The Barons of Texas: Jill (7 page)

She swallowed a feeling of panic. He had her pinned against the wall and the back of the booth. He was too close, too male, too overwhelming, and though he was no longer actually touching her, he was. In every way she could think of. Somehow she managed a smile. “Great music.”

His smile held such genuine pleasure it almost took her breath away. “I’m so glad you like it. I love it.”

“Those two—” she nodded toward the two guitarists “—are something special.”

“What?”

Even though she didn’t understand why he couldn’t hear her, she positioned her lips close to his ear. “The two guitarists are really special.”

He turned his head to reply so fast that he caught her off guard, and his lips brushed hers before she had a chance to turn her head. She literally jumped about half an inch. He placed his left hand on her forearm and slowly rubbed his palm back and forth over it. “You’ve got to learn not to flinch every time a man touches you.”

She looked down at his hand on her arm and nodded. He was right. It would never do to jerk away from Des. But then, this was Colin. “Normally I do much better.”

He nodded in agreement. “You do—as long as you don’t perceive the person to be a threat to you in some way.”

It was an odd thing for him to say, and probably true, though she had never bothered to analyze why she did things. But Colin was fast changing that and, in the process, making her feel extremely vulnerable.

She did her best to edge away from him, failed, and decided to look around at the other patrons. As soon as he had told her they were going to a club in Deep Ellum, she had been certain she would feel out of place in the dress he had bought her. But, to her surprise, she didn’t.

The people there spanned all ages and wore all manner of dress. There were those who wore clothing even dressier than she and Colin wore, as if they might have just come from the Morton H. Myerson
Hall, where they had attended a symphony, or perhaps the Music Hall, where they might have attended an opera or a musical.

She thought she even caught a glimpse of a few of the Dallas Cowboys, including the quarterback, at a back table. Normally she would expect them to be mobbed, but here, everyone was leaving everyone else alone. They were there for the music and the company. And Colin had even been right about something else. She didn’t think she knew a single person there. Her spirits lightened.

Maybe she could relax, after all, and enjoy herself.

“You need to be looking at me.”

She started. “Excuse me?”

“It’s a basic rule, Jill. Your attention should be on the man you are with.”

“Oh. Well, it’s just that the club is so interesting.”

“And during conversations, you should hang on his every word, as if he’s the most fascinating person you’ve ever met.”

She slowly exhaled. Just as she had decided she might be able to relax and actually enjoy herself, Colin had to remind her that they were there as part of her lessons. She was beginning to hate the word
lesson
. “Look, you can
tell
me things like that—after all, that’s the bargain we struck. But do I actually have to
do
the things you say?”

His half smile gave her a peek at his dimple. “You absolutely do. Otherwise, how are you going to learn? I mean, if you don’t practice these things with me, you might do them wrong when you’re with Des.”

He was right, she supposed. Damn it.

T
he band was on a break, and Billie Holiday’s voice filled the club with her heartbreak as she sang “I Don’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance with You,” a song about her unrequited love for a man.

She didn’t understand that kind of love, Jill reflected. How could a woman continue to love a man if he didn’t love her? It didn’t make sense, and it certainly wouldn’t be productive.

She and Colin had finished dinner, though she hadn’t eaten much. The fare was basically Cajun, and the few bites she’d taken from her plate had been very good. But she was having problems relaxing. Everything about Colin was overwhelmingly compelling. He was the most intensely virile man she had ever known.

Why hadn’t she seen it before now? With her next
breath, she answered her own question. Because she hadn’t
allowed
herself to. And now she knew why.

Instinct had led her to keep Colin at arm’s length, and in retrospect, it had been a wise decision. She completely understood now why her female acquaintances tried so hard to get, then keep, his attention on them, and why they would become so distraught when inevitably, politely, he slipped away from them.

She was after another man, but that still didn’t make her immune to Colin. Not by a long shot. Why? she wondered. She’d had men come after her before—powerful, attractive, important men—yet she’d had no trouble handling them. If it would gain her something, she would play them along until they had served their purpose, then she would walk away.

So why couldn’t she be that objective with Colin?

Intellectually, she knew she had his full attention because of a business deal they had made, but emotionally, she could feel herself coming dangerously close to being completely caught up in him. How could that be?

She touched her forehead. She needed to regain control of herself and remember why she was with him in the first place.

She felt his hand touch her shoulder. “Are you getting a headache?”

He looked so concerned that, before she knew it, she had rushed to reassure him. “No, not at all.”

“Are you sure? The music isn’t too loud for you?”

“No, really, I’m fine.”

Now another Billie Holiday song, one that made even less sense to her, was coming over the speakers. “Don’t Explain” was about a woman who loved her man so completely that she didn’t care what he did,
including cheating on her. In her joy and in her pain, the woman would still continue to be his.

She had a vague idea about what love between a man and a woman would require. She wasn’t kidding herself. She didn’t think she and Des would ever have the kind of marriage her sister Tess and her husband, Nick, had. For one thing, she didn’t even begin to understand that kind of marriage. The two of them together seemed so complete, such a whole. Every time she saw her sister, Tess practically glowed with happiness. But as for herself, she wasn’t certain it would be worth it to give up so much of herself to another person.

However, as soon as Des agreed to marry her, she would be willing to do her part. If they each went into the marriage with open eyes and minds, they would get along just fine. But she didn’t think she could ever love a man to such an extent that nothing else would matter.

“What are you thinking about?”

She was becoming accustomed to Colin’s soft, husky voice, so instead of starting, as she might have at the beginning of the evening, she merely turned her head and looked at him. “The lyrics of the song.”

“Powerful, aren’t they?”

“Yes, and delivered with a wealth of emotion few of today’s artists can match.”

“Ah, but you have to know the blues to sing them. Plus, there was and will always be only one Lady Day. Unfortunately, she knew all about the blues.”

She stared at him, thinking about what he’d said. Her upbringing had been rough, but she’d survived, just as her sisters had, though each in her own way. She probably wasn’t as well adjusted as some people
were, but she had never allowed herself the luxury of self-pity and had always succeeded in what she set out to do. So she had no self-reference for the blues, but of one thing she was absolutely certain: she would never love a man in the way Billie Holiday sang about.

She believed in learning what you could from the past, then pushing forward to accomplish your goals for the future. Which was why she was here tonight, she reminded herself. She took a sip of her wine.

She felt a finger beneath her chin turning her head to face him. “What kind of blues are those lyrics conjuring up for you?”

“None,” she answered quickly, perhaps too quickly.

“No?”

“No.” She shook her head in emphasis, freeing herself from his touch.

“Have you ever loved someone that much?”

How in the world did he read her mind like he did? It was not only disconcerting, it was annoying. “Have you?” she asked, deciding to throw the potentially explosive question back at him.

He slowly smiled, his eyes fixed so firmly on her that she had to consciously stop herself from squirming. “Maybe.”

It was the last thing in the world she had expected him to say. But now that she thought about it, his answer might explain a question none of her women acquaintances had been able to answer. If he had been deeply in love with a woman before he had come into their group, and something had happened to ruin that love, it would explain why he walked away from a woman every time he sensed she was getting serious.
Maybe his heartbreak still hurt too much. Funny, she reflected, but he was the last man on earth she would imagine allowing a woman to break his heart.

“Who?” she asked, curious, but also on some vague level disturbed.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because you’re a hard man to figure out.”

“And do you want to figure me out?”

She shrugged, uncertain what to say. “Some of the women you’ve dated would like to.”

“That wasn’t what I asked.”

The truth was, now that she’d spent some time with him, she
would
like to know what made him tick. And the thing she would like to know most was what kind of woman would it take to win his heart?

Amusement glittered in Colin’s eyes as he reached out and stroked his fingers through her hair. “
You
haven’t answered
my
question. Is that because you don’t know or don’t want to say?”

“I’m not sure.” It was the most honest answer she could give him, and he seemed to understand.

His smile broadened. “Let’s dance.”

“Dance?” She glanced toward the dance floor and saw that it was full of couples completely absorbed in each other, swaying and moving to the music. She took a sip of her wine. “Why?” Her mind was still on the mystery woman in Colin’s past.

“Because it would be fun, or isn’t that a good enough reason?”

“This is business. We’re not on a date, Colin.” A sudden realization hit her. She just assumed the woman was in his past, but what if she was still around? She frowned, troubled in a way she couldn’t understand.

“No, we’re not, but you need to learn how to dance the way Des would expect you to.”

That got her attention. “What do you mean?”

He took her hand. “Come on. I’ll show you.”

Before she could protest, he had her hand and was drawing her across the seat of the booth to her feet. Maybe she
should
have claimed a headache, she realized belatedly.

“I don’t need lessons in dancing, Colin. I know how.”

He swung her into his arms. “I suppose you do, after a fashion. But you only dance with a man as long as he doesn’t hold you close.”

“So?” Without the stage lights, the club was darker, more intimate, making it seem as if each couple on the dance floor had their own world where no one else could enter.

“So what’s the point of dancing at arm’s length?”

“For one thing, it’s more civilized. For instance, if you can look at your partner, you can actually carry on a conversation with him.”

With that enigmatic half smile of his, he slowly shook his head. “You know what I think?”

“No.” But at that moment, she would have given a lot to know.

“I think it’s a very good thing for you that I came along.”

She couldn’t help it—she laughed. “There’s certainly nothing wrong with your ego, is there?”

“No, but there’s something wrong with the way you’re dancing.” He pulled her tightly against him. “
This
is the way you dance with a man.” He pressed his mouth to her ear. “And if you want to have a conversation with him,
this
is the way to do it.”

Each word he spoke feathered warm air against her hair and into the sensitive shell of her ear. Tingles raced down her spine. Instinctively she tried to pull away, but he was quicker; anticipating what she would do, he simply tightened his hold on her. “Trust me, Jill. Des will expect you to be this close to him, or closer, especially if you expect him to marry you.”

She was certain he was right, and to his credit, it wasn’t something she would have thought about if he hadn’t brought it to her attention, but at the moment, Des was the farthest thing from her mind. Colin, with his musky, woodsy, all-male smell, was guiding her to a place, both mentally and physically, where she was quite sure she shouldn’t go. But she seemed to have no choice.

A slow song by an artist she didn’t recognize played over the sound system, saturating the club with music and lyrics that wailed about painful wants and deep, complex love.

Colin pulled her arms around his neck, then slipped one of his hands beneath the V at the back of the waistline of her dress to settle on her bare skin; with the palm of his other hand against her buttocks, he pulled her pelvis into his. Feelings so hot they stole her breath from her lungs washed through her. She closed her eyes as she attempted to withstand the onslaught of pure longing that was flowing through her like molten lava.

“Relax,” he breathed into her ear. “You’re safe. You’re with me, and we’re in the middle of a public place, surrounded by people.”

He didn’t understand, she thought helplessly. For that matter, neither did she. But for the first time in her life, she was afraid of her own feelings.

And the music…it was low and sexy, with a beat that throbbed and slipped into your bloodstream until you were part of the song and it was part of you. The singer’s voice was raw and ravaged, but still, he held nothing back. With the music and the lyrics, he was opening himself up in such a way that the listener could almost hear his heart bleed.

She’d never experienced anything remotely like it. The song, Colin—both were conjuring up feelings from deep within her she’d never known she had. She tried her best to summon up her normal, protective coating of reserve, but it was no use. The music decreed that their movements be as slow and hotly sensual as the song, and Colin was obeying, dancing them both deeper and deeper into the song and each other.

He held her firmly against his strong body, her breasts pressed against his chest with only thin fabric separating skin from skin. His hand caressed her bare back. Lower, she could feel his hard arousal. Her blood thickened; her legs weakened. She might have fallen if he hadn’t been holding her to him as if they were one.

And for this space of time, they were. Her body and everything that made up who she was had melted into him, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. She didn’t even have to think in order to follow his dance steps. It was automatic. As they swayed together, her pelvis moved in the exact direction his did, swinging right, left, then erotically circling.

Heat swirled in and around her, and she tightened her arms around his neck and threaded her fingers up into his hair. Want was building in her, and she didn’t have a clue how to stop it, assuage it. His arousal was
growing, but he made no effort to pull away. As for her, she was incapable. She didn’t even want to. His size and shape were now indelibly imprinted onto her skin and into her brain. She had seen him in his tight-fitting briefs. Now she didn’t even have to imagine what was beneath them. Some part of her brain was telling her that this couldn’t continue, while another screamed that it had to.

Then he thrust his leg between hers and pulled her onto his muscular thigh. Pleasure, unimaginable pleasure, shocked through her, but he gave her no chance to recuperate. Taking her with him, he began to snake sinuously downward, then undulate back up. Blindly she emulated his every twist, breathless at the constant feel of her panties rubbing against his thigh.

Again and again, they did the same thing, and all the while, the heat and pleasure that had taken her over climbed ever higher. On a dance floor, surrounded by couples, they were making love. Heavy, throbbing heat ached between her legs. Need and desire held her in a grip so strong she might never escape. She didn’t think she could take any more. Something had to happen. Something, someone, had to help her. And not surprisingly, Colin seemed to know exactly what she was feeling.

At the same time that she went limp against him, he stopped and straightened. And as the music and dancers continued around them, he simply held her trembling body against his own. With one hand holding her upright at her waist, he used the other to rub up and down her back, soothing her.

Minutes later, hours later, he pulled slightly away from her, though his arm still firmly held her at the
waist. He raised a hand to her jaw and tilted her face up to his. “Maybe that’s enough for now.”

She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even look at him. Somehow she found the strength to wrench herself from his arms and make her way back to their booth. There she dropped onto the cushioned midnight-blue leather and reached for her wine. Her hands were trembling so badly that some of it sloshed out of the glass. Nevertheless, she drank the rest of it straight down.

“Coffee might help more.”

She looked across the table and realized Colin had taken a seat there. Thank heavens he hadn’t resumed his previous seat beside her. She wouldn’t have been able to stand his closeness. Even now, with the table separating them, she thought she could still feel his heat. Or maybe it was her own.