Playing With Fire (Guarded Hearts) (4 page)

Chris had been getting especially paranoid lately, telling me that I could never leave him. If I did, he'd find me and he'd make sure me and whoever I left him for would pay. I couldn't bring Carter into this.

I walked down to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I came back and climbed into my bed, Nicole was watching me.

"So, Carter James, huh? I'm glad you finally came to your senses and told that abusive asshole to take a hike."

What did she just say? How did she know? No one knew. This couldn't be happening. "What are you talking about? Carter and I are just friends."

"Listen, girl, I went to high school with Carter. He isn't "just friends" with girls. And he sure as hell never walked a girl to her door, unless he was going in. Even then, he'd leave once they were done. Don't fool yourself. That boy likes you and if I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it."

She doesn't know what she is talking about. Sure, Carter kissed me, but I'm sure he's with a lot of girls. He probably assumed by me coming over to his house that he was going to get some. Chris is right. He just sees me as one of his whores.
I felt a tear roll down my face. Why the hell was I crying when Carter and I weren't even together?

"As for Chris, you need to get out while you can. I know you think you hide it well and you do, but I live here and I see everything. I don't know why you're with him when he does that to you and treats you the way he does. You may not think you deserve better, but you do. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She lay down and started reading her book again. How would she know I deserved better? I barely ever talked to her. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, I was looking forward to spending time with Carter on this project, even though with my luck, he was probably only trying to use me.
Why the hell would Carter James want anything from me? Chris is probably right, he just wants to use me and then throw me away.
No matter how much I try to convince myself of this, though, there's still a little part of me hoping that he wants something more.

"Hey, Mads?"

Mads? There goes another nickname and, truthfully, I don't mind that one either.
"Yeah?"

"Just so you know, if you're not ready to make a decision yet, what he doesn't know won't hurt you."

"What do you mean?"

"Chris, what he doesn't know won't piss him off. So do what you want."

Nicole may have just given me the best, and the worst, advice ever.

*  *  *

When I walked into class Friday morning, there was an open seat next to Carter so I went over and sat down next to him. He looked at me like he was confused. Shit, did he not want me to sit here? I was contemplating moving seats when he gave me one of those smiles and I knew I made the right choice.

If I was going to do this, I had to do it before I chickened out. I ripped a piece of notebook paper out and scribbled a note down on it.

Remember how you said you worked as a spy? I enjoyed our night together the other night and I like being around you. I'd like to do it more often
,
if you can keep it a secret.

I passed it to Carter the way I used to watch all the girls do it in high school.

He opened it cautiously, then smiled. He wrote something back and passed it to me. I opened it up and exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Are you suggesting that we sneak around? Cause if you are
,
I'm in.

When I read his reply, I smiled so hard that my face hurt. When I turned to look at Carter, I could tell that he'd been watching me and I felt that blush he always caused creep up.

When class was over, he waited for me and we walked to our next one together. "So, why the sudden change of heart?"

"I don't know. I like talking to you and I had fun the other night. However, Chris doesn't want me hanging out with you, and I thought that what he doesn't know won't hurt him."
Or me.
I thought. "But only if that's okay with you, and I understand if it isn't."

"Hey, listen, I'll take what I can get here."

Carter

The fact that Maddy wanted to spend time with me, even if it was in secret, made me so happy. I loved just being able to be around her and I had a feeling she felt the same. I didn't understand why she didn't just leave him if she wasn't happy. I still had a feeling that he was doing something shady. Maybe if we got close enough, she'd tell me.

We talked and joked around all morning, but split up at lunchtime because she was meeting Chris. When I walked into my next class, I saw her roommate. I think her name was Nicole. Actually, I think she went to high school with me, but was a year behind me.

I hoped she wasn't telling Maddy about my high school days. I was not exactly proud of them. She looked up, saw me, and waved me over to the empty seat next to her.

"So listen, I just wanted to-"

Just then the professor decided to start class which cut off whatever she was trying to tell me.

She passed me a note and her cell phone with it. What was it with these girls and passing notes today? I looked at her phone. It was open to the contacts and there was my name...with the number slot blank. She was trying to get my number? I thought she called me over to talk about Maddy. I started handing her back the stuff and she shook her head and mouthed, "Read the note."

I need to talk to you about Mads
.
Put
your number in.

I put my number in her phone and gave it back to her. Not even a minute later, my phone started buzzing.

Nicole: First, conceited much? I don't have any interest in you. Second, don't give up on her. She will come around ;-)

Me: What do you mean?

Nicole: Mads
,
whether she wants to admit it or not, she's
starting to fall for you
.
I can tell.

Me: But what about Chris?

Nicole: Don't get me started on that asshole.

Me: What's going on? I know something isn't right.

Nicole: Sorry
,
not my story to tell
.
Now,
let me learn something!

Was Maddy really falling for me? And what did Nicole know about Chris?

*  *  *

Getting out of bed after working all night was difficult, to say the least. I think the only thing that got me up was knowing that I was going to spend the whole day with Maddy.

We were going to be handing out our surveys today, and then coming back here to tally them up. She asked if I wanted to go to the library, but I shot that idea down. I wanted her here with me.

I bet Chris was giving her shit about it. Well, I really didn't care if he didn't like it. As long as he didn't hurt her because of what was going on.

We spent all day handing out surveys and talking to people, Shawn and Jason had even come to help us out. As much as they didn't want to admit it, they liked Maddy. They saw how I felt about her and I think they were beginning to get it.

Once we got back to my house, I didn't want to move. I called and ordered a pizza before falling down on the couch. Maddy was walking over to sit down. I could tell she was exhausted.

She tripped over my book bag that I just dropped when I came in, and fell down right on top of me. She looked up at me and started laughing. I loved that sound. She didn't do it nearly enough. I brushed a stray hair out of her face and behind her ear.

I could tell just by looking at her that she wanted me to kiss her, that it was me she wanted. She never looked at Chris like that. I couldn't resist, so I leaned up to kiss her. The second my lips touched hers, I felt the electricity move through me. It was like this whenever she touched me.

Her lips were amazingly soft. I took the risk and tried to deepen the kiss, and she let me. I gently took her lower lip between my teeth and pulled on it. She let out a moan. Being with her like this was what I wanted since September.

A knock on the door startled us both and we jumped apart. Since when did those delivery men get here this quick? I went and got the pizzas. Maddy had already gotten us plates. We took our food and went into the living room with it. Her lips were red and swollen from kissing me, and it was a beautiful sight.

After we finished eating, she grabbed the dishes and I got out the surveys from earlier. We worked on tabulating the results, talking and laughing in between. I looked at the clock. Damn, it was eleven at night.

I wished she'd just stay over, but I knew there was about a snowballs chance in hell of that. Her eyes followed mine and I could see that she wished she could stay too.

"Well, I had fun today, Carter, but I need to go now."

"Okay, let me get my shoes on."

"I've told you before, I can find my own way home."

"If you think I'm sending you back to campus by yourself at night, you're out of your mind."

"Okay, thank you."

When we were driving back, she seemed so sullen, almost disappointed. "You know, the weather isn't supposed to be that bad tomorrow. What would you think about taking a ride down to Myrtle Beach?"

"Carter, you know I can't do that with you. And besides, I hate the beach."

She hated the beach? There went my dreams of being able to see her in a bikini. "Okay, I'm sorry for asking. I'm still trying to figure out how this is going to work."

"I know this situation isn't easy. If you want to change your mind, I'd understand. It's a lot to deal with just to spend time with me."

I pulled into the parking lot and turned to face her. She wasn't looking at me so I lifted her chin up. "Hey, I love just being around you, Maddy. If this is what I need to do to be around you, it's worth it. You're worth it."

We were sitting in the car outside her dorm, and I didn't want her to leave. She looked over at me, silently saying the same thing. She wanted to be with me too, she just wasn't ready yet. I had so much fun with her today, even if we were working on schoolwork. I walked her inside and then went home alone.

Chapter Three

Madison

Over the next two weeks, Carter and I finished our project and hung out together. It had been the best two weeks of my life. I just wished I didn't need to hide it.

I saw Chris at least once a day, and there were a couple times I almost got caught with Carter. The way that I saw it was that Chris would find a reason to hit me no matter what I did, so I might as well enjoy the time I had.

Yesterday, he freaked out because he saw me going into an office with a guy. He never even bothered to see who it was or why I was with him. I had a conference with my professor for the research paper I was working on. Now, I was sporting a huge bruise on my side.

I wished I was strong enough to leave him, but he'd been making threats more often recently. He even told me last week that he'd been going to the shooting range so much that his dad bought him a gun.

They should do some sort of mental health evaluation before people could have a gun. If they did, he would have never been granted one.

I'd been getting closer with Nicole. She hadn't brought up the things that Chris did since that day, although she'd been talking about Carter more and more.

It felt nice to have a friend. I'd never had one before, at least not that I could remember. Tomorrow was the start of Thanksgiving break and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to miss Carter and Nicole.

Chris was going home for Thanksgiving, but he said dinner was family only and I wasn't family. I just finished my last class for the day and was walking back to my dorm when I saw Carter waiting outside the door.

Nicole was just walking in and he went in with her. Were they hooking up? Why did I feel like I couldn't catch my breath right now? Was that why he'd been so nice to me? I couldn't handle this. This was why I never let myself care. I wanted to leave but, truthfully, I didn't have anywhere to go right now.

I walked into my room, dreading whatever I was about to walk into. When I opened the door, I saw Carter sitting on my bed, but he was alone. He looked up when he heard me come in. "Hey."

Was he here for me? "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I…uh…I asked Nicole to sign me in because I wanted to talk to you. I hope that's okay."

"I guess so. What's up?" I couldn't help but smile. He came here for me. I hated that I always immediately thought the worst of people. I wished I was the kind of person who could give their trust to someone. I wasn't, at least not now, but I had a feeling that Carter could change all of that.

"I just wanted to say goodbye to you before I left for break tomorrow. I keep finding myself wanting to text you or call you, but I don't have any way to do that. Why are you so anti-cell phone?"