Jo looked round. ‘What are they up to?’
The children had disappeared from view. We got up to look for them, walking slowly at first, trying to be casual, but soon breaking into a jog.
‘The garden’s enclosed,’ I reassured her. ‘They can’t go anywhere.’
We found Alice and Oliver attempting to climb the fig tree in the front garden. Alice was crouching on a low branch, pulling Olly up after her. They made a beautiful picture.
‘Alice,’ I said reluctantly. ‘Come on. I know you’re having fun but you’d better get down from there.’ I looked to Jo. ‘What about if we put on a DVD for them, and have a glass of wine? It’s nice and cool indoors. Matt will be back soon and I’m sure he’d like to meet you. Do you want to ring your husband and let him know where you are? Will he be worried?’
Jo shook her head. ‘He’s a big boy. I’ll text him. He’ll be fine.’
We sat down with drinks and crisps, the children happily occupied by
Toy Story
.
‘The house is going to be fab,’ said Jo, looking around at the wallpaper hanging off the walls and the dusty floor, marked by hardened patches of glue where we had pulled up the limp old carpet.
‘
Going to be
being the operative phrase.’
‘Yes, sure, it must be a pain right now, but anyone can see the potential. Next summer it will be absolutely wonderful.’ She smiled at me. ‘You obviously have great vision. And you seem well suited to this sort of rural life. I couldn’t do it. I’d miss England far too much. I’d miss the city. Admittedly London can be a bit much, but I’d miss city life in general.’
I laughed. ‘I can’t stand London. But I loved Brighton, and I do miss it. None of it has been easy. It’s been unbelievably difficult.’
‘I’m sure. I’ve been wanting to move to Brighton actually. Whereabouts were you?’
‘Clifton Street. Right by the station.’
‘I know it.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘There was a house I wanted to look at there. It was probably yours. So this move here is very drastic. Was it your idea?’
‘Not at all. Far from it. Matt talked me into it, and it took him a while. I thought it would never happen. That’s probably why I agreed to it in the end. I assumed it would all fall through, like his other schemes.’
‘He’s had other schemes?’
I laughed and sipped my juice. ‘Oh yes. Too many to remember. There was Cape Town, for a while. Then there was Thailand, closely followed by Nepal. We were going to move to all these places and make a simple living from growing grapes, or fishing, that kind of thing.’
‘Not too much fishing in Nepal.’
‘No, Nepal was tour guides, I think. Leading treks through the Himalayas.’
‘So he’s a bit of a romantic, your husband?’
‘He is.’ I remembered to correct her. ‘But he’s not my husband. We’re planning to get married.’ I felt good as I said it. ‘In the autumn. He’s going to work from home and then we’ll get married, perhaps have that second baby after that.’
‘Sounds great.’ There was a pause. Just as I was about to speak, to ask an innocuous question about Olly, she spoke again. ‘You’re staying here, then, you and Matt and Alice?’ she asked, looking serious.
‘For now,’ I told her. ‘When we’ve got the house done, we’ll have to live in it for at least ten years to get our money’s worth. Alice is happy. She loves school and it’s doing her the world of good. She and I are both longing for the holidays to end. I’ve made good friends.’ I tried to think what else I liked. ‘We had no garden in Brighton,’ I added. ‘This garden is my other baby at the moment. I’m proud of the way that I look after it all by myself. I mow the grass, pull up the weeds, do all the pruning. I’d kind of assumed that Matt would take charge, but if it was up to him it would still be a jungle out there. The garden’s my job. I don’t think I’d like to go back now.’ I thought about what I was saying, and marvelled. This was the first time I had realised it. I liked living in France, and I would no longer choose to go back to England, particularly not when Matt changed his work pattern.
‘Well, Matt is very lucky to have you,’ said Jo, with a wide smile. I looked into her sparkling blue eyes and detected a hint of sadness and jealousy.
‘Hey,’ I said kindly. ‘London’s good too.’
‘You think?’ She looked at me, and away.
Matt called from Gatwick. He had had a crisis at work, and would not be back until late. I told him we had guests, but he was only mildly interested.
‘I hate to impose,’ Jo said, when I put the phone down, ‘but I think I’ve had too much to drink. If I texted Hugh to let him know, do you think it would be possible for Olly and me to stay over?’
I was extremely pleased. ‘Of course! You’re more than welcome! We now have a spare room that’s halfway presentable, and you’ll be the first to use it. Can you believe that? None of my family have come out. My aunt and uncle are coming in a couple of weeks.’
‘What about Matt’s family?’
‘Oh, he hasn’t got any. Or rather, he has but he doesn’t see them. I’ve never met any of them.’
I put a pillow for Olly at the other end of Alice’s bed. They jumped in together, one at each end. I read them a story, with one of them leaning on each side of me. It felt good to have two. As I was putting the book away, Olly laughed and pointed. ‘Daddy and baby!’ he exclaimed.
I looked round and saw him pointing to the framed photograph of Matt holding a newborn Alice.
‘That’s right,’ I told him. ‘That’s Alice’s daddy and Alice when she was a baby.’
‘Mine daddy,’ Alice told him officiously.
‘My daddy,’ Olly said.
‘Mine daddy,’ Alice asserted.
‘My daddy,’ Olly said again. I switched the light out and left them discussing it.
We opened a second bottle of wine, but I did not feel particularly drunk. I thought Jo was drinking a lot more than I was.
‘I’ll cook, shall I?’ I asked, at half past eight.
‘Sure,’ she said, distracted. Then she jerked herself back to full consciousness. ‘Of course. I’ll help. Nothing too big, though? When Hugh’s away I exist on soup and salad.’
‘Me, too. We don’t have an oven at the moment anyway. I just have sandwiches and fruit unless Matt’s around. Specially in this weather.’
‘Has it been like this all summer? It’s wild, isn’t it?’
‘Since June.’ I looked out of the open window at the parched garden. ‘I know life must be good, because when there’s the occasional grey, drizzly day, I love it. It’s good for the garden. And I have the luxury of knowing that it won’t last.’
I handed Jo a chopping board and knife, and a few tomatoes. She started slicing them.
‘Emma?’ she said, making swift, strong strokes with the knife. ‘Can I ask you something?’ I nodded. She seemed to be about to speak, then stopped. After a while, she started again.
‘What was it about Matt that made you realise you’d found your life partner?’ she asked. ‘Again, I’m sorry to be intrusive, but I’m not sure any more whether Hugh and I have a future together. Once you start to analyse things like that, it all begins to unravel. Was it love at first sight for you? Have you ever doubted Matt?’
I hugged her. ‘I’m so sorry to hear that,’ I told her. ‘I’m sure you’ll work it out. He’d be crazy to let you and Olly get away.’
She looked sad. ‘Do you think so?’
‘Of course I think so. You’ll be fine. As for Matt and me, we bumped into each other in Brighton, and it just felt right. I’d never known anything like it. It’s hard to explain, but . . .’ I looked down at my hands. My right hand was holding a wooden spoon. I stared at it. ‘I suddenly felt normal. I’d never felt normal before, never had a real relationship. Suddenly, straightaway, I knew what everyone had been talking about. Matt’s very confident and articulate and he has a certain charisma. He’s the opposite of me in all those ways. He could have had anyone, but he chose me. I still can’t believe it.’
Jo put her elbows on the table and cupped her face in her hands. ‘How did you actually meet? I love those sorts of details.’
I looked at her. ‘Do you? You must stop me if I’m being boring. OK. I was in a café on the beach with my sister and her little boys, who were toddlers then – now they’re nearly seven. Matt was sitting with a guy I used to know, briefly, at uni. There was a whole other story there. What matters is that the man in question was long since over me. He lived in Brighton too, and I used to see him around town from time to time. So I gave this guy a wave, you know. I saw the two of them talking about me and then Matt came over. He asked if he could take a chair, which was the lamest excuse, since he and Pete already had two spare chairs at their table. He admired the boys a bit, and once he’d ascertained that neither of them belonged to me, he asked if he could join us. He was completely focused on me. Nobody had ever been like that with me before.’
‘Hadn’t they? You really hadn’t had a relationship before?’
‘Really.’ I saw her face. ‘Oh, I wasn’t a virgin, I’d had flings. But nothing that lasted. Nothing I wanted to last. I’d generally attracted the weirdos, like this guy Pete in fact, who liked me because he felt sorry for me and he thought I was in some way glamorous because I had no parents. I hated him.’ I wondered why I was telling all this to a stranger. My nascent friendships with Coco and Fiona had not reached this stage, and here I was, unburdening myself to a woman I had only just met. It must have been the wine. I knew Jo wanted me to keep talking. I sensed that she was genuinely interested in me. I decided to carry on. ‘And when Matt started asking me about myself, I felt, this sounds corny I know, but I felt that I was coming home. Meeting him was the most enormous relief. I knew almost instantly that he was the one.’ I smiled apologetically. ‘Sorry. Our story is full of clichés, I realise that. What about you and Hugh? How did you meet?’
Jo finished her wine in one impressive gulp, and gave a dismissive wave with the knife. ‘Oh, Hughie and I have been married for years,’ she said. ‘Eight, now. Together for ten. Maybe I’ve just got the seven-year itch, a bit late. It’s funny, but my story seems like the opposite of yours. It was Hugh who lacked confidence, and me who brought him out of himself. Sometimes I fear I might have brought him too far out of himself. He’s not the man I married any more.’ Jo tipped the tomatoes, which were sliced wafer thin and perfect, into the salad bowl. She looked miserable. ‘I don’t know. I just don’t think you can ever really know somebody. Hugh surprises me, and not in a pleasant way.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked her. She drew breath, about to say something, and then stopped herself.
‘Oh, nothing. It’s not worth explaining at the moment. Let’s talk about something else.’
In the middle of the night, I heard Matt arriving. I listened to him closing the shutters behind him, and locking us all in. Five minutes later, he appeared in the bedroom. I propped myself on my elbows and presented my mouth to be kissed.
‘Sorry to be so late, sweetheart,’ he said, kissing me. He pulled his shirt over his head without undoing the buttons. ‘Missed the flight. Only just caught the last one of the night, in fact. How’s everyone?’
‘Great,’ I told him happily. ‘Jo’s sleeping in the spare room. The children are in together. She’s lovely. We’ve been chatting all evening. I think we’ll stay in touch. I might see if they all want to meet up at the beach at the weekend. They’re staying in Mimizan.’
Matt wasn’t really listening. ‘Cool. Whatever you like. Might be a nightmare there on a holiday weekend though.’
He climbed in beside me, and pulled me towards him. We were both heavy with heat, but I turned to him anyway. Our bodies were sweaty against each other. I thought of Jo and her unhappy marriage, and made myself take a few seconds to rejoice in my luck.
I half woke up in the middle of the night. Matt was stirring restlessly beside me, taking shallow, wakeful breaths.
‘Emma?’ he whispered. ‘Em, are you awake?’
I was too tired to answer. I rolled over and went back to sleep.
Hugh stretched and yawned as Alice climbed on top of him. She was dressed in nothing but a nappy, and he was completely naked. She stuck to him like cheap fake leather.
‘Hello, Daddy!’ she said loudly, her mouth pressed to his ear. He winced and pulled her down between himself and Emma.
‘Hello, Alice,’ he told her, rubbing his eyes. ‘Good morning. How did you sleep?’
‘I had a lovely sleep. Please fetch my milk.’
‘OK, OK, give me a chance.’ Hugh turned to Emma beside him and sighed. ‘She’s so demanding! Does she do this to you when I’m not here?’
Emma rubbed her eyes. He looked appraisingly at her. She had no suspicions; he could see that at once. She looked sweet and sleepy. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘And
of course
you have to do it all when you’re here, because you have the novelty factor. I’ll have Earl Grey, while you’re up.’
He heaved himself out of bed and retrieved last night’s underpants from the floor. Emma laughed. ‘We’ve got company, remember. It’s fine if you want to display yourself to a strange woman in your pants, but if not, you might like to put on your dressing gown.’
‘Too warm for a dressing gown,’ he grumbled, but he took it anyway, and struggled to get his arm into the sleeve.
‘Try the other one,’ Emma suggested, and suddenly he was in.
Hugh had barely slept. He replayed Emma’s voice, yet again.
He was certain she had said Jo. He could hear it. ‘Jo’s sleeping in the spare room.’ He knew his wife, and he knew the games she played. This was exactly what she would do. He had almost got out of bed in the night and opened the spare room door, just to check, but he had stopped himself, because whoever this woman was, she was probably a stranger and he would have looked like a disgusting pervert had he edged into her bedroom in the middle of the night.
He told himself that there were thousands upon thousands of women called Jo, and that this was a cosmic reminder that he needed to get his life in order.
The kitchen was as shitty as ever. Hugh swore as he put the mugs down too heavily on the precarious makeshift worktop and sent the other end of it briefly into the air, sending some teaspoons clattering to the floor. He filled the kettle and waited for it to boil. Above his head, in Alice’s room, he heard children’s footsteps and voices. He thought Alice was declining to share her toys. The other child had obviously got up too. He could not remember whether Emma had said it was a boy or a girl. He sincerely hoped it was a girl. He did not let himself listen closely to the timbre of the child’s voice.