I don't know what high horse she had ridden in on, but I wasn't about to call my aunt talking no craziness. “No,” I refused.
“Fine. I'll do it myself and pretend to be you.” She started dialing.
“Gimme, I'll do it.” I attempted to grab the phone from her, but she moved away from the bed.
She threw me the phone. I held it but did not put it to my ear.
Jen ran over to me and tried to grab it, but I held on to it the best I could with one arm.
“You know what, Desire? I'm done. Forget it. Do what you want.” Jen politely hung up the phone and walked out on me.
With tears welling in my eyes, I stared at the glossy ceiling. My only friend had walked out on me. The only friend I had that was trying to help me. I sat there thinking that there had to be another way out, because I couldn't lose another friend. Oh no, I had enough with this shit.
I picked up the phone and dialed home.
“Hello,” she answered with an attitude.
“Aunt-Auntie Linâ”
“Are you done stuttering? I know I didn't hit you that hard.” She laughed.
I pulled the phone away from my ear, ready to hang it up, and I did. Then I sat in the bed and cried. I got up to use the bathroom, and pain shot all throughout my body. It was an unpleasant feeling, but I managed. I cried harder, wishing I wasn't alive.
In the midst of my sorrowful moment, the phone rang. I picked it up and put the receiver to my ear but couldn't get a hello out.
“All right, little hussy, don't be playing on my phone. What you want?”
I paused before I spoke, afraid to give her a good lashing.
“I ain't got all day. What you want?”
I remained silent, thought for a quick, and then said what the hell, I'm going to let her have it. I was hesitant because I thought about what would happen when I went home. If she created this much damage already, then it could get worse for me. But you know what? I was going to take a leap and let her have it. I'd had enough. This had to end. I was tired of being a punching bag. This had to stop.
“Hello. I told you I ain't got all day.”
I took a deep breath and just went for it. “I want you to keep your fucking hands off of me. I ain't no guinea pig or punching bag andâ”
“Wait a minute. Who doâ”
“No, you wait a minute. I'm talking, and if you know what's good for you, you'll be quiet. We don't want the doctor to know the truth now, do we?”
She was silent. Jen was right. I had her now, so I went for the gusto.
“Mmm-hmm, that's what I thought. I lied for your ass, but I won't do it again. When I get out of here, shit is going to change. You better call my P.O. and tell him you want me off of probation. There is going to be no more âDesire, do this' and âDesire, do that.' You cannot order me around anymore. I'm tired of being pushed around like I'm some toy car. I covered your ass, and this is how you repay me? No, you're just like the kids in school. I can't stand you, and I can't stand them.” I hung up the phone.
“I hate 'em! I hate 'em! I hate 'em! I hate everybody,” I screamed out loud.
I couldn't take it anymore. No one appreciated me. I was always being called out of my name, and I was sick of that shit. My father was a jerk. My aunt was beyond that. The kids at school were my worst enemies.
If Auntie wanted war, then she got it. Let her have put her hands on me again. She was going to be the one in the hospital. And those bastards at school, yeah, I had something for them. I fixed all the nasty rumors and mended my broken heart. They wanted to call me a ho, and that's what I became. Since my aunt always thought I was up to something, huh, I was going to be. You bet your bottom dollar.
I unofficially checked myself out of the hospital. I was supposed to wait on my aunt to check me out, but to my advantage, I had a not-so-bright nurse who left my discharge papers in the room before my aunt arrived. So, of course, I signed my aunt's name, and when the nurse came back in almost thirty minutes later, I played as if my aunt arrived in a hurry, signed the papers, and left to pull the car up. She believed me, offered that I be wheeled out. I refused the assistance and crutched it out on my own, explaining to her that I wanted to get used to using the crutches with one arm. She agreed to my decision and sent me on my way.
I went to the train station across the street from the hospital, took public transportation with my student pass that got me on for free. It was a struggle with the crutches and all, but I knew I would be good once I got to the train station. My student pass allowed me eight free taxi miles from the train station nearest my home. I got to my destined train station and got a cab with no problem.
The cab pulled on to my street. I noticed my P.O. pulling off.
Hmph, I wonder what that was about.
As I was getting out, my aunt was coming out the door.
“Desire, honey, I was just on my way to pick you up from the hospital. They put you in a cab?”
I looked at my aunt like she was crazy. Who was she calling honey? I may have put my foot down, but what was up with the sweet talk?
“Let me help you inside and get you something to eat.”
“I'm not hungry. What was my P.O. doing here?”
“He dropped off the papers for me to sign to take you off of probation.”
“Did you sign them?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Cool.”
I hopped in the house with my crutches and scrambled my way upstairs to my room. I limped in tired, noticing it was rearranged and spotlessly cleaned. I was impressed. My talk really worked. I had to thank Jen. She was my rock that made me realize that I was being a damn fool. Huh, I wasn't going to be a fool any longer. Not at home or school. I had my mind made up.
I let my aunt play the nice role until it got on my nerves. I had to get out of the house. I had some research to do.
I gathered my things to leave. My body was aching, but that wasn't stopping me. My doctor gave me some pills strong enough to knock the pain out for hours. I wasn't supposed to be involved with any activity after taking them, but I liked the way they made me feel. I swallowed two OxyContin and hopped my way to the front door.
“Desire, where you going?”
“To the library. I need to do some research for class.”
“You need to rest.”
“I need to do my work. I'm going to the library.”
“Let me drop you off.”
“I'm fine. I can ride the bus.”
“Not while you're on crutches.”
“I got home on crutches.”
“I'm taking you. Come on.”
I let Aunt Linda have her way and take me to the library. I sat the entire ride in a daze. I was high in a zone, and my mind was racing a mile a minute. I had so many mischievous scenes replaying in my mind, I had to laugh out loud.
“You okay over there?”
“Yup,” I answered, smiling.
“Did you take any more of them painkillers?”
“No, not if I'm about to read and stuff. Those pills make me sleepy.”
“Mmmmm. Well, what time you want me to come back and get you?”
“I need like two hours.”
“All right.”
I got into the library and found a nice comfy spot. I did a full two-hour research on HIVâhow it could be contracted, symptoms, treatment, etc. I wanted to figure out what would be the most effective way for me to pass it around. As I already knew, vaginal was one way, but as I read up on the topic, I found out vaginal wasn't the most assuring way. See, I needed to make sure these people were definitely going to get what I had to dish out. I had to be on top of my game.
I found out it was harder for a female to give the virus to a male than the other way around. I pondered how I could make sure my victims, after one visit, were left with my semi-deadly disease. I thought maybe through oral sex, but nah, there was no chance. It had not been known that HIV could be passed through saliva. The only method that would make sure a person was going to be infected after one sexual encounter was anal sex.
I researched some more and found out the particulars about the medicine that needed to be taken to control the virus. I didn't want to take anything though because I didn't want it to stabilize the amount of the virus and decrease my chances of spreading the infection. I wanted everyone to be infected with what I had, even if it meant taking it in the rear.
Chapter 23
In a week's time, I had gathered enough information to be able to send people to the clinic wishing they should have wrapped it up. I was officially off crutches, and my shoulder was so-so, but not bad enough to stop me from beginning my mission.
The library was my landing spot, and my aunt was content with dropping me there all the time. In her eyes, it was a good thing, but in my eyes, it was the home base to start my mission. I packed my bags and had my aunt drop me off, leading her to believe that I was into my studies. Yup, I sure was.
This particular time, I pretended like I had to do some research for a school project due within the next few days. I told her it would take me about three hours because I had to finish make-up work as well.
When I walked in the library, I headed straight to the bathroom to set up shop. I parked my things inside of the stall for the handicapped and unpacked a mini makeup bag, a wig, a skimpy outfit and some hooker pumps. After I got all dolled up, looking grown and sexy, I found a corner in the library to hide my stuff. Then it was “go get 'em Johnny” to my first victim. Yeah, I was ready to execute the plan for the day.
I walked into Walgreens plastered in makeup, wearing a leopard-print miniskirt, a too-small shirt showing all of my cleavage, a brown curly wig, and some knockoff red pumps from Payless. I was looking like a grown-ass woman, and that was the idea. I searched for my victim, hoping he still worked here, and indeed he did. I spotted him standing by the photo center talking to some guy.
I walked up on him and leaned into him like we were acquaintances. “Mmmm, what's your name?” I flirted.
He licked his lips. “Derrick. What's yours?”
“You don't remember me?”
He stepped back and took a glimpse. “No. From where?”
“Why don't we go back in that room back there, you know, where you take the people who steal?”
He did a double take. “What? You tryin'a set me up or something?”
“Hell no. I'm just ready now.” I grabbed the bulge between his legs and massaged him. He pushed me back. “Hold on, hold on.” He motioned me toward the back room.
As we walked through swinging doors, he said to me, “Are you for real?”
“You think I'm playing.” I lifted my dress to show him I had no panties on, and that was all she wrote.
We went in the back room, where he lifted up my dress and pulled his pants down. He reached in his wallet and pulled out a condom.
“Do we really need that?” I asked.
“I ain't tryin'a have no kids.”
I turned around. “I can't get pregnant through my asshole.”
“You want me to put it, put it in yourâ”
“Are you with it or not?”
I didn't know what I was in for when we did the do. Anything bigger than a toothpick is definitely not meant for the asshole. I almost gave up on letting him put it in. He had to pull out some ChapStick to make it go in a little easier. It helped a little, but it hurt a lot.
I wanted to back down, but I couldn't cop out. I kept thinking about the way I was treated by my father, my aunt, and especially what the Walgreens man himself had done to me. He deserved what he was getting. I had a pretty good feeling he was going to hear some disturbing news on my behalf in the next six months or so, if he got himself checked out.
Â
Â
“When can I see you again?”
“I don't know.”
“You got a number?”
“Nope.”
“You ain't got no cell or nothing.”
“Nope. You can buy me one though.”
“Yeah, I can. Actually, hold up. I got an extra one you can use. Hold on, let me get it.”
I walked out of Walgreens popping two OxyContin in my mouth while stuffing the prepaid calling card phone in my purse. I left him sprung already and left myself with a burning asshole. I had a sharp pain shooting through it. Whoa! Anal ain't no joke! I bled a little from him stretching my booty-hole, and I had an open cut that was throbbing. Next time, I figured I probably should take the OxyContin beforehand. Huh, 'cause with the number of people I was trying to infect, I had to get used to this.
Â
Â
I did an unnoticeable change back at the library and waited for my aunt to pick me up. When I reached home, I made the bathroom my first stop. I had to take a monstrous shit, and you know it was not the best time to do it either, but I couldn't hold it.
I plopped down on the toilet, and Lord have mercy on my soul, my asshole was on fire. The pain sparked up water in my eyes. My hole throbbed with its own beat. That damn research I did failed to mention the pain during and after. Something had to give. I had to get something that was going to make this anal job a smooth process. I knew there had to be something too, because I knew porn stars was definitely getting down with a substance. I needed to find out what it was, get a hold of it, and combine it with my OxyContin.
I soaked in the tub that night thinking about more research I had to do. Then, after relaxing and soaking, I put my night clothes on and made way to my computer to do some more searching. My newly adjusted aunt had hooked me up with a computer, the desk, a printer, and high-speed Internet access. I got it when I came back from my first library visit. Talk about trying to get on my good side.
She claimed she got it because my teachers said it would be easier for them to e-mail assignments to me. That was bullshit though because school wasn't that far away where I couldn't grab my assignments every day until I was due back at school. They allowed me to be out for a period of time for an excused medical reason. It was actually mandatory. You had to be cleared to go back when you were hospitalized. Whatever, though, the computer came in handy.
I went to the Yahoo! search engine and typed in the words
anal sex
. I clicked on what looked like a helpful link. Some naked women appeared on the screen. Then my aunt walked in. I quickly minimized the screen.
“What you doing?”
“Homework.”
She walked over to me at the computer. “Oh. What homework you doing?”
Not fast on my feet with a reply, I hesitated. “Ah . . . ”
Just then, the phone rang, and she turned around to answer the phone. At that moment, a window popped up on the screen with two females and a guy pleasing each other. What a relief that was. I was big boss in the house, but there was still a little discipline in her that I wasn't trying to release.
I exited out of the pornographic pop-up window. In less than five seconds, other stuff kept popping up out of nowhere. I kept clicking out of them. And then there was this one pop-up that read:
YOU WANT TO HAVE BETTER ANAL SEX WITHOUT THE PAIN-CLICK HERE
. I clicked on the icon.
There was all this information about something called Anal Eaze, a numbing substance that you apply to the butthole and slightly inside before having anal sex. This was definitely what I needed. The problem now was, How do I get it? I couldn't order it off the 'Net. I didn't have a credit card. I may have been doing grown things, but I was still only fourteen. I had to figure out a way.
I lay down to think and dozed off.
My cell phone vibrated at about one thirty in the morning. I was sitting on my bed zoned out from the OxyContin I had taken, wishing I had something stronger.
I answered the phone. “Hello.”
“Yo, what's up, girl?”
“Who's this?”
“Derrick.”
“From.”
“Walgreens. Damn! You got other dudes ringing you on this line already?”
“Oh, nah. I was just out of it for a second. What's up?”
“I don't know. You tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“A'ight, since you want to play hard ball, when am I going to see you again?”
“I don't know.”
“Okay. What you doin' now?”
“I'm chillin'.”
“You wanna get up right now?”
“Oh, nah. I'm in the bed.”
“That's cool. I'll come get in the bed with you.”
“Nah, I live with my man.”
“Shorty, you got a man and youâ”
“Shhh. Let me call you back.” I hung up the phone and laughed out loud.
What a dummy!
I was already getting a kick out of the shit I was doing, and I was just getting started.