They exchanged greetings, and then, to Catarina’s confusion, Nicholas leant closer to her, speaking so that none of the others could hear.
‘Please keep the first waltz for me.’
* * * *
The first person Catarina saw when she entered the ballroom was Sir Humphrey Unwin. He was standing sideways towards her, and seemed to be staring hard at someone just out of her sight behind a bank of greenery. She hesitated. She had not known he was coming, and after their drive in the Park she had no wish to see him again.
Then the object of his fixed regard moved forward. It was George Pearce, and he saw her immediately and strolled towards her, nodding affably to Sir Humphrey as he came. Sir Humphrey swivelled round to watch his progress and saw Catarina. He started towards her as well, almost running, and the two men reached her simultaneously.
‘My dear Lady Brooke, how delicious you look. And I see how well my little gift goes with your gown.’
‘Good evening Catarina.’
‘Sir Humphrey, Mr Pearce.’
Delphine, who had paused to greet an acquaintance, was slightly behind Catarina, and Catarina heard her smother a chuckle before she spoke.
‘Sir Humphrey, how elegant you look. George, not in your regimentals? I’m disappointed, you look so dashing in them.’
‘I’ve decided to join the Dandy set, now the Beau has left us and made room for others to shine.’
‘The Beau? Mr Brummell, you mean? Where has he gone?’ Delphine asked.
‘Haven’t you heard? Alvanley told me. It’s all they can talk about in the clubs. His debts have finally caught up with him and he has decamped to France. They are auctioning all his possessions in a day or so. I may try to secure one of his snuffboxes. He’s reputed to have hundreds, at least one for every day of the year. He always utilized them with such style.’
‘Foppery! All the man ever thought of was clothing and fashion!’
‘Oh no, Sir Humphrey, he enjoyed the play, and opera, and his debts are mainly due to his losses at the tables,’ George gently contradicted. ‘But no doubt you are unaware of that down in the country.’
Sir Humphrey snorted. There was no other word for it, Catarina thought, and was suddenly reminded of Mr Lewis’s pigs. When George asked her to partner him in the country dance just forming, she thankfully escaped before she disgraced herself by laughing.
‘That was unkind, suggesting he is a country bumpkin,’ she said.
George laughed. ‘Isn’t he?’
‘He’s been a good friend of my husband, but I do wish he would accept that I have no wish to marry him!’
The movement of the dance separated them, and there was no more opportunity for much conversation. Sir Humphrey was standing at the side of the room, glowering, but Delphine had been drawn into another set and he was alone. Catarina felt a moment’s sorrow for him, he looked and no doubt felt out of place. She had to remind herself firmly that she could not afford to be kind as he would assume her resolve was weakening, and pursue her even more ardently. He had never spent a great deal of time in London, even when his wife was alive. She did not think his daughters had been given Seasons here. Most probably they had been sent to Bath until they found husbands similar to himself. Both of them had married unremarkable men, small landholders like himself, and his sons had both married the daughters of clergymen, and had to earn their own livings, though she was unsure whether both were attorneys, or whether one was a doctor.
When the dance ended she and Delphine found seats together near one of the tall windows opening into the garden. It was a cold night, so the windows were closed, but the garden, decorated with flambeaux and coloured streamers, looked enchanting.
They were no sooner seated than Sir Humphrey approached.
‘Catarina, I am surprised to see you dancing, so soon after poor Walter’s death. It does not strike me as seemly, but no doubt your fashionable new friends do not mind.’
All her gentle feelings for him vanished.
‘Sir Humphrey, you appear to consider it soon enough, and seemly, for me to contract another marriage. You have no jurisdiction over my behaviour. I shall determine what is seemly, and I beg you not to embarrass me in front of my friends by chiding me as though I were a child!’
He gave her a hard look, then without a further word turned and walked away. Catarina gave a deep sigh.
‘Oh dear, now I have offended him.’
‘He deserved it, the pompous old fool,’ Delphine comforted her. ‘You must not permit it to spoil your enjoyment. Listen, they have started a waltz and here comes your partner.’
* * * *
Catarina was stiff with apprehension when Nicholas bowed before her, but she managed to rise to her feet and accompany him onto the floor. When he put his arm round her waist she trembled violently.
‘I’m not about to harm you,’ he said, and she detected a hint of amusement in his voice.
She swallowed. ‘No my lord. I did not think you were.’
For some time after that they did not speak. He was an excellent dancer, and though Catarina had only danced the waltz occasionally during the last year of Walter’s life, at local assemblies, she had no difficulty in following his lead.
Eventually he broke the silence.
‘Are you enjoying your stay in London?’
‘Yes. Yes, my lord, it is very pleasant, and Delphine, Mrs Pearce, has made me most welcome.’
‘She is an old friend?’
‘We were at school together.’
‘And you know her brother-in-law well?’
‘I only met him here. Although Delphine and I have corresponded over the years, since we left school, I have only met her husband once, and George not at all previously.’
‘He seems very attentive.’
‘He is kind.’
‘And Sir Humphrey? I understand he was surprised to find you here. Mrs Eade seemed to believe you had gone to some watering place for your health. I was sorry to hear you had been indisposed.’
‘It was not serious, my lord.’
Just hurt and disappointment after he had rejected her. Catarina raised her chin slightly, then had to blink hard. She looked round the room and saw that Olivia was dancing with a young man she did not know.
‘Your sister is permitted to waltz?’ she asked. ‘I understood it was not the thing for debutantes.’
‘She luckily pleased the Patronesses at Almack’s, and they gave her permission two weeks ago. I think she would have hesitated to waltz even at a private ball if they had not.’
‘She looks lovely tonight, and is clearly enjoying herself.’
‘Catarina.’ He paused, then started again. ‘Catarina, we parted on difficult terms, and I would like an opportunity to talk with you. Will you drive out with me tomorrow, if the weather is clement? It has been such a cold and wet few months it is difficult to make arrangements.’
Catarina hesitated. Did she want to be alone with Nicholas? But if she refused she might lose her last opportunity of talking to him, and perhaps trying to convince him that Maria was not her child.
‘Very well, my lord.’
‘I will call for you at four.’
Nicholas had still not decided what he wanted when he called for Catarina the following day. She eyed the high perch phaeton and four horses, smiled in delight, then lifted her skirts and scrambled up beside him before his groom could go to her assistance.
‘I’ve always wanted to ride in one of these carriages, they look such fun,’ she said as she settled herself.
‘Allow me to put this rug round your knees,’ he said, smiling at her enthusiasm. Many ladies were terrified of sitting two yards above the ground. ‘It’s unseasonably cold.’
‘But not, for once, raining. Thank you, my lord.’
She did not speak again as he negotiated the traffic and turned into the relative peace of the Park. He wondered whether she thought he would be unable to talk and drive at the same time.
‘I hope you enjoyed the ball.’
‘Yes, indeed, it was most pleasant. Was Olivia happy?’
‘The child is overwhelmed with flowers and messages of thanks, and invitations to so many events she will have to attend three at least every day. I shall be glad that the Season will soon over and we can all get away from London.’
‘Will you go to Brighton? I believe most of the
ton
retreat there in June and July. Some have gone already.’
‘Have you ever been?’
‘No. Walter did not approve of the Prince Regent’s folly, as he called the Pavilion. Besides, we did not come to London above two or three times in our entire married life.’
Nicholas detected no trace of regret in her tone, and suddenly he wanted to know more about her first marriage.
‘What in the world made you marry a man as old as Walter, when you were so young?’ he demanded.
She glanced at him.
‘Because I was so young. My uncle arranged it. Sir Ivor became our guardian when Papa died, when I was fifteen. I was still grieving for him a year later, and I had been told so often that girls were supposed to obey their parents, accept any match arranged for them, that I never questioned it, let alone objected. Besides — ‘
‘Besides what?’
‘Uncle Ivor was a very strict disciplinarian. He took me away from the Bath seminary, told me I had to help Aunt Hebe, learn how to run a house. But he was never satisfied, and I was always being punished, often for things I did not know I had done, or not done when I was supposed to have. I looked on marriage as an escape. And Walter was gentle, always kind to me.’
Nicholas tightened his hands on the reins, and then had to bring his team under control as they broke into a canter. If he could have met Sir Ivor Norton just then the man would have been sorry.
‘What about your sister? I believe she is eighteen. Has he not tried to arrange a marriage for her?’
‘Joanna was stronger than I, and she refused two matches he tried to force on her. Uncle beat her, and starved her, but she would not obey him. When she could endure it no more she came to me, and that was one reason we went to visit our Portuguese family then.’
‘And that turned out happily, since she married a man she loved.’
‘Yes.’
Now she had mentioned Portugal herself Nicholas felt able to mention the child.
‘Catarina, I have to apologize for the way I spoke to you the last time we met at Marshington. I have no excuse, other than being taken by surprise. I had not known there was a baby in the house.’
‘I understand, my lord.’
Her voice was so low he scarcely heard the words. He halted the phaeton and motioned to the tiger to go to the horses’ heads.
‘Shall we walk for a while?’
Without waiting for her reply he sprang down and was ready to lift her before she had disentangled herself from the rug.
She gasped as he seized her round the waist and for a moment Nicholas stood there looking deep into her eyes. Then she lowered her gaze and moved away from him. He let her go, but his mind was made up. He wanted her, and whatever the truth about the child it made no difference to him.
There was a gravel walk nearby, and he drew her hand through his arm and led her along it.
‘What I have to say, Catarina, is not for my tiger’s ears. I told you before that I had been about to ask you to be my wife. I was a fool to allow my surprise to deflect me, and even more of a fool to disbelieve you about the child. I made some wild accusations. Will you forgive me?’
She bowed her head and again he had to struggle to hear her words.
‘I understood. Yes, I was hurt you did not believe me, but afterwards, when I considered the facts, I realized they could be interpreted as you had done.’
‘Then can we go back, will you forgive me enough to accept my hand? Will you be my wife?’
Catarina slowed to a halt, and he turned her to face him, but she kept her head lowered. After a few moments she spoke.
‘My lord, I am honoured. I forgive you your suspicions, the facts looked damning. But I have no wish to marry again. I’m sorry, but I cannot accept your offer. Now, please, can you take me back home.’
* * * *
Delphine had just arrived home when Catarina entered the house, and taking one look at her friend she dismissed her maid and led Catarina to her boudoir.
‘My love, what is it? Have you had bad news?’
Catarina laughed, a wild, broken sound, and buried her face in her hands.
‘Delphine, I don’t know if I have been a fool or not. Nicholas made me an offer and I refused him.’
‘Nicholas Brooke? One of the most sought after bachelors in London, the despair of all the mamas, has proposed to you and you have refused him? For heaven’s sake, why?’
Catarina suddenly realized there was no way she could explain her real reasons to Delphine, a noted gossip. Once more, she thought wryly, she was reduced to telling lies.
‘I don’t love him, and I do not wish to marry again.’
That was two lies, she told herself, weary of all the pretence. How many more would she have to tell before she could escape back to the peace and safety of the Dower House?
Delphine was disbelieving, but when Catarina begged to be left alone, as she had a raging headache, which was the truth, she thought wryly, her friend left her, saying she would have a light supper sent up later.
‘You must go to the reception,’ Catarina managed as Delphine drew the curtains closed and was leaving the room. ‘If I need anything Blodwen can look after me.’
Left alone, she allowed the tears to fall. She could not tell Nicholas the truth, that Maria was Joanna’s child, and she could not marry him without there being complete truthfulness and trust between them. Bleakly she wondered whether he would ever speak to her again. Would he think she had refused him in retaliation for the hurt he had caused her? But that did not make sense. If she had never wished to marry him, she would have refused him. There would have been no thought of revenge. She gave up trying to puzzle it out, submitted meekly to Blodwen’s anxious attentions with eau de cologne and a tisane of rosemary and honey, rejected the offer of cucumber slices on her forehead, and announced she meant to try and sleep.
Sleep would not come, but when Blodwen peeped into the bedroom two hours later she pretended to be asleep. She knew her face was ravaged with tears, and felt utterly unable to look at food. Blodwen withdrew, and soon afterwards Catarina did fall asleep, emotionally exhausted.