Regency Rakes 02 - Rescued By A Viscount (15 page)

The look she gave him was supposed to be fierce, yet it was merely pathetic when accompanied by a yawn. “It is my duty towards your future wife not to pander to your considerable ego, Lord Kelkirk. Someone needs to set you back on your heels a time or two, and the task is not an onerous one, I assure you.”

She made the bed as she did everything,–quickly, efficiently, and perfectly.

“Can I help it if people like me?”

“Women like you,” she clarified, smoothing one slender hand over the final blanket. “Women are foolish around you, my lord. All that fawning and simpering makes me feel ill. I have no idea how you countenance it.”

Simon laughed as she frowned. “So it is your duty to ensure I do not have all seven deadly sins and that my future wife is presented with a malleable husband she can manipulate?

He saw the flash of another smile as she turned to pick up a pillow and place it on the bed. “I am far too tired to give this conversation my full attention. Therefore we shall discuss it further when I am once again capable of putting you in your place.”

And with those words, the smile was gone again, and in its place was a frown that revealed she was thinking once more about what she was about to do, about her dead brother—the brother she loved best—and about her dead brother’s child.

“I shall take that reprieve, Miss Belmont, and collect us both water for washing and then bid you goodnight.” Simon made himself walk out the door and close it softly behind him before he took her in his arms and held her until the fear had gone.

After collecting the water and giving her some, he entered his room and quickly made the bed. He then stripped to the waist and washed, the cool water feeling good after a day’s travels. He pulled off his boots, opened the window, and lay on the bed in his breeches. His mind immediately went to Claire and what she had set out to do. He didn’t know many women who would have undertaken such a task. He also didn’t doubt there was every likelihood she would have succeeded without him, yet just thinking about her alone out there made him shudder. Closing his eyes, he hoped she was now in bed as he was, because she needed sleep desperately. Two minutes later, he was slumbering.

Claire had washed and pulled on her nightdress. Unpinning her hair, she then remembered there was no way of getting it back on top of her head tomorrow and that she should have left it up, as it was unlikely she would sleep tonight. Brushing it vigorously, she thought she could perhaps manage a simple bun or even a plait. Lying on the bed, she looked into darkness and tried not to think about Simon doing the same just a few feet from her. Would he be asleep already, his big body slumbering peacefully until morning? Claire closed her eyes and tried to clear her thoughts.

Was the child a boy or a girl? How old was it? The questions suddenly began to roll around again inside her head.

Determined to get a few hours sleep, she tried to clear her thoughts by counting the doors in her brother’s townhouse and then the servants. The problem was that nighttime invariably also brought out the worst of Claire’s fears and magnified them tenfold. It was lucky no one saw her, as she would probably fall on them, sobbing pitifully.

After several hours, Claire gave up and slipped out of bed and lit her candle. At least if she walked about or read, her thoughts were focused on something other than her problems and fears. Wrapping a shawl around her, she went barefoot from her room. She tiptoeed down the hall, hoping Simon would stay asleep. Remembering the carriage and how deeply he had slept, she thought it was likely he would. In fact, she was fairly certain it would take a herd of stampeding cows to disturb him. The bottom stair creaked, but she heard no sound from behind her, so she made her way back into the room that held all the books. There were so many of them. Lifting the candle, she ran her hand along the titles and settled on a work about how to nurture seedlings. Surely that would be boring enough to put her to sleep.

“Claire, what are you doing?”

She spun around so quickly that the book fell from her hands and the spine split as it landed on the hard floor. “You startled me, Simon!” Placing the candle on the table, Claire dropped to her knees and gathered the broken book into her hands carefully. “I will have it fixed. Your friend need not know.”

Large, warm hands wrapped around hers as she stood. He took the book from her and then turned her to face him. “It’s a book on gardening, Claire. I’m sure no one is going to be concerned if it is a bit damaged.”

His chest was bare, and Claire could feel the heat from it against her hands as he moved closer.

“I should have been more careful.” She couldn’t look at him. She was too tired, her emotions were in turmoil, and he was nearly naked. She had never seen a man’s chest before.

“Why are you not asleep?”

“Because I don’t.”

“You don’t sleep?”

“Must we have this conversation now? You should return to your bed and let me read up on how to nurture my seedlings.”

“I’m sure your seedlings will be fine, Claire. Now tell me what you mean by, ‘I don’t sleep.’“

“It’s really quite a simple concept to grasp. I don’t sleep well,” Claire snapped, and then she tried to step away from him, but he simply slipped his big arms around her and held her still.

“Let me go, please.”

“Why don’t you sleep well?” He ignored her request.
She dropped her head back and looked up at him. His hair stood on end, and his eyes were sleepy, and he looked dangerous and somehow more disturbing than he did when he was the immaculately attired gentleman she knew. His chest was broad and muscled, and if she just took a step forward, she could fall on it, as Lady Pepper had. Dear god, she needed to move away quickly. “Because I can’t.” Claire did not like the anxiety in her tone.

“How long have you not slept well for?”
“It feels like forever,” Claire said, feeling her resistance flee as she thought of all those nights that had stretched long and lonely before her. “And I’m so tired, Simon.”

“I know, sweetheart. I can see that you are.”

“Don’t…please.”

“Don’t please what?” His hand now cupped her cheek, and his thumb was rubbing the skin. Claire was sure an imprint would be there forever.

“Don’t call me that. Don’t be nice to me, because I am not quite myself tonight.”

“You obviously have a very good reason to not be yourself, Claire. Will you let me help you go to sleep?”

She shook her head. “I have tried many things, Simon, and still I only snatch an hour or two during the night. Plimley has made many suggestions, but none of them have worked.”

“Plimley knows?”

Claire nodded again. “Plimley is not like a normal butler.”

“He certainly doesn’t look like one.”

“He’s always been there for me.”

His thumb caressed her cheek again. “I’m glad he was there for you, Claire.” She heard the unspoken question in his voice. Simon wanted to know why her butler had been there for her, yet her family had not. She was relieved when he chose to ask her something else. “When did this sleeplessness start?”

This was a pointless conversation to be having. After all, Simon could do nothing for her. He just needed to leave her alone with the book. Soon it would put her to sleep for a few hours so that in the morning she could cope. “I’m quite all right, my lord, really. This is what I’m used to, and I should let you go back to your bed.”

“So you can walk the halls? I think not.”

“Simon!” Claire struggled as he swung her up into his arms and stalked back to the stairs and started to climb. “What are you doing?”

“You’re too tired to make rational decisions, so I’m making them for you.”

“I’m never irrational.”

“How controlled you are then, Miss Belmont, as I’m frequently irrational.”

He carried her to the room he had recently left and climbed onto the bed with her still in his arms. He then lay back against the pillows.

“Simon–”

“What happened to start the sleeplessness, Claire? Talk to me.”

“I can’t sit here like this, in your arms.” Nevertheless she wanted to, Claire realized. She wanted him to look after her, and that was foolish. She was strong and needed no one, least of all him.

“Yes you can, and remember, Claire, I’m bigger and stronger than you, and have had lots of sleep, so I have the upper hand. Now relax and tell me when this sleeplessness began.” He pulled her down on top of him so she lay on her side in his lap with her legs beside him on the bed. One of his hands then pressed her head into his chest as he had in the carriage.

“You’re so different from other men I know.”

“Different how?”
Claire placed her hand on his chest to feel his warmth and strength. “You are never afraid to get close to people, Simon, which is not the usual behavior of a nobleman. And I do not mean close in that way…you know.”

“I know what you mean. Continue with what you were saying.”

“You touch people when you are with them–a brush of fingers or a kiss on the cheek. You seem unaware of the boundaries most people have firmly erected around themselves, and for the most, people accept that in you because you are comfortable with it yourself. You use endearments freely, too, and I see the flush of pleasure on women’s faces when you do. Tis not a criticism, you understand, Simon,” Claire said quickly when he fell silent. She had always been secretly awed at how comfortable he seemed making those gestures and saying those words.

“I spent the early years of my life with no touching or endearments from my parents, Claire. My aunt and uncle visited briefly, and they would offer me love, yet it was only for a few days, and when they left I lived without it again. After my parent’s deaths, I went to live with my aunt and uncle, and it was then I understood what those gestures really mean to a person, so I vowed never to live my life without them. Now tell me about your sleeplessness.”

Claire did not ask him further questions about his childhood, as she sensed the memories were painful for him, but she wondered who would not want to touch this man or the boy he had once been.

“I was always a light sleeper yet I slept well until Anthony returned from war.”

“Tell me?” His hand stroked her head in slow, sweeping motions that felt wonderful.

“When Anthony went away, I used to lie awake thinking about him and wondering if he would return. I still managed to sleep and it was not until he came home that the problems really started.”

“Because he returned injured.”

Claire felt the hot sting of tears as she nodded, her cheek rubbing over his chest. She hated crying yet when she thought of Anthony she couldn’t stop herself. “Yes, and he suffered so much. Sometimes the pain was terrible, and he would clench his hands into fists to stop himself crying out. But the nights were the worst.”

“And because you were awake, you kept him company?”

“He died in my arms. My beautiful brother went to war a strong and healthy man and came back broken.”

“And after he died, you could not sleep?” Simon said softly.

“For so long, I saw him every time I closed my eyes.”

“Have you ever taken laudanum?”

His fingers were stroking her hair and brushing her cheek now and then, and the feeling was heavenly. “I think Plimley puts it in the tisane he gives me occasionally, but it is only a very small amount, and I wake feeling horrid.”

“I’m glad. Prolonged use is not good for you.”

“Yes.” Claire sighed, closing her eyes because they felt so heavy.

“What happens when you get into bed and close your eyes? What stops you from sleeping, Claire?”

“My head is suddenly filled with thoughts. They tumble around and around, keeping me awake. The harder I try to sleep, the more alert I feel. I get so frustrated and angry because I cannot control it.”

“Surely your mother and Mathew–”

“They don’t know,” Claire whispered.

He ran one long finger down her cheek. His touch was so light, yet she felt it through her entire body.

“Why doesn’t your family know, Claire?”

“I have no wish to worry my mother, as there is nothing she can do for me, and I have not discussed it with Mathew as I’m not close with him.”

“As you were with Anthony?”

“Yes.” She sighed again. Thinking of Mathew made Claire feel sad. He would never forgive her for this.

“Am I right in saying your inability to control your ability to sleep makes you want to control everything else in your life, ever-competent Miss Belmont?

“You’re very astute for a man.”

She heard the rumble of his laughter against her ear. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or insulted.”

“The thing is, Simon, I need to be in control because I fear if I wasn’t, I would never leave the house. I do get sleep but not a lot, and some days, just getting dressed seems too much of an effort. I am continually worried I will fall asleep somewhere–a play, a musical.”

“I cannot believe you have managed to fool us all for so long. Truly, it is a feat, especially as you never look anything but beautiful. Your face never shows fatigue.”

“People only see what they want, Simon, and most evenings, all the women are looking at is my dress and jewelry and men, well-