Chapter 12
S
arah arrived back at her tent after flying
all day. To her delight, she found Ethan’s white envelope on the floor of her
tent waiting for her. A soft smile came to her mouth as she scooped it up and
went inside the hot, stuffy interior. It was 1800, and she was starving. Sarah
had been flying medevac missions from 0900 onward. Her hand shook slightly as
she sat down on her cot after placing her helmet bag on the floor. Last night
had changed her life.
Her body still glowed from Ethan’s lovemaking. She had hated
saying goodbye at Ops at 0700. Wanting to kiss him but unable to; she was back
in the military harness with too many eyes watching them.
She opened the blue parchment, hungrily reading his beautiful
words.
These are the shining mansions and
palaces
Dwelling within the house of your
consciousness,
Where colors run riot, and the rigidity of
rules
And restrictions have no sway. I am forever
touched by gladness
That you allowed my antenna to slip in for a
short stay
To this hidden oasis, this rainbow
retreat
Where jewels of yourself are
unrestrained
And your spirit engages in endless delight
and play,
Say what you will that you are an ordinary
person:
We will tell none of your poker face
desire
To blend into normalcy and proper
station
Say what you will
Yet we hear the whisper of enchanted blustery
breezes
To careen and dance between your atoms’
space
And for the blazing, coursing tides of ardent
expression
To kiss as dew into your untrodden, spiraling
paths and passageways
Hidden beneath the winking sphinx of your
countenance...
(Ethan)
Closing her eyes, Sarah pressed the paper to her heart, feeling
Ethan’s invisible arms around her, hearing his low voice whispering those words
in her ear and heart. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and carefully
slipped the poem back into the envelope. She stood and placed the letter with
the others in a small bundle that she’d wrapped in some twine to keep them
together. Her heart ached for Ethan’s nearness. He fed her on so many levels, so
unlike other men. Perhaps it had been his mother who had made her boys
sensitized toward women, taught them to treat them as equals.
She put all her gear on the cot and pulled on her dark green
baseball cap. Settling the cap on her head, she decided food first.
Would Ethan be there? He had given her the number to call him
over at SEAL HQ if she needed anything. Sarah had decided not to call him. On
something important, definitely. A huge part of her wanted to keep what they had
secret. Sacred.
A new vulnerability opened deep within her and Sarah wanted to
protect it, give it a chance to take root. To flourish for the first time in her
life. And just when she would experience that high, heady feeling, her past
would crash into her, destroying all those fragile, new feelings.
* * *
Sarah awoke the next morning. Automatically, her gaze
went to the tent floor. Her heart bounded. There was another envelope from
Ethan. She felt an incredible wave of desire. How she wished he could steal
silently into her tent, but someone would see him. And then gossip would start.
It wasn’t something Sarah wanted. Not here. Not with the other medevac pilots
who just waited for an opportunity to mercilessly tease her. If they ever got
wind that Ethan was the man in her life, hell would rain down on her. Better
that he stole like a silent shadow in the night, long after everyone slept, to
deliver his beautiful poetry to her. It was enough.
Sarah sat up, rubbing her eyes and walking to the door to
retrieve it.
I might seek to tell others
About the lush vibrant peaks of your
blossoming soul
But until they see your gardens,
They are likely to take you at face
value
That you are ordinary...
Do not believe it.
You are extraordinary
You are a testament and reminder
that in the seed of all of us
Are the blooms to come
Reaching as effortlessly as sunflowers for
the sun
And here on out you need not ask
me
If I can come out and play. The Answer is
YES.
And it has always been YES—You are
luminous.
(to be continued by the poet who is currently
on Rollerblades...)
Sarah’s heart burst with such raw emotion for Ethan that she
felt breathless for a moment. She closed her eyes, fingers against the envelope
and paper, her heart wide open to him. To all possibilities.
* * *
Ten days later Ethan scowled as he was handed a summons
for a court-martial. He was ordered to Bagram for an interview. He saw it
involved the man who had assaulted Sarah. His mouth automatically tightened. He
wondered if she’d just been given the summons because Tolleson and about thirty
other individuals were named. Probably the whole damned canteen of men on that
day had been given this summons. The Army sergeant who had assaulted her had
been in the canteen prior to her leaving it.
It was near noon, and he missed Sarah acutely. After spending
the night with her in his arms nearly two weeks ago, Ethan could barely think
about anything else. Luckily, the platoon had just come into a rest cycle and he
could clean his equipment, replace items in his ruck to prepare for the next
mission coming up shortly. And finally get a chance to meet Sarah at the chow
hall.
His mind always lingered on her. He worried about her flying,
even though he knew her bravery was unmatched. She would rush into situations
other medevac pilots might deem too hot and dangerous. Ethan scowled, beginning
to realize a romance in war had its highs, but the lows sure as hell sucked.
Big-time. It gave him satisfaction to write the poem stanzas and then move like
a shadow to her tent in the early morning hours. Now he knew his words touched
her heart, and that made him feel good in so many ways.
Looking at the summons again, Ethan realized all of them had to
be in Bagram on the same date. He wondered how all the witnesses were going to
testify in one day. It was just too many people to interview at one time.
Someone approached and turned. It was Tolleson, scowling as he
read his summons.
“Damn, this is going to screw our patrol that’s scheduled on
that day,” he muttered. “There’s no way all these witnesses are going to give
their testimony in one day.”
“We might be there two days,” Ethan agreed.
Snorting, Tolleson growled, “Three or four friggin’ days. I
know how these little investigations work. They’ll only have three investigators
and your name will be called and you’ll be led to a little room to be
interviewed. It’s such a waste of our valuable time.”
“That Army sergeant has whatever they hand out to him coming,”
Ethan said. “I know we have a mission coming up, but I think we owe Chief Benson
our testimony. Don’t you?”
Tolleson grimaced. As LPO, his duty was to get the shooters
prepared and ready to go. He didn’t like to be blindsided. And Tolleson had no
idea Ethan and Sarah had a relationship. Ethan was remaining mute on that one.
He had Sarah’s back.
“Yeah, she’s the victim in this,” Tolleson finally muttered
apologetically, scratching his head. “It’s just coming at a friggin’ bad time is
all.”
* * *
Sarah awoke early. She’d slept restlessly because she’d
received the summons to go to Bagram and testify against the man who had
assaulted her. She wished Ethan were around. Being in the limelight scared the
hell out of her, even if she was within her legal rights. As a child, if Sarah
drew attention to herself, Bill noticed her. And when he noticed her... She
whispered a curse and stood up. She saw Ethan’s white envelope on the deck. A
rush of emotions, all good, pushed her ugly memories aside.
Her heart pounded briefly as she unfolded the creamy
parchment.
As you gain momentum for your magnified
daring
I encourage you to invite others to your
hidden gardens
To receive a taste of the leafy wonders
unraveling there
You need no longer hide your head
Under sheets of practicality—
It is a given for you to dazzle
And expand beyond all that you had once
dared
To have seen. Infinity is yours for the
asking.
Just as you cannot help but grow
Into the break dance of light as it embraces
day,
Shining into infinite prisms of magic and of
light.
And to answer your question, there is no end
to growth
As your petals continue to open and
magnify
Beyond everything you have ever seen, or hope
to be
To encompass and caress.
As long as I breathe, I will seek the diamond
of your heart.
Chow hall 1900 tonight?
(Ethan)
* * *
Sarah tried to keep her game face on as she searched the
busy chow hall, which contained at least two hundred people at dinnertime.
Where was Ethan? She felt dread and didn’t know why. They
hadn’t seen each other in over two weeks. Sarah felt that ugliness creeping back
into her emotions and mind. She’d always felt dirty and discarded. Ethan had
made her feel clean and beautiful. Now their relationship seemed as if it had
been a dream, now shattered by reality as she came back down to earth. She had
come home to Bravo and that toxic, hungry animal that lived within her was
awakening again. Ethan’s love had tamed it. And that pain-filled animal within
her always reminded her she was ugly. Sarah couldn’t put into words the feelings
that came with it. That dark, flowing river of emotions experienced as a child
was always there.
Would Ethan one day see her ugliness? Sarah lived in dread of
that. Her desire to see him turned into anxiety. She didn’t want to look obvious
as she went through the line with her tray. Too many men stared at her. And now
their stares had the same power over her as they had before.
As Sarah left the line, she still hadn’t spotted Ethan. He may
have gotten orders for a QRF. She tried to find a quiet, safe place away from
all the men.
“Sarah?”
Ethan’s low voice was close, and she turned, surprised. He was
standing nearby, his expression solemn, his gaze trained on her. His look moved
down through her like a bolt of lightning. He was in his SEAL cammies, the SIG
pistol riding low on his right thigh, a small knife in a sheath strapped to his
lower left leg. Everything about him shouted danger. But he wasn’t dangerous to
her.
He had been her tender, sensitive lover. He knew how to please
her, release her from her dark past and give her hope. Sarah’s smile was
halfhearted as she looked up at him.
“This way,” Ethan urged, turning and leading her out of the
main room.
There were several smaller rooms out of view of the patrons in
the chow hall. To her relief, he led her down a brightly polished hall and into
a room on the right. Inside, Sarah saw one table and his tray on it.
“Is this called a SEAL ambush?” she asked, walking over and
sitting down opposite him.
Ethan closed the door. There was a window in it and no way to
stop people from looking in on them. He wanted to kiss Sarah. “You could say
that,” he murmured, giving her a warm look of hello. His body burned and ached.
God, he wanted her right here, right now. Ethan had to erase the visualization
of Sarah naked, lying on top of the table. He took a deep breath, willing his
control back into place. It didn’t matter what she wore, he knew the voluptuous,
soft, velvet body hidden beneath that green flight uniform. A wariness returned
to Sarah’s eyes. His gut knotted. What had happened? She didn’t look happy to
see him. Almost...shy in his presence once again. Something was wrong.
Ethan sat and gazed at her. “You look incredibly beautiful.
I’ve missed you.”
Sarah felt heat move into her cheeks, meeting his narrowing
gray eyes. “Your poem—it was wonderful. I sat there this morning and cried
because it was so unbelievably sincere. I knew it was your heart speaking to
me.” She forced herself to pick up her utensils and eat. Just looking at that
well-shaped mouth of his, sent her body on alert. Remembering.
“I don’t have any more written,” Ethan apologized, cutting the
roast on his tray. “What did you get out of the poem?” He held her moist gaze.
Sarah, he was discovering, was easily touched. But a woman’s heart and soul were
wired differently than a man’s, and it was something he had always
appreciated.
“It’s as if you took one look at me and knew I was trying to
hide. Trying to not be noticed. That you felt I should come out of that hiding
and bloom, be myself no matter what anyone else thought.”
Ethan shook his head. “Damn, you’re good,” he praised. “Bingo.
I wrote the poem after that first day I saw you in the canteen. I could feel you
hiding.” And then his voice softened. “But now I know why.” She still was to a
degree.
“It’s in the past.” She shrugged.
Ethan said nothing, knowing Sarah’s past still haunted her. He
marveled at how fearless she was as a pilot.
Unstoppable. To look at her classic face, to fall into the
depths of her blue eyes—she moved every particle in his hard, aching body to
vibrant, throbbing life. “There are so many sides to you,” he said, taking a
drink of his water. “I find myself lying awake at night on my cot wondering what
you did as a child that made you laugh. What fascinated you? What got your
attention?”