“You haven’t the skills, and you won’t have the equipment. Besides, it may be-difficult for you to move freely.” And besides, he wanted the triumph to be his. His eyes were alive now, searching my face, measuring my reaction. “Do your own part willingly and well, and I’ll reward you. Believe me, this is only the beginning. You’ve had nothing all your life; now you’ll have everything-“
Power sang through me-his power, my power,
shared
power, (All this could be mine.) It blazed up like wildfire, made me drunk, gave me a rush . . . and left me empty, as suddenly as it had come.
(If you are loyal.)
Rubiy left the words branded on my mind.
I shook my head, dazed, when I should have been nodding. And I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about Cortelyou-not sure if Rubiy had put him back into my mind, or my own guilt had. “When-uh, when am I supposed to-go back?” I only said it to cover what I was thinking, but it was still hard to say.
“Soon.
When I’m sure you’re ready.” He wasn’t talking about my health. But in the back of his mind he was already sure that we were the same. He reached out, tracing the line of my jaw with his fingers, letting his arm slip across my shoulders. “You’re a handsome boy, as well as Gifted.”
I laughed nervously, wondering why the first person who’d ever said that to me had to be him.
“Galiess is envious of more than your telepathy, you know. . . .” His mind brushed against mine.
“I’m cold,” I said, and it was the truth-suddenly I was cold to my bones. “I better go back down.” I edged away.
“Of course.”
His hand closed gently around my arm.
“I can make it by myself.”
“Of course.”
He let his hand drop again, brushing my hip. “You need a little more time . . . to think over the things I’ve told you.”
I nodded. He disappeared. I made sure he was even gone from my mind before I went on down the hill, feeling afraid of something I couldn’t even name.
By the time I reached town it was getting dark, even though it was only the middle of the day. Bright banks of lights were coming on in the streets, but they weren’t enough to clear the settling of night. Cortelyou was still somewhere out in the hills; I could feel his mind dimly, distant and closed. The starport lay on my right, silhouetted by the glow of the landing grid eaten out of the hillside beyond it. A couple of cargo shuttles were sitting on the field; I recognized the insignia on the side of them both: Centauri Transport. I turned toward the port entrance, drawn by the sight of the ships.
The lobby was nearly empty. The floor was a tiled picture of the Crab Nebula, with a colored fountain spewing up from its center like the heart of an exploding star, all golds and reds. The walls were midnight blue, glowing with hidden light. I was surprised; the outside of the building looked like the warehouse it was. I stood blinking in the brightness until my mind caught a familiar murmur of thought, and I finally understood what had made me come: Jule. I found her with my mind before my eyes found her, standing behind a counter in a half-hidden corner of the room. Somebody in a Centauri Transport uniform was talking to her. At first I thought he was just another horny spacer trying to pick her up. Her irritation stung like hot needles.
But then he handed her something that looked like a message. She read it, and her mind flashed anger/disbelief/suspicion/anger. She wadded the message up and put it in her pocket. I couldn’t tell what she said to the officer, but I read the cold refusal in her mind. He actually took her by the arm then, trying to pull her away from behind the counter. She opened up her mind and let him see what she thought of him. He dropped her arm and backed away like she’d slugged him. He almost ran toward the exit that led to the landing field.
I crossed the room to the shipping area; she was the only one there by the time I reached it. She started as she finally noticed me. She looked like I felt, shaken and exhausted. I moved to lean on the counter, needing the support.
(Don’t do that!) Her voice inside my head made me pull back. (Your bond tag will set off alarms. Keep it away from things.)
I froze, tingling with panic, but nothing happened. Slowly I put out my left hand, watching her face. I leaned on it, pretending to relax, keeping my other arm clear. (Jule-)
Her gray eyes sent me a look that was almost angry. She was thinking about what it meant for both of us if anybody noticed. “You shouldn’t be here,
Cat.
Galiess-“
(Can go to hell!)
I made her wince. “Look, I . . . I need some information.”
I felt her wondering why I couldn’t have waited, or even asked her about it long-distance, mind-to-mind, with less risk. . . . And then I felt her suddenly know why, the way she always did.
Her face softened; she was realizing it had been too long-“Cat, I’m sorry about what happened before . . . for what Ardan said, and for what I didn’t say. There was a lot of blindness. Even when you’re a telepath-or an empath-it’s still so easy to be wrong. Isn’t it? . . .” She put a hand up to her eyes, and for half a second she wasn’t seeing me.
“Because we’re still human beings first, always trapped behind a one-way glass of self-centeredness.
And somehow that makes it so easy to say the wrong thing.”
“I wasn’t wrong.” I hadn’t expected this now. I felt my anger starting fresh, too easily. “I know what Siebeling was thinking. He’d rather have his son be dead than be me.”
She shook her head.
(No!
Listen to what I’m trying to tell you.) “Ardan never meant he was glad you weren’t his son. He was only glad that his son hadn’t had to suffer what you did. You let yourself misread.”
I didn’t say anything; I only let myself remember. . . .
“He didn’t know what the mines would be like for you. Cat, he didn’t know.” And she hadn’t known, either; she was ashamed that she hadn’t
understood,
that even with empathy she could never really go where I’d been.
Her eyes were hurting me. I looked away. I had what I’d wanted, her understanding; but there was still no sharing between us, only walls. What she said was true. A human could never trust or share completely, the way the Hydrans did. They’d always be too afraid . . . of seeing themselves.
I knew she was watching my face and thinking about things I wished she’d leave alone, angry at herself over me when she didn’t need to be. I wanted to tell her that, but I didn’t know how. So I said, “Jule, Rubiy is back,” and I made myself look at her, just to stop her thoughts.
It worked better than I’d meant it to. Her mind tangled into a wild wall of defense, almost choking me out. She let it loosen again, relaxing but still on guard. “How do you know?”
“I’ve talked to him.” I looked down at my hand, watched it tighten on the counter edge.
“And it made you afraid.” She half frowned, because it wasn’t for the reasons she’d expected. I felt her trying to read what was too out of focus even for me to understand.
“It ain’t just that he’s good, or even that he told me how he’s gonna take the mines. . . .” Her eyes widened, but she didn’t interrupt. “It’s . . . there’s something else, something more, that I almost caught: more than just what I can do for him, something he-wants. I mean, he wants me.”
Her frown sharpened, questioning.
“Yeah, like that. It’s all right; I can handle that. But it’s more than just that.
Deeper.
Stronger, like he wants-
“ My
soul. I broke off. “I don’t understand it; I don’t think I want to understand it.
Because that’s what really scared me, Jule.
Because . . . we were the same, once, him and me. . . .”
“And you might still be?” She shook her head, telling me, (Don’t be afraid of that. There’s no need.) “You were never alike, really.”
And I told myself that as long as she believed that, it would
be true . . . not really believing
it, anyway.
“You said Rubiy told you how he plans to take the mines?” Her voice was barely louder than a thought.
I nodded, and showed her what he’d said.
“So it’s true. He really has what he needs. . . .”
“Me.” I made a face.
For a minute she couldn’t even answer; her feeling of helplessness was so strong I could taste it. “When-when are you-is this going to happen?”
“I dunno.
Soon.”
I couldn’t refuse to go, or Rubiy would be on to us all.
But if I did go. . . .
I covered the bond tag with my hand.
She took a deep breath, silent again for a long minute. She was thinking that (we’d find an answer, we would,
we’d
find a way. . . .)
“What did that Centauri spacer want?”
“Nothing.
He was just. . . . He tried to get me to leave Cinder. He had a ‘cast from my father, saying I was in danger,” Her mouth thinned. She wondered how they’d found her, how they could know unless they knew. . . . Her mind broke the chain of thought, sick with suspicion. “You said you wanted some information?” She forced the change of subject herself, this time. She spread her fingers over the terminal touchboard in front of her, trying to look calm.
I’d gotten enough that I didn’t bother to ask why she hadn’t tried to give the spacer a warning to take away.
But if her family still wanted her safe . . . “Uh-information.”
I’d only said I did because I needed something to say; but now I realized that maybe I’d had a reason after all. “How often do ships come here?”
“Not often.
Every few weeks Centauri sends a freighter-usually to bring supplies from the Colonies and pick up telhassium shipments. The FTA controls the traffic in this sector, and they keep Cinder as isolated as possible.”
Centauri again.
I realized she probably knew more about shipping than anybody on this planet.
“But there’s a ship in orbit here now. The one Rubiy came in on.”
She nodded.
“For another couple of days.
Why?”
“Dere-Derezady needs to know.”
“Why?” There was frustration in her voice.
“He didn’t say.” I couldn’t tell her any more; what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. “How do people get on board? Does anybody watch, or check?”
“Of course.”
Another small frown formed, like a ripple on the face of water, and was gone.
“I’m not thinking of myself,” I said.
She glanced down, and nodded once. “The security guards check every passenger; and all the guards are Rubiy’s, so they double-check, to be sure Galiess intended the passengers to leave. But he knows that.”
“What do you need to convince them?”
“I don’t know. . . . Why don’t you ask Galiess?” Jule’s voice dropped to a whisper; her eyes looked past me in sudden warning.
I turned, almost forgetting to keep my hand clear, and saw Galiess coming toward us. She was wearing the same kind of heavy jacket I had on, and an expression that would’ve killed me if it could.
“What are you doing here?” Her hand closed on my sleeve, jerking me away from the counter. But she still didn’t try to get into my mind. “Are you insane?”
“Jeezu.
I was just looking around.” I tried to look stupid.
“Don’t lie to me.” But all she meant was that she thought I was hot for Jule. (You’re not invisible. While you wear a bond tag, you keep your face out of sight!)
“Okay. Don’t get so tight about it.” I pushed my hands into my pockets. “Look,” I said, trying to get back on safe ground, “Rubiy told me everything-“
“When?”
“Half an hour ago.”
(Already?)
Her face reddened as she swallowed her anger. “Don’t talk about that here.”
I shrugged. “Don’t worry. But he told me what he wants me to do. I’m an important part of all this. I want to know more about it, I’m sick of bein’ shut up in a room.
I ain’t your prisoner,” not so sure I wasn’t.
But she nodded, stiffly, like someone forced her to do it. “All right, if that will keep you happy.” She sounded like she was talking to a moron. I didn’t care, as long as it got me what I wanted. I glanced past her at
Jule,
saw the confusion and surprise on Jule’s face. I shrugged again.
As she led me away, she glanced back at Jule. “Isn’t one man enough for you?” The envy in her voice was as sharp as a spear. I would’ve laughed, except that somehow it wasn’t funny.
And that was how I got the back-alley tour of town, what there was of it. Galiess introduced me to a few of the psions who were working as shopkeepers and workers. She didn’t tell them about what I was going to do, because she said it could endanger the plan. But still I felt a kind of excitement running through them, as if they knew their long wait was finally coming to an end. Most of them didn’t pay much attention to me; I was just another hired brain. One or two of them looked at my face a little too long.
Galiess showed me what lay underneath the town, too: a network of tunnels and metal-walled rooms had been dug out beneath the buildings. They were used for storing the supplies the townies and miners needed to live-and now they were used for storing things that could make them die: weapons and equipment Rubiy had had smuggled in for his takeover. I asked all the questions I could, and all the while I was trying to figure answers to the ones I couldn’t ask. By the time we’d seen it all, I was so tired I could hardly see straight. I let it show, stumbling and weaving on my feet. I could tell that Galiess was satisfied that she’d put me back in my place.