Saving You, Saving Me (11 page)

“Oh, I have a high metabolism,” I waved away his concern, turning away from  him to look at the empty screen in front of me. I had my own call desk now.  A week ago, I was officially declared a full-fledged peer counselor, which meant I could handle all my calls by myself and that I could help other peer counselors with their questions.

Derek pursed his lips but didn’t say anything. “Just remember Sam, like I said, if you need to talk, I’m here.”

“Thanks for being here,” I said standing and smiling up at him.

He grinned back, smiling at me with warm eyes. “Anything for you,” he teased. “I’m going to miss training you, but you caught on very quickly and went through training with a breeze.” He smiled shyly. “I’m secretly proud of you. You’ve become a peer counselor faster than anyone here. And now you get to change shifts.”

“Thanks to a good teacher,” I said, using my hand to playfully shove him in the chest. He didn’t stumble back, like I thought he would. Instead he grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me in towards him.

“I’m serious, Sam,” he said, looking down at me with hooded eyes. “Soon, you’ll be taking on another shift, and I won’t be able to see you. You’ll be on your own at your own schedule.  You won’t have the same one as mine.”

“Derek,” I said pulling away, but keeping my hand on his chest. “I’m sure we can have an overlap in hours.”

Derek looked like he wanted to kiss me then. I didn’t know if I wanted him to or not, but I pulled away. Spending hours with him had gotten us closer as friends, and I enjoyed hearing about his classes at UC Irvine and his desire to pursue a career in counseling. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted anything more than friendship from him even though he was very cute in a collegiate boy way.

He looked disappointed.

 Right then, the green light began flashing on screen and on my phone. I turned back to the phone, put on the headset, and said, “Hi, you’ve reached Sawyer House, what do you want to talk about?”

I watched Derek sit down in a chair next to me, putting on his headset. He was going to listen in.

“Uh, I don’t know where to begin,” a young man’s voice said.

“No hurry. Why did you call?”

“I did something bad, and I don’t know what to do.”

My eyes looked over at Derek, and his eyes met mine, calm and collected.

“Do you want to talk about what you did or about how you feel about it?”

“I want to talk about how I feel about it. I know what I did was bad, but I don’t feel bad about it. What’s done is done. I felt it was right.”

“Then why are you calling?”

“Because I know I hurt someone I cared about because I did what I did.”

I took a deep breath. “Have you and this person you cared about talked about it?”

“Yes, and she won’t stop crying. I feel bad for breaking her heart, but she’s all wrong for me.”

My face went white. Derek came over and took the headset off my head and placed the Caller’s call on hold.

“Sam, are you alright?” he asked me.

I took a breath and said, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Why did you turn deathly pale like that all of a sudden, Sam?” Derek asked.

“It’s nothing,” I said. “He, that Caller, just said something that reminded me of something, uh, someone I know.”

Derek took my hand in his and said, “Was that someone you know?”

“No, not at all,” I laughed.

“Do you want to finish the call or do you want me to?” Derek said, his face filled with concern for me. I couldn’t help smiling back. He had become a pretty good friend in such a short period of time.

“I’ll finish the call, Derek,” I said calmly.

He looked at me intently for a second and then sat back down, while I put on my headset and pressed the button to continue.

“Hello?” the young man asked. “Are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m still here. I’m listening.”

“So, should I continue seeing her, although I’m in love with her best friend and we slept together?”

The blood rushed back into my brain and my face was no longer pale white but flaming red. That was his problem? He cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend and now thinks it’s okay to continue leading his girlfriend on?  Anger surged through me for my fellow gender.

“Now listen here,” I said almost calmly.

“Steve,” he said.

“Steve. Listen.  This is what you’re going to do.  You’re going to come clean. To your girlfriend. If you don’t, then you’ll keep on hurting her, and it sounds as though you don’t want that. Not to mention, you’ll be hurting her best friend. If you love her best friend, you should be with her and not with your girlfriend.”

“But Leila is pregnant,” he said.

I looked at Derek and rolled my eyes.

He sat back in his chair and actually broke out in a grin.

“Steve, is Leila your girlfriend?”

“Yes,” he said.

Gah! I took my headset off, pressed hold on the telephone and began pacing back and forth. “Of all the…” I looked at Derek throwing my hands up in the air.  “What do I say?” I asked.

Derek shook his head. “That’s a pretty bad situation…one my frat brothers would all be shaking their heads at.”

I glanced at Derek. “You’re in a fraternity?”

Derek shrugged. “Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

“But you’re always here, where would you find the time to be in one?”

“I should be asking the same about you and everything you do,” Derek said.

“Derek,” I frowned. “I don’t have any experience with answering that one.  What would you say?”

“If it was me, I would do the right thing,” Derek said, “if I got the girl pregnant, then she shouldn’t have to face raising a child alone, heck raising my child alone.”

I smiled. Somehow his answer seemed so right to me at the moment.

I sat back down, put on my headset, and pressed the talk button on my phone.

“Hello?” Steve’s voice asked. “Hello, is anyone there?”

“I’m here, Steve, and I honestly had to think about this before getting back to you.” I took a breath before continuing. “Sometimes in life, we make mistakes…some mistakes bigger than others, while some are pretty small. Well…what you’ve done with Leila…sounds like you and she had enough of a relationship where you two once cared for each other. Now she’s pregnant with your child.”

“She didn’t take her pill,” he said.

“You didn’t wear a condom, or did you?” I said, surprised I said the word condom. I gasped, putting my hand to my mouth.  What would Dad say if he knew?

“No, I didn’t think I had to,” Steve said.

“Pills aren’t 100% effective,” I said, remembering what I read in a biology textbook.

“This is probably a conversation you should be having with your girlfriend and even both of your parents. Pregnancy isn’t something to be taken lightly. There is another life besides both of yours to be considering too.

“There are adoption centers, people who would love to have a baby to love and raise, there are ways for you to help raise that baby together, even if you and your girlfriend aren’t together. But you are still that baby’s father,” I said. “So act like a man and do what’s right.” I looked over at Derek who was watching me with a strange expression on his face.

“Gosh, well, I kind of knew that was coming,” Steve said.

“If you did, then you already had an idea of what you had to do,” I said.

“Yeah, it’s just that I wanted to hear it from someone who’s not involved at all. Everyone’s got an opinion on this right now, and it’s all so confusing.”

“That’s what we’re here for, Steve.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“Best of luck, Steve. I wish you the best.”

I pressed the button to end the call. As soon as I did, I fell back into my chair, letting out a breath of air.

Derek was quiet, but he had his eyes on mine as he took off his headset and came over to me.  Before I knew it, he lifted me from my chair and pulled me in towards him, giving me a tight hug.

Bewildered, I asked. “What was that for?”

“That’s for all the women in the world who had to face raising a child all on their own because some asshole like Steve couldn’t face up to their responsibilities,” Derek said.

 Derek looked sad for a brief moment so I returned his hug.

“You handled that like a pro, Sam. You’re really good at this, so good I forget you’re only eighteen.”

“I know, Derek, everyone’s said I’m mature for my age.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Sam, just a few days ago you were wearing butterflies in your hair like a little girl.”

“My mother made up my hair that day. They’re my baby sister’s hairclips,” I blushed, embarrassed to be caught wearing my baby sister’s hair accessories. “So maybe I don’t have a sophisticated fashion sense…”

“You looked adorable, Sam, as you should,” he squeezed my shoulders.

“Derek, you are too nice. I bet if I wore a burlap bag as a dress and had knots in my hair, you’d think I look adorable.”

He had a puppy dog look on his face when he said, “Maybe. The burlap dress I can see, but not the knots in your hair.”

“Yeah right.” He was such a nice guy. “Derek?” I asked. “This last call…you had a look on your face…like you were sad. Can I ask why?”

Derek looked so surprised that his mouth fell open. “You caught me off guard, Sam. You seemed so innocent, yet you’re wise at the same time.  I thought whatever was bothering you had something to do with that call, but the opposite was true. It hit home for me, what Steve and Leila was going through.”

“How? Someone in your fraternity got a girl pregnant?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they did,” Derek laughed. “But no, it’s not that. The reason why I was sad for a moment was because I was raised by a single mother. It was hard for her, but she was able to raise me, while going to school and working full time. She recently finished getting her Master’s Degree in Education – I’m so proud of her. It was her dream come true.”

I squeezed his hand and said, “You have an amazing mother, Derek. No wonder you turned out awesome!”

“Awesome?” Derek asked

“Awesomesauce,” I said, shrugging. “Gosh, you got to get out more.”

Derek raised his eyebrows. “But I do, Sam. I do. I’m in a fraternity in college, what do you think I do?”

My eyes opened wide for a moment before my hand shot out to clap my mouth. “I didn’t think you…”

“I don’t have a girlfriend like Steve does,” Derek said, “but I’m pretty careful.”

My mouth gaped as I shook my head. “Derek, you’re a serial dater. Who would have thought?”

Derek looked hurt. “I am not. I just haven’t found a girl who I want to date long-term.”

“Fair enough,” I muttered. “You’re still a serial dater. Ha ha.”

“Just wait until you go to college, there are  so many people there, you wouldn’t want to settle.”

I rolled my eyes at him, and he rolled his eyes back.  We were being immature, rolling our eyes at each other until he stood up straight and reached into his pocket for his cell phone. “Hi,” he said, his voice softening. “Kristen, I’m sorry, I forgot. The function is when?”

Derek looked at me and raised his hand in the air as if he was apologizing for taking this call.  He walked away into the Conference Room.

I sat back down at my desk, and noticed a green light flashing on screen. I put my headset on and pressed the button.

“Hi, you’ve reached Sawyer House, what do you want to talk about?”

“Hi, Susan,” a deep muffled voice asked. “This is Daggers. I’ve been waiting to call you.”

 I stopped. Almost breathless.  Daggers. “I’ve been waiting for you to call,” I laughed.

There was a gasp at the other end of the phone. “You should bottle that laugh and sell it. It’s happiness in a bottle, Susan.”

“You’re kidding me, aren’t you?” I said laughing again. “It feels good to hear your voice,” I said.

“There you go again with that laugh,” Daggers said softly. “They should call Sawyer House, Laughter House, it’s where you go to get a quick dose of sunshine, at least for me, it is, Susan.” His voice was so sincere and joyful.

“I hope so,” I said, flattered and  touched.

“Susan, I love hearing your voice. You know, I haven’t call for a while, but all those times I called and we talked has meant a lot to me.”

“Daggers,” I caught my breath. I honestly could not breathe at that moment. “It meant a lot to me, too.”

“How are things with you at home?” Daggers asked. “Is your mother staying sober?”

“She’s trying,” I said.

“What about your father? Is he talking to your mother again?”

“They talk, but I can see how Dad has not forgiven Mom for driving drunk.”

“I’m sorry to hear all that, Susan,” Daggers said.

“That’s how it is,” I said before jumping into his problem. “How’s everything going, Daggers?” I put on my Serious Susan expression.

“Ah the usual -  me fighting against the dark. And floundering badly. I’m like a blind man clutching in the dark for a light that would never be. Whenever I think about going into a relationship, it scares the shit out of me. With the amount of baggage I have, I don’t think any woman in her right mind would look at me twice. I realize I keep looking for women who would put me down and make me feel as bad as my mother.”

 My heart twisted again, thinking about the poor defenseless baby who had to endure nothing but hate from his own mother every day of his first two years of life. What person wouldn’t be a walking case of poor self-esteem.

“Are you seeing anyone right now?” I asked. “How is it working out with the girl you’re crazy about?”

Daggers said. “We began dating a few weeks back. She was so special, and not at all like the women I’ve seen in the past. She’s pure goodness and innocence. I wanted her normalcy, I wanted to make things work with her, but I think I blew it. She wasn’t into what I wanted.” He said so softly, “I’d give anything to have a normal relationship.”

More than normal dear, I thought. You needed someone with a lot of love to give. Of anyone I’d ever known, Daggers was the one person who would need a lifetime of love to get over something like his childhood.

“Susan?” Daggers asked, he had taken off the voice scrambler device, and was speaking in his own voice, which was sweet, deep, and so sexy. I jumped. I didn’t think I would respond that way to just his voice.