Punked by the Pumpkin: A Cozy Mystery (Sweet Home Mystery Series Book 4) (4 page)

Chapter Four

Wednesday morning began a brand new chapter right out of Bizarro World. Things had changed from inside out to upside down.

“Lily!” Essie sang in an unusually melodic tone as she put the fresh chocolate chip muffins in the display case, “could you ask your auntie – the chubby one over there – to bring me the cream cheese frosting for the pumpkin muffins, please, dear? It’s on the table by my purse.”

Uh-oh. Hildie was an inch or two shorter and maybe seven pounds heavier than Essie, but they could still wear each other’s clothes.

Hildie strutted over to the table and brought me the bowl of frosting. “Lily, dear…” Such pleasant voices coming from these ladies, but the words…not so much. “…would you please give this to your auntie – the nasty one that smells like muskrat. Oh…and ask her to say ‘I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!’ It seems her real identity was revealed last night.”

Hildie chuckled a little, under her breath.

Essie inhaled deeply. “I do not cackle or scare small children. That Pete Best is just an old sour puss.” She bit her tongue…for a moment. “Anyway, he told Felicia Roberts that you sound like Snow White getting a root canal.”

“And tell Essie I’m having the flamingos on her golf cart replaced with broomsticks.”

“That’s enough! No more talking!”

What was I saying? I had been wishing for a week that they would talk, and now that they were, it was worse then ever. And they still weren’t talking to each other. It’s like that story about the monkey’s paw. You make a wish on it for a million dollars, and then your whole family dies in a plane crash or something, and the insurance company gives you the million. There really is some kind of curse in the air around here. I had to run away and find safe haven before I pulled the few hairs I had right out of my head.

“I’m going next door to see Jules.”

“Bring her some tea.”

“And a pumpkin yogurt.”

“And here’s a coffee for you.”

“I’ll bag it all up for you.”

Well, at least they were still being sweet to other people.

Jules’
Office & Party
was decorated to the hilt. The windows were an autumn wonderland with a harvest and Thanksgiving theme, and some removable Halloween spookiness thrown in for good measure. She had a small rack of Halloween costumes for small children that could be seen from the sidewalk and artistically carved pumpkins on the checkout counter and windowsills. The girl was an artist and had a great mind for business too.

“Good morning, neighbor. I brought you some hot tea and a snack.”

Jules was restocking spiral notebooks in the school supply aisle and got up to give me a little hug

“Wow. What’s the occasion? I haven’t seen you on my side of the wall since the week I moved in.”

Was I really that bad of a neighbor? “I had to get away from the old birds.”

“Ah. Essie and Hildie still aren’t talking?” Jules put the rest of the notebooks on the shelf and then started breaking down the box and flattening it out.

“Oh, they’re talking, alright. That’s the problem. They aren’t talking to each other, so they were using me as their bickering-board in the middle.”

“Well, at least they’re back to work. What brought on the sudden change?” Jules took off the red apron with the logo from Buster’s Home Improvement Center, which she used to keep the dusty boxes from getting her clothes dirty, and she folded it over her arm. She had on a pretty harvest brown cotton dress with a print of autumn leaves today. She was such a girl.

“It’s always the morning after Bingo night that things seem to change, and never for the better.”

“Hmm. Let’s go back in my office for our coffee break. I didn’t get a chance to ask you about what you and Eli dug up at the Methodist Church last night.”

“How can we go in the back if you’re running the shop?” I looked around to see if one of here sales people was on duty, but we seemed to be alone.

Jules smiled and pulled a small remote out of her pocket. It looked like a car remote on a keychain. “One of the perks of owning your own business in a small town.” She pushed the top button on it, and a “whoop” came from the front door that sounded like she was arming a car alarm.

“I just locked the door and changed the LED readout to say, ‘Please ring the bell.’  If I push it again, it’ll unlock the door and change the sign back to ‘Come in! We’re open.’  It cost a couple hundred bucks, but it’s a lot cheaper than hiring another person to stand here all morning. Not much happens before noon around this place, but I don’t want to miss a big order from an office either.”

“Smart.”

I got Jules up to speed on the chickens, Pastor Cassidy’s odd speech, the bewitched gang of avid followers, and the glowing apparition in the graveyard. I told her about Trevor’s story about the crying baby and the mischief around the graves and the nearby houses too.

“This is some pretty strange stuff, Lily. But I’m sure there’s a simple explanation for all of it.”

Jules was a little more practical and a lot less superstitious than me, which was probably the kind of anchor in reality I needed right now.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I wasn’t so sure. “But I am getting a little nervous about the Harvest Festival starting tomorrow. The parade will kick it all off tomorrow at 4:00, and then it will be non-stop until Sunday.”

“Well, Moira and I will be there tomorrow and Trevor is coming tonight to train a little more. Did you get a hold of Gladys and Mildred?”

“They’re all set. They don’t seem to be zombies for some reason,”

“Maybe they don’t play bingo.”

“Good point. Gertie is busy getting ready for the pumpkin baking contest on Saturday. Everything has to have pumpkin in it, so she’s transforming her famous apple pie into ‘papple-umpkin’ or something like that.”

“That could be great! Or maybe awful, I’m not sure.”

“Well, she’s going to spend the whole week perfecting it; so, with her baking talent, I’m guessing I’d be willing to take a bite.”

Jules turned her head to try to hide her amusement. Let’s face it: I’d take a bite of anything warm with sugar and pumpkin in it. It was nice to have a friend who didn’t take advantage of every stupid thing I said to set myself up for ridicule.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you from your work for too long, Jules. I’m going to take advantage of the aunts running the shop and go and pick up some things I need for the Harvest Festival.”

“Can you wait till noon? Alexis comes in then, and I can go with you. I wouldn’t mind getting out of this place for a couple of hours.”

“That would be great, Jules.”

I went back to the Coffee Cabana, not sure what to expect. Essie and Hildie were sitting on either side of Harvey Davis, giggling like schoolgirls. Hildie was rubbing his bald head, and Essie was looking at him like he was Paul McCartney in 1964. Toe was by himself on the other side of the table. He was trying to get Essie’s attention, but she didn’t seem to know he was there. Somehow, this all seemed perfectly normal.

Jerry Thatcher and Martha White were sitting at a table in the front observing the spectacle in the corner. The self-proclaimed comedian of Sinking Springs Retirement Village had left his rubber chicken golf cart at home today. Since he started courting Martha White, they usually used her beautiful pumpkin golf cart when they were together. Her idea, I’m guessing.

“Hi, Martha. Good morning, Jerry. Have you two been helped?”

“Not yet.”

Really? Essie and Hildie were ignoring customers and friends to fawn over old Harvey who was in here every day?

“What can I get for you?”

“I’ll have a decaf, and give Jerry a bottle of water with a glass and a slice of lemon. And we’ll share a cookie.”

Jerry shook his head. “Just the water for me,” he said softly.

He was usually very talkative and jovial, but he was uncharacteristically quiet today. I brought them their beverages
,
and put half of a cookie on a plate for Martha. I was pretty sure the other half wouldn’t go to waste.

“So, how was your long weekend at Universal Studios?”

Jerry won the vacation package in nearby Orlando by winning the golf cart race early in the summer, and he had asked Martha to go along with him.

“It was wonderful,” Martha said with a bright-eyed smile, taking Jerry’s hand across the table.

I had my doubts earlier. I didn’t think the jokester would have a chance with the sophisticated society lady, but it seemed the old boy was winning her over. Good for him.

I took a look through the refrigerators, under the counters, and on the shelves in the backroom to see what I needed. I figured we would stop at the Farmer’s Market and maybe the Price Club to pick up a few things. I wanted to stock up on some fruits for smoothies and muffins, maybe some dairy products, condiments, and extra paper and plastic goods for the rush. I didn’t want to blow through all of our expensive logo cups during the festival.

“Essie.”

No answer.

“Hildie.”

No response.

“Hey,
Harvey!
”

They must all be on catnip or something.

“Toe?”

“Ya, what?”

Finally. Somehow he had avoided the body snatchers. “I’m going to run out for a couple of hours or so. You’re in charge.”

“Me? What? I don’t know anything about making coffee or running this place.”

“You don’t have to. You just have to make sure that when people come in, Hildie and Essie take care of them. Can you do that?”

“Well, ya, I guess. I can try anyway.”

“Well, I need you to do more than try, or our business is going to fall apart. So, pull them up and walk them over to the customers if you have to, okay?”

Toe looked a little worried.

“Don’t worry. They’re not going to kill you.”

“I’ll do it for you, Lily. But if their claws come out, I can’t make any promises after that.”

Great. They were turning into cats. “Fair enough.”

“And I have a repair job at 2:00 at the Hewson’s. A door, I think.”

“Take Harvey with you. Sounds like you might need a hand.” Maybe if Harvey is gone, the aunts will snap out of their trance.
 

It was great to be out with my best friend. It seemed like Jules and I had less time together now that she was right next-door than we did when she worked at the dentist’s office. We loaded up on all of the things we needed and some things we didn’t need, did a little shoe shopping at the Outlet Mall, and even had a light lunch at a sidewalk café in Sabina. Jules’ peaceful confidence had a way of soothing my frazzled nerves.

The place was hopping when we got back. It was nearly 4:00, so Trevor was already working with Moira behind the counter, training for tomorrow. Moira didn’t have to start at Jules’ shop until 5:00. Essie and Hildie waited on tables and laughed and chatted with the customers. This was way too normal, but I loved it. Still, I knew that things could change at any minute.

Most of the tables were full, and so was the counter. Jules and I carried the bags to the backroom and put away the refrigerated items. Then we went to help out front.

“Good afternoon, ladies. You’re looking good, as usual.”

The “surfer dude” voice was oddly familiar, but I couldn’t place it. It came from a twenty-something guy sitting at the counter sipping on a cup of tea. He had long blond hair and was wearing a buttonless suede vest over a white T-shirt with some small gold chains around his neck and an ear bud in one ear.

Jules and I looked at each other with puzzled expressions and then back to the young man at the counter, who now flashed a big toothy smile. I turned to Jules again, but this time the light bulb went on for both of us, and we broke into smiles too.

“Schooner?!” We both blurted at once. I walked behind the counter to greet him and Jules went around the other side.

“What on earth brings you here?”

It was actually good to see him, although we had only met him one time before. He was our bartender at Hog Heaven in Sabina. We talked about him once in a while because he was such a character.

“Well, I was in town, so I thought I’d say hello. The cop who called me to come and identify my stolen mp3 player said that the lady at the coffee shop was the one who solved the robberies. I remembered you said something about having a coffee shop when you were there, so I dropped in.”

“So,” Jules asked, “are you just passing through on your way to Orlando or something?”

Not many people come to Sweet Home on purpose.

“Naw. I’m getting things set up for the street dance. My group is playing here for the Harvest Festival the next three nights.”

“Really? You’re in a band?” Which one?” I hit the area clubs often enough to know some of the bands around here, and Jules probably knew all of them.

“I play with Scorched Wings.”

“Scorched Wings!” Jules was quite excited. “Do you sing
Soul on Fire
?”