“I hope so.”
We drove home in silence until he pulled into his driveway. “So, are you ready for our run tomorrow?” he asked, shutting off the engine.
“I hope so.”
His eyes glittered in the darkness as he smiled. “Well, don’t worry. I’ll go easy on you.”
“Like I said, don’t let me hold
you
back. My pace and yours will be slightly different.”
“
You’re underestimating yourself or overestimating me.”
“Yeah, right,” I said, opening the door. All this talk about our bodies movi
ng together was making me warm and I definitely needed some cool, fresh air.
He got out and cleared his throat. “I’ll walk you to your door. It’s pretty dark.”
Our neighborhood was as safe as any, but after seeing the cold look in Jerry’s eyes, I welcomed Jake’s offer. “Okay, thanks.”
“So, how are
you
doing?” he asked as we walked to the end of the driveway. “You certainly appear happier than the last time we talked. Your hair looks very nice, by the way.”
I
touched my hair, which was still wet from the rain and couldn’t have looked very appealing at the moment. I smiled. “Thanks. I’m still pretty devastated, but after this thing with Tina, I’m just grateful my kids and I are safe and not living in
fear
of their father.”
His lips thinned
. “It’s a crazy world. There’s so much shit going on all around us, you have no idea. Things I’ve seen that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Fuck, I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I signed up for this job. ”
I frown
ed. “It has to be really tough.”
He sighed
and ran a hand through his dark hair. “Yeah, well I shouldn’t burden you with my problems. Sorry.”
I touched his forearm.
“No, don’t worry about it. Everyone needs a friend or someone to talk to.”
He smiled. “
That goes both ways, I hope you know.”
I smiled back.
“Thanks.”
“Well,” he said
as we stepped onto the porch. “Get some sleep. I’ll be over around ten, is that okay?”
I nodded.
He stared at me quietly for a minute, then reached over and brushed a strand of hair from my lips. “You’re husband’s an idiot,” he stated.
“Thanks,” I answered, reminding myself to breathe.
He
nodded and stepped back. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”
“
Sure will. Goodnight, Jake.”
“Goodnight.”
I closed the door, thinking about the way he’d looked into my eyes. He’d definitely caused my pulse to race, which was really frustrating. I didn’t want to be attracted to him or anyone else at the moment. Including my husband.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Scott?” I gasped, turning on the light in the living room. “Jesus, what are you doing sitting in the dark?”
He was lounging on the s
ofa with his tie undone, holding a glass of scotch. From the look in his eyes, it wasn’t his first. He twirled the half-filled glass in his hands. “I came home to talk to my wife, who keeps avoiding me.”
“We’ve already talked,” I said. “I told you
before that I need some time to figure things out.”
He stared at my hair and smirked. “Looks like you
’ve already figured things out – a new hairstyle, rendezvousing in the middle of the night with the single neighbor; tell me, has he made his move yet?”
I stared at him incredulously
. “First of all,
you
have no right making accusations. You’re the one who’s been screwing around, not me, so don’t even go there!” I snapped.
“So you’re getting even now?”
he asked sourly.
“You’re pathetic,” I said
, “and you need to leave.”
He stood up and moved towards me, a threatening look in his eyes. “
This
is my home and
you
are my wife. I’m not leaving.”
I stared at him with
something close to fear, a feeling I’d never felt towards him in all of our years of marriage. “I’m not going to tell you again,” I said in a strangled voice. “You need to leave.”
His face softened.
“Would you just stop this?” he said, trying to reach for me. “For God’s sake, Lindsey, I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
I pushed him away and moved across the room. “It
did
mean something. In fact, it meant everything to me. But the things that you’ve done,” I said, my eyes filling with tears, “those things also mean something.”
“I made a mistake,” he said, swaying slightly. “I know
. But I can’t change what happened. Just please, can’t you give me another chance?”
“If you’re looking for another chance, this isn’t the way to do it. You’ve obviously been
drinking too much and now you’re trying to bully me into letting you back into my life? Seriously?”
Tears rolled down his face.
“I’m sorry. I just need you so much.”
I raised my hand. “Stop
, okay. Scott, you can sleep in the guest room tonight, but you’ll need to leave early in the morning. The last thing we need is you getting thrown in jail for drinking and driving.”
He ran a hand
through his hair and stared at me with a look of defeat. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone tonight. But don’t think for one second that I’ve given up. I’m not letting you go that easily.”
You already let me go
when you cheated on me
, I thought as I watched him stumble towards the guest room.
Thankfully, Scott was gone by the time I woke up the following morning. The children had also missed seeing him, so there wasn’t any explaining to do.
“See you tonight,” I said as they both took off to catch the bus. Jeremy was still eyeing my new hairstyle
with trepidation.
I sighed.
“Jeremy, what’s wrong?”
He just shook his head and walked out the door.
I decided that I needed to talk to him again when school was over. He was obviously very concerned and I couldn’t blame him one bit. I only wish I had a straight answer for him. I wasn’t even certain of what was going to happen.
Sighing, I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
I cringed at my reflection and decided to take a shower before the run so I could shave my legs to avoid any embarrassing stretching moments. Then I put on some shorts, pulled my hair into a ponytail, and dug out my tennis shoes.
You can do this
, I told myself, taking one final glance in the mirror. So my body wasn’t as toned as I would have liked and I avoided wearing shorts even in the hottest of weather. I was a mother and had labored for over thirty-six hours of excruciating pain and agony giving birth to Regan. I’d suffered pain that would have brought most men to their knees. Not only that, I’d survived and had repeated the process all over with Jeremy. Run a few blocks?
Hell yeah.
Bring it on.
***
It was shortly before ten when I
walked over to Jake’s house with my bottle of water. He was in the garage, putting away some tools.
“Hey t
here,” he said, closing his tool chest.
I smiled.
“Hey there yourself.”
He stepped outside and closed the garage
. “So, did you get a good night’s sleep?”
I shrugged. “It was okay.”
He tilted his head. “I noticed Scott leaving early this morning. Everything okay?”
“He was in
the house when I returned home last night. He’d had a little too much to drink and I told him to stay in the guest room.”
“Let me guess, he wants to make things right?”
“Of course.”
“What do you want?”
he asked, stretching his calves. Today he wore blue shorts and a snug white T-shirt that, as usual, emphasized his incredibly sexy body.
I
pulled my eyes off of his pecs and followed his lead, stretching my lily-white legs. “To be honest, I really don’t know. I’m disgusted with Scott’s actions and the idea of having to learn how to trust him makes me so damn angry. I shouldn’t have been put into this situation. Not by my own husband.”
“Very
true.”
“He keeps telling me how much he loves me. It
just seems like bullshit to me, though, especially after screwing those other women. If he loved me, he should have been able to control himself.”
He stretched one of his arms behind his neck.
“Love and lust are two separate things, although there are times when you can’t control either.”
I bent down to stretch my other leg, causing my eyes to be in d
irect line with his crotch. I turned away and tried to focus on my stretches.
“Hungry?”
Our eyes met and the smile he gave me had me wondering if he sensed my impure thoughts.
“What do you me
an?” I asked, my cheeks burning.
He laughed. “
I was just thinking that we could jog up to that little coffee shop on Grande Avenue for a quick bite to eat as a reward. My treat.”
I nodded.
“Sounds great. I think I might actually be able to handle that distance.”
Man,
was I ever wrong. After about five blocks, I was huffing and puffing so hard, we had to stop.
“You okay?” he asked
, while I bent down, gasping for dear life.
“I’
m… so… out of shape,” I said through wheezes. “Sorry.”
He smiled. “
Don’t be. Everyone, no matter what kind of shape they’re in, has to start somewhere. It takes a while to build up stamina.”
I
closed my eyes and imagined his stamina was very, very, good. “Some more than others,” I said.
“Don’t worry; you’re just not used to it. It
will
get easier.”
I wiped the sweat from my forehead.
“Look, why don’t you just go ahead of me and I’ll catch up, eventually.”
He shook his head.
“No, we can just walk. This was my idea and I’m not going to leave you.”
“Thanks,
” I said after chugging back most of my water. “But I won’t take it personally if you decide to start running again. Honestly.”
“Right now, I’d rather walk, with you.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Okay.”
We talked about our families as we walked into
town. He’d lived in Minnesota prior to moving to Texas, and his relatives were all deceased.
“That must be difficult,” I said.
“Not having anyone left.”
He sighed. “This might sound cold, but it’s actually been a lot easier
, especially since my mom passed away a few years ago.”
“Really?”
He stared ahead. “I usually don’t talk about this but…she spent most of her life battling a Heroin addiction. In fact, I was taken from her when I was twelve.”
I
stopped in my tracks and touched his arm. “Seriously? Where did you go?”
He shrugged. “I was transferred around from home to home. I was an angry kid and I guess you could say, not
very easy to control.”
“
But you were young and I’m sure you had every right to be angry.”
He stared at me for a minute and smiled. “It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure.”
“Well, you’ve obviously come a long way since then.”
He took a d
rink of water and wiped his mouth. “There was some counseling involved. Then, after I was reunited with my mom and saw how much she’d lost in life, it gave me the incentive to do better.”
“Did she stop using?”
His lips tightened. “She was in and out of rehab more times than I could count. In the end, she didn’t have the strength to stop for good.”
“Did she die because of the Heroin?”
He nodded. “She overdosed.”
“
Wow, I’m sorry,” I said softly.
“
Don’t feel pity for me. In fact, I guess you could say that shit only made me stronger.”
“I can imagine,” I said.
“It’s what also led me into criminal justice. Getting rid of the poison on the streets is what keeps me going back to work every night, even when the shit is so utterly fucked up…” He stopped talking and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
I raised my eyebrows. “For what?”
“For venting when you already have enough things to think about.”
I stopped walking. “Are you kidding me? I’m happy that you’re opening up. It helps a person get through stress,
having someone else to talk to.”