Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1) (5 page)

When I got to my locker, I exchanged the books I
needed for the ones I didn’t, and then slammed the metal
door shut. It wasn’t long before I'd made my way through
the overcrowded hallway, towards the exit doors. Once
outside my eyes began scanning the parking lot.

It was only when my eyes found him that I realized I’d
been looking for him. I knew he would be waiting for me,
just like even before I’d gotten out of bed this morning I’d
known that Eric Wilson was in the kitchen, waiting to take
me to school. And as sure as the sun in the sky, there he
was, casually leaning against his car as he picked at his
fingernails, looking like a long lost forgotten God.

Not a second after I spotted him, his eyes rose up to
find me, almost as if he felt me staring. Our gaze locked
instantly, and a slow, gentle smile pierced his lips coating
his entire face and lighting his eyes

In that moment something strange and yet familiar
stirred inside my body. A calm, almost peaceful feeling
flooded through me, and for the second time since
meeting him I felt as though I was going to be okay - that I
was going to get better somehow. Maybe not right now,
but someday. For just a fraction of a second, it didn’t hurt
so much to breathe.

Swallowing, I began to walk towards him. I hadn’t
realized I had stopped walking until now. Our eyes never
left each other and while there was a huge part of me that
wanted to get away from him, I couldn’t look away.

Just as I was a few cars away, a tall blonde girl stepped
in front of him, cutting me off and breaking the contact
we had. All I could see was her back, but I knew exactly
who she was - Cassie Collins. She was the captain of the
girl’s swim team, and basically what every guy wanted. She
was perfect in every way I could think about - tall, thin,
long legs, and flawless doll-like hair that always seemed to
fall right. But more than that, she wasn’t damaged as I was.

Eric’s eyes left me at once as his gentle smile
transformed into an over confident smirk. I froze where I
stood, then turned on my heels, and started walking in the
opposite direction. By now, the bus would have already
left; even still I’d rather walk home instead of being
anywhere near Eric Wilson and Miss Blonde-Perfect

Barbie.
* * *

I don’t remember leaving school, but suddenly I found
myself soaking wet and walking home. The rain was
pouring down on me, heavy and cold. It drenched my
clothes, making them stick to my body as though it was a
second skin, and every step I took my shoes made a
squishing noise that seemed too loud in my ears.

Somewhere between leaving school and now, I must
have taken some of the painkillers Derek had gotten me,
because a slight fog surrounded me, and my body didn’t
hurt so much. I could remember Daren now and not be
crushed by the blinding anger or hate or guilt that
consumed me every time I thought about him. I felt light
and free, as if my body weighed absolutely nothing. If I
wanted I could float up into the sky and fly away, leaving
everything and everyone behind. Now nothing mattered,
not the pain of losing Daren or the guilt that rocked my
body for Brandon’s death. It didn’t matter that Eric
Wilson was probably with Cassie Collins right now or that
I was being forced to marry him.

Eric Wilson, what was I going to do about him? Not
marry him obviously, but how was I going to pull that off?
Why did he make me feel the way I did? Everything about
him - his touch, his scent, even his over confident, wiseass
comments - brought out things in me that made me feel
alive. I didn't want to be revived. I didn't deserve to be.

Almost as if my thoughts had somehow summoned
him, suddenly Eric’s car was at the side of me, matching
my pace. A second later the passenger’s side window rolled
down and then he was leaning over from his seat, glaring
at me. His gaze was brutal, and immediately I felt as
though he was staring a huge gaping hole through my
body.

“What are you doing?” he screamed over the rain, and
the level of anger in his voice made me jump. “Are you
insane? Get in the car!”

I stopped and turned, frowning, trying as best as I
could to match his voice. “No!” I spat back “Go away.”
The drugs must have still been working its way through
my body, because before I could finish saying those two
words, he was standing in front of me, inches from my
face. His eyes bored into mine, and for a brief moment I
got the feeling like he was searching me for something that
was vital to his survival. The intensity was raw, and it
coated every part of him.

I didn’t like it. It made me feel too open for comfort, as
if he was seeing straight through the mask to all the cracks
decorating my body. At the very thought a lump rose in
my throat, and I did the only thing I could think off. I
cleared my throat, and took a few steps back, putting as
much distance as I could put between us yet that didn’t
stop me from noticing things about him.

Already he was drenched too, even though he’d been
standing in the rain for less than a minute. His clothes
stuck to his skin, showing the perfectly sculpted body
under it. I saw the individual drips of water constantly
rolling down his body, falling from his face, and running
down his arms. They were like liquid crystals. Eric Wilson
was so beautiful in a way that I would have never thought.
I couldn’t describe it right - there weren’t words.

I shook my head trying to clear the daze, and a second
later my feet were swept off from under me. It must have
been another, stronger wave of the painkillers because
somehow I found myself flying. The rain must have
stopped too since it wasn’t hitting me anymore. The last
thing I noticed before the world around me darkened was
a low gentle hum, and then nothing but a thick numbing
fog as the morphine worked its way through me.

3

I was going to be late for school. Of all the mornings in
the week, my car had chosen this morning to shut down in
the middle of the street – a morning when I’d overslept,
and looked like a bird had made its nest on my head. My
luck sucked. Without thinking, I grabbed my school bag
and got out of the car, throwing it over my shoulders as I
locked the car, and started walking towards Siparia, the
closest town where I would get a taxi.

I had been walking for about fifteen minutes, when a
sleek green Hilux pulled to a stop at the side of the
pavement. Instantly I stopped, turning to face the van just
in time to see the passenger’s side window rolling down to
reveal the most breathtakingly handsome guy that I had
ever seen staring back at me. I swallowed, feeling as
though the ground below my feet were shifting. My heart
launched off in my chest instantly. Suddenly I found that
breathing was becoming difficult.

He had light brown, almost russet skin tone, with shiny
dark hair, and smoldering golden brown eyes, that I
couldn’t look away from. I could only stare at him as if I
was a complete moron.

“So do you?” he asked in a voice that was like
chocolate ice cream on a hot day.

I blinked, shaking my head slightly trying to clear the
fog that had somehow surrounded me. “Do I what?” I
asked dumbly, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears.

“Want a ride? I asked if I could give you a ride to
wherever you’re going.” He had an accent, I realized. It
was one I’d never heard before, but sounded amazing in
his voice, earthy and ancient.

“Okay,” I bit down on my bottom lip, knowing I
shouldn’t get into the car. I didn’t know who this guy was,
but at the same time, I couldn’t stop myself. It was almost
as if someone else was talking with him, and reaching out
to open the van’s door and then getting in.

The second I was inside his van, his scent flooded me,
taking over my senses completely. Another wave of
dizziness hit me then. I was totally engulfed by his scent,
and I had to admit that he smelled amazing. It was hard to
describe. His scent was like smelling an utterly different
world – one without buildings or cars. It was earthy, like
inhaling a rain forest. “So do you do this often?” he asked
staring at me even though he was driving.

It took a short minute to find my voice. “Do what?”

“Get into strange cars with people you’ve never met
before?” he smirked.
“No,” I laughed nervously. I felt butterflies in my
stomach. It was weird - all my life I’d never felt anything
like this, and now suddenly one look from a stranger was
making me weak. “Why, do you always give rides to
complete strangers?” I countered.
“No,” he smiled, yet frowned at my question. “I saw
you, and I wanted to meet you,” he paused for a second,
his eyes never leaving me. “Could I be honest with you?”
My only response was a slight nod. “My friends and I were
just wasting time – driving around – but then I saw you
walking...So I hurried my friends to get me home, got my
car and well... here I am, I guess,” he trailed off looking at
me sheepishly.
A broad smile pierced my face then. “What?” I
laughed, not being able to help myself. I couldn’t stop
laughing. “I don’t know if that’s really sweet, or a little
creepy.”
“Well whatever it is, I’m glad I did it.”
“But what if I didn’t need a ride?” I asked, still grinning
like a clown.
“Then I’d have gotten out and walked with you,” he
admitted and my smiled grew wider.
“Okay, what if I was some kind of sadistic serial killer
that was Hell bent on wearing your skin around my
bedroom?”
“Well,” he started, “at least I’d be killed by a pretty
girl,” he chuckled.
I burst out laughing. “Um thanks... I think.”
“Not that you are,” he teased.
“Oh, and I supposed that’s why you got your car to
give me a ride, right?” I countered.
“Yeah,” he admitted shaking his head. “So where are
you going?”
I looked around then, and realized that we were almost
to Siparia. A wave of sadness washed through me then as I
realized after today I’d never see him again. “San Fernando
taxi stand,” I said a little grudgingly as I stared out the
window, watching as houses and cars zipped pass us.
He didn’t respond, instead he only nodded, and pulled
into the street that lead to the taxi stand. A few minutes
later he stopped behind a row of cars all going to San
Fernando. I looked back at him, not willing to part ways. I
had never met someone like this before, who made me feel
the things I did, and now that I had, I didn’t want to leave.
“Umm...” I began, “thanks for the ride. You saved me
from being late.”
“Well that’s what I’m here for, to save you,” he
chuckled shaking his head slightly.
“Anyway,” I swallowed “I should go now.” My brain
said it, but my body didn’t want to follow.
“Yeah,” his voice was a whispered sigh, and I
wondered if I would ever get another chance to hear it.
Slowly and reluctantly, I began to turn towards the door,
but just as my hand touched it he stopped me. “Hey,” he
called out, and I froze turning back to him. “My name is
Daren, by the way.”
“Jen,” I blurted out suddenly realizing that until now it
never dawned on me that this beautiful stranger had a
name. “It’s really Jenifer, but everyone calls me Jen.”
“Well nice to meet you Jen,” he smiled. It was a smile
that would have knocked me off my feet had I been
standing - one that was totally dazzling.
“Yeah you too,” I told him and then opened the door,
getting out of his van.
I stood there holding the door open as I stared at him
not wanting to go. “Oh and Jen... don’t take rides from
strangers. You never know who or what might want to
hurt you.” I nodded instantly, then closed the door, and
watched as he drove away never to be seen again.
I woke up with tears stinging my eyes from the dream.
That was the first time I’d met Daren. After that morning,
I hadn’t expected to see him again, and so I’d shoved the
story book meeting to the back of my head, and tried to
forget the only boy who had ever made my head fuzzy,
and my heart speed up and slow down at the same time.
Eventually I had, until one Sunday morning I had barged
into my best friend, Kris’ house, and found him sitting on
the couch in her living room. I’d then found out Daren
was her cousin - the nephew of Kris’ adoptive dad, and
he’d be living with them now.
Thinking back now, I realized that my entire life in
Trinidad consisted of Daren. We did everything together.
On mornings the first thing I did, before I brushed my
teeth, ate breakfast or even got out of bed, I always
checked my phone. As sure as the sun in the sky there
would be a text message from him telling me to have a
good day at school, that he was thinking about me, and
more than necessary, to be safe.
Daren was crazy protective but not in a bad way. He
always looked out for me, and made me feel safe and never
alone. He was my entire life – he felt like a breath of fresh
air on a hot day – and now that he was gone, I didn’t know
how to cope. He’d left me alone and totally confused with
no knowledge of what I was supposed to do now that he
wasn’t with me. I couldn’t even remember him without
breaking into pieces, and that wasn’t even counting the gut
wrenching guilt I felt. I killed him.
One day it had gotten too much so I’d taken a razor,
and opened two gashes on each of my wrist. My mom had
found me in a pool of my own blood. I believed that’s
when she really realized just how damaged I was, though
she must have known before.
At the hospital the doctors had given me morphine to
ease the pain, and I quickly learned that surrounded by the
haze I could remember him and my life in Trinidad, and
not feel anything. It was like the constant aching just
melted away, and I was able to think of him – the way the
sun looked in his hair, his eyes, and the way he laughed.
Suddenly I could remember everything about Daren
without being crushed by the loss.
When the foggy haze of morphine clouded me, it didn’t
hurt to move or breathe or pretend that I was fine when I
wasn’t. I didn’t feel overwhelming guilt or anger. I’d do
anything to get away from that, even if getting away meant
turning to morphine. I wasn’t stupid; I knew it was
addictive, I just didn’t care. All that mattered was not
feeling.
I raised my hand, wiping my cheeks dry as I sat up on
the bed I was lying on, and started to take in my
surroundings. I was in a huge cream bedroom that was
warmly lit by two lamps at either side of the bed, which
was gigantic. There weren’t any furniture in the room,
except for a chest of drawers that was against the wall
opposite the bed, and a small arm chair that Eric Wilson
was slouched on, sleeping.
Trying not to make any noise, I threw the thick, white
blanket off me, and started to get out of the bed. I didn’t
want to wake him because that would mean dealing with
him. And since the last thing I remembered was walking
home alone in the rain, and no memory of how I ended up
in his fancy, over-priced hotel room, I knew that I had
been high when he found me. Explaining why wasn’t a
conversation I wanted to have anytime soon.
The moment my feet touched the soft, plush, carpeted
floor, a wave of shivers ran through my body, and I
realized that my clothes were still damp from the rain.
Without sparing a second more, I scanned the bedroom
for my bag, and found it lying on the floor at the foot of
the bed. I grabbed it up, and started for the white double
doors.
“Doing the walk of shame, I see,” a familiar voice rang
out, making me jump slightly. I spun around a second
later, my pulse flying, and found Eric staring back at me.
He showed no emotion, and in the dim light his blankness
was scary enough to send my heart crashing in my chest.
Without saying any more, he stood up from the chair,
and casually made his way to me, his eyes never leaving my
body. I couldn’t do anything but remain frozen, staring
back at him as if I was a deer trapped in headlights. Then
Eric did something I never saw coming.
Gently, he reached down taking my good hand in his,
and raised it up until it was between us. He held my hand
there for a moment as the silence dragged on feeling like
knives piercing me at every possible angle. Slowly and
hesitantly, his other hand rose and he then placed
something cold and hard in my palms. I looked down to
my hand instantly, and saw two filled bottles of morphine
that seemed to be staring right back at me. My eyes
immediately found his. “I know you’re not addicted... so
what are you trying to forget?” he asked frowning at me.
Shame and guilt flooded me, and before I could stop
myself I heard my voice say “Everything.” Eric only
nodded, his eyes boring into mine as if he was searching
for something. “Did you tell my parents?”
“No, but if you continue to use, I will.” Now it was my
turn to nod. “And I had planned on giving you at least a
week here, but now I’m thinking maybe a change of
location might do you good.” Immediately I opened my
mouth to protest, but before I could get a word out he
stopped me. “It’s not a choice Jen, and I’m not asking your
permission.”
“So that’s it then?” I asked staring at him. “You say
jump and I’m expected to ask how high? I have no choice
in anything any more?”
“You have no choice in this,” he clarified.
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I snapped
annoyed. “I was fine before you came along with your
perfect face and family, and perfect everything.”
“No,” he countered, “you’re pretending to be fine.”
Eric stopped then, taking a deep breath to calm himself.
“Like it or not, Jen, you are my future and I’m yours. I
don’t think you’re going to be okay here… You keep
saying you’re fine, you pretend that you are, but I can see
you’re not…” he trailed off, and at his words tears welled
up in my eyes, threatening to spill out. I didn’t want to be
here any more or talk about how damaged and broken I
was. Doing the only thing I could, I turned away from him
and started for the door. “Where are you going?”
“Home,” I said in a monotone as I opened the door.
“You can't, it’s after twelve. I called your parents and
told them we were having dinner at my hotel room and
you fell asleep.” Without saying anything I spun around
facing him. Great, what were we supposed to do now?
“There's room service if you're hungry and we could watch
a movie or something,” he suggested, and I nodded giving
in to the distraction, because I couldn't bear thinking about
what would happen tomorrow.
By the next day, everything was ready for our trip. Eric
had told my parents that something had come up at his
home – wherever that was – and he had to leave, taking
me along with him. He’d also insisted I travel light,
packing only essentials and personal things. When he came
to get me that night, he’d found me lying on my bed
staring up at the blank ceiling.
“So,” he sighed sitting next to me “since my mom
doesn’t expect us back for a couple of days, we can go
anywhere in world.”
“Great,” I mumbled, not interested.
“Do you have a place in mind?”
“Prison is prison, even if it’s a solid gold cage,” I
muttered, though my thoughts had instantly gone to
Hawaii. I had seen a travel magazine one day while I was at
the dentist, and there was this beach house I never could
forget. It was a blue ocean front, beach house with white
shutters. I’d always wanted to go there, and Daren had
promised me one day we would.
“What’s that?” he asked, nodding to the hand band I’d
begun playing with absentmindedly. I looked down to the
band, studying it for a moment and then held it out for
him to see. It wasn’t extravagant, not even worth more
than twenty dollars. It was a plain black, plastic wire that
wrapped around my wrist twice, and held a small black
rectangle with words that were too small to see. Without
breaking the silence, Eric took my wrist to examine it. A
second later I sat up and faced him.
“It’s a prayer,” I began to explain. “The Our Father
prayer is written on it. It belonged to my best friend. He
always used to wear it, until he... until I took it from his
hand.” My voice broke, and I began to choke up. My heart
was suddenly beating loudly and heavy in my chest as the
pain that had become familiar began circling my body,
ripping me apart.
Eric took me in for a second, then frowned at me.
“What’s wrong? I don’t understand...” his frown deepened.
“Do you want to say goodbye, is that it?”
“No.” I forced a smile, but I could tell it wasn’t
convincing. I was not going to let Eric of all persons see
me like thi, broken and vulnerable. “It's too late to say
goodbye to Daren.”
He seemed to sense that my mood had shifted because
all he said was “Oh” allowing the subject to fall flat. “Can I
ask you something?”
My eyes narrowed at him. From past experience I’d
learned that whenever someone said ‘can I ask you
something’ or ‘we need to talk’ it meant trouble was
coming. My eyes went to the door, my only escape route.
“No,” I snapped, and started for the door as fast as I
could. Eric, however, was faster. He caught my hand, and
pulled me back down on the bed inches from him.
“Now that’s not fair, Jen.”
My frowned deepened as disbelief coloured my face.
My eyebrows shot to the ceiling at once. “I’m being forced
to marry you, Eric,” I snapped angrily, feeling pissed.
“How’s that fair?”
“When I held you down, you said something to me,”
he began. Instantly I knew where this was going and I
didn’t like it. “You said that you’d been through worse
than death... than rape too,” he swallowed scrutinizing my
face. I looked away from him, down to the bed and began
playing with the bedspread. “Jen, you said that the worse I
could do was kill you…You wanted me to - I saw it in
your eyes...” he took a deep breath, stead ying himself.
“Tell me what you meant... why did you say those things?”
I didn’t know how to answer. I knew that I couldn’t tell
him the truth. I couldn’t relive those horrible moments.
Having to see that night replaying in my dreams, night
after night was torture, I couldn’t make myself think about
it during the day too. My monsters needed to stay in the
dark.
“So you’re not going to tell me...” he trailed off when I
didn’t say anything. “I guess I already knew that you
weren’t,” he continued when I didn’t say anything. “I’ll win
you over, Jen; sooner or later you’ll come to trust me.”