Read Self Worth (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) Online
Authors: June Hunt
Repeating her past pattern, this “Laura” pushed Dorie aside only to greet her sister with both a hug and a gift. Such harsh, heartless rejection of Dorie by her mother continued throughout her mother’s lifetime.
The roots of rejection are not always easily uncovered, especially when their tentacles reach deep into childhood. Those who are rejected from conception can have a lifelong experience of never feeling loved and accepted, of never knowing the comfort of a mother’s warm, reassuring embrace or the security of a father’s strong, protecting arms.
When rejection is all that has been known, identifying its origins can feel overwhelming and frightening. But if rejection is to be removed from your life, it must be fearlessly faced and dug up by the roots with the help of the Lord and replaced with His loving acceptance.
“This is what the L
ORD
says—he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you: Do not be afraid.” (Isaiah 44:2)
The actions and attitudes of parents toward their children send clear messages to children about their value and worth—not just their value to their parents, but their value and worth as human beings. These messages “stick like glue” and carry lifelong implications. The Bible says ...
“Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)
“He stands at the right hand of the needy one.” (Psalm 109:31)
MYTH:
“I will never overcome my painful past—it’s impossible for me to become whole.”
TRUTH:
No matter what your past was like or the pain inflicted on you by others, healing and wholeness are possible through Christ.
“With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
Dorie writes about monthly visits to the orphanage by couples looking to adopt a child. “My dread of those ‘special days’ escalated month by month. No doubt I reflected the rejection I felt. My shoulders drooped with the agony of that lineup. I could not look up with smiling anticipation as the cute children did. I detested being inspected by people I knew would never accept me, so I would hide. I would be dragged into the room with a dirty, tear-stained face.”
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Thankfully, Dorie’s story does not end with her not being chosen by these people, for she was chosen by Another, by God Himself, as stated in James 2:5:
“Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?”
Those who repeatedly experience significant rejection by others receive the message that they deserve rejection. Then they internalize that message and begin to reject themselves. This is especially true when rejection comes from those who are in positions of authority and on whom the child depends.
Such children grow up replaying in their minds the recorded messages/tapes of rejection they have received until the voices on the tapes become their own voices. It is virtually impossible for children to replace the big booming voices of adults/parents with their own small, inner voices.
Only the loving, accepting voice of God is powerful enough to override and eventually silence voices with messages of rejection—and thus salvage the self-worth of these rejected children. Only God can bring them to the point of saying ...
“Though my father and mother forsake me, the L
ORD
will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)
Have you let negative circumstances shape your thinking and self-perceptions? If so, allow God to search your heart in order to reveal any perceptions/messages that are inconsistent with His Word. The more you allow God’s probing light to illumine the faulty thoughts and perceptions in your heart, the more you will be able to see your God-given worth and walk victoriously according to His Word. Let this be your commitment.
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
MYTH:
“Because of the way I’ve been treated, I will never feel competent.”
TRUTH:
Since people fail people, God never intended your competence to come from other people. As you continue to yield your life to the Lord, your competence will come from Him.
“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5)
Dorie’s life was a perfect setup for comparing herself to others. Her mother constantly compared her to her sister, resulting in her little sister receiving lavish affection and gifts from their mother and Dorie being pointedly ignored. Her mother verbally let her know that she did not measure up. Everywhere Dorie turned, Marie was the favored one. Thus, Marie was everything Dorie wanted to be. Both had brown eyes, but Marie’s were beautiful. Both had dark hair, but Marie’s lay in place. Marie’s skin was fairer, her face thinner. Dorie said, “I was looking for a way to be like her, but there was no way.”
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At the orphanage, in school, and in the various foster homes where they lived, other children were chosen or received decent treatment while Dorie was rejected and subjected to abuse. Dorie described the couples who came to the orphanage considering which child they would choose—which child they would cherish—as “well-dressed and carefully manicured. We could hear their muffled conversations, ‘She’s cute, isn’t she?’ or, ‘There’s one we might want to talk about.’ My heart beat faster. ‘Try me,’ I screamed within, hoping that someone would look at me and want me. But my day never came. I soon got the message—only cute children are chosen.”
Dorie lost out every time she was compared to the other children. She was never chosen—never—not once.
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How could she
not
compare herself to others under those circumstances?
However, God had a plan for Dorie, and He would work out His purpose, His will for her life. The Bible makes this clear:
“In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.” (Ephesians 1:11)
Has comparing yourself to others become so automatic that you hardly notice you’re doing it? People often compare themselves to others in appearance, abilities, affluence, and accomplishments. Read the statements below to see whether they have become part of your self-talk.
MYTH:
“I’ll never be able to stop comparing myself to others.”
TRUTH:
Life is a series of choices, and while you may feel that you cannot change, God would not instruct you to do something without giving you the power to do it. God says if you compare yourself to others, you are not wise.
“When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” (2 Corinthians 10:12)
Dorie had every reason to develop wrong thinking and form faulty perceptions of herself. From her earliest memories, all she was told was that she didn’t do anything right, that everything was her fault, that she wasn’t good enough, that no one loved her or found value in her. Besides all that, she knew she was ugly. She thought, “I must be the ugliest child that ever walked. I felt so ugly on the inside that I believed I was ugly on the outside ... maybe it’s my curly hair or my nose!”
21
Do you go through life fearing what others think? Some people look in the mirror and see only an ugly duckling—a sad little bird with no self-worth. In her early years, Dorie considered herself the “ugly duckling”—ugly, unadoptable Dorie. Not only was she called ugly, but she also felt ugly because of the repeated pain of rejection.
In Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale “The Ugly Duckling,” the title character felt rejected and rebuffed by all the barnyard birds because they didn’t like his looks or his awkward waddle. He didn’t see the beautiful swan that was within, although the beauty was there all along.
In truth, many people suffer from self-rejection, thinking they possess no personal value. Yet like this young little duckling, they look only to their outer image to determine their inner worth.
If they could see what God sees, what a difference that would make! The Bible says ...
“From heaven the L
ORD
looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth—he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.” (Psalm 33:13–15)
Low self-worth can result from how you see/perceive yourself and how you think others see/perceive you. Faulty perceptions lead to faulty conclusions.
MYTH:
“I will never be able to change the way I see myself and the way I think others see me.”
TRUTH:
Your faulty self-perception will automatically change as you fix your thoughts on the truth of Jesus.
“Fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.” (Hebrews 3:1)
Although Dorie never had a close friend at school, she tried. But even when she was out of the orphanage and in a foster home—she knew she looked different. One student pointed to her torn dress and jabbed, “Did that come out of the ark?” She forced a smile while the others laughed. Kids can be so cruel. Dorie confided, “How often I wished I could have spent the day in the restroom.”
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She just wanted to hide. The truth is: Dorie was just trying to survive the impact of a callous, cruel world without taking on the cynicism and bitterness of the world.
Whatever the contributing factors to your low estimation of your worth, they are held in place by wrong beliefs that you have embraced over the years. But the low opinion of yourself can be overcome by replacing those wrong beliefs with right beliefs.
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2)
WRONG BELIEF:
“My self-worth is based on how I see myself in comparison to others and how others view me.”
RIGHT BELIEF:
“My self-worth is not based on how I see myself or how others see me, but on how God sees me, for I was created by Him in His image. Not only did Jesus pay the highest price for me by dying on the cross for my sins, but He also lives in me to fulfill His plan and purpose for me.”
“We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10)
Dorie Van Stone says, “Let me encourage you to begin with God. Christ is the Wonderful Counselor, who can be trusted.”
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Money, education, possessions, and beauty are all things our society uses to gauge a person’s worth. But we make a major mistake when we try to live by this value system. Why? Because it’s hopelessly flawed. The world’s value system is faulty because it’s not the one God designed for us—the one He intended humans to live by when He created us
in His very own image
.