started to say but the elevator doors opened and two nurses greeted her with polite niceties before she wheeled Bonnie in. They descended the two floors in silence accompanied by three orderlies.

‘It’s over here,’ was all she said once they exited the elevator and headed towards the waiting ambulance. Bonnie didn’t reply. He felt small vibrations in his wheelchair coming from what looked like a perfectly smooth white floor that was rushing below his feet planted on the chair’s footrest. The white turning black suddenly as the floor finished and the ramp down to his waiting ambulance appeared under his feet.’

‘Hello Mr. Mayfield,’ a smiling ambulance officer said as they neared. She looked hardly old enough to drive in his estimation.

‘Mr. Mayfield prefers to be called Bonnie,’ the nurse said from behind him before he could answer himself.

‘Alright. So are you ready for a little trip then Bonnie?’ she asked in voice that dripped of platitudes. He decided a grunt would suffice for agreement.

‘One, two, three, up,’ she said as the other officer helped her lift Bonnie onto the ambulance stretcher bed. Her childish voice annoying Bonnie. ‘Comfy there Bonnie?’ she asked after loading him into the ambulance and then securing two belts across his chest and legs. He replied with just a nod as he watched the ward nurse walk back inside pushing the empty wheel chair. He understood why she wasn’t one for goodbyes. Once the doors closed it was only a minute or two before he was on his way. Carol’s face bouncing across the white roof of the ambulance.

‘Piss off,’ he thought to himself before closing his eyes to make her disappear.

‘All ok back there?’ the male ambulance officer asked above the hum of the motor.

‘Fine thanks,’ He managed to reply in a voice loud enough to be heard, but was enough of a strain to start a coughing fit. It subsided minutes later as he felt the ambulance slowing. And then to a stop. His last.

The two ambulance officers must have understood Bonnie was not in a talkative mood as they helped him from the stretcher bed onto another wheel chair. An orderly in a blue tunic waiting to take over once he was installed in the chair. Bonnie stared at the orderly who wore what looked like a plastic half smile glued to his face. Luckily a friendlier face appeared, carried atop a body of robust proportions.

‘Hello Bonnie, I’m Odele,’ she said as she offered her hand to shake. Bonnie responded and found a firm and friendly handshake.

‘Nice to meet you,’ he said not knowing what else to say.

‘Come on then, let’s get you inside,’ she said and gestured for the orderly to start pushing. She waved politely to the ambulance officers as they turned to leave.

‘I’m told that you have a garden where I can have a smoke.’

‘You’re well informed. Do you have cigarettes?’

‘Oh, I didn’t plan this very well did I?’ he laughed.

‘No, not well at all,’ she smiled. ‘I’ll see what I can do for you though.’

‘Thank you.’

‘There’s the dining room,’ Odele said as they made their way though. ‘And the living room is here on the right. Help yourself to the books and magazines.’

‘Thanks.’

‘And the nurses’ station is just over there. Anything you need, just ask. Ok?’

‘You’re well organised.’

‘We try our best. Now, here we are,’ she said as she opened the door to his room. The difference from his hospital ward being obvious at first glance. Floor to ceiling windows giving onto a small field lined with trees, and a small terrace complete with two floral deck chairs and a garden table. A bed, with a small television overhead, a two seater sofa with a low coffee table and aside to the left, a small writing desk and chair.

‘Your bathroom is though here,’ Odele said as she opened the door.

‘Most impressive. It’s more like a hotel.

‘I’m sure you’ll be comfortable. Now, I’ll let Paul help you get your things unpacked and I’ll see if I can find some smokes for you.’

‘That’s very kind of you.’