“Yeah, we’re related all right.
He’s my half-brother.”
“So your mother married a wookie?” I meant it as an insult, but apparently I don’t know how to throw down country-style.
She laughed, giving me her first genuine smile of the day.
“You’re kinda funny, City.”
“And you’re kinda
not
, Country.”
She studied me closely, her smile melting away.
“Whaddya say we cut the crap and come to some sort of agreement?”
“What kind of agreement?”
My lawyer hat went on as I waited for her terms.
“How about I agree to let Mack and you alone for the day, and you agree to get out of town tomorrow and never come back?”
“Seems like a little one-sided, don’t you think?” I cocked my head to the side.
“How so?”
“Ohhh, I don’t know.
Maybe because you work for half a day, and I work for the rest of my life?
Doesn’t seem fair, does it?”
Staying away from Mack forever would definitely be work.
I glanced over at him and my heart strings twanged like a banjo.
Her eyebrows drew closer together.
“You want me to pay you or something?”
“No,” I said, lowering my voice to match her tone.
I looked her right in the eye, with every badass bone I had in my body channeling the heat.
“I want you to keep your talons out of my man’s back, that’s what I want.”
Her mouth fell open and she stared at me as storm clouds gathered in her eyes.
Mack came walking up just in time to catch her reply.
“He is
not
your man!
He’s
my
man, and he’s
been
my man practically my whole
life!”
“Oh, Jesus, Hannah … could we not do this right now?” he asked, his voice revealing fatigue.
I wasn’t sure if it was just being around her that did that to him or our long day yesterday, but he definitely looked like he could use a nap.
His head dipped down, causing his hat to shield his entire face from view.
“Do what?
Finally tell the world the truth?
I think it’s time you cowboyed up, Mack, and told everyone what’s really going on between us.”
His head snapped up and he gaped at her.
“You cannot be serious.
How deluded can you possibly be?
There’s
nothing
going on, Hannah, and you know it!
I’ve never laid a finger on you.”
People under the tents stopped talking and started paying closer attention to us.
“Maybe you could tone it down a little,” I suggested, worried about ruining the party.
I was totally not expecting her next move.
Without any warning whatsoever, she attacked, slamming her open palms against my chest and sending me back a step or two.
“Maybe
you
could just tone it down, man-stealer!”
“Hey! That’s enough, Hannah!” said Mack, throwing an arm out to block her from coming any closer.
I’m not sure exactly what happened to my rational, thinking brain in the split second that followed, only that something snapped inside it and caused me to see red.
I got my footing after stumbling a few steps and then rushed her without a second thought, pushing right past Mack’s arm and making contact against her squishy hooters with my two fists.
“I am
not
a man-stealer!” I yelled, popping her in the chest with everything I had.
She barely lost any ground before she was coming at me again.
And she no longer looked like a Barbie doll; now she was like a giant killer Chuckie doll, complete with tiny knives in the form of acrylic nails.
Mack jumped between us as fingernails, arms, slapping hands, and hair began to fly.
I may have screamed.
She
definitely
screamed.
And then there was a loud crash when my big butt banged up against the banquet table behind me and sent a bunch of dishes to the ground.
“My brisket!” crowed a brittle voice.
“There goes the blueberry tart,” said Ian, not sounding very happy about it.
“Stop it, you two!” yelled Mack, wrestling first with me and then giving up to go control the Attack Barbie who had a fistful of my hair.
I was on my knees, so I punched her hard in the groin muscle to get her to release me.
It worked like a charm, and as soon as I was free, I stood up straight, breathing like a bull.
Tossing my hair out of my face, I gestured for her to come at me.
“Come on, bitch, bring it on.”
I huffed and puffed, waiting for her next move.
“I’m ready for you now.” I held my fists up and began dancing from side to side like Mohammed Fucking Ali, grateful my lifeplan had involved over three hundred hours of kickboxing aerobics.
She was pretty tall, but I was fairly certain I could give her a roundhouse to the side of the head and at least knock her silly.
“Andie?” came a startled voice from off in the distance.
My brain made the connection the minute I saw the myriad expressions move across Mack’s face:
Disbelieving.
Stricken.
Angry.
“Andie what are you doing?” the man asked.
My fists dropped to my sides as I sagged inward.
All the fight went out of me like air from a dying balloon, as fantasy collided with reality and left me blindsided.
“Oh. Hi, Bradley.
What are you doing here?”
I never saw the fist coming until it connected with my jaw.
Chapter Forty-One
I CAME-TO LYING ON the ground next to the banquet table, several faces looming over mine. The first one I noticed was Mack’s because his was the first I wanted to see there.
And his hat was taking up a lot of space and blocking out my view of anyone else.
“Hi,” I said, confused and embarrassed.
“Tell me I just dreamed a girl fight as part of a head injury.”
“I think you got it in reverse.
Girl fight first and then the head injury.”
He put his hand on the top of my head.
“Are you okay enough to sit up?”
“Andie, what the hell is going on?” Bradley asked.
For the first time I noticed him standing off to my right, down on bended knee on my other side.
His face was one giant frown.
“You’re really here too?” was all I could manage.
“Yes, I told you I was coming.
Jesus, would you get up?
You look terrible lying there on the ground like that.”
Mack shot him an angry look but said nothing, putting his hand behind my neck and sitting me up.
The world tilted a little and then went normal again.
Standing in front of me were Maeve, Grandma Lettie, and several other women.
They were doing what they could to get the table put back together.
Maeve glanced at me and then went back to her work.
Tears came to my eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice breaking partway through.
The shame was unbearable.
“Don’t worry about it,” said Maeve, obviously unhappy.
“This is not your fault.”
“Of course it’s not her fault,” said Bradley.
“She was attacked by that woman over there.
I hope she knows she’s looking at a civil suit.”
I held up my hand.
“Stop, Bradley.
I’m not suing anyone.”
“Of course you are.
We’re not going to let some inbred criminal attack you like that.”
“Man, I don’t know who you are, but you’d better watch your mouth.”
This threat came from Ian.
I glanced over and saw him standing off to the side with Boog who was looking after a distraught Hannah Banana.
I don’t know why I thought she looked like Chuckie before.
Now she just looked pitiful, with makeup smeared under her eyes, one of her heels broken off, and her hair in frizzy clumps all over the place.
Mack got me to my feet and held onto me until I had my balance back.
I nodded to let him know he could let me go and he did, stepping away.
Bradley moved in to put his arm around me.
“Come on, we’re leaving.”
I shook him off, getting angry when he made it difficult.
“No, stop.
I’m not going with you.”
Bradley stood there with his arms out in a frozen embrace.
“What do you mean you’re not going with me?
You just got hit on the head.
You can’t travel by yourself.”
“If she needs to go back, I’ll take her,” said Mack.
He looked at me.
“Or you could just not go back.
You could stay.”
Bradley laughed, a very snobbish unkind sound coming from his throat.
“Oh, man … do you really think a girl like Andie’d be interested in staying out here in the middle of bumfuck Oregon with you? … Just because you’ve got a cowboy hat on and a swinging dick?
Please.
She has more class than that.”
He reached for me again, but I stepped out of his range and closer to Mack.
“Don’t talk to him like that,” I insisted, embarrassed about the fact that I’d actually considered marrying this jerk.
All the times Ruby and I had made fun of him at the firm came back to me, along with all the feelings of loathing they had engendered.
I realized then that I had some freakishly superhuman powers of distraction, somehow managing to trick myself into forgetting all that and actually sleeping with him for almost two years.
“You’re defending him?”
Bradley took a step back.
“I don’t get it, Andie.
What the hell is going on here?”
The ladies who’d been straightening up the buffet moved closer to listen in, Maeve and Grandma Lettie at the head of the group.
Angus, Ian, and Boog came over too, all of them forming a large ring around the three of us: Mack, Bradley, and me.
It was like the showdown at the OK Corral, only without guns and a lot more embarrassment.
I cleared my throat, my gaze darting to the faces around me.
I saw questioning looks, accusatory ones, and sad ones.
The only one that mattered to me was Mack’s, and of course his face was a mask I couldn’t read.
“Tell him, Andie,” Mack encouraged.
‘Tell him what we did.”
My voice caught in my throat as the tears spilled over onto my cheeks.
I shook my head slowly, the humiliation of telling everyone what I’d done to both Mack and Bradley with my carelessness too much to bear.
“Do you want me to do it?” he asked gently.
I couldn’t say yes.
It was wrong to make him shoulder this burden.
“No,” I finally said through the tears that continued to fall.
“I’ll do it.”
“Tell me,” said Bradley, angry now.
“Don’t be mad at Mack,” I begged.
“He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“What’s going on, Andie?” said Angus, his voice calm and soft.
“Whatever it is, I’m sure we can work it out.”
I put my hand on my lips to keep them from quivering.
Reaching deep down inside me, I pulled up the last bit of reserves I had to calm myself enough to talk.
I cleared my throat and looked at Grandma Lettie.
She nodded her head once and winked at me, her face completely serious.
I used her confidence as my guide and then looked at Bradley so I could deliver the crushing blow to both of our hearts.
Chapter Forty-Two
YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A pin drop when I started talking.
“Two years ago I went to Las Vegas with my two girlfriends.
While I was there I met Mack.”
I looked over at him and my breath hitched when I saw the longing in his eyes.
I had to turn away so I could continue.
I focused on Bradley’s angry expression instead.
I owed him that much.
“We played blackjack but then we drank a lot.
I’d already had quite a few cocktails before I’d met him, but then we had more, and eventually we ended up … getting together.”
“Aw, Jesus, come on, Andie, this has nothing to do with us,” said Bradley.
“We didn’t start dating until after you met him and came back.”
“Yes, it does have something to do with us.
It has everything to do with us.
Just … let me tell it.”
I took a deep breath and looked at Maeve.
Time to pay the piper.
“When we were in Vegas, we got married.
At one of those twenty-four hour chapels.”
Maeve’s eyes opened wider and she looked at her husband.
He seemed more stunned than she did.
“He disappeared for the whole damn night, thanks to you,” said Ian.
He was pissed.
“Shut up, Ian.
Now’s not the time,” warned Mack.
I continued, ignoring Ian’s interruption.
“We hardly even knew each other, but we got married.”
Mack stepped over and stood close to me, pulling my attention away from his mother’s shocked expression.
I could feel his arm all the way down mine and his warmth comforted me as I think it was meant to.