Authors: Evangeline Anderson
Lexy takes me home with her and runs me a
hot bath because I keep complaining that I’m cold, so cold I feel as if I’ll
never be warm again.
“You’re just in shock,” she tells me,
hugging me tightly as she sits me on the bed in her spare room. “A lot has
changed for you tonight. I’m going to get a bath ready and you can wash away
all the bad things that happened.”
If only it were that easy. I sit on the bed
feeling tired and cold and horrible. Over and over in my head, two different
lines are playing and neither one of them is pleasant.
I killed her,
whispers one.
Me, I’m the one who did it. I killed her. I killed
her.
He’s gone,
hisses
the other, sounding very much like the vampire with the snake voice.
He’s
gone and he’s never coming back. You’ve lost him. He’s gone.
“Bath’s almost ready,” Lexy calls from the
other room.
Guess I’d better get undressed.
I’m still wearing Aiden’s charcoal suit jacket but also my other
clothes too, which Lexy helped me find and put back on. I mechanically drag
myself up from the bed and start to strip even though I don’t want to. I cuddle
the jacket close before I take it off. It still smells like him—like cedar and
dark, masculine spice. I’m never going to smell that scent again because he’s
not my Master anymore. He let me go, released me from his service. He—
Suddenly I catch sight of a complete
stranger right across the room from me. She’s tall and has long black hair and
vivid purple eyes. For some reason, she too, is clutching a dark gray jacket to
her chest. What the hell is she doing in Lexy’s house? And who the hell is she?
Her face looks familiar but those eyes…
I turn to face her more fully and realize
that I’m not looking at another person at all. Lexy has a full-length mirror on
the back of the closet door and it’s reflecting…me.
“But that’s not me,” I whisper aloud,
daring to get closer to the mirror. “It can’t be. It
can’t
.” I feel a
strangled scream rising in my throat. What’s happening to me? What am I
becoming?
“What…what is it?” Lexy rushes into the
room so fast she almost runs into me. “Emma, honey,” she cries. “What’s wrong?”
“That…that girl…her…” I point to the mirror,
unable to say anything else. To acknowledge that the girl in the glass is me.
“Oh that.” Lexy shakes her head. “I thought
you knew—couldn’t you feel it when your magic was coming in?”
I remember the strange tingling in my
scalp, the burning in my eyes, the aching in my bones. But still… “I didn’t know,”
I say in a shaking voice. “Lexy, you should have told me. I thought there was a
stranger in the room.”
“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry!” She hugs me but
her arms around me feel different somehow. Looking in the mirror again, I realize
why—we’re the same height now!
“Lexy…” I gasp, pulling away. “I…I’ve
grown. I can’t believe…I don’t understand…”
“It’s just what happens when your magic
comes in,” she says. “Like a second puberty. Remember how I used to be short
and pudgy and have stringy dishwater blonde hair before I got my powers?”
I do vaguely remember that. But my cousin
has spent so many years being tall and slim with her gorgeous waterfall of long
auburn hair that I can barely recall the way she looked when we were both kids.
Of course, everyone knows that a witch gets her true eye and hair color when
her magic fully manifests for the first time. I just never expected it to ever
happen to me. Apparently tonight it did.
“You’re a late bloomer,” Lexy says gently.
“But you’ve got some of the strongest magic I’ve ever felt, cuz. That’s why it
made such a dramatic difference when it finally came.”
“But…” I look at my new reflection,
frowning. I don’t mind the hair—it’s actually the exact same shade as my
mother’s hair. Just thinking of her makes me wince so I hurry on, trying to
catalog the other changes. I’ve never heard of anyone really having purple eyes
but mine are now—a deep jewel-like amethyst fringed with thick black lashes.
They’re startling—arresting in a way my old muddy hazel never was.
Despite the more obvious changes to my hair
and eyes, what’s hardest to get used to is my new height. My body feels
strange—stretched out, taller. But I can’t help noticing that even though I’ve
grown a couple inches, I still have a fuller figure than my slender cousin.
Which is so not fair. If I’d been able to change anything about myself, I would
have wished to change my weight. I want to be skinny and sylph-like instead of
hourglass shaped. Why did the magic change everything but that?
Then I realize what I’m thinking. Who cares
what I look like now? Not when I just found out that I’m responsible for my
mother’s death and Aiden has left me. Who cares about anything? I might as well
lie down on the bed and just
die
.
“You stop that right now.” Lexy shakes me.
I look at her, startled. “Stop what?”
“I can hear every word you’re thinking and
I don’t like it one bit!” she snaps. “Your mother loved you. She knew what
happened wasn’t your fault. Kids make mistakes—you were only eight.”
“But I killed her, Lexy,” I protest.
“That’s more than just a mistake.”
“For the Goddess’ sake, Emma, you’re acting
like you went after her with a gun!” Lexy sounds exasperated. “You were
precocious—you had a huge power crammed into your little body and it was leaking
out like crazy. Remember how I told you what I overheard your mom telling my
mom about you being the most powerful witch in a generation? And besides, you
were trying to protecther when you started that fire.”
“I know that, Lexy,” I whisper. “I know it
in my head. But in my heart I can’t help feeling…feeling that I’m to blame. I
loved her so much.”
“And she loved you too, honey.” Lexy hugs
me again, enfolding me in a fierce embrace, pressing her cheek to mine. “She knew
you started the fire but she forgave you for it. What were her last words to
you?”
“She said…” I close my eyes, the memory of
my mother wreathed in flames pressing down on me like a weight. “She said she
loved me.”
“Of course she did.” Lexy strokes my hair.
“She never stopped loving you, no matter what. She forgave you and in time,
you’re going to have to forgive yourself.”
I know she’s probably right but it’s hard
to think about now. So hard when all I want to do is just curl up in a ball and
stop breathing.
“There you go again.” Lexy pulls back and
shakes me. “Stop it with the suicidal thoughts already, Emma!”
“How…” I clear my throat. “How can you even
hear me?”
“It’s your witch-whisper, of course,” Lexy
says. “Now that you’ve learned it, you don’t seem to know how to shut it down.”
“It’s the magic.” I feel stricken. “There’s
too much of it and I can’t control it—any more than I could back when I was
eight. Goddess, Lexy, I’m a walking time bomb!”
“No you’re not,” she says fiercely. “You’re
just a very powerful witch who hasn’t been trained to control her powers. But
don’t worry, we’re going to fix that. I’ll work with you every day until you
get them under control.”
“But…what about tonight?” I look at my
hands apprehensively, expecting to see blue sparks shooting from my fingertips
again at any moment. “What if I accidentally light your house on fire like I
did back when I was eight?”
“You won’t,” my cousin says calmly.
“How can you be sure?” I start to move away
from her. I should go sleep out in the yard. Or better yet, in the middle of a
swimming pool or anyplace that’s not flammable…
“I put some magic dampers in the bath,”
Lexy says. “You’ll be safe for tonight and the dampers will have worn off in
the morning so we can work on getting your magic under control.”
Hearing this makes me feel a little better.
I’m so glad I have a best friend like Lexy. She might seem ditzy at times but
when the going gets tough, she does too and I know she won’t let me down.
Lexy makes a face. “I’m glad to have you as
a best friend too, Emma. And I’m going to let the ditzy part go…this time.”
“Oh!” I put a hand to my mouth, aware that
I was projecting again. “I guess I’d better go get that bath.”
“Guess so.” Lexy smiles and gives me a
quick kiss on the cheek. “I know everything seems horribly overwhelming right
now but you’re going to get through it, Emma. I promise.”
I kiss her back. “Thanks, cuz. I hope…I really
hope you’re right.”
But inside I doubt it. I doubt it very
much.
I spend the next several weeks at Lexy’s
house, working on my magic. Surprisingly, learning to control it is not as hard
as I feared it would be. I’ve already been through all the lessons, back when I
was twelve and thirteen and still waiting for my powers to manifest. And I’ve
watched my cousins and my aunt practice all my life. So it’s just a matter of
putting what I already know into action.
I also try to make peace with the past. I
go to visit my mom’s grave and tell her how sorry I am. Sometimes I can almost feel
her presence and when I look in the mirror, I see her staring back at me. I know
what Lexy says is right—she loved me and forgave me. The question is, will I
ever be able to forgive myself?
But the thing that hurts me the most, even
more than learning the traumatic truth about my mom, is Aiden’s abandonment. I thought
he cared for me, that he wanted to keep me by his side. I guess I was wrong.
But then…what about the way he claimed me? The way he insisted I was his and only
his? The way he said he loved me. Did he only say those things in the heat of
the moment, because we were in such an extreme situation? Lexy assures me
that’s what guys do—they make all kinds of promises, swear eternal love and
devotion, say whatever it is they think you want to hear—but none of it means
anything.
It’s hard for me to believe that about
Aiden. I thought he was different. But as Lexy points out, even if he’s a
centuries-old vampire, he’s still a guy. And guys are fundamentally
untrustworthy, at least according to her.
I keep waiting for him to call, hoping
he’ll prove her wrong. Even if he’d just pick up the phone for a minute to make
sure I’m okay, I’d be so happy…but he doesn’t. He doesn’t call and he doesn’t
come into the shop on the days that I work. For all intents and purposes, he
seems to have completely disappeared.
Sometimes I wonder if he doesn’t like my
new look. After all, he always claimed to like me just the way I was and my
magic did a complete makeover when it finally manifested. I think it’s a big
improvement—aside from the fact that I’m still plus sized—but perhaps he
doesn’t see it that way. I hate to think that Aiden would be that shallow but
maybe now that I look so different, he’s lost interest.
I think about going to his house and
talking to him but that reeks too much of desperation. After all, he released
me from my service to him, what excuse could I give for showing up? I can’t
even say I left my things at his place. The day after the incident with the
Vampire Council, a big cardboard box arrived for me with all my clothing folded
neatly inside. He’d even sent my cell phone and charger—everything was
accounted for. I must have hunted through the box for an hour, turning every
damn piece of clothing inside out but there wasn’t so much as a note. It hurt
so much I sat down and cried afterward. And then I nearly set fire to the
shower curtain when I tried to take a hot shower and relax.
All in all, not a good day.
Things are looking up a little now though.
I have my powers mostly under control and I’m finally moving back to my own place.
Lexy wanted me to stay with her longer but I decided it was time to resume my
normal routine—whatever that is. I’ve been living such a strange, surreal
existence for so long now I don’t know if I’d recognize normal if it bit me on
the ass.
When I finally step in the door of my
little second-story loft in Ybor City, my first thought is that it’s good to be
home. My second is that everything is dusty from disuse—it’s been ages since I
lived here.
I don’t love to clean house but I get to
work anyway, trying to put my place back in order…trying to put my lifeback
in order. To go back to the way things were before Aiden picked me out of the
crowd and claimed me…then tossed me aside like a broken toy he didn’t want
anymore.
Thinking of my vampire Master makes me sad
and blue. After my cleaning spree, I decide to take a hot bath, drink a glass
of wine and go to bed early. I have to be to the shop tomorrow at seven,
anyway. We’re training a new person to run it since my aunt declared that
letting power like mine go to waste behind a counter is a crime against the
Goddess. So I’d better get an early night.
As I snuggle into bed between fresh sheets,
I close my eyes and send a silent prayer to the Goddess for deep sleep with no dreams.
I’ve been having nightmares lately, dreams of blue witch-fire turning into
hungry golden flames that leap from my fingertips and consume everything in
their path. I always wake up panting and covered in sweat but they seem to be
your garden-variety nightmares.
I’ve only had The Dream once since I went
home with Lexy. It presaged my period, as usual, only this time I had a normal
cycle. Meaning the cramps were bearable and my period lasted about a week
instead of one hideous day from hell. It seems that my blocked magic was also
to blame for the terrible stabbing agony I used to get. Now that it’s
unblocked, it can flow freely, normalizing my menstrual cycle, which is inextricably
tied to it.
Tired of thinking about The Dream and my
other nightmares, I close my eyes and count sheep. Around sheep number two
hundred, I finally drift off…only to find myself looking right at my mother.
“Emma?” She steps toward me, her arms held
out.
My heart jumps. If this is a dream, I don’t
want it to end. “Mom!” I rush to her arms and she holds me, our ebony hair
mingling around our shoulders. To my surprise I realize that I’m taller than
she is now. Well, of course I am. The last time I saw her I was only eight
and…and…
“Mom,” I say in a rush. “Mom, I’m so sorry!
I didn’t mean to—I never meant to start that fire. I thought I was helping you.
I didn’t know…”
“Hush, sweetheart.” She puts a finger to my
lips and then hugs me again. “I know all that. I’m not angry—I love you. I’ll
always love you, no matter what.”
“Oh, Mom…” Tears sting my eyes. “Then you
forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” she says firmly.
“It was an accident. Any child can burn down a house if you leave the matches
lying around where they can get them. It just so happens your matches were
inside you, if that makes any sense.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I take a deep,
trembling breath.
“I’m just glad you’re safe,” she says softly,
brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes. “Thank the Goddess the vampire came
when I called him. No one else could have gotten to us in time. No one else
could have saved you from the house and protected you from the satyr.” She pats
my cheek. “He loves you, you know. Very much.”
“I don’t think so,” I whisper. I feel tears
rising to my eyes and try to wipe them away. “He said he did but he hasn’t
called or come to see me since he released me from his service. I think he’s completely
forgotten about me.”
“Of course he hasn’t.” My mother sounds
indignant. “He—” Suddenly her face changes. Her eyes grow large and her cheeks
grow pale. “Emma, darling, I love you and I forgive you but now you have to
wake up.”
“What?” I look around and see that the
edges of this little reality we’re in are melting away. “No, please,” I beg. “I
don’t want to wake up, Mom. I want to stay here with you.”
“You can’t.” She gives me a grim look.
“You’re in grave danger. Wake up, Emma! Wake—”
“Up, you little bitch. Wake up.”
I gasp as my mother’s frightened face fades
completely away. My eyes fly open to see the dark face of Emilio Sanchez
leaning over me. His thick, goaty smell is suffocating in the small space of my
bedroom. I open my mouth to scream but he grabs me by the throat, choking off
the sound before it can even start.
“Told you I’d make you pay,” he growls,
grinning fiercely at me, his slotted yellow eyes burning in the darkness. “I’ve
waiting to get to you for fourteen years, girlie, but now your number’s up. I’m
gonna kill you nice and slow but first I’m gonna fuck you just like I
promised.”
“No!” I try to shout but he’s choking off
my air and it comes out as a desperate whisper instead. I think of kicking the
walls to wake up my neighbors but the condos on either side of me are empty. In
fact, there’s only one other person in the whole building, an eccentric
musician named Seth, and I’m pretty sure he’s on tour with his band right now.
I’m literally all alone with no hope of escaping from the murderous satyr.
No, can’t think like that! I’m not
helpless—I have power now.
Except I need my voice
to cast a spell. A fact that Sanchez doubtless knows or he wouldn’t be choking
off my air until I see black spots dancing in my vision. I realize I have to
hurry—if I let him make me unconscious, I’ll never wake up.
Burn him, Emma,
a voice whispers fiercely in my ear.
Burn him like you meant to
all those years ago.
And just like that, the solution comes to
me. I may not be able to say a spell but I don’t need the power of my voice to
call a witch-fire. The last time I tried to use it to drive Sanchez away, it
went horribly wrong. But I’m an adult now and a powerful witch. I’m determined
to make up for the past and get it right this time.
Lifting my hand, I point my first two
fingers at him and call for the flames. Immediately, blue sparks spit from my
fingertips and directly into his face. One lands right in his yellow eye and
Sanchez gives a cry of horror and lets me go. He knuckles his wounded eye with
one hand and slaps at his clothing and hair with the other. But the
witch-flames are hungry. They grow and spread, licking over his clothing and
his dark, greasy hair.
The satyr howls and stumbles backward. He
falls to the floor as the flames consume him and he becomes a living torch. I
stare at him in horror, frozen to the spot. There is a horrible smell like
cooking meat as he writhes in agony and now the witch-flames are spreading,
jumping away, searching for more fuel.
No!
My
paralysis breaks and I call to the flames. “Come back, turn back! Stop!” But
already the fire is beyond me, out of my limited control. They have been paid
their due—the satyr’s writhing form is proof of that. But the witch-flames are horribly
fast and voracious. They tear down the hallway and through my front door,
spreading to the lofts on either side and the building beyond. Goddess, what
have I done?
I watch numbly as the fire ignores my
commands and then turns toward me. It rushes across the carpet and climbs the
curtains, framing one of my two windows in flames. A feeling of
déjà vu
fills me. This is exactly how it happened when I was a little girl. I called
the fire and then I couldn’t control it. It’s going to eat me now, as it ate
the still-twitching Sanchez. As it ate my mother. I’m going to die in agony,
alone…
“Emma!
Emma!
”
A deep, familiar voice is calling my name.
I jerk my head around, wondering where it’s coming from.
“The window,” he shouts. “Come to the
window!”
I run to the one window not engulfed in
flames, just as I did as a child. But this time instead of seeing the face of a
monster waiting to hurt me outside, I see Aiden. Fear is etched on his white
features as he shouts for me to open the window.
I wrestle with the heavy sash and finally
wedge it open. The room behind me is filled with smoke and it billows out,
making me cough and choke. “Aiden?” I gasp, looking down at him.
“Emma!” There is unmistakable relief in his
eyes. “The whole building’s on fire. I can’t get to you—you’ll have to jump.”
“Jump?” I feel the pit of my stomach freeze
in fear. My loft may only be two stories but they are very
tall
stories.
The ground is more than twenty-five feet straight down and I’ve always had a
fear of heights.
“Jump!” He is holding out his arms. “Come
on! I’ll catch you.”
No way, uh-uh,
whispers the voice of fear in my head.
I don’t think so.
“I’ll
come the other way,” I tell him. “Maybe I can get through.”
“No! You’ll never make it!” His roar is
loud enough to be heard over the hungry flames. I can feel their heat on my
back and I fear that any moment my hair will go up in a gold-and-orange-and-red
corona just as my mother’s did so many years ago. Still, I’m afraid. Afraid to
climb out onto the ledge and let go.
“But—”
“Emma.” His voice is stern and low and it
sends a strange tremble though my body. With a start, I realize he is using his
Master voice on me. “Emma,” he repeats in that same tone. “Come out of the
window. Right now, do you understand?”
The many nights of erotic play rise up in
my mind and I feel my body reacting, obeying, even though my brain wants to
refuse. My head is dizzy and my hands are shaking as I climb out the window and
stand swaying on the ledge, looking down at my Master standing so far below.
“Master,” I whisper but somehow Aiden hears
me.
“Now jump,” he commands, holding out his
arms. “Trust me, Emma, I’ll catch you. I’ll always catch you.”
I don’t jump so much as fall. My fingers
somehow peel themselves from the window pane and then, with a low cry, I’m
flying free in the night with the ground rushing up to meet me. I close my eyes
tight, not wanting to see, not wanting to know when I’m about to make impact…
Then two strong arms catch me and pull me
close.
I put my arms around his neck and hold on
tight. I’m crying and shaking and I feel him shaking too. Then suddenly he’s running.
Running so fast the wind stings my eyes and I have to shelter my face in the
crook of his neck. I have a confused impression of the raging fire receding in
the distance and streets and houses streaming by at the speed of light. Then
dark branches are whipping all around us. Up ahead, I see a house with glass
walls, lit from within by a golden radiance. Unable to help myself, I think
home
.