Did Raoul intend to marry me?
I turned to stare up at him, but his attention was all for John.
“I have left a letter with Ginny,” he told his cousin. “It says that if anything happens either to Gail or to me, you are the one who is responsible.”
John’s hands hung loosely at his sides. All the fight had long since gone out of him.
Raoul began to walk across the clearing with the packet in his hand. I watched his back, his neatly cut dark gold hair, his wide shoulders under his brown driving coat, his long, booted legs. He gave John the packet and said shortly, “The boat leaves on Friday.”
“May I return to Savile to pack my things?” John said.
“I’ll have them sent on to the King’s Arms in Dover,” Raoul said implacably.
“Yes,” said John, and slowly, with bowed shoulders, he walked to his phaeton, climbed into the seat, backed his horses, turned them, and drove away.
Raoul and I were alone together in the clearing.
“I’m sorry, Gail,” he said, “but I truly think that this is the best way.”
I swallowed. I nodded. I said, “Yes, all right. It’s true what you said about the unfairness of exposing Harriet’s children to the scrutiny of the press.”
We were standing a few feet apart and I could see that there was a strained look on his face and that his eyes were their darkest gold.
“Raoul, I’m so sorry about John,” I said softly. “I know how painful his betrayal must be for you.”
He made a gesture as if he were brushing a cobweb away from in front of his face, then he came closer to me. He said, “I should have told you my suspicions before I sent you away. If anything had happened to you, Gail, I don’t know how I would have lived with myself.”
I said, “Why didn’t you tell me, Raoul?”
“Because they were just suspicions. It was…very difficult for me to believe that John could be guilty of the terrible things I suspected him of, you see.”
“Oh, Raoul.” I took two steps forward and put my arms around his waist and my head on his shoulder. “I am so sorry,” I repeated. “I know how much your family means to you. The truth about John must have broken your heart.”
His arms circled me and held me close.
“Nothing would have been as bad as losing you,” he said.
I shut my eyes.
I’m not going to ask him anything,
I thought.
It has to come from him.
“I would have asked you to marry me sooner if I hadn’t had this dreadful doubt,” he said. “You see, if what I suspected was true, a marriage announcement would only have put you in greater danger.”
I pressed my face into his shoulder. I was afraid to move, afraid that I might wake up and find out that I was dreaming.
“Gail?” he said. “Did you hear me?”
I nodded. I lifted my face from his shoulder. “Yes,” I said huskily. “I heard you. But are you sure, Raoul? What will Ginny think? After all, this summer you and I…well, you know.”
“Ginny will be delighted,” he said firmly. “As a matter of fact, she informed me after you left for Devane that if I didn’t marry you I was a fool.”
I felt my eyes get bigger. “She did?”
“She did.” He smoothed his thumbs along the lines of my cheekbones. “I think I fell in love with you the moment you put me to work painting your bedroom,” he said with a grin.
I smiled up at him.
He ran his thumbs along my cheekbones once more. His face was grave. “Under the circumstances, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t court you in the usual way, why I lured you to Savile and made you my mistress.”
“No, Raoul,” I said honestly. “I understand that, truly I do. George’s legacy certainly didn’t make me look as if I were an honest woman, did it?”
He surprised me by shaking his head. “It wasn’t that.”
I stared at him in surprise. “It wasn’t?”
“No.” He gave me a crooked smile. “It was worse than that.”
“But what was it?” I asked in profound amazement.
He looked embarrassed. I had never before seen Raoul look embarrassed. He said, “Every time we made love, I lived in dread that you were going to call me Tommy.”
We looked at each other.
“Are you serious?” I asked after a minute.
“I’m afraid that I am.” The look he gave me was definitely sheepish, “I’m not proud of it, Gail, but there it is. I’m not proud that I was jealous of a dead man, but I was.” He gave me the crooked smile again. “In a way, I still am.”
Could this be Raoul? I wondered. There was a strained look over his cheekbones and the eyes that looked at me were troubled.
I said very carefully, “I was a girl when I married Tommy, Raoul. He was a wonderful boy, and we were happy together, but I loved him the way a girl loves a boy. I’m a woman now, though, with a woman’s heart and a woman’s strength. My feelings are deeper and more profound than they were ten years ago. I love you the way a woman loves a man.” I shook my head in astonishment. “I can’t believe that you didn’t see that.”
“It was too important to me to believe it,” he said. “I loved you too much.”
“Oh, Raoul,” I said. “Oh, darling. There is nothing I want more in this life than to marry you.”
I raised my face for his kiss. We leaned in to each other, his tall frame hard against mine, my arms around his waist holding him tight.
“We’ll do it in a month,” he said against my mouth. “I’ll have the banns called at Savile and then we’ll do it.”
“All right,” I said.
We kissed some more.
“Raoul,” I said, “is this going to present a problem for you socially? I’m a nobody, after all. Will people look down on you for marrying me?”
“Don’t be an idiot,” he returned. He kissed my hair, my forehead, my cheeks, my nose. “I’m the Earl of Savile. I can marry whomever I choose to marry.”
For some reason, this arrogant statement did not outrage me at all.
We kissed some more.
Finally I said, “We have to get back to the house, Raoul. Nicky will be looking for me.”
With great reluctance he let me go.
“All right.”
We began to walk slowly toward his phaeton.
“What will we do with Nicky?” I asked. “He cannot live here at Devane by himself, Raoul.”
“Of course he can’t. He will live with us at Savile until he comes of age. I shall appoint a steward to look after Devane, and we shall come on periodic visits to make certain that all is well here and that the people in the village know who Nicky is.” He lifted me into the phaeton and I could feel the heat of his hands penetrate right through the fabric of my dress.
He got in next to me and said mildly, “I really feel that it is in Nicky’s best interest to go to school.”
I sighed. “I know, Raoul, but he doesn’t want to go.”
“We’ll give him time,” Raoul said. “We’ll have Ginny’s boys come to Savile for the holidays, and I have a feeling that a year from now, Nicky will have changed his mind and will want to go back to school with Charlie and Theo.”
I rather thought that Raoul was right.
I thought that it was going to be very comforting to have a man to advise me as Nicky grew up.
I thought that it would be wonderful to have a baby.
I thought that I had never been happier in my entire life.
I smiled up at him and I felt the radiance glowing in my face. “I love you so much,” I said.
“If you look at me like that, Gail, I cannot answer for the consequences,” came the stern reply. Then: “Do you think we have to wait four more weeks?”
“I don’t see why,” I replied, “as long as you are discreet.”
He grinned. “Discretion is my middle name, sweetheart,” he said. “Discretion is my middle name.”
Copyright © 1997 by Joan Wolf
Originally published by Warner [ISBN 0446604798]
Electronically published in 2012 by Belgrave House
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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This is a work of fiction. All names in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to any person living or dead is coincidental.