Chapter 20
JORDAN LOOKED up from where she stood at the washtub and watched a dust plume rise on the horizon. Whoever it was, they were certainly in a hurry.
A sense of foreboding washed over her as five riders crested the hill within minutes. Shane came out of the stables, his hand resting casually on his hip, close to his Colt 45. As they came closer, Jordan recognized the sheriff, and several of the men from town.
Shane didn't move as the men reined in just a few feet from him. "Sheriff?" he said, trying to look at ease. But Jordan knew better. She recognized the hard edge to Shane's jaw, and the dangerous gleam in his eyes.
The sheriff moved his hat back on his head, his gaze roving over his surroundings. When he looked in her direction, she could clearly see the disdain in his eyes. "I'm here to talk to the breed."
Jordan's heart dropped to her feet at his words. Her first instinct was to cry out, to warn Gray Hawk.
"Kincaide, if you have a problem with Gray, I suggest you talk to me about it," Shane said, lighting a cigarette and blowing the smoke directly at the sheriff.
The sheriff sat forward in the saddle and crossed his arms over the saddle horn. "The Karlson's are missing some cattle. Some of the men are saying they saw that breed of yours in the vicinity."
Shane lifted a brow. "The only thing that separates my land from Karlson's is a fence, and Gray has been out fixing those fences, so it makes sense they've seen him. As far as stealing cattle, well, sorry boys, but I'm afraid you have the wrong man."
"He saw him last night, not long after dark."
Jordan flinched at the sheriff's words. Last night she and Gray Hawk had been together in their usual spot, which was close to Karlson's land.
"Gray was here last night, sleeping in the bunkhouse with the rest of the men," Shane replied, his voice clearly agitated.
"Do you know that for sure?"
Jordan was horrified at what was happening, but could do no more than stare numbly as Shane motioned one of the hands to get Gray Hawk.
Several of the men with the sheriff looked in her direction, and one man sneered, then spit on the ground not far from her feet. She recalled the man now. He'd been in town the first day she'd gone to Brogan with Kari and Shane to get dresses. Back then he'd been friendly, waving and smiling. Now he was letting her know he thought she was beneath them because of her relationship with Gray Hawk. He said something to the man beside him, and they both looked at her and laughed.
Though she felt like crying, she instead lifted her chin and met their cruel stares without blinking. She would not let them see her pain. After all, who were they to judge her?
Just then Gray Hawk stepped out of the stable, and all the attention was directed on him.
"Gray, were you here last night?" Shane asked.
"Yes," Gray Hawk replied, his gaze shifting from Shane to the sheriff.
"See, he was here all night," Shane said, his voice dangerously low. "Sheriff, you've wasted enough of my time. You've already shot this man as it is. If you've come looking to stir-up trouble, you can just turn around and head right back to town. Leave my property now, or you can get off that horse of yours and we can finish it right here."
Jordan's eyes widened in alarm, sure she was about to witness another brawl. The hands who were around the ranch came in, each one of them holding a rifle at the ready. Shane motioned he was all right, but few relaxed. "Well, what's it gonna be. I've been aching to have it out with you, and I can see no better time or place."
"You trust the breed's word?" the sheriff asked. It was obvious to everyone he wasn't about to get off his horse.
Shane's face was as unreadable as stone as he crushed his cigarette beneath his heel and his hand covered the butt of his gun. "I sure do."
The sheriff's Adam's-apple bobbed as he swallowed. "Well, I'll be doing some checking on my own, and if I find out different, I'll be coming back."
He glanced in her direction and smiled sardonically. His eyes sparkled, as though he knew something...Jordan's pulse leaped. Dear Lord, it couldn't be possible, could it? It had been months since they'd left Virginia. Her uncle probably hadn't even bothered to look for her...but what about Kari? Unable to meet his gaze for fear she was right, she quickly turned away.
GRAY HAWK listened to Shane as he tried his best to reassure him that everything was fine, when he knew that was not at all the case. Unfortunately, by coming to the Triple T, he'd brought trouble, not only for Jordan, but Shane Catalono as well.
He hated the sheriff and his men. It was all he could do not to snap the man's neck when he'd spit on the ground at Jordan's feet as though she were less of a person for loving him. Though she put on a brave front, Gray Hawk hadn't missed the horrified expression on Jordan's face.
He could handle the men. What enraged him more than anything was what they were doing to Jordan. He knew now his dream of their making a life together was unrealistic. Their cultures were too unforgiving of them to ever be together, and neither one of them wanted to give up their way of life.
The best thing he could do now would be to leave. To go back where he belonged, and leave Jordan here, where she belonged. Soon the people of Brogan would forget about this. Perhaps she'd find a husband, have her children, and her ranch.
But the thought of her with another man tore at his insides. She had given him her gift of purity. He had been the first, and he wanted to be the last. A blind hatred filled him at the thought of someone else's hands on her beautiful body.
"She'll be all right."
He turned to find Shane watching him. "She's a strong woman, Gray. She also loves you, and I think she'd like to see you." With a reassuring smile he continued toward the house.
Gray Hawk knew he had to leave. It was plain and simple.
He would tell her now, and whether she accepted it or not, he would leave by nightfall.
She stood over the wash bin, her hands vigorously scrubbing the shirt as she blew a tendril of hair out of her eyes. He stared, memorizing everything about her, her delicate features, her firm breasts, her tiny waist, her narrow hips. Her spirit, her love.
His heart already ached from the loss.
He was standing beside her before she noticed he was there. Looking up at him with a start, he could see the tears that stained her cheeks. She tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Come with me," he said, holding his hand out to her.
She looked around the yard. "I have work--"
"It's all right. Shane knows."
He pulled her along with him, down a trail, past some berry bushes to a secluded spot enclosed in the trees where they could talk privately.
He sat on the ground, leaning against a tree. Patting the ground beside him, she took a seat, her eyes wide in question. If only he could tell her that he would stay forever. That they would marry, have children, and share the ranch she'd always dreamed of. He'd give anything for that, pay any price to see the sweet smile on her face.
His fingers moved to the wayward curl that fluttered in the
breeze. Rubbing the silky tresses between his fingers, he smiled sadly when her eyes darkened with passion. She was so innocent, and so easy to please. They could have been so happy.
He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Jordan...I have to leave."
Her mouth dropped open. "What?"
"If I stay, I'll only cause more trouble for Shane and neither one of you deserves what's happening. Let's face it, I don't belong here."
"No," she said shaking her head adamantly. "Don't you see, this is exactly what they want? I don't want you to leave. They don't know anything about you. We want you here. We're the ones who should count, not them."
He pulled her into his arms, wanting to soothe the pain he was causing her, but she pushed against his chest and scrambled to her feet. He let her go, knowing nothing he could say would ease the hurt.
"I thought you cared for me."
"I do, Jordan."
"Then why would you leave?"
He wanted her in his arms, to feel her heart pumping against his own. He wanted to take her beneath him, to have her, to show her how much she meant to him. But it was not the time or the place, and it wouldn't change the outcome. "I know you don't realize it now, but I'm doing it for your own good. You were doing fine here until I came. Now they call you names, spit at your feet, treat you like--"
"They treat me the way they treat you." She lifted her chin. "Gray Hawk, I can handle it. I don't care what they think. I want you. I need you here."
He shook his head. "Jordan, I can't stay. I see the hurt in your eyes, the pain it's causing you--even if you won't admit it."
Closing her eyes, she let out an unsteady breath. "You would stay if you loved me."
He wanted to tell her just how much he loved her, but how could he? If he gave her his soul, he'd have no defense and it would only make their parting more difficult. "You have no idea how much I care for you. I'm leaving because you mean so much to me. One day you'll come to understand how much."
"What will you be going back to, Gray Hawk? You wanted to come, but now that you're here and have what you want, you're leaving. Will you go back to Running Deer?" She shook her head. "I don't understand you. I never thought you were a man who would run when trouble started, but that's exactly what you're doing. You don't care that you leave me here to pick up all the pieces, just as long as you have someone to keep your bed warm at night."
"I told you before that I haven't been with another woman since I met you."
He could tell by the expression on her face that she still didn't believe him.
She straightened her spine and lifted her chin. "I suppose this is goodbye then."
There was an awful finality in her words. She was resigning herself to the fact that they were to be apart forever. In that moment he wished he could take back his words. He wished that he could go on like they had been, not caring about what the town thought or felt, but he knew that he was being far too selfish. He could handle any kind of ridicule directed at him, but could she? Or would she in time begin to resent him for making her an outcast and learn to hate him? He couldn't bear it.
"When will you go?" she asked, her voice void of any emotion.
"Tonight."
Her response was a sharp intake of breath. And when he looked into her eyes, he was nearly undone by the agony he saw there.
Jordan stared at him in open-mouthed astonishment. This
isn't happening
, her mind kept screaming over and over again. Yet all she had to do was look into his eyes to know he spoke the truth. He was leaving tonight...forever.
She wavered on her feet and when he stood to steady her, she slapped his hand away. "Don't," she said, shaking her head, not wanting to do anything but feel the pain and anguish so she would forget that she even loved him.
"Jordan, please."
"Go away."
When his hand moved to her shoulder, she closed her eyes. How could she go on never to know his touch again? To never taste his lips on hers again, or to experience the joy of his lovemaking. As the tears slid down her face, she squeezed her lids even tighter. "Please, go," she whispered, unable to look at him, because if she did, she was afraid she'd lose what little pride and dignity she had left and beg him not to leave her.
His hand fell away and as she heard him leave, her heart shattered into a million pieces.
OPENING HER eyes to the first rays of a new day, Jordan sat up instantly in bed. Realization came fast, and with it, a sense of dread. Gray Hawk was gone.
He had left her.
The loss tore at her insides, choking her throat with tears that until now she'd been unwilling to shed. But with the dawning of a new day, her ache was so deep, she let the tears slip down her cheeks.
She cried silently. Not wanting to wake Kari, Jordan dressed and went downstairs. The rest of the household was still asleep, even Shane who was usually the first one up was still in bed. Not wasting any time on starting her chores, Jordan grabbed her basket and headed for the chicken coop. She needed to keep herself busy. She would not spend another minute thinking about Gray Hawk, or what her life would be like without him.
Yet as she stepped out into the cool morning, her gaze shifted to the bunkhouse. A sharp pain of regret lanced through her. He was gone, and oh, how her heart ached. Why did he have to come here, give her hope, only to leave again?
"Stop it," she said to herself. He didn't want her. It was obvious now. He had taken her virginity and used her, blaming the townspeople's bigotry for his excuse to leave. She'd given herself to him with all the love and trust in her heart. He took her most cherished prize for granted, then returned to his village--and Running Deer.
Though he had told her he hadn't been with the other woman, she didn't know if she could believe him or not. She shook her head. Why should she trust him?
But then again maybe there was nothing between he and the pretty Indian. Maybe his reasons for leaving the ranch were justified. Perhaps he realized how different they truly were, and knew a future together would not be easy. Perhaps he missed his home and his people, just as she had missed hers. Methodically she shooed away the chickens and picked up the eggs, wondering how and when, she would get over him.
It would do her no good to dwell on it. In fact, maybe it was for the best--she had been distracted since he'd come, not thinking about her ranch or her future. But not anymore. It was time to get refocused on her goals...starting now.
She was headed toward the house when a ranch hand stepped out of the bunkhouse. She glanced up, ready with a forced smile, then dropped the basket at her feet.
"Gray Hawk?"
The sight of her tall, dark lover was so unexpected, Jordan had to keep herself from running into his arms. But she held back, not sure why he was still here, or if he was just getting a late start. "I thought you were leaving?"
He walked toward her in long strides. Reaching out to her, he took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each knuckle.
Her blood warmed as she stared into his eyes that were so warm--with what? Love? Her pulse skittered. Was she seeing only what she wanted to see?