Secrete all the saliva you can. You can use a piece of gum if you want. With your wet tongue, lick around the entrance to the vagina.
Sex and fear
“I never had problems reaching an orgasm through masturbation, but the fear of getting pregnant inhibits me so much that I almost never get there when I make love with Ángel.”
Julia, 22 years old
For centuries, sexuality and procreation have been inextricably linked. There were no really effective methods to prevent pregnancy, so every time a woman made love with a man, she ran the risk of getting pregnant. If you want to have a child, this chapter, for now, is not for you. But if this is not your case, and if, like me, you think that sex should not be for procreation only, you will agree that, in addition and above all, it is an almost inexhaustible source of play, pleasure, and communication. For this reason, the widest possible knowledge of the various contraceptive methods is essential to leading a sexual life free from fears and inhibitions. It is about enjoying your body and having wonderful orgasms. Remember that staying relaxed and stress-free is essential to having orgasms easily. So read, learn well, and select the method that best fits your situation.
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HE IDEAL CONTRACEPTIVE METHOD
The truly ideal thing about contraceptive methods is the fact that they exist. Only since their emergence have women been able to enjoy sex freely. As to whether one is better than another, it is difficult to give a definitive answer, and, moreover, progress and new discoveries are made continually. The most appropriate method depends on each person and each situation. We will give an overview of the most common methods, and you can decide which one is ideal for you. Or the ideal ones—indeed, gynecologists recommend combining a few methods for total security.
Condom.
Much has been said about the technological revolution and how it has changed society with computers, mobile phones, and everything else. But, for us, the most important revolution happened the day the condom was discovered. That wonderful little balloon that men put on before the sexual act—if it is well placed and you have checked the expiration date—is 100% secure because sperm does not reach the uterus. It is also unique when it comes to preventing sexually transmitted diseases. I have friends who complain that the condom feels unpleasant, or that it is a nuisance to stop to put it on just before starting. And I have known men who were reluctant to use it (of course, we never got to have sex). What matters is that it exists, and it is a great solution. It can even elicit a sexual game: try to put it on him, or choose condoms with different flavors—mmm, berry-flavored fellatio—or with those little ridges on the tip that caress particularly sensitive areas.
There are also female condoms. Many women consider them a good choice, especially if they do not have a steady partner.
Diaphragm.
This is a kind of rubber cap that the woman inserts into her vagina to block access to the cervix. It should always be used together with a spermicidal. It is great for some, but it has a few drawbacks. If you intend on having a sexual relationship for the first time with someone you do not know well—that irresistible stranger who came on to you—it is not recommended. First, it is not effective in preventing STDs, and you have to wear it for 2 hours before having intercourse. Another drawback is that the first time you wear it, it should be put in place by a gynecologist; then you must ensure that you have it properly placed because misplacement can cancel its effect. However, it has the advantage that it does not cause hormonal changes in your body. Moreover, it “forces” you to have 2 hours—2 hours!—of foreplay prior to penetration. If your partner is willing to do the work, the result of those hours can bring you closer to paradise.
IUD.
These small objects that a gynecologist introduces into your uterus are surprisingly effective, especially for women in stable, monogamous couples. They are placed inside you and can last for 5 to 10 years. Just like that! If you suffer frequent genital infections or have very heavy periods, this is not advisable. But this option offers many advantages: it does not have the side effects of hormonal methods, sex is not interrupted, it does not alter sensitivity, and it has been shown to protect against cervical and endometrial cancers. IUDs are very safe when it comes to preventing pregnancy, although they do not prevent STDs.
The pill.
This pill, to be taken every day, at the same time, manages to block ovulation in your body, and therefore you cannot get pregnant. It is totally reliable. If you have painful periods, taking the pill for a time can be good for you. The new generation of pills has remarkably reduced some annoying side effects, such as weight gain or mood swings. But the biggest problem with this method is still the same: “forgetfulness.” If you miss just one dose, its safety is not guaranteed. There are different types, so it is more appropriate for the gynecologist to point out the best option for you. None of them help prevent STDs.
Morning-after pill.
For emergencies only! If you could not resist and you had intercourse without using any protection, it is possible to take this pill within 72 hours after intercourse. It contains a high dose of hormones that prevents the fertilized egg from getting implanted in the uterus. It can be provided to you as an outpatient. But be careful, because the amount of estrogen and progesterone in it is very large, so you should use it only when it is a real emergency.
Rhythm method.
This is to have “full” intercourse—and who would want it incomplete?—only on those days in which the woman is not fertile, bearing in mind that the most fertile period is four days before and four days after the fourteenth day of the cycle. Another way to find out is by taking the vaginal temperature, but there are big differences from one woman to another, and taking the temperature of the vagina is rather cumbersome. No wonder they say the world is full of “children of the rhythm method . . .”
Hormonal injection.
This consists of injecting into the body synthetic progesterone that prevents pregnancy. The advantage is that if you have problems remembering and forget to take the pill every day, with this method you only have to remember to get an injection every 2 months or so. The drawback is that it can have some side effects, like heavy periods and sometimes even weight gain.
Subcutaneous implants.
A specialist places them under the skin of your arm, and these implants act by releasing progesterone. They last 5 years, and then they must be removed and replaced. Very few women have presented skin irritation or rejection of this method.
Contraceptive patches.
They are small, squared, flesh-colored adhesive patches, which are placed in an area of the body that is not too visible (arms, shoulders, buttocks, or abdomen). They work like the pill, with the advantage that you only have to remember to wear them three times a month, because one is placed each week, and the fourth week you are off. If you are a smoker, are older than 32, are overweight, or have poor blood circulation, this method is not for you.
Vaginal ring.
It consists of a transparent, flexible plastic ring that is placed as though it were a tampon. Its great advantage over the diaphragm is that you do not need to wear it in a precise way, because it releases hormones that pass directly into the bloodstream through the vaginal walls. It is a practical and effective method, and you must remember to put it in only once a month and take it off during the third week.
Tubal ligation.
More than birth control, this is a life-long decision. If you have had the children you wanted, or if you have decided that motherhood is not for you, tubal ligation is a permanent solution to the issue of pregnancy. Neither the sperm nor eggs can go through, so it is impossible to get pregnant. The surgery is simple; the drawback is that, in most cases, there is no possibility of reversing it. If you are certain, it may be the perfect solution, but I would suggest that you think about it very carefully before doing this, because life takes many turns and you never know what may lie ahead.
Vasectomy.
For us a vasectomy is perfect, because we have absolutely nothing to do. It is the man who has to undergo a minor operation to keep sperm from reaching the semen. The advantage over tubal ligation is that it is the man who has to undergo surgery, and especially if the circumstances change, in case you want to recover the ability to procreate, the chances of success are quite high. But if you have a steady partner and you are still hoping to have one or more children, you should not consider this method.
Coitus interruptus and other dangerous myths.
This “method,” other than being unique, consists of the man withdrawing his penis just at the “right time” and ejaculating outside the vagina. That is why it is also called “pulling out.” Men tend to swear that they know how to do it, they have self-control, and you should not worry, but . . . watch out, friends! How can you be sure that your partner will be able to “pull out” precisely when he is enjoying himself the most? Moreover, prior to ejaculation, the penis secretes a fluid that may contain sperm. Do not even waste your time considering this very risky practice. It is also dangerous to have intercourse during menstruation, since sperm can survive up to 5 days, and if you ovulate right after you menstruate, pregnancy is possible.
A friend asked me, “What if I douche after intercourse, or I squat so that the semen does not reach the egg?”; another friend assured me that an infusion of blueberries with lemon zest applied as a plaster after intercourse was very effective. Douching, certain positions, all types of concoctions. Bullshit! None of it is true. Women tried for centuries and never got reliable results. If you do not want to get pregnant, you have only two options: abstinence—oh!—or using one of the methods that I have described to you.
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EXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES
(STDs)
In today’s world, where sex is—fortunately—becoming freer and more frequent, and where changing partners is not strange, having some knowledge about STDs is absolutely essential. I do not intend to scare you. At this point in the book, you know me well enough to know that I am of the opinion that sex is a wonderful thing and we should try to get the most enjoyment out of it. However, some information about STDs will help you have safer, and therefore freer, and more enjoyable sexual relationships.
STDs are diseases that are transmitted from one person to another through sexual contact. However, for your peace of mind, I will say that all of them, including AIDS—although just partially—have a treatment and solution. Anyway, the best option for avoiding pregnancy as well as avoiding infection is prevention, and for this we just need to pay some attention and take necessary action. You must keep in mind that, with the exception of condoms, contraceptives do not work to prevent these diseases. Keep reading, and you will learn what are the most common STDs: their names, symptoms, treatment, and prevention.
Syphilis.
Formerly known as the “French disease.” Today it is on the decline, but for centuries it was a very serious disease, which can cause madness and, in many cases, death. Syphilis is caused by a virus called
Treoponema pallidum
that first inserts itself into the skin and then into the bloodstream. The first symptom is a kind of sore on the vagina, anus, or mouth. This “chancre,” as it is called, appears approximately 1 month after having intercourse. As I said, today it has been virtually eradicated, and it is also easily treated.
Herpes.
An infection that is also caused by a virus. The symptoms are a type of welts on the vulva or anus. They are very itchy and hurt when making love, so this condition is pretty easily identifiable. Also, it is usually accompanied by a slight fever. Specific treatment depends on the type of herpes, but it is always essential for the whole genital area to be very clean to keep the sores from becoming infected.
Gonorrhea.
It is caused by bacteria, and its symptoms are very different in women than in men. Men who have gonorrhea experience pain when they urinate and expel a kind of pus from the penis. In women, the symptoms are much subtler: a little burning when urinating, flow a little thicker than usual and more yellowish in color, and a slight fever. As with syphilis, in our societies, where hygiene has become so widespread, this disease has almost completely disappeared. It is treated with antibiotics and does not leave any side effects.
Fungi.
It is the most common and the least severe. You probably know someone who has had fungus somewhere in the body. Usually this occurs when the body’s defenses are low for any reason, and the fungus causes some discomfort: itching in the vaginal area, flow that is somewhat thick and white and sometimes lumpy. It can be spread through sexual contact, but also by sharing underwear, towels, or clothes that come into contact with the genitals. Once detected, it can be treated easily and it disappears shortly thereafter. Both partners should be treated, because otherwise they immediately go back to being contagious.
AIDS.
This is the most recent and also the most dangerous STD. It is spread through blood, semen, and vaginal fluid. It is brought on by a virus that attacks the sufferer’s immune system. This means that the virus destroys the body’s defenses. You have heard that some people are “carriers” but are not sick. What does it mean to be a “carrier”? It means that the AIDS virus is in the body but has not begun to act. This can last for years. Do you remember a basketball player named Magic Johnson? Years ago he declared he was a “carrier,” and he is still out there doing talk shows. Once the virus starts to work, the body’s defenses plummet, and the patient is more susceptible to all kinds of diseases. Until recently, AIDS was a fatal disease, but today there are very effective treatments. The treatment does not make it disappear entirely but keeps it under control, allowing the patient to live many years with it.