Patrick's Destiny (10 page)

Patrick started the coffee and waited a very long time for her to emerge. “You ever going to come out?” he finally called out.

“No.”

He laughed. “The coffee’s ready. And I found an apple pie sitting on my counter. It looks delicious. I have some ice cream in the freezer I could put on top.”

The door to the bathroom opened, and Alice emerged, her cheeks flushed and her eyes still just a little too bright.

“Sit,” he said, putting a cup of coffee in front of her along with a slice of pie with ice cream.

He sat down across from her and took a long sip of coffee, watching her over the rim of the cup.

“I’m sorry,” she said eventually.

“Don’t you dare be sorry. You have nothing to apologize for,” he said. “Any man would welcome what you tried to do tonight. I’m just trying to be sensible.”

“Sometimes sensible sucks.”

He laughed. “Tell me about it.”

She regarded him with a wistful expression. “After you called last night, I couldn’t get you out of my head. It’s been a long time since any man made me feel the way you do. It’s been an even longer time since I followed an impulse like the one that brought me over here to wait for you.”

“I’m glad you followed this one,” he insisted.

“Yeah, I could see that,” she said wryly.

“I am,” he repeated. “It shows we’re on the same wavelength, even if the timing is a little off.”

She studied him intently. “Okay, you’re going to have to explain that one. What’s wrong with the timing?”

“Can you honestly tell me that you’re ready to get involved with a man who has as many issues with his family as I do?”

“I wasn’t here to propose,” she said with an edge of sarcasm.

“I’m aware of that, but a proposition is just as dangerous under the circumstances,” he said. “I’m comfortable with the way things are with my family. For your own very valid reasons, you disagree. That’s going to be a problem between us, especially if you think you’re going to get me to change.”

“But—”

“Let me finish,” he said, cutting her off. “I know why you feel the way you do. I understand that you have regrets about not reconciling with your own fam
ily. I respect your feelings, but our situations are entirely different.”

“They’re not that different,” Alice insisted. She leaned forward and added, “I’m not asking you to move back home. I just want you to open the lines of communication.”

Patrick frowned at her. “And that’s exactly what I mean about the timing being all wrong for us. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect my decision to cut all ties with my family. God knows, I wish that weren’t sitting squarely between us, but it is. You’ll be on my case nonstop and you know it. Next thing you know we’ll be fighting all the time. What’s the point?”

“You’re just being stubborn,” she accused. “About your family and about this.”

“Maybe so.”

She seemed startled that he didn’t deny it. “Then you can change.”

“I don’t want to change.”

“Patrick—”

He looked directly into her eyes. “Leave it alone, Alice, or we won’t have anything to discuss at all.”

She started to push back from the table and stand up, then sat back down and regarded him with a steady look. “Where did you see this thing between us going?”

“There’s a part of me—a huge part of me—that wants exactly what you wanted when you came here tonight. I’ve spent a lot of hours this past week dreaming about taking you to bed.” He sighed heavily. “Then my brain kicks in and I see how wrong that would be, because I can’t give you what you really want from me.”

Her gaze narrowed. “What do you think I want from you?”

He held her gaze. “A second chance to make things right with your parents.”

She gasped at his words, and this time tears did spill down her cheeks. “You’re wrong,” she all but shouted at him. “That is so unfair.”

“I don’t think so. I think you believe if you can settle things between me and my folks, it will make up for the reconciliation you never got to have with your own. It won’t, Alice. I can’t fix what happened in your life. I can’t make the regrets go away.”

His heart ached as he watched her shoulders sag with defeat. Whether she admitted it or not, he knew he was right. Her expectations were totally unrealistic. Even if he agreed with her and made peace with his family, it would never be what she really needed. If she was going to find peace, she was going to have to dig deep inside and find a way to forgive herself.

He stood up then and held out his hand. “Come on. I’ll drive you home.”

“I have my car,” she said, angrily brushing away the tears that were still falling.

“I know. I’ll take you and walk back. You’re in no condition to drive.”

“I’m fine. I don’t want you to drive me.”

“Then I’ll walk you home,” he said, snatching the keys from the table and stuffing them into his pocket. “You’re not getting behind the wheel of a car when you’re this upset.”

“As if I’d let a stubborn man like you upset me,” she returned, but she stood up. “Fine. We’ll walk.” She scowled up at him. “But I don’t want to hear a word out of you. I’m furious with you.”

Patrick bit back a grin. “Yes, ma’am,” he said dutifully.

“And don’t even think about trying to kiss me goodnight.”

“The thought won’t even cross my mind,” he assured her.

She sniffed, then blew her nose on the tissue he held out for her.

“Oh, don’t look so damn smug,” she said.

He tried to wipe all expression from his face. “How’s that?”

“Better,” she said, a hint of satisfaction in her voice.

They set off for her house, the silence between them thick with tension. Patrick remained true to his word. He kept his mouth firmly clamped shut. Alice kept sneaking little sideways glances in his direction, as if to reassure herself that he wasn’t about to launch into some sort of chitchat.

The wind had kicked up, and the temperatures had fallen. Alice was plainly shivering as they climbed the hill to her cottage, but he resisted the temptation to offer his jacket or to put his arm around her. She’d set the rules, and he intended to do his utmost to follow them, even if they were ridiculous.

When they reached her house, he noted the white picket fence with its tumble of climbing rose vines. In a few weeks, the roses would bloom in a profusion of color. He could hear the sound of the surf crashing against the cliff behind the house and the slap of a loose shutter somewhere on the house.

“I’ll come by tomorrow and fix that shutter,” he said.

“I can fix it myself,” she said.

He grinned at her disgruntled tone. “Never said you couldn’t. It was meant as a peace offering.”

“You can’t make peace with a couple of nails,” she retorted.

“What will it take, then?”

She stared up at him, her face pale in the moon’s glow. Her expression was bleak. “I honestly don’t know,” she said in a tone filled with regret.

“Alice, I was just trying to be honest earlier. I don’t want to hurt you by letting you think that you can change me at some point down the road.”

“As much as I hate it, I know that,” she said.

Patrick shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “What happens now?”

“I wish I knew.”

“What do you want to happen?”

“I suppose you’re going to continue to insist that there shouldn’t be a difference between what I want right this second and what I want in the global scheme of things,” she said wistfully.

“Probably, but try me,” he said, fighting a grin.

“Right this second I want you to kiss me,” she whispered, her gaze locked with his.

Patrick’s heart slammed against his ribs. The woman was tormenting him. “And over the long haul?”

“A lot more kisses,” she said, her expression hopeful.

“Alice,” he chided.

“I want everyone to live happily ever after,” she said.

“With my family,” he guessed, finishing the thought.

She sighed. “Yes. So, sue me.”

“No,” he said. “But I think I will kiss you, if you
don’t mind. All this talk about kissing has made me just a little wild and crazy.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “Oh, really?”

“Yes, really,” he said. “As if you didn’t know.” Hands still shoved determinedly into his pockets so he wouldn’t reach for her, he lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. His pulse bucked. “Oh, to hell with it,” he murmured, dragging her to him and turning the kiss into something dark and dangerous and intoxicating.

He was aware of her soft gasp of surprise, of her body melting into his. The salt air left their skin damp and whipped her hair so that silky strands brushed over his skin like the tantalizing flick of a feather. He tangled his fingers in all those dark, silky threads of hair and savored the heat where his mouth held hers captive. Fire licked through his veins. The sweet taste of cinnamon and sugar and apple lingered on her tongue.

He wanted more. He wanted too much. And none of his thoroughly rational arguments seemed to matter.

“Come inside,” she whispered. “Make love to me, Patrick. It doesn’t have to be about tomorrow, or next week. It just has to be about tonight.”

He was tempted. Oh, how he was tempted! His body was all but commanding him to take her up on her invitation, but of all the lessons he’d been taught over the years, at least one had stuck. A man didn’t take advantage of a woman. And that’s what he’d be doing, even if Alice claimed that she could be satisfied with tonight and nothing more.

Besides, buried deep inside was the first tiny kernel of a shocking discovery about himself. He—a man who’d seen the dark side of love and the devastating damage it could do—suddenly wanted to believe in forever.

“Go inside,” he said, his hand gentle against her cheek.

Tears welled up in her eyes, along with a familiar flash of anger. “I won’t ask again,” she said.

“I know that,” he said, filled with regret.

Maybe, if things ever changed—whether her expectations or his—he would be the one to ask. And if there was a God in heaven, Alice would forgive him for tonight and say yes.

A
lice pretty much wanted to die of embarrassment. Twice she’d thrown herself at Patrick, and twice he’d rejected her. Oh, he’d said all sorts of noble things, but the bottom line was he’d been able to say no to everything she was offering. Which meant what? That he was a saint and she was a slut? Now there was a combination destined for happily ever after, she thought bitterly. She’d finally taken her heart out of cold storage and this was what she got for it.

Of course, maybe she’d again leaped too soon. Wasn’t that a bitter lesson she should have learned long ago?

She stood under the shower for what seemed like an eternity, but she didn’t feel one bit better when she emerged. Maybe that was because not even that much water could wash away all the salt from her self-deprecating tears. She was such an idiot.

She stepped into her bedroom, wrapped in a towel, just in time to hear the phone ring. She glared at it and almost didn’t answer, but the ingrained habit of never ignoring phone calls prevented her from letting it ring more than three times.

“Hello.” There was no mistaking the testiness in her voice.

“You sound cheery,” Molly said. “Anything wrong?”

“Not a thing,” Alice said, deliberately forcing a happier note into her voice if only to avoid all the questions likely to be on the tip of Molly’s tongue. “Why are you calling so late?”

“Because your car’s sitting in my parking lot, and Patrick’s sitting at my bar staring into a beer with a moody expression,” Molly said, her tone wry. “I figured there’s a story there.”

“Ask him.”

“I did. He told me to mind my own business.”

“Well, there you go. Sounds like good advice to me,” Alice said.

“You’re not going to tell me what’s going on?” Molly asked.

“Nope.”

“Then I’ll have to draw my own conclusions,” she said. “A lover’s spat, that’s what I think. Whose fault was it?”

“No spat. No fault.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. She and Patrick hadn’t exactly fought over his stubborn refusal to have sex with her. He’d taken a stance and she’d had little choice but to accept his decision.

“Yeah, right,” Molly said, her voice filled with skepticism. “And I’m Winnie the Pooh.”

“Come to think of it, you do hear a remarkable re
semblance to him,” Alice said. “All round and with that cute little upturned nose of yours.”

“Not funny,” Molly retorted. “Okay, if you’re not going to cough up any valuable information, I’ll go back and try my luck with Patrick again. He usually caves after a few beers. He’s on his second now.”

“Leave the man alone,” Alice advised, almost feeling sorry for him. Molly could be more relentless than a nor’easter when she put her mind to it.

“Because you don’t want me to upset him, or because you’re afraid he’ll talk?”

“He won’t talk,” Alice said with confidence. What man would willingly admit he’d turned down sex when it was offered? Besides, if he was noble enough to say no, he was certainly too noble to kiss and tell.

“We’ll see,” Molly taunted. “And by the way, if I find out you did anything to hurt him, I’ll be over there to tear your hair out.”

Alice sighed. “He’s very lucky to have you as a friend. You know that, don’t you?”

“I like to think so,” Molly said. “And it works both ways. Patrick’s been a rock for me, too.”

“When did you need someone to lean on, Molly?” Alice asked, overcome with curiosity. Molly had never seemed the type to need anyone to bolster her spirits or to drag her back from the edge of despair. Once more Alice had the feeling that it had something to do with Daniel Devaney.

“Everyone needs a friend,” Molly replied lightly. “You should remember that.”

“I know it all too well,” Alice insisted.

“Okay, then. Stop by after school tomorrow. I’m making meat loaf and mashed potatoes for the special.”

“I’ll be there as long as they’re not being served with a lot of personal questions thrown in for dessert.”

“Can’t promise that,” Molly said. “Be here anyway.”

“I may have things to do,” Alice hedged. Scrubbing the toilet was an option. The bathroom could always use another thorough cleaning.

“Be here,” Molly repeated, then hung up before Alice could argue.

Alice sighed. Once her friend got a notion in her head, there would be no peace until she had the answers she wanted. Alice figured she’d be up all night trying to come up with some that would satisfy Molly and not make herself look like a complete idiot in the process.

Patrick knew that Molly wasn’t going to rest until she figured out what had gone on between him and Alice. She’d pestered him for an hour the night before until he’d finally left the bar just to get some peace and quiet. He also knew she was going to pull the same stunt with Alice. He doubted Alice would be up to fending off Molly, especially if Molly made it seem that she knew more than she did. She was tricky that way. She’d almost gotten to him by hanging up the phone and claiming that Alice had already told her side of the story. He’d realized differently at the last second and kept his own mouth clamped firmly shut. Alice might not be so quick to catch on.

He told himself that was why he was waiting outside the school when the bell rang at the end of the first day back from their late spring break. Kids streamed from the building, their shouts filling the air as they raced to meet waiting moms or to climb onto school buses. Ricky Foster spotted Patrick and came charging straight
at him, hitting him with a tackle that would have felled a lot of people. Patrick merely absorbed the shock of contact and steadied the excited boy, thinking about the day when that energy and raw expertise could be put to the football team’s advantage.

“Hey, Patrick, how you doing?” Ricky asked, as if they were longtime buddies.

Patrick grinned. “I’m doing okay, Ricky. How was your first day back at school?”

“Awesome. Miss Newberry bought us a hamster. We’re going to take care of it.”

Patrick couldn’t hide his surprise. “School will be out in a few weeks. Who’s going to take care of it this summer?”

Ricky shrugged. “She is, I guess. She said something about it reminding her of some rat or something. I didn’t get it.”

Unfortunately, Patrick did. Apparently the woman had bought the class a hamster to have a symbolic reminder of him right under her nose. That didn’t bode well for the way the afternoon was likely to go.

“Does this hamster have a name?” he inquired uneasily.

“Miss Newberry let us choose. We’re calling him Rocky. We figure he needs a tough name, ’cause he’s kinda cute.”

Patrick chuckled. “Rocky. That’s a good one.”

Ricky leaned close. “I thought I heard Miss Newberry call him something else, though, something not very nice.”

“Did she indeed?”

Patrick looked up just in time to see Alice emerging from the building. The brisk wind plastered her dress to her curves and whipped the skirt above her knees. He
went hard just staring at her. That was a very bad sign. He’d hoped they could get off to a fresh start today without their hormones getting in the way.

Patrick felt a tug on his sleeve and looked down into Ricky’s upturned face.

“I gotta go,” Ricky announced. “Can I come see your boat sometime?”

“If your dad brings you,” Patrick told him.

“All right!” Ricky enthused. “I’ll tell him tonight.”

He rushed off, tripping over his own feet twice on the way to the school bus. Patrick grinned. The kid was exactly like his dad. He couldn’t help wondering what that would be like, having a pint-size version of yourself around.

“You shouldn’t get so much enjoyment out of another person’s pain,” Alice said as she came closer.

“How can you not smile at a kid who’s that full of energy and zest for life?” he countered. “Nothing keeps him down, not falling in the freezing ocean or falling on his face.”

Her expression softened. “I know what you mean. Ricky’s one of a kind.”

He looked her in the eye. “So, Alice, do you bounce back, too?”

She regarded him warily. “That depends.”

“On?”

“Whether I fall down or get shoved.”

He sighed heavily. “I didn’t shove you.”

“That’s what it felt like. Maybe you’ve never experienced rejection twice in one night. Trust me, it sucks.”

“I had good reasons,” he said, instantly on the defensive.

“So you think.”

“Alice, be reasonable.”

“Pardon me if I’m not feeling very reasonable at the moment.”

“I gathered that.” He met her gaze. “I heard about the substitute rat.”

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Symbolic, don’t you think?”

“You planning on cutting off any important parts to make a point?” he inquired.

“An interesting thought, but no. I’m not quite that bloodthirsty. Why are you here, by the way? Were you hoping to turn me down yet again?”

He scowled at her. “No.”

“What, then? Are you thinking of enrolling in elementary school? I think you’re a little too big for the chairs.”

“Can it, Alice,” he said, not even trying to contain his irritation at her attitude. “We need to talk about Molly. She has questions.”

Alice sighed then. “Tell me about it. She called last night. When I wouldn’t tell her anything, she said she was going to cross-examine you. Did you tell her anything?”

“No.”

“Okay, then. There’s no problem. We don’t even have to try to keep our stories straight.”

“If you think Molly’s going to accept our evasions, you don’t know her very well. She won’t let up until one of us cracks.”

“It won’t be me,” Alice assured him.

“Did she talk you into coming in this afternoon for meat loaf?” he asked.

Her gaze narrowed. “Yes. You, too?”

“Yes. I rest my case.”

“I see your point,” she conceded with obvious reluctance.

“Maybe we should stick together,” he suggested.

She gave him a look that told him just what she thought of his idea.

“Why don’t I go by Jess’s and deal with Molly and you stay away?” she retorted.

“Because meat loaf and mashed potatoes are my favorites,” he said, not about to be banished from the bar because he and Alice couldn’t see eye to eye about sex.

“Get them to go,” Alice advised. “Once you’ve left, I’ll go in.”

His annoyance with her attitude deepened. “Forget it. I prefer to eat right there where things are hot from the oven,” he said. “Of course, you can always take your dinner home if you’re scared to be around me.”

She frowned at that. “I’m not scared of you, Devaney. I’m not scared of anything.”

He actually believed that. “Then have dinner with me.”

“Why? What’s the point?”

He grinned at her testy tone. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those unenlightened women who believes that men and women can’t be friends.”

“Of course not. I just believe it’s impossible for you and me to be friends.”

“Why?”

“It just is, okay?”

“The sex thing, I suppose.”

“Don’t try and dismiss it. It’s not as if it’s a simple matter of you hating green beans and me loving them. Sex requires two people to be on the same wavelength.”

“Then again, not having sex only requires one person
to take a stance for all the right reasons,” he said. “I never said I didn’t want you in my life.”

“On your terms.”

“Yes, on my terms, because I’m trying to be sensible. You’re not.”

“How lovely that you think so highly of me. Since we obviously want different things from this relationship, it’s better to cut our losses.”

He leveled a look straight into her eyes. “So that’s it? Sex is all you want from me?”

She frowned at him. The pulse at the base of her throat was beating rapidly. “I didn’t say that.”

“Didn’t you? That’s what I heard. If we can’t sleep together, then you don’t want anything from me. Correct me if I’ve got that wrong.”

She looked as if she wanted to smack him, but she was far too ladylike to do it. “I’m just saying that the whole sex thing will get in the way of anything else.”

“Speak for yourself. I learned to control myself a long time ago. I don’t have to jump into bed with a woman just because she gets to me.”

“Dammit, Patrick, this is getting us nowhere.”

“No, I think it is. I think it’s very telling that you don’t think you’re capable of keeping your raging hormones under control around me.”

“Don’t you dare twist this around and make it my problem,” she said furiously.

“Then whose problem is it? I’m willing to be friends, to get to know you better. You’re the one who won’t settle for anything less than a passionate relationship, right here and right now.”

“So, you’re saying this is a matter of timing, that one day you might change your mind?”

Not if he had a brain in his head, but yeah, sooner
or later, she was going to get to him. Better not to tell her that, though. “Maybe,” he equivocated.

“Just what I love, a man who knows how to make a firm commitment.” She glared at him. “Okay, then. You want a friend, I’ll be your friend,” she said through gritted teeth. “But I’ve got to tell you, right this second I don’t like you very much.”

He bit back a grin and reached for her hand. “Come on, friend. Let’s have dinner.”

She jerked her hand away. “Don’t touch me.”

He did laugh then. “
Too
friendly?”

“Too presumptuous,” she shot back.

As they strolled toward Jess’s he glanced sideways at her. “You know, if we walk into the bar barely speaking to each other, Molly’s going to be all over us.”

“Don’t kid yourself. She’s going to be all over us no matter what we do,” Alice retorted. “At least this way, we’re being honest about how we feel.”

“Are we?”

She stopped and whirled on him. “What do you want from me? I’m doing the best I can to find some middle ground we can both live with. You think sex is too complicated with us, that’s your right, but don’t accuse me of being dishonest about my feelings.”

He nodded slowly. “That’s fair. You’re right. There’s bound to be a certain amount of pretense while we’re working this out.”

“Do you even know how to be friends with a woman?”