Tears on My Pillow (8 page)

December 16
th
2013

Monday

Qia

     I wake up brush my teeth and head to the kitchen for a cup of hot chocolate. I step in the kitchen and turn the light on. I go over to the stove and light the flame underneath the yellow coffee pot to heat up some water for my hot chocolate. I sit down at my kitchen table to wait for my water and smile as I look at the four foot Swarovski crystal Christmas tree that is centered in the middle of the table on top of a round yellow lace doily.

     I spent the day yesterday making it look like Christmas around our house. The crystal centerpiece is just one of the decorations I put up yesterday. I also placed a wreath on the outside of the front and back door. Jakari and I went out and picked up our Christmas tree as well. I had decided to use a Colorado blue spruce. I am in love with its powdery blue greenish leaves and perfect pyramidal shape. I am so glad I chose this type of tree because it is sold with the full bulb of roots attached and after the holidays I plan to plant it in our front yard. I smile as I think about how it will grow and forever represent our first Christmas here in our new house.

     I finish making my cup of hot chocolate and walk over to the living room door way and lean against its frame. I stand there sipping on my hot chocolate as I admire how beautiful our tree is. It sits inside an extra-large white and silver flower pot. I wrapped the tree with all clear lights that constantly twinkle. I can’t stand the blinking lights they annoy the hell out of me. I sporadically placed some red bows and added some silver and blue garland to the tree with some candy canes sprinkled around. I sigh as I force myself to turn away from our captivating Christmas tree and get in the shower so I can report to work.

     I get in the shower and become engulfed in thought as the water caresses my body. I finally manage to talk myself into shutting off the shower water and getting out the shower. I lotion and spray on my body spray before stepping out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I stand at the foot of the bed and watch my peacefully sleeping husband for a few minutes before I begin getting dressed. I slip on my black dress pants that fit snug at the ankles and have a small slit in them. I pull the white lace turtle neck over my head and tuck it into my pants making sure I smooth it out inside my pants. I put my black V cut blazer on over my lace turtle neck and walk over to the dresser to put on my pearl earrings while buttoning it up. After putting on my earrings and painting my lips with some red lipstick I slip my wedding ring on my finger. I walk into the closet and grab my six inch black red bottoms which were a birthday gift from Jakari earlier this year.

     I despise wearing coats so I decide to skip out without one. I softly kiss my husband on his forehead and go out to my car. I sit down in my car and crank up the engine. I look in my purse for my cell phone figuring I can scroll FB while I wait for the car to warm up. That’s when I notice I forgot my phone. I take my house keys off the ring so that I can leave my car running while I go back inside to get my phone. Before getting out the car, I look at the clock on the dashboard and notice I am already running ten minutes behind my normal schedule I just couldn’t get the spark lite in me this morning. I race back in the house and kick my shoes off at the door. I continue to move quickly down the hallway to my bedroom. I pick up my phone off the dresser and quickly back track back to the front door. I glide my feet back into my heels and step out the front door and lock it back.

     I activate the alarm on my burnt orange 2013 Mitsubishi Eclipse on my way into the University. I am standing behind my desk with five minutes to spare before class starts. I don’t like cutting it this close but at least the kids have an exam today so I didn’t really have to prepare for anything this morning. I sit down and grab my phone out of my purse. I am hoping that Tiffani has sent me a picture of her new do like she said she was going to do. I quickly put my password in but it doesn’t work. I try a second time with the same result. I pause for a moment and enter my password slower this time making sure that I put it in correctly but the phone still says it is incorrect. On my fourth try, I decide to try Jakari’s password and it works. My mouth drops open as I realize I had taken the wrong phone off the dresser in my haste. Jakari and I both have the same gold iPhone 5s so I had no clue I grabbed the wrong one. I find myself wanting to just lock the phone back and bring it to him when he gets to work but I also feel compelled to look through it.

     Even though I had found nothing out of the ordinary when I placed that SMS app on his phone a few weeks back I still felt like I needed to go through his phone to calm my fears. So I start with his pictures. I begin swiping through his pictures and don’t see anything out of the ordinary some selfies, pictures of us, some more selfies, pictures from Thanksgiving, pictures of the house from when he did the closing I assume because the house is empty. I smile big when I get to the pictures he took while we were on our honeymoon in Jamaica. He had taken so many shots from dinners we had, hanging out on the beach and pictures of us out shopping and lounging around the room. I swipe again and instantly my stomach begins to churn as my morning hot chocolate begins to try to make its way back up the same way it went down. My hand flies up to my mouth as I stare at a picture of a woman with her lips wrapped around my husband’s thick erect dick. I know it is him because he is holding her hair and I can see his wedding ring. The tears begin to sting my eyes as I come to grips with the fact that this is more evidence than I would have ever wanted to see. My husband has been and probably still is cheating on me. I close my eyes to fight back the tears and count to five in my head. I open my eyes and begin to study the photo trying to look past what they were engaged in at the time. I need to know where they were when this was taking place. I notice the railing of the balcony they were on and that there is a beach in the background.

     There is absolutely no mistaking that this is the beach from Montego Bay! My eyes bulge out of my head when I notice some bright yellow sneakers in the background. I would recognize those sneakers my sneakers anywhere. I see a female who looks like me in the background running along the beach! I zoom in and that is definitely me with my white running gear and my yellow sneakers. The tears begin to fall as I remember the flash I saw from the couple on the balcony as I was running along the beach that morning. That was my fucking husband! I was out there running thinking about how much I love him and admiring the couple on the balcony for being in love and it was my damn husband. He was on the balcony getting his dick sucked! I forward the picture to my cell and then delete that message from our thread in his phone. I turn the phone completely off and drop it into my purse. I race to the door on my way to the bathroom almost knocking over a couple of my students who were entering the classroom at the same time I am exiting.  I hear Corey ask
“Mrs. Roberson are you okay?”
I don’t turn around to try and answer him because everything isn’t okay and I need to collect myself before I speak with anyone. Right now I wouldn’t know what to say except the truth.

     I stand in the last stall in the women’s bathroom and just sob. I don’t want to but it feels like someone I love very much has died. My relationship has died. In this moment I don’t know what I am going to do. I have been with this man my whole life and have been nothing but faithful to him. I never once thought about or came close to cheating on him. I grab some toilet tissue blow my nose and wipe my face. I stand silent for a few more moments listening to make sure that I am alone in the bathroom before I step out of the stall and go over to the sink. I splash my face with cold water and take a paper towel to dry it off. I stare back at myself in the mirror and decide that I will think about what I have seen for a few days or so and take it from there. I refuse to let this break me and the biologist in me will not allow myself to make a rash decision.

     I go back into the classroom and face my students who are extremely concerned because this is certainly out of character for me. I let them know that I am not feeling well before giving the instructions for the exam and then pass them out. I am sitting at my desk pretending to go over tomorrow’s lesson plan when Jakari catches my attention from the window of my closed classroom door. Before I turn to the door and let him know that I’ve seen him, I hold my breath and release it slowly. I turn and look at him and force a smile. He smiles back and holds up my phone. I reach in my purse grab his phone and prepare to act shocked that I had the wrong phone. I walk over to the door and step out into the hallway with him.
“Babe you must have grabbed my phone on accident this morning.”
He says as we exchange phones.

     “I sure did. I’m sorry.”
I say while barely making eye contact with him.

     “You seem upset”
he says grabbing my hand.

     “I’m not.”
I snap back at him. I snatch my hand from his
“I have to get back to class.”
I open the door and go back to my desk leaving Jakari standing in the hallway by himself. The rest of my day is spent in a haze. I can’t wait for this day to end and it seems like the day is just dragging by. My last class begins and I swear time is moving so slow I could just scream. I breathe a sigh of relief as the class comes to an end and my students turn in their exams. I cancel my office hours that are scheduled for this afternoon because I just want to go home and spend some time alone to gather my thoughts.

     When I arrive at home I run straight for my bedroom and strip out of my clothes. I let them fall on the floor right next to my bed. I don’t even take the time to take my shoes off at the door even though, I am somewhat of a germaphobe and have implemented a no shoe policy in every house I have ever lived in; including my mother’s. I feel like my clothes are chocking me. I am normally extremely neat to the point where I even fold my dirty clothes before I place them in the hamper, but today I didn’t care about anything except getting into my bed. I climb underneath my black sheets and my black and burgundy comforter and let it engulf me as I lay there crying. I close my eyes trying to black out the world and my heartache but all I can see is that woman giving my husband some head. I think about how many times he has grabbed my hair the exact same why when I am pleasing him in that manner and that causes gut wrenching screams to escape my throat.

     I can’t believe we haven’t even been married a month and I find out that he is cheating on me. Why couldn’t I have found this out before I made a fool out of myself by saying I do? I roll over on my stomach and bury my face in my pillow as I think about leaving him. The river of tears continues to run from my eyes soaking my pillow. This is the first time that I have ever thought about being without Jakari. I think to myself how long has this been going on? Is she the only one? If she isn’t the only one do I know any of the women? If so, are they smiling in my face and riding my husband’s dick behind my back? If she is the only one, does he love her more than me?

     I try to stop all these questions and thoughts that are popping in my head but I can’t. I think about how many times I have probably deep throated his rod after he had sex with this chick or some other woman and I begin to gag. I jump out of bed and barely make it to the toilet before I throw up. I begin to collect my emotions and my thoughts when I hear my cell ringing. After fishing my phone out of my purse, I see that it is Jakari calling but I really can’t deal with him right now. I turn my phone off and drop it back in my purse and climb back in bed. I decide that I need some time to digest this information and make a decision as to whether or not I want to stay in the marriage so I am not going to confront Jakari until after our New Year’s Eve party.

     I fall asleep wavering between trying to work this out and leaving his ass. I wake up feeling good as hell. I moan a little as I feel the cat between my legs getting ready to purr. I lick my lips and begin to move my hips as my climax continues to build. I have so much stress built up inside of me that I need this release like I need my next breath. I slide the palms of my hands over my breast so that they lightly run across my nipples. I moan
“Yes”
as I squeeze my breasts and my legs begin to shake. I can feel Jakari flicking my clit with his tongue and it is driving me crazy.
“Oh Gawd! Yesssssss!”
I scream as I continue to shake and feel my cream begin to flow.

     I open my eyes as I feel my husband’s lips press against mine and I fight the urge to slap his ass. I push him away and lock myself in the bathroom. I take a thirty minute shower which I spend sitting in the corner of our glass encased shower crying. 

December 31
st
2013

New Year’s Eve

Jakari

     Chandler and I are at the liquor store picking up the stuff we are going to need to stock the bar for the party tonight. I check in the fridge section for Mike’s Hard Lemonade because Qia loves the peach one. We grab E&J, Kahlua, Vodka, Rum, Pepsi, Coke, milk, various Wines, Guinness, ice, lemons, and limes just to name a few things. Chandler is yapping away about this mystery girl that he is bringing to the party but I easily tune him out with my own thoughts. I wish I could talk to my brother about my issues with Qia but I know he is going to take her side. I know he will say that my careless philandering has probably caught up to me so I save myself the aggravation.

     I think about how different Qia has been acting. I’m not sure what has been going on with my wife for the past couple of weeks. She has been extremely quiet. I can’t pin point it but I think her attitude changed the day she brought my phone to work instead of hers. I knew she couldn’t have seen anything on my phone because she doesn’t know my password and I haven’t been messing with anyone lately because I want it to just be me and her. No more bullshit, well, except for the last rendezvous I had to have with Anjela to keep her quiet.

     Lately I find myself having full blown conversations with Qia and discover that she hasn’t heard a word I’ve said when I notice she hasn’t responded to something I know she normally would have responded to. She seems so distant and consumed with her own thoughts. I have been trying to give her a little space hoping that will allow her to either open up to me about what is going on or resolve the issue on her own so I can forget about how the fuck she has been making me feel the past couple of weeks.

     She hasn’t even been wanting to give it up lately and that is definitely unacceptable. I love making love to my wife and exploring every part of her beautiful body but lately Qia always has an excuse as to why we can’t fuck. My head hurts, I had a long day, I have some papers to grade, and the list goes on. That shit threw me for a loop because I am use to getting it in with Qia at least once a day sometimes we fuck multiple times a day. This excuse shit has got to go. I am not a rapist by any means but hell she is my wife and if I am going to be with her, and only her, this is not the time for her to become stingy with the sex.

     The other day she was in the kitchen cooking in this yellow lace robe with nothing underneath. She looked sexy as hell. I stood in the door way watching her for a couple of minutes before I approached her from behind. I slid my arms around her waist and pressed my hard on up against her butt as I began to kiss and suck on her neck. She started that bull again trying to get out of sexing me but I caressed her breast through the lace material of her robe and I felt them harden beneath my hand. I was so confused. Her body is responding telling me that she wants it just as bad as I do but the words that came out of her mouth say the exact opposite. However, when I heard her say
“I’m not in the mood.”
I lost it. I felt like a thief that night because I took it.

     I nestled my dick in between her ass cheeks as I nibbled on her ear. She had the never to moan
“Jakari, I am really not in the mood. Plus, I have some papers I need to finish grading before dinner is done.”
She turned around in my arms and tried to walk around me. I saw her nipples through the holes in her lace robe and knew that her mouth was saying one thing but her body was clearly saying another. Hearing her say that shit again pissed me off and turned me on at the same time. I backed her into the corner of the cabinets and used my left hand to hold both of her tiny hands together behind her back. I used my right hand to untie the silk belt that kept her robe closed and exposed her breasts. I bent down a little and teased her nipples with my tongue. She stayed quiet for a few moments and I could tell she was enjoying the way I was flicking my tongue across her hard nipples.

     I let go of her hands and grabbed both her breast and teased her nipples with my thumbs as I softly kissed her lips. She moaned slightly before pushing me away. I just couldn’t understand what was going on. It was like she would give in and then get mad because she did and then try to push me away. The third time she tried that shit I had made a trail from her neck to her slit with my tongue and was gently circling her clit with my tongue when she pushed me away. I stood straight up and grabbed her small ass by her waist as she tried to walk away. I lifted her onto the kitchen counter and spread her legs apart. I took my middle finger and began stroking her clit. Her hands flew up to her breasts and she grabbed them while leaning her head back on the cabinet. I slipped two fingers inside of her and slowly moved them in and out of her sweet middle. I remember asking her
“Qia if you weren’t in the mood why are you so fucking wet?”

     She replied weakly
“Jakari, please. I can’t…”
I pulled my erection out of my boxers and slid all of it into my wife. She closed her eyes and gasped before she bit the corner of her top lip and cried out
“Got damn it!”
I pounded into her warm tight volcano like my life depended on it. It was crazy but her rejection just made me fuck her harder and it seemed to feel even better than it usually did, which I surely didn’t think was possible.

     For the next fifteen minutes all that could be heard throughout the house was our bodies slapping against one another as I moved in and out of Qia’s dripping wet pussy. She grabbed the handles on the cabinet behind her as her orgasm took over. I watched her titties bounce as she shuddered from her climax and felt her pussy tighten around my rigid pole as I continued to pump inside of her. I felt my nut beginning to build and lost control of my once rhythmic stroke. I grabbed her ass and continued to stroke her until my nut released deep inside her walls. I don’t know what this is all about but I am praying to a higher power that this party tonight brings her out of it.

     “Jakari!”
I hear Chan damn near yelling.

     “What man, damn?”
I say sounding a little agitated.

     “Nigga you were in la la land. Did you hear anything I said?”
My brother is looking at me like he could punch the shit out of me but he know better.

     “I’m sorry. I got a lot on my mind.”
He shakes his head and hands the cashier his credit card. We complete the purchase and exit out the door to the parking lot.