Rude Astronauts (38 page)

STEINBERG: I caught that same discussion too, sir, but I’m not certain whether this is an issue which should be decided by the
Larry King Show
. It makes about as much sense as the proposal to rename the refuge as the “Pete Chambliss Memorial Wetlands” (
Laughter
). I don’t think Pete would have appreciated that. …

KAPLAN: I tend to agree, Mr. Steinberg.

STEINBERG: The point is, Mr. Kaplan, that the dinosaurs were as much pawns in this … um, matter as I was. If the pack is exterminated and the research project is discontinued, then in the end Tiffany … that is, Ms. Nixon … would have succeeded in what she was trying to do. The Colorado project was begun in the name of scientific inquiry. It would be a waste to abandon it because someone tried to turn the dinosaurs into a murder weapon.

KAPLAN: But they did murder two men, Mr. Steinberg. Three people if you count Ms. Nixon. That’s the undeniable fact.

STEINBERG: Only because killing is inherent to their nature. They can’t help themselves … they came from a different world than ours. If the pack is exterminated and the project is discontinued, then the bitter irony is that Tiffany Nixon will have succeeded in the end. The dinosaurs will be lost to an act of terrorism.

KAPLAN: Mr. Steinberg, you may be correct. I can’t fault your logic. Yet I’m afraid you’re much too late in making your case for the dinosaurs.

STEINBERG: What? … I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t understand what you’re …

KAPLAN: This morning the Georgia state legislature decided that the two surviving members of the deinonychus pack should be treated the same way as wild or domesticated animals which have caused the death of a human being. We understand that … uh, Jason and Michael were both destroyed at nine o’clock this morning, about the time you began your testimony.

STEINBERG: I wasn’t told …

KAPLAN: I’m sorry, Mr. Steinberg … and I believe Ms. McCaffrey would like to be recognized by the chair. Congresswoman?

McCAFFREY: I’m surprised by your last-minute plea for clemency for the dinosaurs, Mr. Steinberg. You witnessed the horrible deaths of Mr. Gerhardt and your friend and political mentor with your own eyes. If you had not turned the tables on Ms. Nixon, you would have met the same fate yourself. Perhaps you’ve had a change of mind in the meantime?

STEINBERG: Ummm … no, I don’t think I’ve had a change of mind, Ms. McCaffrey. It’s just that … well, I just don’t believe science should be the victim of politics.

McCAFFREY: Mr. Steinberg, we’ll have to forgive you for your innocence of youth. That is much too rash a statement. When has science ever been the victim of politics?

STEINBERG: Ma’am, I think you’ve got it wrong. The question should be, when has science never been the victim of politics?

McCAFFREY: I see … Mr. Kaplan, I would like to make a motion for adjournment.

KAPLAN: The motion is seconded and passed. These hearings are adjourned until tomorrow.

Acknowledgments

N
OTHING GETS WRITTEN IN
a vacuum, especially not a collection of short stories. There are quite a few people who need to be thanked for helping, either directly or indirectly, to get these stories published. Although it’s tempting to categorize them, I’d just as soon list them alphabetically and let the reader try to figure out who did what.

Aiding and abetting in the creation of
Rude Astronauts
were: Russell Banks, Deborah Beale, Gregory Benford, Michael C. Bingham, Mary-Rita Blute, Edward Bryant, Ginjer Buchanan, Dan Caldwell, Gardner Dozois, Art Dula, Rick Dunning, Donald and Genevieve Edwards, Harlan Ellison, Loren Ghiglione, Martin H. Greenberg, Frank and Joyce Jacobs, Bob Jennings, Steven Jones-d’Agostino, Dan Kaplan, James Patrick Kelly, Terry and Linda Kepner, Bob Liddil, Martha Millard, Ken Moore, Dorothy Mosokowski, the late Joel Oppenheimer, Richard Phelps, Ian Ralph, Frank M. Robinson, Paul “Tiny” Stacy, my mother Damaris Steele and sisters Elizabeth and Rachel, Michael Swanwick, Michael J. Walsh, Michael Warshaw, and Sheila Williams.

About the Author

Before becoming a science fiction writer, Allen Steele was a journalist for newspapers and magazines in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Missouri, and his home state of Tennessee. But science fiction was his first love, so he eventually ditched journalism and began producing that which had made him decide to become a writer in the first place.

Since then, Steele has published eighteen novels and nearly one hundred short stories. His work has received numerous accolades, including three Hugo Awards, and has been translated worldwide, mainly into languages he can’t read. He serves on the board of advisors for the Space Frontier Foundation and is a member of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America. He also belongs to Sigma, a group of science fiction writers who frequently serve as unpaid consultants on matters regarding technology and security.

Allen Steele is a lifelong space buff, and this interest has not only influenced his writing, it has taken him to some interesting places. He has witnessed numerous space shuttle launches from Kennedy Space Center and has flown NASA’s shuttle cockpit simulator at the Johnson Space Center. In 2001, he testified before the US House of Representatives in hearings regarding the future of space exploration. He would like very much to go into orbit, and hopes that one day he’ll be able to afford to do so.

Steele lives in western Massachusetts with his wife, Linda, and a continual procession of adopted dogs. He collects vintage science fiction books and magazines, spacecraft model kits, and dreams.

Linda Steele

All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

“Eulogy.” Copyright © 1986 by Worcester County Newspapers. Used by permission. Originally appeared in
Worcester Magazine
, February 5, 1986, as “In Reaching for the Stars, We Found Ourselves.”

“Free Beer and the William Casey Society.” Copyright © 1989 by Allen M. Steele. Originally appeared in
Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine
, December 1991.

“Sugar’s Blues.” Copyright © 1992 by Allen Steele. Originally appeared in
Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine
, February 1992.

“Live from the Mars Hotel.” Copyright © 1988 by Allen M. Steele. Originally appeared in
Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine
, Mid-December 1988.

“Pakachoag Hill.” Copyright © 1985 by Worcester County Newspapers. Used by permission. Originally appeared in
Worcester Magazine
, September 25, 1985, as “In Auburn, the Space Age Is Born.”

“Goddard’s People.” Copyright © 1991 by Allen Steele. Originally appeared in
Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine,
July 1991, and in
What Might Have Been, Volume III: Alternate Wars
, edited by Gregory Benford and Martin H. Greenberg, Bantam/Spectra, 1991.

“John Harper Wilson.” Copyright © 1989 by Allen M. Steele. Originally appeared in
Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine,
June 1989.

“LGM.” Copyright © 1988 by Allen M. Steele. Originally appeared in
Worcester Monthly
, December 1988, as “E.T., Phone Here.”

“Hapgood’s Hoax.” Copyright © 1989 by Allen Steele. Originally appeared in
Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine
, Mid-December 1990.

“Waiting for the End of the World.” Copyright © 1985 by Worcester County Newspapers. Used by permission. Originally appeared in
Worcester Magazine
, October 30, 1985, as “Preparing for the Worst of All Possible Worlds.”

“Winter Scenes of the Cold War.” Copyright © 1989 by Allen M. Steele. Originally appeared in
Worcester Monthly
, March 1989.

“Can You Count the Angels Dancing on a Pin?” Copyright © 1986 by Worcester County Newspapers. Used by permission. Originally appeared in
Worcester Magazine
, September 24, 1986, as “How Many Angels Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?”

“Trembling Earth.” Copyright © 1990 by Allen Steele. Originally appeared in
Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine
, November 1990.

Cover design by Michel Vrana

978-1-4804-3996-2

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