Authors: Kristina Royer
Chapter 6
We just came home from my second semester prenatal visit with Dr. Alonso. Being 27 weeks pregnant wasn’t as easy as it’s supposed to be. We’re five months away from meeting our angel, and my dad was the one who bought every single thing our baby needs. We all agreed to use the universal color Yellow. By doing so, the baby could use regardless of her gender.
“Honey, I’ll just get some eggs. I’m suddenly craving for fried eggs.” I told Gary who’s currently putting back all our important stuff for prenatal checkups so we won’t lose them.
“I’ll come with you, give me a minute.” I told him.
He stared at me, trying to eye my reaction if I was joking or not. And when he realized that I wasn’t, he frowned.
“Baby, the last time you were out for some eggs, you had us worried for an hour.” He said.
Right…
But I believed that the worst part was finally over since Clemente hasn’t done anything to harm us in exchange of me not pursuing his attempted rape case. It’s been months since we last heard from him, so I was pretty confident that there’s nothing bad going to happen.
“I’m alright, I promise.” I said to him.
Gary’s been the best boyfriend ever, but I had to do things on my own. “Besides, baby, you’re exhausted. You haven’t had enough sleep since I had blood spots, so please, just take a rest.” I requested of my boyfriend.
“Alright, but come back real quick.” He demanded. I smiled at him.
I put on my favorite shoes because I wanted to be comfy, besides, I was sure that it’s not wet on the stairs. I grabbed my purse, and I headed out.
I was taking my time, trying to be really careful with my every step when a little boy ran onto me and accidentally bumped me.
His little force caused me to be off balanced, and I missed a sight for my next step. I fell five steps down the stairs, and I felt his jolt of pain on my abdomen. I tried to regain my balance but it was so hard for me to do. There was a wet feeling occurring on my private area, so I thought I peed due to nervous. But when I accidentally touched it, I figured it was blood.
I automatically panicked, and I yelled for help. The little boy’s mother went out of their unit, and she attended for my emergency needs. Lucky for me, she’s a nurse. She asked if I have anyone to accompany me at the hospital, and I told her I have Gary. She sent her eldest child to come fetch Gary.
After a minute, Gary was rushing down the stairs, and I saw his face horrified when he saw m and all the blood going on. He carried me in his arms, and I felt guilty for not letting him take care of me. But it wasn’t my fault.
Gary couldn’t understand the native speaker nurse, so I weakly translated it to him. She instructed us to go to this hospital that she works for, and that she’ll just meet jus there. And so, Gary rushed me there.
Everyone was in panic after seeing me, and also after figuring out who I was. Had it been in a different situation, I would have felt super special. But no, our child’s safety was mainly my priority.
“Gary, I’m so sorry…” I whispered to Gary as he and three other Spanish male nurses were pulling this bed with wheels.
“It’s okay, baby. Don’t leave me, okay? Stay with me, huh?” His words were on repeat.
Tears were falling in my eyes as we’ve reached the emergency room. He was stopped by one of the nurses, and I saw the fear in his eyes.
How can I live after this?
I heard different voice inside the emergency room, but I wasn’t able to feel anything. There was this blinding light that was directed straightly to my eyes. I felt the urge to close them. And then there was pure darkness
I hated to admit it, but I was starting to be good at being hospitalized. This has never happened to me before. I was big for a reason. I was never hospitalized due of anything. But now, I felt so dependent and very weak.
I started hearing voices, and they’ve awoken me. I heard dad’s voice and Gary’s. They’re not arguing, but their voices sounded so disappointed. I tried to open up my eyes, but it was as if they’re padlocked with a big metal ball attached to them. But I fought it.
Slowly, I was able to open it. A single progress to open them wider then I had to close them, and then another progress then rest. I went on for couple of time, and then I finally had them successfully opened.
Dad saw me first, and he figured I was already awake watching them throw in ideas about something I can’t understand. He tapped Gary’s arm, and he signaled through his hand that Gary should look at me.
Gary did, and when he saw me awake, he smiled widely at me. “Hey, baby…” He greeted me with delicate concern.
“What—what happened? Where—where’s the—how’s the—baby?” I struggled to finish my sentence.
“Hush…” He whispered to me. “You need more rest, baby… Don’t worry about anything else for now, okay?” He ordered.
What? How can I not worry about our own child whom I’ve put in danger because of my stupidity?
“What do—you mean?” I whispered weakly.
“Hija, Gary’s right. You need more rest, please.” Dad felt the need to but in.
I tried to sit down. There’s no way I’m resting without knowing what really happened.
“Gary, tell me or—I—swear to God I’m going to panic. I’ll imagine the worst.” I warned Gary.
Gary and dad both looked at each other, and Dad slowly nodded as I giving him the approval. “Kristina, we’ve lost the baby.” Gary said, trying not to cry.
Dad rubbed his eyes with his fingers. They were obviously badly saddened by this event, and I? I was numbed.
I was staring at the direction of the flower vase with its proud place above the coffee table across my hospital bed. The door opened up to reveal Dr. Alonso coming inside in the hope of calming me down.
How can she calm me down when I’m already this calm? What’s left to calm down?
“She’s suffering from a traumatic experience wherein she’s locking down her emotions to avoid the pain. She’s clearly blaming herself for losing the baby. The only thing we can do is to not force her, and just let her recover in her own terms. Shower her with extra care and love.” My Spanish doctor instructed my dad and Gary with amazing fluency in English.
My dad was caressing my hair, pitying me for what has happened to me. “My poor baby…” My dad whispered to me.
I felt all their love, but I couldn’t help but think that Gary was blaming me for losing his child. I just couldn’t take it.
“Dad, she’s already awake. Please take a rest.” Gary told my dad with so much concern in his voice.
He tapped his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, hijo.”
Gary gave him a weak smile. “I will update you with anything, dad.”
Dad nodded as a sign of agreement with Gary. “Please do.” He said. I couldn’t take this pain. I can’t cry, but it’s just so hard.
“Baby, talk to me, please…” Gary begged me.
I couldn’t bear the thought of feeling like this. I was definitely blaming myself for what I was feeling. “Please, I’m not blaming you.”
There was a knock on the door, and Gary stood up at his feet to open the door. I had no idea who it was but Gary didn’t greet him. His voice was stiff when he talked, and I couldn’t guess who that person probably was. Until finally, the person talked…
it was Clemente… What’s he doing here?
“I heard what happened. How is she?” He casually asked Gary.
I assumed Gary would either disrespect him or beat the shit out of him again. But no, Gary responded with such manners and in a very manly way. He really couldn’t shame me.
“She’s alright, but the doctor said she’s going through trauma for losing the baby.” Gary answered him in a stiff but casual voice.
“What happened?”
Gary took a sigh, and I saw from my peripheral vision that he looked back at me. “We lost the baby. She’s gone through miscarriage.”
“And where were you when that happened, huh? She chose you over me, and you can’t even take care of her?” Clemente accused Gary.
What? NO! Stop it, Clemente. Please. It was my fault.
Despite knowing what really happened, Gary took the blame, and just stood up listening to all Clemente’s accusations. Even though we all knew, it was just my mistake. It was all on me.
Clemente walked towards me, and I felt his touch on my hair. If it was a different time, Gary would’ve already beaten him again. But no, my man knew that Clemente’s concern as pure.
“And was this trauma serious?” Clemente asked too many questions.
“Dr. Alonso said we should just patiently wait for her to be ready to get back to the reality.”
Clemente shook his head as he continued caressing my hair. “This would’ve never happened if you chose to be with me.”
I could only imagine how hard the situation was for Gary. Seeing me being nicely by someone I used to like, who has done me wrong and who has done him wrong.
“Why is this happening to you? What are you doing to yourself? You could have just chosen me… that would have been much easier. But things are not that late, you can still choose to be with me, and I would accept you anytime of any day. Please, Kristina, save you… Only I can do that for you… not this guy.” He whispered, but it was loud enough for Gary to hear it.
“You’re not helping her.” Gary was absolutely annoyed by what he’s heard.
“But neither are you.”
I felt the conflict going on in the air, but neither of them was planning to back out. My Gary was trying to send him away, but Clemente wanted to wait for my dad so he could talk things with him.
I felt Gary was terrified by his presence.
But why’s that?
Was he threatened by Clemente’s presence or the fact that I was in this bad situation being with him? I had no idea. But he shouldn’t feel this way. He’s the only person that I’ve ever loved more than my whole life.
But at the same time, I felt touched by Clemente’s overflowing concern. Sure, he has done me some stupid stuff but who doesn’t commit mistakes? I’ve forgiven him the moment he had decided to let Gary went away from beating him up. It was absolutely, clearly his fault anyway.
But nothing can take away my love for Gary. My heart belongs to him and him alone.
“This can’t happen again.” Clemente told Gary.
“I guarantee you with my life, this will never happen again.” Gary guaranteed him.
I heard Clemente gave him a sarcastic laugh. “No, I’m taking her with me. You’re incompetent to take care of her.”
What? No, my Gary’s able to take care of me. It’s my fault, and he has nothing to do with it.
But on the other hand,
Clemente’s here for me… how sweet of him. Wait, after what he’s done to you? Ugh! It must be the medication… or is it?
*****
Ransom Proposal Proposal
Ransom Gift Collection
By Kristina Royer
Copyright
© 2015 by Kristina Royer
The Ransom Gift Series
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including emailing, photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events or locals or persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.
Chapter 1
What on Earth was I thinking?
Okay, Kristina… this has to stop.
Stop pretending you’re in trauma or whatever. Don’t avoid the pain, face it.
Face it, please…
You’re not a crazy heart-less bitch.
Right... I’ve decided to make things right. We’ve lost a child. I’ve let everyone down, especially Gary and our unborn angel, if suffering will make it up to them. I am going to do it.
I blinked my eyes, and I knew Gary has noticed, so he walked up to me. “Baby, are you alright?” He asked with eyes filled with hope, and automatically, Clemente pulled himself to the side as if subconsciously giving way to what he knew was exactly what I needed at the time.
“Gary, I’m hungry”, was all that I could say then.
I had to cry, but there has to be no one else in this room. Clemente has to leave. Okay, maybe Gary could be here, but not Clemente. I don’t feel comfortable.
“Okay, do you want fruits or is there anything in particular that you want? I’ll get it for you.” He offered to me as if I was a little girl… could’ve been our little girl.
I slowly shook my head, tears falling down my eyes. “I need to be alone.” I said.
And for some unknown reasons, which I liked to call as our own little connection, Gary knew that I had to cry. He walked up to Clemente, and although I wasn’t able to hear their conversation, I never heard anyone raised up their voices, so I guess it was a good sign.
Once done conversing, Clemente walked up to me, knelt down, and flashed me a weak smile. “Be strong, okay? We’re all behind you, supporting you. Everything’s going to be okay.” He said.
There were those words that used to help me get by getting kicked out in eighth grade, my mother’s death and through other horrible things that have ever happened to me. Now, they’re just words…
I slowly nodded at him. He held my head with one hand for a split second, and then h headed out towards the door. And once he was completely out, I looked at Gary only to find out that he was also looking at me. “I am so sorry…” I whispered to him.
Tears started to fall down my eyes. I couldn’t control it. I was sobbing. And just like the flash or whoever American superhero it was, he was already in my side the fastest way possible. He held my shoulders, then my head. “Hush…” He said, while tears falling down in his eyes.
“It’s not your fault. I knew what happened.” He said.
No matter how painful it was, I couldn’t bring myself to hate that little boy either. My heart has this really big hole being scrapped out of it, and it felt very heavy as I there’s a mountain resting on my chest. Yes, a mountain.
“I should’ve listened to you, and we might still have them.” I sobbed.
I was crying like a little child.
Dammit, it’s not helping!
I felt more and more pained as I cry, like, I won’t be able to stop anytime soon.
Gary’s not making any effort to stop me from crying as he was heavily crying, too. And even though I didn’t really know too much about this, I heard my Psychiatrist said it’s better for me to let it all out instead of keeping it in.
He’s embracing me in his arms, and I was crying against his chest. It’s so painful knowing that I was the one who lost our child. It felt worse than abandoning them. I didn’t even get the chance to know their gender. I was robbed of that amazing feeling to hold them in my arms, by no less than myself. It felt so terrible.
“Hush…” Gary said.
Although I was so sure that he just wanted to console me. How can he make me stop crying when he was letting out the same intensity as I was?
We shared our moment of vulnerability for the same depressing reason. Clearly, he was hurt as much I was, but it’s a whole lot worse when you’re the one who carried the child and lost them.
“I am so sorry…” I cried and cried and cried.
He kissed my head. “Shhh… It’s not your fault.”
We were like this for couple more minutes that felt like hours for being so painful. Somehow, it was at least a percent painful that I had someone to share the pain with. It wasn’t enough to make every single pain go away, but at least I was sharing it with the only person I love.
We were too busy being miserable, so we didn’t even realize that dad was softly knocking at my hospital room door to avoid waking me up if I was sleeping. He probably heard from Clemente that I was already conscious… in all its forms and meanings.
I saw him walking down towards us at my peripheral vision, and I bet Gary also did. But we were too weak to contain our emotions.
Before I even tried to notice my dad, he was already sitting next to us, crying for his loss as well. I felt surrounded with love and support and common denominator stuff, but it just can’t take away the pain.
I imagine their little hands, toes, soft skin, prominent cheeks…
Kristina, don’t make you so close to opting out.
But what the hell could I do? I was so depressed, and I’ve never felt this pained in my entire life. And to be honest, I was so close to having a breakdown, like, real breakdown this time. But every single time I think of Gary, oh and of course, dad as well, I had renewed confidence.
“I’m really sorry, dad.” I apologized to the almost-grandfather.
He flashed his weakest smile on me, and I knew for a fact that he wasn’t blaming me at all. But I just couldn’t help but blame myself.
“Honey, it’s not your fault.” My dad tried to lessen the pain, and console me.
I hope soon the pain will subside, but that’s the thing, I don’t want it to. I felt like it’s going to be so unfair for the little angel who I stupidly lost.
“Baby, please stop blaming yourself…” Gary literally begged me.
I slowly nodded.
“I have an idea. Why don’t the three of us go for a vacation? Aruba would be nice, or we can visit Santorini, that’s your lifelong dream, right?” My dad asked.
“I agree, dad. That would be nice.” Gary has to second dad’s motion. “But how come you haven’t visited Greece if it was your lifelong dream?” Gary was curious since he knew that with my dad’s money, I can go there anytime.
“She’s waiting for someone to come along with her.” Dad teased, trying so hard to support Gary’s move of changing the topic.
Gary didn’t even bother ask why didn’t I just bring Clemente. I thought it’s very nice of him not to. Plus, I never thought this day would come that I’ll find someone to bring there without having any second thoughts. It just went to show that deep down inside, I knew Clemente wasn’t the one for me.
But with Gary, there was no second thought whatsoever, not at all. “Do you think our child can forgive me?” I innocently asked my two men.
My dad’s face turned from desperate to share me some happiness to looking really sad and awful in my behalf. “Baby, my grandchild’s not even mad at you. It’s not your fault. It’s never your fault.”
I was about to cry again when dad has brought out a box with cake inside it. I secretly hoped Alma baked it because she bakes the best chocolate cake that can give anyone the happy hormones they need. “Chocolate cake from Alma…” Dad informed me with the fact I wanted to hear.
I smiled at him, and tried to look excited.
“She bakes the best.” I told Gary, and he never missed the opportunity to give me support, so he smiled sweetly at me.
“Go have a slice.” He suggested, and stood up at his feet to get me a slice.
And so, he fixed me a slice, and as well as dad’s. He also got a plate for himself, and I waited for him to take a bite. The moment his taste buds acknowledged that it was indeed good, he had this weird reaction that made me laugh softly.
He looked at dad, and dad met his stares. It was their signal that their efforts were working. When they thought I noticed, they awkwardly tried to give more efforts.
“Cloud nine, huh?” Dad teased Gary.
Regardless how many appreciations he gave Alma; still I had no plan of getting jealous because he was stating the facts.
“I should learn how to make this.” Gary told us.
Dad seemed like he couldn’t agree more. “Bake it Spanish style.” He teased even more.
“I know, I know. Spanish cooks are the best, but hey, dad, you liked my Spanish cuisine.” Gary teased him back.
My dad made a meh facial expression, “it was alright.”
They looked so funny, and a bit silly to me. I thought they deserve some appreciation for that, so I gave them the laugh they wanted to hear. But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t hurting anymore because I was really hurting still.
But I thought I should give them an opportunity to save me out of my misery.
“What? Dad, you liked it. I heard your thoughts, you wanted to marry Kristina and I back then.” Gary told joke to my dad.
Dad laughed as hard as I could. “Right… Okay, you win.” He admitted defeat.