She's Asking for It! (17 page)

If you don’t want to masturbate to orgasm, have her finish you off herself with her hands or mouth. If you really want to come inside of her, tell her to beg for it, or describe how it feels, or even have her spread herself open afterward so you can get a good look … Enticed?

Chapter 17 - The Back and Forth

I bet you are ready and raring to go after that last chapter! Before you jump right into it, I’d like to reiterate some points I have already made. But more importantly, I want to tell you how reading each other’s cues can bring whole new levels of intensity to your alpha male lovemaking.

Moans & Groans

Verbal communication does not have to be either a clinical discussion of the proceedings or raunchy talk that would make your mother blush. When the two of you are in the zone – meaning, when you are experiencing a total connection with each other during your lovemaking – even the slightest comment can send you both over the edge and into ecstasy.

When it comes to alpha male sex, this usually means an acknowledgement of the roles that each of you is going to play. For example, let’s say you’re having some seriously rough sex. Bent over, splayed out, furniture knocked over, full exertion. You have never seen her so turned on; you’ve never been more in love with her than at this moment.

Say it! With some extra hard thrusts, declare your love for your woman! “I’ve never been so in love with you than at this moment!” “I love being your man!” Whatever the spirit moves you to say is fair game – just keep it short and sweet, hot and sexy, raunchy or romantic.

And ladies, you can reinforce your appreciation for all that your man is doing by letting him know it! Tell him he’s all the man you need. Tell him how amazing he makes you feel, how much you are in love with him. Tell him whatever you feel best expresses your emotions and experience for him.

When this happens, often the vibe changes from one of “Hey, Honey, let’s experiment” to two equals joined together, body and soul. What was a power game now is a passionate union that binds you together in deep, abiding love. OK so that sounds sappy, but there are lots of ways you can kick it up a notch at any level of power play.

For example, a back-and-forth type of dare that acknowledges the game you’re playing can allow you to connect on a relationship level as well as a sexual level.

“Can you take it?”

“Yeah, I can take it. Give me more.”

“Oh, you want more? You’ll get more. I’m going to give you something you’ll remember all day tomorrow.”

“I don’t think you’ve got it in you.”

“No?”

“No, come on, what are you waiting for? Make me feel it.”

“Oh, you’ll feel it alright. Feel this!”

It can balance your two worlds by allowing you to find the right fit in your banter, and can lead to prolonged play between talking and sexing. Do not forget to keep the talk up between play sessions too! If something doesn’t feel right, say so. If something feels really right, definitely say so!

Body Language

Not all of us are so verbose, especially in the throes of passion. While verbal communication is important in many facets of assertive sexual activity, it’s not absolutely mandatory every single second. Sometimes, a simple glance, a wink or a nod can say what a thousand words never could.

It’s all about reading each other. When you’re in tune with each other, and you don’t retreat off into your fantasy mindset, you can feel every weight shift, hesitation and rhythm change. You can hear each other’s breathing, or the beginning of a gasp or a word that dies on the lips, see every flush of the skin and tremble of the muscles. When there is that kind of connection, you may not need to talk at all!

Let’s take a look at some examples.

In the missionary position, imagine that you are thrusting hard into her, being very rough. All of a sudden, you get nervous that maybe
she
is getting nervous about how rough it is. You slow down, holds back a little.

• She snaps to attention, locks into his eyes, and with a glance lets him know that she loved it just the way it was and to keep going!
  
• She looks at him with a small “Thanks, this is better” look and he knows to keep the slow pace.
  

In a fraction of the time and with a minimum of embarrassment, they are on the same page again and all their worries are gone. How is your nonverbal communication in and out of bed? Try practicing your ability to tell what the other person is thinking throughout the day.

How about the looks you give each other before you’re ready for an orgasm? Perhaps there is a bit of permission; a bit of the go-ahead; a bit of “I am about to give you a mind-blowing orgasm” in these looks, the meanings of which are apparent in the subtle raise of the eyebrow or a pursing of the lips. There is the warning look: the eyes bright, hard and locked in. “No, not yet, just a little bit longer.” There is the “I love you so much” look. There are a million looks you can read on each other’s faces and respond accordingly.

Physical movements can give away so much, as well: the grasping hand going slack or holding on tight at the moment before an orgasm, the involuntary thrusting during orgasm, or the body-shaking shudder. Whether it’s seeing the mischievous smile on his face while he’s ravishing you, or seeing a whole new level of ecstasy on her face because of what you are doing to her, being able to read each other is the best way to heighten the excitement when you’re together.

Chapter 18 - Getting Technical

I’ve gone on and on about how this kind of experimentation should not be allowed to bleed into your day-to-day relationship dynamic. But, there are a few things both of you can do that are little reminders of your new, exciting sex life – while outside of the bedroom.

Spontaneity & Exhibitionism

Guys, these are all up to you to initiate. Man up! All she needs to keep her in a state of anticipation is a quick reminder that you’re thinking about her and what happens when you get home.

• If you’re at a party, restaurant, bar or club and you find yourselves alone for a moment, say, in line for the bathroom, or in the foyer on your way out or in, grab her and give her a quick, passionate kiss. Then, let her go and resume a normal stance and appearance.
  

• Elevators! Quick & dirty make-outs in small spaces are hot, hot, hot.
  

• Before she gets out of the car, pull her in for a long, deep lip-lock.
  

• When she comes out from getting ready, and she’s looking hot, tell her in no uncertain terms. Be sure to tell her what it makes you want to do to her, leaving nothing (and everything!) to her imagination.
  

Ladies, you can let him know he’s coming through with the goods, without launching into a lengthy discussion that is sure to take all the passion out of the game.

• Did he do something manly around the house? “Mmm, that’s my man!” followed by a saucy smack on the ass will make him feel like the king of the world.
  

• Make little comments about places you’ve had sex. “Well I don’t want to put the vase there in case you decide to take me on the table again.” Wink and smile, then move on to other things.
  

What Not To Do

The thing about playing with power is that both of you are putting your egos on the line, and when that happens it can be easy to get hurt.

Ladies: If he fails at doing something, say, if he can’t make the DVD player work, don’t say things like, “Well, I guess you’re not an alpha male after all.” And don’t ever throw in his face that this was your idea. Emasculating him won’t do him any good; it’s not an incentive.

Guys: If you’re not naturally physical and playful with your lady, don’t do things like slap her ass or grab her outside of the bedroom until you start to be comfortable with it. The same goes for what you might think passes for witty repartee. Don’t joke about how you’re the man of the house, and she’ll do as you say. Not funny, especially in mixed company.

This isn’t something that is suppose to change both of your lives forever, it isn’t a quick fix, a new lifestyle, a somber event or a sign of trouble. Don’t expect more from this than what it can give you: a bit of fun and excitement between the sheets, a way to explore new realms of experience! Nothing more, nothing less; important of course, but not anything that should make or break your relationship. Keep things in perspective.

Chapter 19 - Accessorize!

Once you have established this alpha male element to your lovemaking, you can get to a point where the experimentation can be taken to a whole new level. In this section, we’re going to talk about new things you can introduce into your repertoire that can keep things spicy and feeling new and exciting.

Titillating Toys &
Devious Devices

Dildos and vibrators can offer you multiple options for penetrative and non-penatrative fun! With a vibrator, there can be lengthy orgasm teasing/denial sessions, for example, without exhausting your hands or mouth. There are small vibrators available that can be run over the entire body for extra “tortures” of pleasure, or that slip onto one finger for easy access during intercourse.

Dildos can be used during oral sex to accompany what he’s doing with his mouth; during intercourse, there can be anal and vaginal action for maximum penetration.

These devices can also be used by the alpha male to entice his woman to masturbate for him, made even sexier if he has her describe what he’s doing to herself while she’s using them. They are perfect for any kind of long-distance play while one of you is away, over the phone or online.

Using toys not only frees up your hands and other appendages, but your concentration as well, allowing you to come up with all sorts of nasty things to say to her, describing what you (or she) is doing and how it makes you feel.