The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man (9 page)

Do
wait for someone to finish speaking before adding to the conversation. Nothing is quite so rude as the man who cuts off others to get a word in.

Mi Casa Es Su Casa: Showing True Hospitality

The ability to show hospitality has been a measure of one’s character across cultures and time. Hospitality goes beyond providing simple room and board; it involves making your guest feel comfortable, welcome and at home. Following a few simple guidelines will ensure your guest’s visit will be a happy memory they will have forever.

Be on time to pick up your guest.
No one wants to stand at the airport like a dope with no one to greet them. Make your guest’s first impression of their trip a pleasant one by being there to warmly greet them as soon as they arrive.

Stock up on tasty treats.
Your guest is on vacation; they want to relax and eat delicious
belly timber
. Don’t leave them at your house with only an old jar of mayo in the fridge. Make sure there’s plenty of snacks to be had.

Make your abode as clean and pleasant as possible.
After a long trip, there’s nothing like stepping into a host’s inviting home. You may not mind living in a mess, but that’s no condition in which to have a guest. Make sure the guest room is particularly hospitable with an inviting bed and clean sheets. Even if your guest is sleeping on the couch, make the couch look cozy and comfortable.

Cook for your guest.
Preparing food for your guest is an ancient rite of hospitality. It doesn’t matter if you’re not much of a chef, the effort is what counts. And always make breakfast for your guest on the first morning of their stay. There’s something quite welcoming about waking up to a home-cooked meal.

Plan interesting activities for your guest.
You want your guest to have a memorable visit and the best possible time while they are with you. Show them all your favorite spots and take them on all your favorite excursions. But also research some activities you know will particularly appeal to your guests and their interests. Even if you cannot accompany your guests on these sightseeing trips, give them a list of ideas, maps, directions and everything else they need to go out and enjoy themselves.

Never act imposed upon.
Every guest worries a bit that they are imposing on you. There’s never a need to magnify this insecurity. Always act as though you could not be more pleased that your guest is staying with you. You shouldn’t have to fake such a sentiment; while you may experience moments of annoyance, keep in mind that such visits are infrequent and that your guest will soon enough be returning to their distant locale.

How to Be the Perfect Houseguest

“Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

Just as a host has important hospitality responsibilities, the proper guest has certain rules to keep as well. Hospitality is a gift and it should be accepted graciously. Here’s how to show your gratitude and make your stay a welcome and pleasant one.

Send money for groceries.
If your stay will be an extended one, and your host will be paying for your food while you stay, send a check ahead of your visit to cover the cost of groceries. If you wait to offer dough until you are there, your host will inevitably turn down the offer out of politeness. So just mail a check before your trip with a note about how excited you are to be coming. If your visit will be short, take your host out to dinner and pay for the meal instead.

Show up on time.
If you tell your host that you’re going to come in on Wednesday morning, show up at that time. If you’re running late, make sure to call ahead and update your host on when you’ll be arriving.

Bring a gift
. To show your appreciation for the free lodging, bring a gift. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive. Baked goods, flowers, bottles of wine or unique gifts from your home state are always appreciated.

Figure 1.19 To show your appreciation for the free lodging, bring a gift. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive.

Keep your area neat.
Before you leave each day, make sure to make the bed and straighten your room. Put your dishes in the dishwasher after you use them.

Pitch in with the chores around the house.
Help prepare the meals, wash the dishes and take out the trash. A gracious host will never directly ask you to help, so just get in there and start lending a hand.

Let your presence interfere as little as possible with your friend’s normal routine, household duties and career.
Your friend may of course wish to take time off to hang out with you, but you should never be the one to impose on their schedule. Do your best to conform your routine to the routine of the household, as to not get in the way or create an imposition.

Disclose your schedule.
Let your host know your schedule every day and do all you can to stick to it. This will help your host plan when to serve meals and how late they need to stay up.

Do not ignore your friend altogether.
If your friend lives in a destination city and the purpose of your trip is both to visit with your friend and to see the sights, you should not entirely eschew the former to pursue the latter. No one wants to feel like you are simply using them as a hostel. Do your sightseeing when your friend is at work, plan activities together for when they are not, and invite your host on your excursions.

Come with some ideas about what you want to do and see.
While your friend will surely have many things they wish to do with you, they should not be expected to entertain you all day long.

Even if you don’t find all the activities your host plans for you enjoyable, keep your disappointment to yourself.
Part of visiting a friend is accompanying them on excursions they enjoy. Your friend is working hard to entertain you; let him know you appreciate his efforts.

Don’t criticize your host’s hometown.
If you are say, a proud New Yorker paying a visit to your country cousin in Omaha, do not go on and on in unfavorably comparing their city to the Big Apple. Most people are proud of their hometown; be generous in your compliments of it.

Always ask.
Remember, you’re a guest. Even if someone tells you to make yourself at home, still ask before you start using things. It’s just polite.

Don’t overstay your visit.
As wise old Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink after three days.” Your host has things to do, and they can’t put their life on hold forever.

Strip the bed before you leave.
Your host will likely wash the bed linens after you leave. Help make their job easier by stripping your bed before you depart.

Write a thank-you note.
Showing true hospitality is one of the greatest kindnesses a friend can bestow. Be sure to express your gratitude to them by sending a note of thanks soon after your trip.

The Art of Thank-You-Note Writing

Gratitude is a virtue every man should cultivate. Yet gratitude means nothing if you haven’t mastered the art of expressing it. A man should use every opportunity to express to those around him how much he appreciates their love, support and generosity. One of the key ways of expressing gratitude is the thank-you note. Unfortunately, many men today completely overlook this aspect of etiquette and consequently break the hearts of sweet little grandmas everywhere. Every gentleman should be knowledgeable of the whens and hows of writing thank-you notes. Being a frequent and skillful writer of them will set you apart from your uncouth peers.

Manly Advice: When to Write a Thank-You Note

• When you receive a gift. (Especially if the gift is from your Italian grandma. If you don’t write a thank-you note, she’ll put the moloch on you.)

• When someone performs an act of service for you.

• When someone goes above and beyond what is asked of them, whether at work or in a friendship.

• After a job interview.

• When you stay overnight at someone’s home.

• When someone shows you around their town when you’re vacationing there, regardless of whether you stayed at their home or not.

• When someone has you over for dinner.

• When someone throws a party or event for you.

• Anytime someone does something extraordinary that warms your heart. Don’t be stingy with the thank-you note. There’s never a wrong time to write one.

Some Ground Rules

Always write the note as soon as possible.
Send it within two weeks of attending the event or receiving the gift.

S
end it through the mail.
E-mail thank-yous are certainly convenient, but they are not appropriate except in response to very small things. Some may say, “Well, a thank-you is a thank-you. Why does it matter what form it takes?” Sending a thank-you note through the mail shows effort. It shows that you took the time to put pen to paper, addressed an envelope and bought a stamp. It’s tangible; recipients can touch it, hold it and display it on the mantle. It makes your thank-you far more sincere.

Use real stationery.
Having to run to the store to buy a card every time you need to write a thank-you note will make you drag your feet about writing them. So invest in some nice-looking stationery. It doesn’t have to be fancy; buy something with a neutral, conservative theme so that the cards can be used for a variety of occasions.

How to Write a Thank-You Note

1. Begin by expressing your gratitude for the gift/service.
Your opener is simple: “Thank you very much for.” If the gift was money, use a euphemism for it. Instead of “thank you for the dough,” say “thank you for your kindness/generosity/gift.”

2. Mention specific details about how you plan to use a gift or what you enjoyed about an experience.
If you are thanking someone for holding an event like a party or dinner, be specific about what you enjoyed about it. If you are thanking someone for a gift, tell the note’s recipient how you plan to use it. This is true even for a monetary gift; tell the giver what you plan to spend it on or what you’re saving for.

3. For some recipients, add some news about your life.
This isn’t always appropriate; obviously if you’re writing a thank-you note for say, a job interview, you don’t want to tell them how you recently caught a two-foot bass. But if you receive a gift in the mail from people who see you infrequently and who would like to know more about what’s going on in your life (read: your extended family), give a brief sketch about what you’ve been up to recently. You know Aunt Myrtle will love it.

4. Close by referencing the past and alluding to the future.
If the person gave you the gift at a recent event, write, “It was great to see you at Christmas.” Then say, “I hope we all can get together again next year.” If the person sent the gift in the mail, and you see them infrequently, simply write, “I hope to see you soon.”