Stadium of Lights: A Second Chance Sports Romance (18 page)

“
F
irst things first
, though. How do you usually structure your time?”

I gave Claire a look that must have told her how lost I already was, and she sighed. I hated that sigh. It made her sound like a disappointed mother. “Sorry. Nobody ever taught me how to study.”

She frowned. “Are you’re serious?”

I glared at her. “Yeah. It’s possible. I didn’t even know there was anything to it until you asked me if I knew how.”

She tapped her fingers on the table. We had chosen one far back in the library, trying to get a little quiet and a little privacy. Already three people had walked up to say “hi” though. I could feel Claire getting more annoyed with every interruption.

“Okay.” She folded her hands. “Are you a good note taker?”

“All right, I guess.”

“Do you even take notes?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, fine. You take notes. Are they handwritten or typed?”

“Written. I don’t type fast enough to keep up.”

“Me neither.”

Wow, the first thing we agreed on. She wasn’t so perfect, after all.

“So, the first thing I do after class, or as soon as I can, is type all of that day’s notes.”

I stared at her. “You type them? Instead of just writing them out? Why would you double your work?”

“It helps me in two ways. If I abbreviated something because the professor was talking too fast and I couldn’t keep up, I’m more likely to remember what he or she was saying if I review the notes that day. I can make the point clearer when I’m typing. Second, it helps me commit the material to memory.”

I shook my head. “That’s a lot of work. I usually have all my time wrapped up in practice and stuff.”

She tilted her head. “Since when is a badass football player afraid of a little extra hard work?”

“That’s something I’ve meant to ask you.” I leaned forward. “Why do you keep talking about me playing ball like it’s a bad thing? What’s your problem with football players?”

That got her. She wasn’t so full of herself anymore. “Nothing.” Her voice was quieter.

“Bullshit.”

She stared defiantly. “I told you it’s nothing.”

“Don’t act like I’m some stupid jock who doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground,” I snapped, trying my best to whisper.

“Aren’t you?”

I shoved myself back from the table and stood. “Fuck this. I don’t have to take this shit from you. Tell Coach whatever you want to tell him.”

“And you’re giving up that easily, huh?”

“What if I am? I can do this shit on my own. I always do well enough on my own.”

“Got it. And just doing well enough is enough for you?” Her eyes were narrowed, and I noticed for the first time what an unusual shade of green they were. Probably the prettiest thing about her.

I shook myself to get my head straight. “Everything I’ve got I put into my game. Everything. What little I have left over goes to my family. So I’m sorry if I don’t care too much about getting straight A’s. I’m sure you do, though. You don’t have anything else going for you, the way I do.”

That stung. Claire sat back in her chair, and all the fight was gone out of her.
Asshole
, I thought.
What a shitty thing to say
.

I sat down again. After a deep breath, I said, “I’m sorry. That wasn’t cool.”

Her voice was flat, with all the fight gone from it. “I’m pre-law, Jake. I don’t get to fucking screw around. If I want to get into a good law school, I have to be the best. Just like if you want to get onto a pro football team after college, you have to be the best. It’s the same thing, just different goals.”

I hated myself for going that extra step too far. “You’re right. But that goes both ways, too. You work hard. I work hard. Just for different things.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath. “You’re right. I have to get over my issues with guys like you. I admit I have them.”

“Why? Did they bully you? Not all football players are the same. I hate being stereotyped.”

She smiled and shook her head. “Funny how that’s the first thing you guessed, though.”

“It happens. I never said I did it. A lot of people have trouble with jocks, though.” I waited for her to explain to me why she had a problem, but she didn’t.

“Okay, let’s get back on track, please,” Claire said like nothing happened.

I shook my head—if she wanted to drop it, well, that was all right with me.

“I think another good idea is to have a calendar for the semester and plug in the dates you know you’ll have something due. You can work around those dates and plan out how you’ll prepare for an exam or paper.”

“You plan for papers?” I asked.

“My papers have a lot of research in them. I have to find cases to back up my points.”

“Jesus, that sounds like a lot of work.”

“It is. But I like it.”

“You do? I mean, really?”

“Yeah, actually. Do you really like hurting yourself every week during a season?”

I laughed. “Okay, I get it.”

She grinned. “I like the law. I like figuring out ways to prove a case.” Then she tapped her pen against her chin, looking at me. “Why do you want to play football?”

“Because it’s what I love to do.”

“Why, though?”

“It’s fun.”

“So why not play it on a local team or something? Why do you want to play it professionally? Don’t say it’s not for the money.”

“Oh, it’s all about the money.”

She snorted, but I wasn’t laughing. She didn’t know how serious I was, and she didn’t need to know.

“Hey, Jake?” I felt a tapping on my shoulder. When I looked up, I saw a welcoming sight: a pair of tits inches away from my face. Attached to them was a smiling girl in a too small pink tank top.

“Hey,” I said. I had no idea who she was, but she knew me. I was used to that.

“When’s your next game again? None of my girlfriends know the schedule.” She twirled a strand of her brunette hair around one finger, glossy red lips curved in a smile.

“It’s this weekend,” I told her. “We’re playing against the Indiana Hoosiers, but we’ll be back for a party later that night. I hope I see you there.”

“I bet you will.” She winked, gave me one more look at her cleavage. “Go Wolverines!”

“Later,” I replied, staring at her ass as she walked away.

I felt Claire’s eyes burning into me.

“I guess it’s not just about the money, huh?”

I couldn’t ignore the tone in her voice, but I did my best to overlook it. She was just jealous she would never be hot like the cutie I just talked to.

“Back to business.” Right. We were there to talk about studying. How did we keep getting off track? “So, you’re typing, you’re entering things into your calendar. You’re reverse engineering so you know what you have to do to be ready for what’s coming up. Then you can add, you know, other things you need to do. It’s all about being organized, that’s all.”

“And taking the time to do the work.”

She grinned. “That’s what I’m here for.”

* * *

“
T
omorrow
, then? Around six?” I turned to her when we left the library. It was one of those weird “what next?” moments. “I have practice till five, and trust me—you want me to shower after that.”

“I’ll be here,” she said.

We smiled a little awkwardly at each other, it was then I noticed for the first time how dark it was already getting at night.

“I can’t wait until the days get longer again.” I looked at her. “Do you need a ride to your dorm? Or somebody to walk with you?”

A funny look came over her face, but it was gone in a flash. “No, thanks. I’m sure I’ll be okay. Nobody’s going to mess with me.” She flexed an arm, grunting.

“Not even close to these biceps.” I flexed, showing off my chiseled arms.

“Whatever, Jake.”

We shared a laughed, which felt awkward again. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She gave me a little wave and hurried away.

I followed her to the dorm, at a distance so she wouldn’t know I was tailing. When she walked in through the big double doors, I went back to the library and got in my car. It wasn’t until I reached the first intersection that I realized I was grinning to myself.

Everybody was at the frat house when I got there. I hoped nobody would wonder where I had been, but nobody seemed to notice. They were all gathered around Zack, who was resting after his injury. Not that I was glad he got hurt, but I was happy for the distraction. He’d be back on his feet by the second game of the season.

“Yo, Jake.” Brad waved me over to where he sat in the living room. I tried to hide how irritated I was—I was just about to escape, too. When I went to him, he said, “I saw that girl Jenny today. The one you use to hook up with.”

“Yeah? So?”

“I was wondering how serious you were about her. She seemed pretty down to fuck if you know what I mean.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s down to fuck anybody on the team.” Shouted one of the other players and the house filled with laughter.

“Since when is he ever serious?” Preston asked, mocking.

“Since when are any of us?” I replied.

“I am,” Max said. We all gave him shit, but it was in fun. He had been seeing a girl since the end of the last semester. Before then, though? He screwed the whole cheerleading squad and half the girls on campus.

“Fine, other than Max. What are you saying, bro? You want to fuck her?”

Brad shrugged. “Like I said, she’s down for it.”

“Go for it, then. I don’t care.” I didn’t, either. Jenny wasn’t anything to me, just somebody to screw around with when we were both together and in the mood. Plus, I knew she got around. As long as you played sports at the UM, she would eagerly be on her knees at your service.

“Yeah, not like he won’t be able to score new pussy at the next party,” Zack called out.

“Is that all life is to you, Zack? Partying and pussy?”

“Uh … yeah.”

“Whatever, fellas,” I replied.

We all laughed. I shook my head as I jogged up the stairs.

A party. I sat down at my desk. They were already planning another party after our first game. Why not? It was what we did. I knew Coach would be pissed as hell if he found out I was partying when I should have been studying. How would I get out of it? Did I even want to?

No, I didn’t want to. Who the hell was he to tell me what to do? It wasn’t like I could stop living my life and waste my college years. I would go to the party. I had the rest of the weekend to study.

Claire’s face came to mind. I shook my head. So what if she cared? She didn’t even have to know.

I
t was an interesting first week
.

I decided it would be a good idea to bring my own work with me to the library. I had more than enough to do, after all. I hoped watching me work would set a good example for Jake, too. Once he stopped posturing and acting like the big, tough football center—if I remembered correctly—he wasn’t a bad guy. He seemed sincere, almost.

On Thursday night, I was deep in the middle of reading for my Ethics course, while Jake typed up notes from his Sociology course. Only I wasn’t making any headway in my work. I found myself reading the same page two, three times.

Maybe it was because I kept looking up at him.

I couldn’t help myself. Jake looked so focused, sitting there typing with this look of determination on his face. I told myself it was like watching an animal at the zoo. Every once in awhile, he would smile to himself like he understood something. It was sort of nice to see.

Then I would turn my attention to my reading and curse myself for getting off track so quickly. If this was the way work-study would go, I might lose my precious GPA.

When he finished, he closed his laptop with a sigh and picked up a book. “I’m reading
Lady Chatterley's Lover
,” he murmured. “We’re just starting it.”

I glanced up at him with a grin. “You know what it’s about?”

“I’ve heard some things.” He licked his lips, and I felt a little chill go through me. “I guess you’ve read it, then?”

I nodded.

“For school, or recreational reading?” There was a teasing quality to his voice. I reminded myself to relax.

“My pleasure reading wasn’t quite so erotic back in high school.”

“Is it now?”

My heart skipped a beat. “Oh, yeah. Extremely.” I lifted the oversized Ethics textbook.

“That’s not pleasure reading,” he pointed out.

“I don’t really have time for it,” I admitted. “I wish I did. I miss reading for fun.”

“That’s the one thing I’ve always liked to do. Reading.”

“Hence the English major?” I asked. I could tease, too, though it was evident how far out of his league I was.

“Yeah. Hence the English major. I don’t know, I never thought I was very good at anything else.”

“Just football and literature,” I mused.

“Pretty much and I used to have to hide my reading at home when I was a kid.”

That stopped me cold. “You what?”

He looked flushed, his tanned skin turning a shade of red I’d never seen him wear. “Forget it. Let’s get back to work.”

“It’s okay. Really. I think it’s a shame that you had to do that. I just can’t relate, so it surprised me.” My reading was all but forgotten as I turned my attention to him. I leaned my head on my hand. “What happened?”

He pursed his lips like he was considering whether or not to tell me. After a deep breath, he said, “My mom thought all my time should go to football. I mean all of it. If I wasn’t practicing, I should be training. If I wasn’t training, I should be watching it. Reading wasn’t going to get me anywhere.”

I did my best to suppress my look of horror. It was unimaginable. Reading wouldn’t get him anywhere? Where the hell did he grow up? A ghetto? Then I realized it was entirely possible that he had.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “That’s awful.”

“I had to read for school, too. You know? I didn’t want to fail. So I would read in bed, under the covers, with the flashlight. Most kids were doing that if they wanted to look at their dads’
Playboy
or read comics.” He chuckled, staring at the table.

For the smallest of split seconds, I saw him as that little boy, and my heart went out to him. “Do you really love football?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah. No doubt. Why?”

“I was just wondering since it sounds like you weren’t given much of a choice.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s what I like to do best.” He opened his book and started to read. “Except for one other thing,” he muttered.

I kept my eyes downcast.

No way was he flirting with me. Me! Of all people! I wasn’t blind. He could have had any woman he wanted, including the pair who’d already come over to flash their cleavage in his face. I didn’t respond to him. I wouldn’t let him trick me.

What was he trying to do? Butter me up so I wouldn’t give his coach a negative report? I would have bet anything. Telling me his sob story about how he wasn’t allowed to read when he was a kid. I wondered if it was even true. Probably just another way to get on my good side.

I was so furious; I could hardly see straight. I stood, shoving my books into my bag. “I’m finished for the night. You’re doing your work. That’s great. See you tomorrow.” Then I stopped. “Unless you have some other plans, prepping for the big game on Saturday. You know what? I’ll just see you Monday.”

“Whoa! Wait! What just happened?” I was already walking away and didn’t stop to explain myself. Tears blurred my vision, as I tore out of the building.

I darted, with my head down, hands in fists at my sides. To think I’d even worn my favorite white blouse and a long, flowing floral skirt I thought was pretty. Was I dressing up for him? Was I insane? He didn’t even see me. I was a fool.

Fuck him and fuck the entire football team. I hoped their bus crashed on the way to the game. I let out a quiet little sob as I continued to my dorm. What was happening to me? Was the stress of it all getting too much to bear?

* * *

I
t might have been
the tears blurring my vision, or it might have been the hem of my long skirt, but I tripped while lifting my foot to step onto a curb. The next thing I knew, I was on my hands and knees. Both stung, but not as much as my pride.

“Are you okay?” a familiar voice. A strong hand gripped my upper arm, pulling me to my feet.

“What are you doing? Get the fuck off of me!” I wrenched my arm away, mortified. “Are you following me home?”

Jake shrugged. “I follow you to make sure you’re okay. Sorry.”

All the fight left me. “You follow me? Every night?”

“Every night so far, yeah. I mean, it’s only the third night. I thought you could use some protection, you know? Better be safe than sorry.”

Now this wasn’t just to butter me up. I would have never known if Jake hadn’t helped me.

“I’m sorry I said something in there that I shouldn’t have. I mean, I’m kind of a dick. I spend most of my time around the players. We don’t censor ourselves, but I should watch what I say around you.”

I could have let it go at that. I could have let him think it was all his fault. But that wouldn’t have been right.

Instead, I wiped the dirt from my hands. “Do you want to know the reason I got so upset? I guess I should tell you if we’re going to work together this semester so you don’t think I’m this mentally unstable person.”

“Yeah, that'd be great,” he chuckled. “I mean if you want to. If it’ll make this whole process easier.”

I turned to walk towards my dorm, more slowly this time. Jake fell into step beside me.

“When I was in high school, I was pretty much the person I am now. A nerd. I got straight A’s, never missed a day of school. I didn’t have much of life. The head of the football program asked me to tutor the quarterback of the football team. He was failing out of school, practically.”

“Sounds familiar.”

“Right? When my advisor first told me I’d be tutoring you, I almost died.”

“I guess it didn’t go so well.”

I sighed and looked away. “No. I did my best for him, but he only wanted one thing. He wanted me to help him cheat. He thought if he got me to fall for him, I would go along with it.”

“You didn’t, did you?”

I looked up at him, walking beside me. “What do you think?”

“You have more integrity than that.”

I chuckled. “Thanks. You’re right, too. I told him to fuck himself.” I went silent.

He cleared his throat. “So, that’s the reason you hate me? I remind you of him?”

“I don’t hate you,” I said sharply. “I hate myself. Because it wasn’t that simple. But I don’t want to talk about that. It hurt a lot. That’s all you need to know.”

“Hey.” He took my hand, stopping me. “I’m not that guy. You know? That’s not me. It never even crossed my mind to use you or whatever he did.”

“Yeah, okay,” I smirked.

“I swear.”

“You realize that’s not a compliment. Right?”

His face fell when he realized what I was saying. “Oh my God, I can’t win with you, huh?”

I laughed softly. “I’m kidding, Jake.” I wasn’t.

He sighed. “Can’t we just relax and be two people, instead of always bitching at each other? All we do is butt heads.”

“It’s not easy to leave stuff like that in the past. You know what I mean?”

He nodded. “I do.”

“You’ve never been like me. I bet you were always a star.”

“We all have our own shit.” It was all he said, but it was all he needed to say. Then, he looked down. He was still holding my hand.

I pulled it away. “Well, thank you for following me,” I murmured. “You didn’t have to.”

“I don’t let girls walk home alone. I know I can be an asshole, but I wouldn’t feel right knowing you were walking alone at night on campus.”

“I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later, Jake.”

I was starting to think he wasn’t that much of a dick, after all, and I smiled to myself as I went inside. I was still smiling as I unlocked the door to the dorm room.

Jess had waited all of three seconds before she pounced on me. “What was that?”

“What?” I looked around then realized she could see us through the windows. Her desk was right up against them.

“Shit.” I sat on the bed, giggled to myself. I couldn’t help it.

“He was holding your hand!” she reminded me, punching me gently on the shoulder.

“It was nothing. Trust me. Jake felt sorry for me.” I bit my lip. “He does walk behind me to make sure I’m safe going home, though.”

She gasped before shrieking, “Shut up!” She bounced up and down on my bed. “That’s so sweet. Like something out of a book. Oh, I’m dying!”

“It’s nothing. It’s nothing. Come on. We can’t trick ourselves into thinking it’s more than it is. Because it’s nothing. Okay? Nothing.”

“Could you say ‘nothing’ just one more time?”

“Nothing.”

She laughed. “What's the problem?”

“He’s in one world, I’m in another world. That's the problem.” I stood up, going to the full-length mirror on the back of our door. “Look at me, Jess.”

“I’m looking.”

“And? Come on.”

She sat up, arms folded. “Okay. You want the truth?”

“Spill it.”

She looked me up and down. “You could be seriously hot if you tried.”

“Damn it, Jess. I thought you were going, to be honest.” I slammed myself into my desk chair, glaring at her.

“I'm not lying! Geez, you act like you should be standing in the middle of the town square in a sackcloth, ringing a bell. With a sign that says ‘Unclean’ around your neck.”

I had to giggle. “Okay, I’m not that bad.”

“Here’s the thing, though. And you know I’m the expert on this. I mean, all the costumes they fit me for? And the costumes I’ve fitted, when I work in the shop? I know my shit. And you should be dressing to accentuate your body. You hide it too much, and it makes you look sloppy. You’re not fat, for God’s sake. You’re curvy and beautiful, Claire.”

Then, she stood and came to me. “Your hair, you never do anything with it—you hardly ever even dry it. You need a cut and a style. Maybe a few highlights.”

“Oh my God,” I screeched.

“I know what would work for you.”

“I don’t know, Jess.”

“I do. And who cares about Jake? Why not look good for yourself?” She picked up a handful of my loose brown hair and let it float down to my face. “You’re beautiful. Come on. Have a little fun while you’re young. Get out with me this weekend and we’ll get you some sexy outfits and a haircut.”

That made me hesitate. “You know I don’t have the money for that.”

“You will once you get your first paycheck for the work-study. You’re making twice as much now. I’ll spot you until then. How does that sound?”

I took a look at myself in the mirror and sighed. “Okay.” It was worth a shot, anyway.