Authors: Amy Gutman
join the grange.”
14
“That’s interesting,” said Tod.
15
“Yes,” Callie chimed in.
16
Rick’s face was dim in the shadows. He didn’t seem to hear.
17
Callie wondered what he’d say if he knew where she’d spent her 18
day: in Springfield, at the Smith & Wesson Academy, taking a 19
gun safety course. Today she’d stood on a shooting range, firing at 20
paper targets. She’d learned to squeeze the trigger slowly, waiting 21
for the recoil. The revolver was heavier than she’d expected. She 22
felt subtly changed. Now, with her safety certificate in hand, she 23
was free to apply for a license.
24
They swung off 91 onto 2A and headed down Greenfield’s 25
Main Street. Callie had a moment of déjà vu; she’d taken this 26
route to Maine. They passed through town, then swung a left 27
down a side street of clapboard houses.
28
The Guiding Star Grange was a large white building that 29
might have been a country church. It was only seven-thirty, but 30
the lot was filling, and it took some time to park. Inside, the hall 31
was huge, with wood floors and tall windows. A table by the door 32
held an open fiddle case piled with dollar bills. A sign on the case 33
said $7.00, the price of admission. “I’ll pay for you,” Callie said to 34
Rick and counted out fourteen dollars. “Thanks,” Rick re-35 S
sponded. He barely glanced at her.
36 R
Callie’s spirits lifted slightly as they moved inside, and she 2 0 6
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heard the lively music, a haunting, energizing blend of Celtic and 1
American. Onstage, someone played the accordion, and a few 2
other musicians played strings. Out front, a few eager couples 3
danced, mirroring each other’s movements, swirling in circles, 4
suddenly stopping, then doing a sort of scuff kick.
5
The growing crowd ran the gamut from aging hippies to tat-6
tooed kids. There were even a few svelte couples in black who 7
looked like they hailed from Manhattan. Callie was smiling at 8
the random mix when she caught sight of Nathan and Posy.
9
Callie ducked behind Martha. “Kabuki Girl’s here. With 10
Nathan.”
11
Martha looked at her, stricken. “I should have told you she 12
comes sometimes. I’d totally forgotten.”
13
“It’s not a big deal,” said Callie. But a part of her wished she’d 14
known. The thought of dealing with Nathan tonight was more 15
than she could take. People were still pouring through the door, 16
filling up the hall. Perhaps the crowd would be large enough that 17
he wouldn’t notice her.
18
Someone on the stage was talking.
19
“That’s the caller. We’re about to start.” Martha looked at Cal-20
lie and Rick. “Maybe the two of you should split up, at least for 21
the first few dances. It’s easier to pick up the steps with someone 22
who knows what they’re doing.”
23
“Okay,” said Rick, with an alacrity that Callie found discon-24
certing. He headed off into the crowd, leaving Callie with 25
Martha and Tod.
26
“I don’t want to strain my ankle,” said Callie. “I just got off 27
those crutches.”
28
“See how it feels,” Martha said. “You can always sit down if you 29
want to.”
30
Martha was looking over Callie’s shoulder. “Al!” she called.
31
“Come dance with my friend. It’s her first time here.”
32
Callie’s partner was a balding man with a small potbelly and an 33
impish smile. Below khaki shorts, his legs were white. He wore 34
tube socks and sneakers.
S 35
The crowd had divided itself into three long lines of couples.
R 36
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A M Y G U T M A N
1
From the stage, the caller gave instructions. Callie did her best to 2
follow.
3
Do-si-do. Star Left. Swing your partner. Circle right.
4
Some moves were familiar from childhood square dances; oth-5
ers were totally new. The most complicated step, called a
hey,
in-6
volved four dancers weaving in and out. Callie couldn’t seem to 7
get it straight. She kept bumping shoulders and knees.
8
“Don’t worry about it,” Al said reassuringly. “Just have a good 9
time.”
10
The music started up, spirited and infectious.
11
Before she knew what was happening, Callie found herself 12
dancing. Someone grabbed her hand. She turned around. Then 13
Al clasped her from behind. He spun her around, first slowly, 14
then faster and faster.
15
“Meet my eyes,” she heard him say, as the room began to blur.
16
“It’ll keep you from getting dizzy.”
17
She raised her head, reeling, smiling. Then someone else 18
grasped her hand.
19
There was a pattern to the dance, Callie saw, though it took a 20
while to catch on. She and Al had started near the top of their 21
line and were moving toward the bottom, dancing with the cou-22
ple just behind them, then moving on to the next, repeating the 23
same pattern of steps with each successive couple.
24
Once she got the hang of it, she fell into the rhythm. Before 25
long, she was extending a hand, not waiting to be grabbed. Now 26
when Al spun her around, she leaned farther back, letting the 27
weight of her body add to the momentum. It was like being a 28
child again, twirling as fast as she could, getting a kick out of try-29
ing to make herself dizzy enough to fall down.
30
Glancing around, Callie thought how
wholesome
the whole 31
thing seemed. As if they’d all been transported back to some sim-32
pler time and place. A community barn raising, a church potluck 33
supper. It really was a lot of fun, festive and exhilarating. So dif-34
ferent from the type of dancing she’d done when she was younger.
35 S
The dark rooms, the beer and sweat, the loud pounding music.
36 R
I’m in the mood, I’m in the mood, I’m in the . . .
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With a start, she pulled her thoughts back to the safe, well-1
lighted present.
2
When the music ended, everyone clapped. Al thanked her and 3
moved on. But before she could look around for Rick, someone 4
else had asked her to dance. She danced with him and then an-5
other man, a professor at UMass. By the end of the third dance, 6
her ankle throbbed. She had to take a break.
7
Chairs lined the sides of the hall, and she headed for an empty 8
one. She was just about to take a seat, when someone called her 9
name.
10
“Hi, Callie. Will you dance with me?” Nathan’s face was pink 11
and shiny. His white T-shirt clung damply to the bones of his nar-12
row rib cage.
13
Callie shook her head. “Sorry, Nathan, but I’m beat. I’ve got to 14
take a break.”
15
“Maybe I’ll take a break with you. I’m pretty wiped out too.”
16
The music had started again. But instead of the rousing contra 17
music, the musicians were playing a waltz. Couples slowly dipped 18
and turned to the
one
-two-three,
one
-two-three beat. Across the 19
room, Callie saw Martha, taking the floor with Al. She wondered 20
what he’d been thinking when he put on those thick white socks.
21
“Where’s Posy?” Callie asked Nathan.
22
He shrugged. “Don’t know,” he said.
23
Then, with relief, Callie saw Tod, coming toward her through 24
the crowd.
25
“Hey,” he said. “I was looking for you. Want to give it a whirl?”
26
“Sure!” said Callie. She looked at Nathan. “Sorry. I promised 27
him.” She glimpsed Nathan’s disappointed face as Tod took her 28
hand. He stood there, slack-faced, staring, as she moved to the 29
floor with Tod.
30
“What was that about?” asked Tod, taking Callie in his arms.
31
He felt different from Rick, shorter and more compact. She had 32
an impression of solidity. He smelled of wool and lime.
33
“It’s not worth going into,” said Callie. “Someone I know from 34
school.”
S 35
They danced for a while in silence, Tod’s arm firm around her R 36
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1
waist. Callie hadn’t waltzed since the ballroom dancing classes 2
she’d taken as a kid, but to her surprise, she found that she could 3
easily follow Tod.
4
“You’re good at this.” She grinned up at him.
5
“You sound surprised,” he said.
6
“No. Oh, maybe. I guess I just don’t think of people waltzing 7
anymore. It seems so old-fashioned. Like something our parents 8
did.”
9
“My wife — ex-wife — liked to dance,” said Tod. “She made 10
me learn.”
11
There was a neutral quality to his voice. Callie couldn’t see his 12
face. She debated whether to follow up or let the subject drop.
13
“So do you still miss her?” Callie finally asked.
14
Tod circled her to the right.
15
“I don’t even know anymore. Lately I’ve been thinking that 16
maybe it’s just a habit. Something I’ve got used to saying without 17
really thinking. The thing is, we didn’t really get along. We’re 18
very different people. But for some reason both of us kept think-19
ing we could change the other person. Stupid, huh? I mean 20
everyone knows you can’t change someone. So why do we keep 21
thinking we can?”
22
“That’s a good question,” said Callie.
23
“Martha’s a really great person,” he said, after another pause.
24
“Thanks for introducing us.”
25
Callie felt a glow of warmth for him. “Sure,” she said. “No 26
problem.”
27
When the dance was over, everyone clapped. Callie saw Tod 28
watching her.
29
“You okay?” he asked, after the applause died down. “You look 30
a little tired. Want something to drink? I think they have stuff 31
downstairs.”
32
As a crowd of dancers surged toward the door, Callie and Tod 33
moved with them. Downstairs the throng converged on a table 34
filled with refreshments. Callie and Tod bought lemonade, then 35 S
headed for an empty table, one of several shoved against the walls 36 R
2 1 0
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of the busy room. As she sipped her drink, Callie saw Martha and 1
called out to her.
2
“Hey, you guys,” said Martha. Her face was bright and flushed.
3
She pushed a swath of hair up on her head and fanned the back 4
of her neck.
5
Tod scooted over another few inches so Martha could sit 6
down. She touched his shoulder briefly. “Thanks. But let me get 7
lemonade.”
8
Upstairs, the music was starting again.
9
“Have you seen Rick?” Callie asked her.
10
Martha scanned the room. “I danced with him a while ago, but 11
I haven’t seen him since.”
12
As Martha made her way to the refreshment table, Tod turned 13
to Callie. “How’s Rick been doing?” he asked her. “He seems sort 14
of quiet tonight.”
15
Callie wasn’t sure what to say. “Yeah,” she finally said. “I know.”
16
“How’s his dad doing?” Tod asked.
17
“Better, I think,” she said. “At least, the last he told me. He 18
doesn’t really tell me much.”
19
“I know what you mean,” said Tod.
20
These last few words made Callie feel better. At least it wasn’t 21
just her. But the sense of relief didn’t last long. Rick’s father was 22
the least of their problems.
23
Martha rejoined them, paper cup in hand, and hopped up onto 24
the table. Then, from across the room, Callie saw Nathan com-25
ing toward them.
26
“I’m looking for Posy,” he said to Callie once he reached their 27
table.
28
Relieved that he wasn’t asking her to dance, Callie managed a 29
smile. “Haven’t seen her,” she said. “It’s quite a crowd tonight.”
30
Nathan looked at her suspiciously, as if he didn’t believe her.
31
“Well, if you see her, tell her I looked for her. I’m tired. I’m go-32
ing home now.”
33
As Nathan walked away, Martha turned toward Tod. “How 34
about it?” she said. “You up for another one?”
S 35
R 36
2 1 1
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