Seal All Exits (Tangled Web #3) (6 page)

“I don’t mind moving slow, if that’s what you need.”

Heather sighed and tried to smile, but she could feel that her lips weren’t cooperating.  “That’s not it.  I wish it were that simple.  I just…need us to go back to the way we were, and I hope you can.”

She bit her lip as she saw the look wash over his face.  Oh, yes, she’d hurt him.  But he swallowed and forced half a smile.  “If that’s what you need.”  He let his hands fall to his sides and said, “I care about you, Heather, so whatever you need…”

“Thanks, Kiefer.”

They shared an awkward hug before he left the room, and she couldn’t quite remember the moments in between.  All she knew was that the rest of this vacation was going to be hell if they couldn’t get past this.  She was even beginning to wonder if she’d be able to carry on any more online conversations with him.

God, how the hell had her life become so damned complicated?

Chapter Six

KIEFER SLEPT FOR shit that night.  He’d often heard, most recently from Johnny, that sleeping in the high country was easy and the rest was peaceful and deep.  He could now say, from personal experience, that it was complete and utter bullshit.  In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so poorly.  Winchester, Colorado, was clearly
not
everything Katie and Johnny had made it out to be.

It might have been better—tolerable, even—if Heather hadn’t shot him down so definitively the night before.  But she’d let him know in no uncertain terms that she would absolutely not—as in
never, ever
—have slept with him had she known the attractive stranger at the bar
was
him.  He really found it odd that she would have gladly fucked someone she didn’t know from Adam and not someone with whom she had a deep connection.

Never mind the fact that he thought he’d done the same goddamn thing—slept with someone he thought was a stranger and then had to deal with the awkwardness of finding out he actually knew her.

Unlike Heather, though, he was thrilled to find that the gorgeous blonde he’d had an amazing, though short-lived, time with was someone he knew.  Now, at least, he knew why she’d seemed so damned familiar.  Getting back to Johnny’s place only to find he’d slept with the woman who’d become his best friend over the past few years was icing on an otherwise dry cake.  It wasn’t that he hated it here, and it definitely wasn’t that he didn’t like any of the people in this place, but he hadn’t connected with anyone—
really
connected—in years.  Yeah, he loved his bandmates.  Those guys were on the verge of feeling like brothers to him, but...he needed something more.  Lots more.  And he hadn’t even fucking realized it until he’d seen Heather tonight.  
She
was what he’d been missing.  She’d already done so much more than she’d ever know.  She’d been a lifeline for him, a buoy in a stormy ocean when things otherwise felt meaningless and impossible.

Maybe—no,
definitely
—that was why her ultimate rejection of him was hitting him so hard.  And he wasn’t exaggerating it—it was most certainly rejection.  She’d tried to sweeten it up by saying he was the best friend she’d ever had, telling him that he too had helped her through some difficult times, but she was letting him down; there was no denying it.

But Kiefer was nothing if not an optimist.  He hadn’t slept well at all, but he woke up feeling hopeful, his usual way of looking at life.  Things were always better in the morning.  He was going to wait for the perfect time, the ideal moment...and then he was going to give Heather one last shot.  If she chose to turn him away one final time, then he would respect her wishes and move on.

He just honestly didn’t know if he would be able continue their friendship after, though.

Maybe he really
was
the bitch his bandmates constantly accused him of being.

No, he refused to accept that.  He was a thinking, feeling man, and just because he couldn’t or, more accurately, refused to be any other way made him more courageous than most people he knew.

Unfortunately, he had to wear a bit of a shell around that tender part of him.  He was teased enough by the guys.  If they’d ever seen him completely exposed, he was certain he’d never hear the end of it.

But...new day.  He pulled the covers from the lower half of his body and slid his legs off the side of the bed while running his hand from his forehead to back over the top of his head to his neck. He stretched out his back a bit, lifting his shoulders and shoving out his chest, trying to force the rest of his body into wakefulness.

Something he hadn’t realized under the covers, but it was damn chilly.  He’d left the window wide open last night, because one thing he’d say about the mountains above Winchester—the air smelled fresh.  There were no smells coming from car fumes or hot asphalt, no dog shit odors or greasy restaurants.  It smelled clean—like the rain had just cleared the air.  He’d had no idea it would get so cold during the night, though.  Now he knew why there’d been a comforter on the bed even though it wasn’t winter.

He jumped up and hustled to the window, shoving it closed.  It was still chilly in the room but he had no doubt it would warm up after a while.  In the meantime, he had a bathroom attached to his room, and he planned to shower, so long as Mickey hadn’t gone in there first.  When Katie had given them the grand tour yesterday afternoon, she’d shown Mickey and Kiefer that their rooms connected to each other through the bathroom.  There were locks on both doors, so either guy could have privacy whenever needed.  Mickey had complained, asking why Sage had it so good without a neighbor.  “Ah,” Katie had said, all smiles, “Sage will be sharing a bathroom with one of Johnny’s older friends when they get here tomorrow.”  And then she showed him the community bathroom down the hall in case they needed it.

Fortunately, Mickey wasn’t using the bathroom right now.  The door was open to his friend’s room, but he saw Mickey sprawled out on his bed, looking like he’d had a night out on the town—only Kiefer knew better.  They might have stayed up late, but he hadn’t been drinking once they’d gotten back to Johnny’s place, and Kiefer was pretty certain that whatever he and his two friends had imbibed earlier in the night had worn off with Mickey just as it had with him.

After a long, soothing shower, he felt much better.  Johnny’s “cabin” had better plumbing than Kiefer’s apartment building.  The water pressure here was a thousand times better, but more than that, the water stayed hot the entire time he was under the shower.  That alone was worth the trip.

Any ounce of negativity he’d been feeling was washed down the drain.  He toweled off, brushed his teeth, and skipped shaving.  He had a goatee that he normally shaved around, but this was a vacation, dammit, and he was going to take a break.  He doubted anyone would notice anyway.

He hadn’t heard Mickey stir the entire time he’d been in the bathroom, but he closed the door to his room when he exited the bathroom anyway.  It didn’t really matter, though.  It was Sage, not Mickey, who engaged in shenanigans that went overboard.  Mickey tended to respect Kiefer’s space and, often, his mood too.

Kiefer threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, along with the combat boots he wore whenever he wasn’t wearing sneakers, and walked into the hallway.  As he headed toward the main area of the house, his nose detected the aroma of bacon and something sweet, and then he realized he was hungry.

He could stand to be around people right now too so he followed the scent.  One thing Kiefer had realized about himself over the past few years was that he was a sociable creature.  He’d never known that about himself before and would have denied it, but even though he didn’t connect on a deep level with most people, he still enjoyed and
needed
their company, and he withered without occasional human contact.

He didn’t consider himself needy, but he needed people just the same, and he didn’t feel weaker by admitting it to himself.

He walked into the kitchen.  Katie and Johnny stood in front of the stove side by side.  Katie was flipping pancakes, and Johnny had a large cookie sheet on the counter that he was holding in place with a large hot pad.  He had a pair of metal tongs in his hand, and he was flipping slices of the meat.

“Hey, voice man.  Grab a cup of java and some OJ and have a seat, my man.”

Kiefer looked around and spotted the coffee pot against the wall to the side of the guitarist.  “Holy shit, dude.  What all are you guys making?”

Katie giggled.  “Pancakes, eggs, bacon, and the cinnamon rolls are already done.  If you’d rather have oatmeal—”

“No, I’m good.  I can wait.”  As he poured coffee into the mug that had been on the counter next to some others, he looked over at the table.  Riley and his girlfriend were engaged in quiet couple talk, but no one else was around.  No Heather.  Kiefer wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.  For now, he’d consider it a blessing.

What was funniest...he knew that if he sent Heather an email or a text, she’d respond, and he doubted it would be any different from their old conversations.  He was beginning to suspect that she’d find it easier.

He looked back at the table, considering finding a seat, but Riley and Erin were almost oblivious to the fact that anyone else was there.  So Kiefer instead stood next to the island and asked, “Can I help with anything?”

Katie turned around and smiled.  “Actually, yeah.  I have some grapes and grapefruit in the crisper drawer.  Could you get them out?  We’ll have them with breakfast too.”

He nodded, feeling grateful he could keep himself busy.  He supposed he also could have just stepped outside for a little fresh air, but it was still chilly out there.  He also wanted to be around people for now, so quietly doing something while surrounded by happy bodies was a good thing.

Even though it punctuated his own loneliness.

But Johnny and Katie kept pulling him into their conversation, helping him feel like he belonged, while he washed off the grapes and asked Katie what dish to put them in.  Then he asked if she wanted him to cut the grapefruits in half, but she told him to wash them all off and put them on a plate, only cutting one “in case no one wants any.”  He nodded and then took all the fruit to the big dining room table as Katie requested.

When Kiefer walked back into the kitchen, Riley was asking Johnny why they were taking food in the other room.  “I’m hoping everyone else’ll get their asses out of bed when they smell the bacon.  Besides, the sound carries better from the dining room.  Everyone else is more likely to join us if we’re out there.”

Kiefer nodded.  The only thing better about the kitchen was that it was bright.  The windows faced the east and sunlight was streaming inside, splashing the white surfaces with bright sunbeams.

He helped Johnny carry plates of pancakes and bacon to the dining room while Katie carried potatoes O’Brien and cinnamon rolls.  Then she had them carry plates, silverware, and syrup, while she carried butter and ketchup.  Johnny fetched the pot of coffee and Riley’s girlfriend (Erin, Kiefer thought her name was) brought the orange juice.  Just as they were settling in to eat, Heather walked around the corner, all smiles.

Kiefer knew he shouldn’t feel that weird tightness in his chest, that quick little adrenaline rush at seeing her, but he couldn’t help it.  He felt unbelievably happy at the sight of her.

He thought he was going to totally lose his shit when she decided to sit next to him at a diagonal.  “Morning,” she said.

“Morning.  How’d you sleep?”

She smiled over at him while grabbing the pitcher of orange juice.  “Surprisingly well.  I usually have a hard time sleeping in a strange bed, strange room, but I think yesterday exhausted me more than I realized.”  Kiefer tried not to smirk.  “How’d you sleep?”

While Heather poured juice, he said, “Mmm, okay.”  So he lied.  She didn’t need to know he’d had a crappy night.

Meanwhile, Katie handed the plate of pancakes to Heather.  “Help yourself.”

Riley said, “So what have you guys been working on?”

Johnny laughed.  “You think I’m gonna tell the competition?”  Riley raised an eyebrow while bringing a piece of bacon to his lips.  He acted like he was going to say something, but Johnny continued.  “Just shitting you, man.  I dunno.  I kind of want to do some classic metal...you know, kinda old school.”

“That could be really great.”

“What about you?”

“We’re taking a break right now.  Planning to get back together in about a month to start work on some new stuff.”

“Nice.  Any idea of what direction you want to go?”

Riley shook his head.  “We won’t settle on something till we start jamming, you know.”

“Yeah.  How you like wielding an axe onstage?”

“More than I would have thought.  But vocals still trumps it.”  Johnny nodded, drinking some coffee when Riley asked, “What about writing lyrics?  You enjoying that?”

Johnny shrugged.  “It’s pretty cool.”

Kiefer saw an opening that he’d be a fucking idiot if he didn’t take.  “Hey, Johnny.  How would you feel if I maybe wrote some lyrics for a song or two for the next album?”

Johnny tilted his head.  “Serious?”

“Yeah.  I’ve been kinda thinkin’ it might be nice to sing my own stuff too.”

“My man, I’d be very happy to let you take the reins for a couple.”

“Yeah?  Kick ass.”

Johnny nodded.  “Maybe we can break in the studio here today.”

Katie gave Johnny a look.  “Uh,
no
.  We have everybody coming over today.  Maybe tomorrow.”

“Shit.  That’s right.”  He looked over to Kiefer.  “Wanna jam tomorrow?”

Before Kiefer could even answer, Riley said, “I’d love to join you guys.”

“Sure.”

Kiefer was nodding, letting them know he was game too.  But he said, “The guys didn’t bring anything.  No drum kit, and I’m pretty damn sure Mickey didn’t bring his bass either.”

“He didn’t.  But don’t you think I have all that shit here already?”

“You do?”

Johnny smirked.  “Hell, yeah.  Think about it.  If I’m here by myself and want to try out a bassline for a riff, the only way I can really do that is if I already have one handy to play.”