Mark sighed deeply, sank back against the cushions and put his arm around her. She glanced up and saw his head was tipped back against the sofa and his eyes were closed. “I have the list of men who were sent to Kaufmann’s program,” he said.
Excitement slid through her and she started to rise, but he tightened his arm. “What’s wrong? Wasn’t Toby’s name on it?”
Mark gave a bitter laugh. “Oh, Toby was on it, all right.”
Faith’s heart lifted, then immediately sank. If Toby was still alive, why was Mark so upset? “What has you so wrung out?”
“It’s…” Mark sighed. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. There was something lost in his gaze that made her heart clench. “It’s what I had to do to get the list.”
He shifted his glance to the ceiling. “I am not a good person, Faith. People call me arrogant. Cold. Ruthless. All of which is true. I purposely became those things in order to pursue revenge for my father’s murder.”
Mark fell silent and Faith waited patiently for him to continue.
He took a healthy sip of vodka. “I’ve never cared much for other people’s feelings or their opinion of me unless they were important to my goals. Hurting or killing people who stood in my way has never bothered me. In fact, if you’d asked me three months ago if I possessed a conscience, I would have said no. But what I saw in Moscow at Dr. Ivanov’s lab changed me.”
Mark reached out and poured himself another shot of vodka. “When I saw what Ivanov had forced his patients to become, I felt empathy. Pity. Anger on behalf of his subjects. I knew I had to stand against such abuse of the human mind and body. What I did today…”
He shook his head and she felt the motion in her soul. “Did you kill someone you liked?”
“No. Worse. There was a guard at our office who had graduated from a new part of Kaufmann’s program. A program with the goal of creating super spies and assassins. The man was undergoing a trial period to see whether he could blend in with normal colleagues.” He took another shot of vodka.
“I overheard one of the supervisors giving the man an order that was prefaced by an odd phrase. It didn’t take much to realize that using that phrase activated the man’s mind control. Whoever spoke to the man using the correct code would be able to order the man to do anything at all. So—” His chest heaved. “I used that phrase to order the man to bring me the data I needed.”
“But—”
“I took away the man’s will,” he snapped. “I gave him an order I knew would probably bring him to the attention of the other guards. I deliberately ordered him to access Jamieson’s office and bring out a copy of the list of who was in Kaufmann’s program, plus any information on Kerberos and Kaufmann’s lab he could find.” He made a sound of disgust. “I sent him into danger that I wasn’t willing to risk.”
“But you didn’t have access to the office, did you?”
“That’s not the point!” Mark’s vodka glass sailed across the room and shattered against the fireplace. “I hate what’s been done to these men. Faith, at Ivanov’s lab I witnessed a man bludgeoning his brother to death. The look of confusion, then horror in his eyes as he stared at his victim still haunts me. You’ve never seen such torment in a man’s eyes. Tears streamed down his face and he sobbed with each blow he delivered. He even begged the scientists to let him stop. But they ignored him. The head scientist bragged to me that they’d finally found the key to break down the man’s resistance. I never thought…”
A muscle in his jaw twitched and his lips firmed as he cut off whatever he’d been about to say. “I realized then that there are some lines even I consider inviolable. Interfering with men’s minds and bodies to this extent is one of those lines.” He grimaced. “Kaufmann’s program might even be worse than Ivanov’s.”
Part of her didn’t want to hear any more. Didn’t want further proof that Toby might be so fundamentally changed that he’d never return to being the big brother she knew and loved. But she owed it to him not to shy away from the truth, no matter if it turned her stomach.
“Think about it, Faith. If Kaufmann has created a trigger, anyone with knowledge of the key phrase can give orders to the enhanced men, just like I did. Abernathy didn’t have a choice but to obey me. What if I’d asked him to kill an innocent?”
Faith shivered.
“See?” Mark said. “You hate the idea of mind control, too. How could any decent human being not be afraid of being turned into nothing more than a slave based on certain words being spoken?” He picked up the vodka bottle and took a long drag.
“Yet at the first opportunity, I became just like the scientists, manipulating one of their subjects to get me the information I needed. So much for my reawakened conscience. At heart, I’m as selfish and cowardly as ever.”
Faith lightly caressed his chest with her fingers. She’d never seen him this emotional before. “Shh, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. He—”
“He handed over the papers and turned to go. Just then we heard his supervisor hollering for him. God. I’ll never forget the terror in his eyes. He looked at me, begging me to save him from the man’s wrath. I knew then that I’d made a mistake. That helping me could cost him his life.”
His self-recrimination surprised Faith. Mark wasn’t one to doubt himself.
“I showed him the secret exit out of my office, then ordered Abernathy to forget everything I’d said to him. They caught him, Faith.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed so hard she gave a squeak of pain. “Killed him.” His chest heaved. “The story is that he went berserk as they were taking him out to the transport that would return him to Kaufmann. That he died in the ensuing fight. I think he was so terrified of being returned to Kaufmann that he attacked his escorts and provoked them into killing him. Either that, or they outright executed him and the berserker story was just a cover.”
“Oh, God, Mark, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry won’t bring the man back. I should have done more to help him. Created a diversion. Or found a place to hide him, then asked the SSU to come pick him up. Their doctors have experience counteracting Kaufmann’s drugs. But no, I couldn’t risk. Couldn’t risk. Letting him use the escape route was as far as I was willing to go. When did I become such a fucking coward?!”
Faith flinched at Mark’s uncharacteristically crude language. “What else could you have done?” she murmured after she’d let several minutes pass in silence. “You had no way of knowing they’d catch him, let alone kill him.”
“The danger was so great, I couldn’t risk going into Jamieson’s office myself, but I had no compunction about ordering Abernathy to do it. Don’t you see? I judged his life to be worth less than mine,” Mark shot back. “What kind of man does that make me?” His laugh was bitter. “Not a man who deserves you.”
“Mark, I—”
“What? Because of me a man is dead. Don’t you understand? Because I gave Abernathy no choice on how to act, he wasn’t able to save himself.”
Tears filled Faith’s eyes. The dead man could so easily have been Toby. She grabbed a tissue, then turned her face away from Mark while she blew her nose and dabbed at her eyes. Crying wouldn’t help her brother. And if they could find Kaufmann’s lab, not only could they rescue Toby, but they could free all the other victims as well.
“You hate me, don’t you?” Mark asked quietly.
Faith spun around and glared at him. “Whatever makes you say that?”
“I—” The confusion and fragile hope in his eyes reminded Faith that his life had been deficient of unconditional love.
“Mark, you did the best you could with the information you had. You tried to help Abernathy escape. Stop blaming yourself.” Faith couldn’t stand hearing the pain in his voice. Pain she bet most people never saw, because he hid it so well under a thick veneer of arrogance. She reached out and stroked his cheek. “Two months ago would you have even tried to help the man?”
Mark shook his head.
“See? No matter what you’ve done in the past, you’re now a better man than you think.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips gently to his. “And I still like for you. Very much.”
“Oh, God. Thank you.” Mark pulled her into a crushing hug.
A long while later, he released her. Looked down at her with a renewed strength and peace. “You’re too good for me, Faith.”
She gave him a saucy smile. “Maybe. But you’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Then she sobered. “We still need to rescue Toby and the others from Kaufmann. So, where is he being held?”
Mark pushed to his feet and paced across the room, stopping in front of the bookcase next to the fireplace. He picked up one of the seashells she’d placed on the top shelf in an attempt to make the safe house a little bit more homey.
“That’s the problem, Faith,” he said after he’d arranged the shells in a precise line, biggest to smallest. “All I managed to obtain was a list of men who have already been sent to Kaufmann. I still don’t know the location of the lab. Now do you get it? Abernathy died in vain, because we’re no closer now to finding Toby and Kaufmann’s lab than we were yesterday!”
Faith stood up and walked over to him, then wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her body against his back.
He turned and pulled her into his arms.
“But at least we know he’s alive,” she said. “Or was alive until recently. That’s something.”
“Not anything good. Faith, stop fooling yourself. We’re not talking about mild, easily-reversible changes to your brother’s mind and body. If we find Toby, he won’t be the same man you remember. He’s more likely to be a monster.”
How dare he feel sorry for her? But then, he’d already admitted to being stunted when it came to caring for another person. He couldn’t possibly understand what it meant to love someone so much you’d do anything to protect them. “Mark, no matter what shape he’s in, Toby is my brother. I’m going to bring him home.” She took a deep breath. “But if the guard was killed just because he helped you, then you’re in danger. I—”
Mark placed his finger over her lips. “Don’t even try to suggest that I give up now, Faith. I’m still going to help you. I just wanted to make sure you understand that if we do rescue Toby from the program, he might try to kill you.”
She bit her lip, then nodded.
“There is some hope. The SSU has been collaborating with a scientist who defected from Kaufmann’s program. She’s been working toward reversing the damage done to one of their soldiers. Maybe she’ll be able to help Toby.”
“Thank you. I…I’ll never be able to repay you for all of your help. He’s…he’s not just the only family I have left, but he’s my best friend. He’s the only one in the family who supported my career. And he never blamed me for not giving in to Lyndi’s demands to return home. I don’t know how I’ll keep going if I lose him.”
Mark’s hands tightened on her back. “I don’t want thanks, Faith. Don’t you understand? I care about you. All I want is to make you happy.”
She thought she’d used up all of her tears during her breakdown the other evening on the beach. But at Mark’s kindness, Faith started crying.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please don’t cry. It hurts.” Mark sounded so baffled by his empathy that Faith gave a watery laugh. Then she pushed away from his chest and looked up at him. When she’d started her search for Toby she’d had no idea that she’d end up meeting a man who could look at her with such tenderness. A man that she knew, despite his flaws, would die to protect her.
“I know it’s too soon, but I’ve never felt this way before. I love you, Mark.” She laughed at the stunned look in his eyes. “Um. Sorry. I—”
Mark’s lips took hers in a bruising kiss. “Say it again.”
“I love you Mark.”
He kissed her again. “I don’t know anything about love. I don’t know if I’m actually capable of love. But what I feel for you?” He shook his head. “It’s beyond my control. I can’t imagine life without you. If that’s love, then I love you.”
Her heart soared. “Oh, God, I didn’t expect this. Not now. Not with you. But I’m so glad not to be alone in how I feel.”
“Me, too.” With shocking quickness, Mark scooped her up into his arms and carried her upstairs. Then he proved that despite his lack of experience, he understood love very well.
Chapter Nine
One Week Later
M
ark stared out the window of his car. Once again he’d retreated to the safety of a lone stretch of public park. Only this time, he was trying to get his game face on before he returned to the safe house and Faith.
He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. For the first time since they’d met, he had to withhold critical information from Faith. The prospect of lying to her about what he’d just learned ate him up inside. A bitter laugh escaped. Telling lies or omitting key information were critical components of his job. He’d never minded before. But now that he’d met Faith and become used to sharing his thoughts and his past with her, he hated knowing that he couldn’t tell her about the President’s involvement in the upcoming attack.
He sighed and got out of the car, needing to move in order to settle his nerves. Since when did he suffer from nerves? His reputation of being a cold-hearted bastard was taking a serious hit. All because he’d fallen in love.
Not that he’d give up Faith for anything. But their relationship was definitely a complication. Mainly because she was a reporter and the news he’d received today was potentially explosive.
According to Jamieson, the President had requested that teams of enhanced Kerberos soldiers participate in an upcoming assault against an island in the Pacific. Mark at first had refused to believe it. No matter how badly the President wanted to get revenge against the terrorists who’d killed his son five years ago, retaliating against the entire island where the terrorists lived was the act of a man out of touch with his humanity. It would result in the deaths of thousands of innocent people.
Would Toby be part of the attack? Probably, but Mark didn’t know for sure.
He strode along the boardwalk, but found no solace in the crash of the waves against the shore. He knew Faith’s reporter instincts would sense his lie if he outright told her there was no new update regarding her brother or Kerberos. Hopefully, she’d be satisfied to learn that Toby’s notes had been correct when they suggested that the President planned an upcoming show of force.