Risk everything for a boy.
I guess it’s just the way we are, us sirens. Craving love above all else. Unable to function once we find it. But I refuse to think that everything I have with Cole is as simple as that. He’s one of a kind. I need him. Want him.
Love him.
“Do you want to know what really happened with Steven?”
He searches my eyes, and I just stare right back at him, no longer trying to hide all my secrets. Then he nods.
I look down at the mud between our feet for a long second, taking in a deep breath. I have to do this. I
have
to. I nearly killed him by hiding the truth.
The words I’d been trying so long to keep inside rush out in one quick burst. “At around eleven that night, at the party, Steven invited me upstairs. I followed him out to the deck, but when I stepped out there, I could hardly hear his voice, because it was like the ocean was raging in my ears. I had this . . . inexplicable need to go swimming. So I asked him to go with me, down to the beach.”
The expression on his face seems frozen, like it’s taking everything he has just to listen to me. The darkness all around us has created odd shadows, and I’m not sure I can see his expression quite right.
I swallow. The story is only going to get worse. “We went down to the beach, and I felt this weird, excited giddiness. It was like an adrenalin rush, but a thousand times stronger. We stripped down and got in the water. Except as soon as I was in, I swam away from him. I . . . I started singing. And then the next thing I knew, everything was silent, and I couldn’t find Steven. I started swimming back to shore and then I . . . then . . . I found him. Floating face down.”
Cole seems to be processing everything in slow motion, his bright hazel eyes turned dark under the waning light of the moon. “You can’t hold yourself responsible for that. He
chose
to get into the water at night. I read the police reports myself. It’s not your fault.”
“But it is, Cole. It is.”
He blinks and stops. Glances at the lake. Something shifts in his eyes. A flicker of fear?
“I didn’t mean to kill him. I never wanted him to drown. And that’s the truth. I didn’t know what I was doing when I sang. I didn’t know what I was singing at all. But now I know what I am. Know why I wanted to go swimming. I lured him to his death. I’m a siren. It’s what I am.”
At this, he doesn’t move. The moment stretches on and on and on. And then slowly, I see the wheels turning. “I was here a couple of nights ago. I remembering walking here, but then . . . it was like I blacked out. The next thing I knew, I was coughing up lungfuls of water, gasping for breath.”
“That was me. I had to . . . drag you out of the lake and give you CPR.”
“You saved me?”
“Are you not listening? I drowned you!”
The woods are heavy with silence tonight, no crickets or birds. I just told him everything, and he’s just standing there, not even blinking. I wish he’d scream or melt down or run away, because then I’d know what he’s thinking. His silence is enough to make me hope, and all hope ever does is hurt me.
“I don’t understand. Why would he . . . why would
I
get in the water?”
“It’ll be easier to show you.” I take in such a huge breath my chest visibly expands. This is it. “Did you bring your iPod?”
He nods and fishes it out of the pocket of his baggy jeans, holding out the tiny red player in the palm of his hand.
I stare at it. It’s my fallback plan. If he has those tiny earbuds in his ears, he won’t strain against the tree. Won’t try desperately to follow me into the lake.
“Put the volume on as high as it goes. Something heavy. Rock or something.”
He plays with the dial for a minute, and then music so loud and hard bursts from the headphones I can hear it from where I’m standing, at least four feet away. “Give me your belt.”
He raises an eyebrow but does as I ask, sliding it out of the loops. I grip the leather in my hands as I lead him over to the big cedar tree behind us. “Do you trust me?” I ask, searching his dark expression. What if he runs, right now? What if he doesn’t even want to know what I’m about to show him?
He nods, swallowing, his hazel eyes wide and genuine, totally unguarded. Even after everything that I’ve told him, everything that I’ve done, I can see that he really and truly trusts me, though God knows why.
“Put the headphones in.”
He pushes the earbuds into his ears, cringing a little at the volume. He goes to adjust it, but I put my hand on his, shaking my head. He leaves it alone and slips the iPod into the front pocket of his faded jeans.
I take his hands and twist them behind his back. Then I loop his belt tightly around his wrists, over and over until he’s shackled to the tree, his arms behind his back. I come around to the front and look into his eyes. They’re searching mine for answers. He opens his mouth to speak, but then seems to realize he won’t hear my response with the iPod cranked like it is. With no other recourse, he just stands there, his lips parted, a questioning look in his eyes.
This is the moment my life changes.
For better or worse, I have to show him what I am. I want to close my eyes and make some kind of wish, but instead I lean forward and press my lips against his. It may be my last chance to kiss him, and I’m not going to waste it. He leans into me, straining against the pull of the belt. I cup his face in my hands and let the kiss linger for longer than it should.
Then I tear myself away. I step back and unbutton my wet jeans, sliding them down my legs. His eyes glance downward and then flare wide. I don’t break eye contact as I slip my sweater over my head.
“Lexi—” he starts, his voice louder than he realizes because the iPod is cranked so loud. His voice seems to echo into the quiet forest.
I put a finger to my lips to silence him, hoping he can’t tell how nervous it makes me to know he’s watching me as I stand there, nearly naked, but knowing I have no choice. His eyes dart around, as if he expects to catch someone else watching us. Between the way I’m acting, the darkened sky, and the music blaring in his ears, he must be disoriented, thinking I’m totally crazy.
And maybe I am. My bare feet grow cold against the muddy shore, but for a minute, I can’t seem to move away from the intense, confused expression on Cole’s face. I’ve tied him to a tree in the middle of a state forest and here I stand, half-naked.
I step back until I feel the water lap at my toes. And then I stop.
“Can you hear me?”
Cole gives me a confused look. He can’t.
Good.
I turn away from him, then take a deep, not-quite-soothing breath and dive in.
I stay under. For a long time. I swim in circles and try to get my hammering heart to slow down. I know that when I come up near the surface, the iridescent glint of my skin will be enough to tell him the truth.
Besides, he has to see how long I can go without air.
Finally, I burst up to the surface, forcing my jaw to clamp down. I need to make sure he still has the iPod on, so I turn to look at him. He’s still tied up, still has the earbuds in his ears. He’s staring at me, totally, completely still. He could be a statue.
No . . . wait. Something’s not right with his expression. It’s not shock, or awe, or a thousand things I would expect to see at this point. It’s . . . alarm? Is he actually afraid of me? I hadn’t expected to see actual fear, real apprehension....
My heart shreds. He’s genuinely terrified, by the stark look in his eyes—like I’m going to haul him out and kill him or something. Our eyes can’t seem to tear apart, and I just tread water as I take in the dark fear in his eyes.
And then he moves.
And I realize he’s not tied up anymore.
Huh? The shadows shift and rearrange themselves. And then, the full picture seems to focus. It’s Erik who takes a step away from the tree. The moonlight falls across his face, casting a weird, grim darkness over his eyes. He gives me a twisted smile, one that sends a chill racing down my spine. He takes another step, toward Cole, toward me.
Fear ripples through me again. Down my spine, settling low in my stomach. There’s victory in Erik’s look. Like he’s won. What is he doing?
And then it gets worse. Sienna steps out from behind another tree, one hand gripping the bark like it’s the only thing steadying her.
Pajamas. Somehow that’s the first thing I pick up on. She’s wearing flannel pants and a dark gray CCH T-shirt, probably something she borrowed from Patrick. I seem to be stuck on the pajamas, staring at them as if they’re the most important part of this puzzle. Did Erik go to her house, yank her out of bed, and bring her here?
Panic swells again. How much has she seen? I try to read her expression, and I realize: enough. She’s seen enough. I bite hard on the edge of my lip. Hard enough to draw blood.
Why would Erik do this? Why would he ruin everything in one fell swoop?
I throw myself forward, until my bare feet find muddy bank and I climb out of the water. The lake water drips down my hair, slides down my skin. I take a few hurried steps, embarrassed to have an audience when I’m nearly naked. I instinctively go to grab my clothes, but they’re missing. Stolen.
I start to step backward, hide my body in the water, but it makes my skin crawl. I don’t want to see the iridescent scales on my legs either. I’m not sure what Erik wants, only that he controls the situation. Does he want me in the water, or does he want me out?
And why did he bring Sienna here? To destroy my life completely? Is he panicking because I pushed him away?
I take a few more steps, so that I’m fully on the shore. I should be embarrassed, demand some clothes, but I’m too angry. How could Erik do this? Is he that desperate to separate me from everyone else? Does he think if he isolates me somehow, he’ll win?
“What do you think you’re doing?” My voice was supposed to be angry, demanding, but it comes out pathetic and shaky.
“Ensuring I get what I deserve.” He’s standing there as if he owns the lake, his shoulders squared, his smirk cocky.
He looks nothing like the guy I’ve spent the last few weeks with.
Nothing like him.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I worked
very
hard to make this all happen, and I’m not going to let you simply throw it away.”
“What
are
you?” Sienna bounds forward. Her pink slippers sink into the mud as her hair floats out around her in the breeze left over from the storm. She’s inches from me. Her hands ball up and release, flex again, and I brace myself for the punch to the nose I’m sure is coming.
But it doesn’t. I blink. Sienna seems to be in shock, not sure what to say to me or why she’s saying it. Just that she doesn’t understand any of this.
“Did you drive here?” I ask.
She blinks.
I glance over at Erik, who is struggling to keep Cole under control now that he is no longer tied up. I’m not sure how he managed to untie him from the tree and yet still keep his hands bound behind his back. I lower my voice. “Did. You. Drive. Here.” Every word is perfectly articulated, low enough that I don’t think Erik can hear.
Sienna, bless her soul, nods.
“Leave. Please, if you’ve ever trusted me a day in your life, leave. And I swear to you, I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Everything. Including the truth about Steven. But you have to go.”
Erik knows what I’m doing now, steps forward as if to stop me, his smirk turned into a frown. He didn’t count on this. On Sienna listening to me for a second, once she saw who I was. On Sienna actually having a mind of her own.
I stare into her eyes for a long moment. They look so much like Steven’s, it’s hard not to look away as the pain snakes around my heart. And then . . . she spins around. Runs. Her blonde hair streams behind her as she leaps over a log, breaks into a sprint as the sticks in her path snap under her weight.
A tiny piece of me relaxes. And then I turn to Erik, surprised that he let her go. “You need to leave. This isn’t right and you know it. You’ll never get what you want this way.”
“You don’t even know what I want.” He looks pleased, which sends a shiver of fear down my spine. There’s such a weird gleam of satisfaction in his eyes, like the cat that has the canary.
I grit my teeth. “This isn’t something you can force me into. You want me to give you forever, and I can’t even give you a day. It’ll never work. Just let me go. Let
him
go.”
He just laughs. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t want forever. I never did,” he says, giving Cole a little shove. “I was
never
going to fall in love with you. Yes, love can break your curse, but I don’t give a damn about your bloody curse.”
He pauses, takes in my expression, and grins wider. “See, I’m not cursed to be a nix. Unless you think a horse is cursed to be a horse. I
am
a nix. Forever and always, a creature of the river. It’s not so bad, really. I get to control people. Drown them when I feel like it.” That creepy smile envelops his face. “And I
feel like it
fairly often.”
Cole’s eyes flare wider. He’s just realized he’s in danger. That Erik is capable of more than either of us ever realized. He starts to take a step away from Erik, toward me, but Erik is too fast for him. He grabs the back of Cole’s shirt and yanks him.
I’m frozen, blindsided by the harsh reality of who Erik is, by the fact that I stupidly trusted everything he told me. I was too desperate for it all to be true.
“Is
anything
you said true? Is your mom even a siren?”
The smirk returns as he shakes his head, and then it grows into an ugly, arrogant smile, as if he just came into possession of the world and is about to wave it in front of me before yanking it away. He reaches out and shoves Cole so abruptly that Cole falls to his knees. Because he’s still shackled, he doesn’t put his hands out to catch himself, just falls facedown.