RAGE: President & First Lady Of The Death Dealers MC (38 page)

***Gage***

Just like I’ve done every night for the last couple of
weeks, I lie in bed and watch her drawing at her table. The therapist
encouraged her to use her art as an outlet, but I don’t know how helpful it is.
She keeps drawing the same thing over and over—her view from the bed as her
masked attacker stands at the door with his knife. Her nightmares have only
gotten worse, and she’s now at a point where she can’t even sleep without the
sleeping pills she was prescribed. Her therapist also prescribed depression meds,
but I haven’t seen any changes since she’s been taking them. If anything, she
seems worse. She’s always tired and when it comes to food, she either eats too
little or too much. She’s changed so much over the last couple of months. This
thing destroyed her. She’s not the vibrant, fun-loving girl I met, just a shell
of her former self. It kills me to see her like this.

“Come to bed, babe.”

She glances over at me, her face expressionless, then walks
to the bathroom. I know she’s taking her pill. When she climbs in next to me, I
pull her into my arms.

“You know what tomorrow is, right?” I ask.

“Thursday?”

“Yeah, but it’s also Christmas Eve.”

“Oh.”

Her tone of voice is as dead as her expression was. 

“I have a surprise for you.”

“Is it the blue box in the closet?”

I go still. Of course I remember the box in the closet. I
just didn’t think she knew about it. “Have you opened it?” I ask
apprehensively.

“No.”

I try not to breathe a sigh of relief. “No. But under no
circumstance do you open it. Understand?”

“I understand.”

“Good. Now, go to sleep.”

***Raven***

I open my eyes and find he’s been watching me sleep again.
This time, though, he has a smile on his face.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning,” I echo.

“Brush your teeth and meet me outside.”

He hops out of bed and hurries through the door. I drag
myself out from under the covers and get myself ready to meet him. I’m a little
curious to see what this surprise is. Throwing on one of his hoodies and some
UGGs, I head out to the bar. Gage is standing by the clubhouse entrance with a
Cheshire cat grin.
What the hell is he up to?

“Holy, friggin’ hell, it’s cold out here. Can I come in
yet?” An urgent voice comes from outside.

My heart skips a tiny beat. I move in the direction of the
voice as Gage opens the door. Toni runs inside and I have my arms around her
before she even sees me. She returns the embrace, squeezing tightly.

“Rave….”

God, I’ve missed her. Talking on the phone is just not the
same as having her with me. I can’t believe she’s here.

“I thought you were going to Jamaica for Christmas?”

She pulls back and gives me an empathetic smile. “I am. I
can’t stay but when Gage called, I knew I had to come see you.”

“How long?”

“I have a flight back to Miami this afternoon then I catch
the last one to Kingston.”

I take her hand and drag her back to the bedroom. If I only
have her for a few hours, I’m going to make use of it. She sits on the bed and
I lie with my head in her lap, closing my eyes as she strokes my hair.

“Talk to me, Rave. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.”

“I figured you haven’t been telling me the whole story, but
at least you sounded okay on the phone. Why have you been hiding this from me?”

“I… please, I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just… stay
like this?”

“Whatever you need. Just know I’m here when you’re ready to
talk.”

“Thank you.”

The time flies by. Before I know it, Gage is at the door
telling Toni it’s time to go. I walk her out, clutching her hand.

“When will you be back?”

“After New Year’s, but I promise I’ll come spend Spring
Break with you.”

“Thanks for coming.” My voice breaks as the tears threaten
to fall. She kisses my cheek, wipes the moisture from her own, then she and
Allah drive away in the Charger. Gage wraps his arm around my shoulders and
takes me back inside. He tries to get me to eat, but everything is like cotton
in my mouth.

“Close your eyes,” he whispers as we sit at the bar. I do as
he asks, waiting patiently as he places something around my neck. “Okay. Open.”

He’s replaced my “12 Gage” necklace. We never did find the
original one. This one’s a little different, though—it has my name on it, too.
It should make me happy, shouldn’t it? As I rub the pendant between my fingers,
I feel… nothing. Exactly the way I’ve been feeling for God knows how long.

“Thank you.”

I leave my stool and lumber back to the bedroom, straight to
my artist’s table. For weeks, I’ve been seeing the same image in my nightmares.
It becomes clearer each time, and I’m hoping the identity of the masked figure
will be revealed soon. I draw that image over and over each day, trying not to
forget any details. By the time Gage comes to get me for dinner, my fingers
have begun to cramp.

“Babe, sit with me for a little.”

I sit next to him on the edge of the bed and stare at him
expectantly. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rectangular box before
turning to face me.

“I was going to give this to you tomorrow, but I want you to
have it now.”

I take it from his fingers and flip the lid. There’s a
silver charm bracelet sitting inside. He picks it up and I give him my hand so
he can clasp it around my wrist.

“This,” he begins, fingering the first charm—a tiny barbecue
grill, “is for the barbecue where we met.” He moves to the next one, a
miniature motorcycle. “I gave you a ride home that day. You’re the first and
only
woman to sit on my bike.”

The next one is a monkey, so I raise a curious brow. He
chuckles in amusement.

“Monkey bread. That was the night you agreed to be mine.”

The next one is a blue bead. That one I can figure out.
There’s also an artist’s palette, and a treble clef—my favorite color, my art,
and love of music.

“We can add more when you want, or I can get you different
ones. I just thought—”

“I love it,” I cut him off. And I do. It’s probably the most
thoughtful gift he’s ever given me, but somehow this feeling of emptiness
overpowers my every emotion. I hug him, wrap my arms around him tightly, not
just in thanks but to hide my joy-free face from him. His fingers dig into my
back from how close he’s holding me. I stare at the wall, unaffected, uncaring,
and unwilling to be any different.

“I’m not letting you go, Raven. We’re gonna fill up a hell
of a lot more bracelets with all the memories we’re going to make.”

Memories. That’s the problem. I don’t know if I want to
remember or forget. How can I make new ones when I’m stuck in limbo? How is it
fair to Gage to keep him there with me? It’s not. I won’t do it anymore.

I need to set him free.

***Gage***

It’s Christmas Day. Everyone around me is enjoying
themselves. There’s good food, liquor, friends, family, music, gifts…
everything you could ask for on a day like this. My woman is snuggled under my
arm. I have all I need, yet I’m not happy. I can’t be, not when Raven isn’t.
She barely ate and hasn’t spoken much to anyone, except for Mikey when she
played with him for a while. She’s sitting here fiddling with the charms on her
bracelet. I thought it would have made her happy. Women like that kind of shit,
don’t they? I have one more gift for her and if that doesn’t even get a smile
out of her, I don’t know what else to do. I catch Motor’s attention and give
him the signal to get ready.

“Raven.”

“Hmm?”

“I have something to show you.”

Sitting up, she observes me, biting into her bottom lip. She
slips her hand into mine and we make our way toward the exit. I stop just long
enough to get her into a jacket, then take her outside.

“Where are we going?” she inquires.

“Just out here. Close your eyes.”

She throws me a cautious glance then obeys. I move behind
her, covering her eyes with my hand until Motor brings her gift to the front.
When everything is in place, I remove my hand.

“Okay. You can open them.”

She doesn’t speak or move. I step to the side to make sure
her eyes are open, and she’s staring at her gift the same way she’s looked at everything
the last few weeks—as if she’s looking right through it.

“Do you like it?” I ask.

“It’s… it’s a car.”

“It’s
your
car.” I take her hand and pull her closer
to it. “Come on.”

I’ve had the guys working on it for a while now. She’s
always loved the Mustang so I got her one identical to mine, customized for
her. Of course, it’s blue. On the hood, there’s a decal of a Raven perched on a
skull. Okay, so there’s a piece of me in that. She’s
my
woman, after
all. It’s also fitted with blue neon underbody and wheel lights. I left the
interior intact because I figured she’d want to set that up her way.

“Well? What do you think?”

“It’s pretty.”

“Pretty? No, baby doll. It’s badass, just like you.” She
still makes no move toward it, so I grab the key from Motor and hand it to her.
“Let’s take it for a ride.”

I open her door and she climbs in slowly. It takes her a
while, but she finally gets the car moving. She’s driving like a Driver’s Ed
student, but I keep my thoughts to myself. The streets are deserted, so at
least we don’t have to deal with impatient assholes. The car accelerates and I
think she’s finally getting into enjoying it, but she just keeps speeding up.
The road’s a little icy, so I’m getting concerned.

“Raven?”

She doesn’t answer. She’s staring straight ahead, and I
watch as the needle on the speedometer climbs until it passes one-twenty.

“Raven!”

***Raven***

I hear Gage calling my name. Vaguely. All I can think is
that I can’t do this anymore. I need it to end. I unbuckle my seatbelt and
press down on the accelerator, watching as the vehicle eats up the road. Gage’s
voice comes to me as if in a dream, asking what I’m doing. It has to be a dream
because he’s not here. Once I do this, he’ll be free to move on, to be with
someone who doesn’t have the emotional baggage I do. Yes, this is what I need
to do. We’ll both be free. I close my eyes and release the steering wheel,
embracing my fate.
Yes. This is it.

I feel a weight on my chest and get ready for the pain I
know is coming. Instead, the tires screech and the car swerves then slides to a
stop. All the time, the weight on my chest is unwavering. I open my eyes and
see it’s a hand. A hand keeping me pinned to my seat. I turn my head to the
right and Gage is sitting there, breathing like a dragon.

“What the fuck was that?” he demands. “Get out!”

I scramble out of the car. He climbs over into the driver’s
seat and shuts it off. In an instant, he’s out of the car and forcing me
against it. The realization of what I was about to do hits me and I break down
in a panic. This is the second time I could have killed him.
How could I
forget he was in the car with me?

“What the fuck, Raven? You could have gotten us killed!”

He’s angry. He has every right to be. I deserve more than
his anger, more than the shouting. I cringe, closing in on myself as he goes
off on me.

“I’ve tried. I’ve tried
so
hard but no matter what I
do, it’s not enough. Is that what you want, huh? To die? You want to leave—?”

He reels in whatever he was going to say, fisting his hands
at his sides. The icy eyes are back and this time, they’re directed at me. I
might as well be dead because I can’t bear for him to look at me like that.

“Get the fuck in the car.
Now
.”

***Gage***

The way I’m gripping the steering wheel, I’m surprised it
hasn’t snapped in two. That stunt she just pulled has me wanting to go on a
rampage and kill everyone in sight. Fuck me. When did she get to this stage?
Being sad is one thing, but suicidal? Her fucking therapist is about to get
reamed a new asshole. Fucking bitch could have said something. Shit.

When we get back to the clubhouse, I drag her out of the car
and to the bedroom. Everyone stares as we pass, but no one says a word. I slam
the door and throw her down on the bed. She’d been crying quietly in the car
but begins to sob now.

“Why are you crying?” I know I’m being an asshole, but I’m
too mad to care. “I’ve had it, Raven. I can’t do this anymore. That little
stunt is the last straw.”

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out.

I don’t want to hear it. I need to get away from her before
I make things worse than I probably already have. I leave and head straight to
the bar. Britney is tending again and slides me a beer.

“Give me a bottle of Jack,” I growl.

She fills a shot glass, refilling it the second I knock it
back.

“Rough night?”

“Just give me the bottle if you’re going to fucking talk.”

She pushes it in my direction and moves to the other end of
the bar. Both Chopper and E show up, one on either side.
Great
.
Raven’s
fan club.

“Shit happened, it’s none of your business, and I don’t want
to talk about it.”

E backs off, but Chopper doesn’t. I didn’t expect him to.

“If you hurt that girl,” he warns, “you’ll answer to me.”

He leaves me with that threat. Staring at the club logo on
the wall, I take a swig straight from the bottle. I’m out of ideas. I just
don’t know what to do anymore. What I
do
know is I’m going to finish
this bottle. I hope to God it’s enough to make me stop thinking, stop
remembering, stop feeling.

Britney comes back, this time on the other side of the bar.
She places her hand on my thigh, slowly sliding it up.

“Let me make you feel better,” she whispers.

I glance over at her, and she’s biting into her plump, red
lip. I
do
remember them being wrapped around my dick. She grabs it,
stroking me through my jeans. I’m a man. That being said, when a woman touches
my dick, it’s going to get hard. She smiles, her ministrations becoming more
vigorous.

“Come on, Gage. Let me take care of you.”

Fuck. Why the hell not? It’s Christmas Day and I haven’t
seen or touched a pussy in months. Fuck it.
I grab her hand and pull her
along behind me. More than a few disapproving looks are thrown my way, but
those motherfuckers know better than to open their mouths. Raven’s not my old
lady, so I can do whatever the fuck I want. I take Britney to my office and she
drops to her knees in front of me as I sit in my chair. I watch her as she
works on my button and zipper. She actually looks excited, and she should
be—she’s getting the privilege of sucking my dick. She strokes it, licking her
lips as she leans forward. I place my hand on top of her head to stop her so I
can put on a condom, and I see the letters inked into the skin of my knuckles.
Fucking
hell.
I push her away, thinking I can’t even get some head without being
reminded of her. Britney gasps, staring at me in confusion.

“I changed my mind. Get out.”

“But—”

“I said get out!”

As she shuffles out, I move to the couch, forcing my dick
back into my jeans. I drag a hand over my face then gaze down at the half-empty
bottle of Jack.

“Guess it’s me and you tonight, buddy.”