Sacrifice (6 page)

“Go get cleaned up and we’ll go get something to eat?” His voice was low and it rumbled against my body. It travelled down through me making me shut my eyes.

I didn’t know him. He was a stranger and yet I couldn’t get him out of my head. I couldn’t shake the desire to be close to him. To wrap my body around his. To let him in… Let him get to see the real me. I’d technically already done it. It was just another step. One small step forward but I was afraid to take it. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid of what might happen if I let someone in.

“Ok.” I answered him, my voice quiet, barely more than a whisper.

He helped me to my feet his hand swallowing mine in his grip. There was something familiar in his touch, in the coarse feel of his fingers on my hand. A small snippet of memory from the night before drifted into my head and I grasped at it.

Sitting in the passenger seat of his car. He had held my hand, his fingers stroking my skin and I remembered the coarse feel. The hands of someone who had worked for everything he had in his life. He wasn’t like the other guys in college. Entitled. Everything handed to them on a silver platter. Sam had earned his place in this world. And I wanted to know about it. Know about him.

He let me go and walked from the bathroom. I watched him go, my body frozen in place. He turned and cocked his head to one side, the look in his eyes quizzical.

“I’ll just be out here. I’ll be right here waiting for you.”

My body still refused to move and there must have been something in my eyes. Something that gave away my deepest darkest fears. Because the next words that left his lips stunned me.

“Natasha, I promise. I’m here for you.” 

He pulled the door shut leaving me alone. I didn’t think as I stripped and stepped into the shower. The spray of water soaking my hair in seconds, washing away the fear of the night before. I watched as my mascara soaked onto my fingers as I scrubbed at my face. It was therapeutic. Like a ritual cleansing.

I lifted my hand to push my hair back over my shoulder, my fingers brushing against my neck and I remembered a snap shot. Ian’s lips against my neck as he kissed me. The thought alone made me shudder violently.

I fought it back, pushing it away until my mind was clear again. Was this what it was going to be like now? When I least expected it I’d be assaulted with memories I didn’t want? I had no idea how far last nights encounter with Ian had gone. It made it harder to gauge the extent of the memory break through.

Grabbing the shampoo I scrubbed it into my scalp viciously, almost to the point where I drew blood. I had been stupid. Stupid and lucky. But I couldn’t allow myself to rely on luck. What happened when my luck ran out? But Sam was a nice guy and he didn’t deserve to be dragged into the crazy that I called my life.

I leaned my head against the wall of the shower, just letting the water beat down on top of me. I had to tell him that I wasn’t worth all of this. That I’d understand if he wanted out. If he wanted to get away from the great big sucking black hole my life was slipping into. But I hoped he wouldn’t. It was nice to have someone who could look me in the eye and understand. Understand that I was messed up, that I had crazy thoughts. Someone who wouldn’t hold it against me. And that someone was Sam.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Sam

Pacing the floor of her bedroom he listened to the sound of the running water. At least she was in the shower. At least she wasn’t completely out of her mind. If it was him. If he had been the one to wake up with no memory of the night before only to be told it was because someone had drugged him… Well Sam knew what he’d do and it wouldn’t be pretty. And it sure as hell wouldn’t have been as controlled as Natasha.

She was strong, a fighter. He’d been sure of it before, but actually seeing it was a different thing altogether. How she could get back on her feet and continue on?

Maybe she won’t? Maybe right now she’s falling apart and you’re not there to help her.

The voice in the back of his mind piped up and Sam tried to push it away. Yeah she had broken down. Cried. But that was normal, to be expected. But he had expected more. Expected it to be worse.

He remembered one of the girls he knew from back home. Remembered the way she flipped out over the least little thing. When he’d told her he was done, that he didn’t want anything more to do with her. That he didn’t want to see her… Her reaction had been explosive. Volcanic.

It had happened after his brother had died… Amanda was into drugs and all sorts of other things. She was connected to them, connected to the people who had killed his brother… To the people Sam was now working for.

It was all such a mess. He dropped onto the mattress and buried his face in his hands. He wasn’t supposed to get involved, well not really. And yet when he looked into Natasha’s eyes he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t walk away. And he certainly couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t beginning to feel something.

The sound of the water cut off and Sam stood, uncertain about where exactly he should be when she came out of the bathroom. What was he supposed to say? He’d promised he’d be here. But not just here. He’d promised he’d be here for her and he’d meant it. He wasn’t sure what had come over him. Saying things like that was dangerous. The last thing now that he wanted to do was add to her hurt, her distrust of others.

It hit him then, Sam wanted her to want him. Wanted her to look at him with trust in her eyes. He wanted to be the one person she could rely on. The person she could come to when things had turned to madness. A rock when she needed it…

Stupid! So stupid!

How had he allowed this to happen? He had a job to do. He pulled his phone from his pocket and stared at the missed call sign. She was worried, it was the only reason she was calling so much. And he couldn’t blame her. She’d already lost one son.

But Sam was here for a reason. He was here for her. He had to see this through. He couldn’t let her down, not now, not after everything. Everyone else had always let her down. His father, his brother… And now the doctors. They’d let her down but he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. There was nothing more important in this life. Nothing more important than family…

“Is everything alright?” Natasha’s voice cut through his thoughts, making him jump. Hastily he shoved the cell phone back in his pocket and looked up at her with a small smile.

“Yeah, I was just checking some messages…”

“Look, if you need to be somewhere else. If there’s someone else that needs you, then I’ll understand. You’ve already done more than enough for me.”

He could see from the set of her shoulders that she had obviously prepared herself for being alone. Prepared herself for him to walk away. But he wouldn’t. This was a job but it had become so much more. And he would see it through. Spending time with her couldn’t hurt. It was a lie and he knew it but it was easier to lie to himself than to realise the truth.

“Nope,” he spread his hands wide and shrugged, “I’ve got nowhere else to be but with you. And I did say we’d go and get something to eat. I don’t know about you but I am starving.” He grinned at her in the hopes that he’d get to glimpse even a peek at her own smile. She deserved to be happy. Deserved to smile all the time.

She did smile at him. It was a little stronger than the one he had seen in the bathroom. She picked her bag up from the seat near the desk and searched around inside for her phone. When she tugged it out she flipped it up and stared at the screen for a minute.

She chewed her lip and Sam watched her, taking mental notes of all the cute little things she did. She seemed to be deep in thought, her brow furrowed as she clicked away on the cell phone for a second. She glanced up at him suddenly catching him as he stared at her.

Her face flushed with colour and she smiled again. A sort of lopsided grin. A smile that he would do anything to see over and over.

“So where do you want to go?” She asked, the intensity of her blush making her look only more vulnerable.

“Let me surprise you.” Sam winked, all of his fears and worries slowly melting away. The more time he spent with her the easier it was to forget what he was really doing here.

She seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding and heading for the door. Sam followed her out the door before slowly taking the lead to his car.

Sam pulled the car into the car park beside the restaurant. Restaurant was probably too generous a word for the place but they cooked the best food in the city. Their breakfasts were worth the dingy surroundings. He climbed out and watched as Natasha followed suit. She stared around at her surroundings, her expression sceptical.

“I promise you’ll love the food.” Sam said, making his way around to her side. Part of him wanted to take her hand in his. Reassurance, or was it something more, something he wasn’t particularly ready to admit to himself yet.

She nodded but didn’t say a word. It had been like that for the entire drive. He wanted to know what she was thinking, where her mind went when she fell into silence. He knew she was probably thinking about the night before. Trying to put the pieces back together. She was lucky she remembered as much as she did. Sam knew of others who couldn’t recall anything… Maybe they were the lucky ones. Was it easier to remember snippets, have a sense of what happened but not fully know for sure. Or in cases like this was ignorance bliss.

He held the door of the food place open for Natasha. She made her way inside, choosing a booth against the far wall. Sam smiled more to himself than anything else. Every time he came here it was that exact booth he sat in. It gave him the best view of people coming and going. Plus having your back to a wall meant no one could sneak up on you. But he had a feeling that Natasha had chosen it for a very different reason.

He slid into the seat opposite her, his hands automatically scooping one of the menus that lay across the vinyl top table. Natasha hesitated for a moment before following his example. He watched her over the top of the menu. Taking in every detail of her face, the curve of her lips, the fullness of her lashes as they lay against her cheek when she closed her eyes.

When she put the menu down abruptly and faced him he buried his nose back in the menu.

“Why do you stare at me like that?”

“Like what?” He set the menu down and leaned back against the booth.

“Like you’re committing my face to memory?”

Sam smiled, a lazy grin. “Maybe I am.” He shrugged his shoulders and lifted his hands until he could fold them behind his head.

Her face flushed with colour again. She dropped her gaze and began to fidget with the curled edge on the paper napkin. “I don’t get why you’re doing all of this.” She gestured suddenly to her surroundings. “Why are you taking such a sudden interest in me?”

Sam felt confused. What did she mean by sudden interest? Didn’t she have other guys express interest in getting to know her. Didn’t other guys check her out? Or was she so wrapped up in her own thoughts the entire time she didn’t notice when others stared at her?

“I wouldn’t call it a sudden interest. I like you… I want to get to know you…”

Natasha shook her head and started to stand but the sudden appearance of the waitress forced her back into her seat.

“Are you ready to order?”

The girls name tag read Kimberly. Sam smiled up at her, the widest most charming smile he could manage. He watched as she melted, her hand automatically going to her red hair as she tried to make sure it was perfectly in place. She wore a little too much make-up but she was pretty.

“Kimberly, is it?” He asked her.

“Yeah, that’s me.” She fiddled with the name tag on her chest and flushed a deep red. It almost matched her hair.

“Can we get a coke, two cokes?” He glanced over at Natasha and waited for her to approve or deny the drink. She shrugged and he took that as a yes. “Two colas and two breakfasts, the full works.” He winked at her and Kimberly practically turned into a puddle in front of him.

“No problem, right away.” 

She turned and skipped away, the roll of her hips deliberately intensified to try and lure him in.

Sam turned back to Natasha again, his expression softening as he dimmed his smile and laid his hands on the table.

“What the hell was that? Am I supposed to sit here and watch as you flirt with another girl, right in front of him, seconds after you tell me you like me? Are you nuts?”

Sam shrugged. “I’m probably a little nuts, but only in the good way. And I did that to show you how I could be. I could pretend to flirt with you. Simper and grin at you like a fool. But I didn’t… I haven’t because when I look at you, and tell you I like you it’s the truth. I’ve spent years perfecting a persona for fake girls. A persona that makes them think I’m giving them exactly what they want… But with you it’s different.”

Natasha sat in silence and watched him carefully. Probably looking for the slightest hint that he was lying. Looking for a way to walk away. What had gotten to her so much that she was willing to always walk away. Never take a chance…

“I don’t want to be that guy when I’m with you. But I need you to know that he exists within me… That I can be incredibly charming. But I want you to see the real me… Just like I see the real you…”

Sam had no idea if his words were making any sense. They didn’t particularly make much sense to him. She continued to watch him for a few more seconds, her eyes narrowed as she seemed to be sizing him up.

Finally she dropped her face into her hands and let out a sigh. “Fine. I can buy that… But please no more. I felt like I was going to puke watching you two.”

The waitress was making her way back, a large smile plastered across her face. She set the first plate down in front of Natasha, practically slopping it onto the table before turning back to Sam. She leaned in over him thrusting her chest into his face as she set his plate down carefully.