The Battle for Jericho (8 page)

The question only made me angrier, and I had to fight a sudden urge to swat him in the head. “You want to know what’s up? What about this, you little bastard?” I growled through my teeth, shoving the list in his face.

Hutch reacted as if the sheet of paper was a gun. His face paled so quickly I thought he was going to faint. He raised his hands and braced himself against the post as if a tsunami was smashing down on him. He was speechless. His arms and legs actually started to tremble.

Then I did hit him, but not out of anger. He started making these strange choking noises, and I slapped him soundly on the back because I was afraid he was about to have a fit or strangle to death or something.

Hutch pushed away, holding out one arm to ward me off. “You can’t tell anybody.”

“What?”

“Jerry, please. Don’t tell anybody. Okay, man? My mom and dad will literally kill me.”

“Hey, Hutch, calm down. I’m not gonna say anything to anybody.” My anger quickly vanished, replaced by regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything. It’s just that… why didn’t you tell me? Huh? I thought we were friends.”

“Tell you I’m gay? After hearing the way you put down ‘fags’?”

“But that’s what’s so weird. You put down fags too. Sorry, I mean, gays.”

“That was just a cover. I had to say something to keep you and all the other dudes from getting suspicious.” The strength seemed to flow out of Hutch’s legs. He sat down heavily on the concrete floor of the basketball court. “I got caught at Holy Madonna in the restroom, kissing this other guy. They kicked us both out.”

“But… the marijuana—”

“My dad came up with that story. He’d rather people think I’m a junkie than a faggot. It was awful, man, when I got home that day. My mom was so mad she went wild, screaming all this hateful stuff at me. Dad beat me with his fists, like he thought he could pound me straight or something. The only reason he stopped is because my mom came at me with a baseball bat and he had to hold
her
off. They said if they find out I’ve been with a guy again, they’ll kick me out of the house.”

I was stunned. My eyes went round, and I don’t think I blinked for nearly a minute. It took that long before I was able to speak again. “Damn, Hutch. That’s messed up. But after all that, you go and join some kind of gay society? You’re still messing around with other dudes?”

“You can’t understand this, Jerry. You don’t know what it’s like. You think your parents are tough? I don’t even feel like I can breathe around my mom and dad. That’s how bad it gets. They stuck me in those Catholic schools. Hell, we’re Methodists. Why send me to Catholic schools when I just want to go to regular school like everybody else? And ever since I got caught kissing that guy, they’ve been in some kind of denial. They want to believe I was just experimenting with the whole gay thing, like it’s something that will go away if I don’t touch another dude again. They want to control my every move.”

I scratched my head, a skeptical squint on my face. “Okay. I get the whole rebel-against-my-strict-parents thing. But I still don’t understand why you’d go and join some kind of gay club when you don’t want anybody to know what you’re into. Why not keep a low profile until you graduate and get out of your folks’ house?”

“I get tired of feeling so alone, man,” Hutch said. “At home, at school, I can’t really be myself. Nobody gets me. Nobody understands. Sometimes it feels like I’ll go crazy holding everything in. Sometimes I just need to have somebody I can talk to who won’t put me down for what I’m feeling, for who I am. That’s why I joined the MLGBT Teen Society. I can hang out with other kids like me.”

“It still seems like you’re taking an awfully big risk, man, joining up with a gay club and letting them put your name on some membership list.”

Some new thought seemed to hit Hutch. He gave me a suspicious look. “That list is supposed to be private. How’d you get it?”

A little uneasy grin tugged at the corner of my mouth. “I sort of stole it.”

“From who?”

“Never mind who.” I was already in enough trouble with Dylan. I folded the list and tucked it into the inner pocket of my jacket. Then I sat down in front of Hutch, crossing my legs under me. “I still wish you had told me you’re gay, man. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have said all that bad stuff about homo—”

“Dude, you don’t have a clue what it’s like,” Hutch broke in, “always being afraid that somebody’s gonna find out. I didn’t know if I could trust you. This is a small town. You know how it is around here. Word gets out about me and I’ll not only get my butt kicked at school, I’ll get crucified at home and thrown out into the street.” He reached over and grabbed my wrist. “I’m begging you, Jerry. Please. If you’re really my friend, please don’t tell anybody about me.”

Hutch looked desperately afraid, and for a second, I worried that he was going to crack and break down right in front of me. “Hey, cool it, man. Take it easy,” I said, raising my hands in a calming gesture. “You don’t have to pour it on so thick. I
am
your friend, and I’m not saying anything to anybody about this. I get it, Hutch. I’m down with the cause now.”

Hutch sort of froze, the panic bumped off his face by confusion. “Down with what cause?”

“You know. The homosexual agenda. I’m on board with you.”

I could see him hesitate, still confused, weighing his response in his head before speaking. “Jerry, are you telling me that you’re gay?”

“Well… yeah. I am.” Sort of. I was a homosexual work in progress.

Now Hutch looked surprised. “
You’re
gay?” he asked again, his voice weighted with doubt.

I nodded. “Believe it, man.”

There was a long silence, in which we exchanged penetrating looks. Finally, Hutch seemed to relax a little. “Maybe I should get mad at you now, huh? Why didn’t you tell me about you before now,
friend
?”

“Hey, this gay thing is all new to me.”

He shrugged as if he understood, and the issue was no big deal. “I know. It’s kind of scary when you first come out to yourself.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” I said with a little laugh.

“Well, when did you first accept being gay?”

“Sunday.”

“
Yesterday
?”

“Yeah. Yesterday.”

“Wow. Does anybody else know, besides me?”

“No.” Something in the back of my mind kept me from telling him about Dylan.

“So, you haven’t told your girlfriend yet?”

“My who?” Yes, I realize that was a dumb response. But at the time, the last thing I wanted to think about was any girl.

Hutch smirked. “Your girlfriend. The lovely Lissandra. The one you can’t keep your hands off of. Remember her?”

“No. Let’s talk about something else. Are you, like… dating anybody?”

He shook his head sadly. “I want to. The MLGBT Teen Society throws a party once a month. I’ve met some nice guys there and made some really good friends, but I’m not ready to go out with another dude. I’m afraid somebody from school or church will see us and spread the word.”

I got a really strong urge then to put my arms around Hutch and give him one of those long, tight, rocking-from-side-to-side hugs you got from your grandmother when you were a little kid and you fell down and scraped your knee. He looked so lonely, and I could only imagine how painful it was for him knowing that his parents hated him so much they were ready to toss him out like trash if he set one foot over the line they had drawn around his life. Hell, my parents were as religious as anybody else in town, and I’d done things in the past (and would most likely do things in the future) that made them want to strap me on the nosecone of a rocket and fire it off to the moon, but I knew without a doubt that they loved me. They’d never beat me with their fists or kick me out of the house, no matter what I did with another guy. I wanted to hold Hutch. I wanted to protect him somehow from all the pain in his life.

I didn’t touch him, however. I was afraid to. Instead, I flashed a big, hearty grin at him. Excitement flashed through me, and I said, “Maybe you and I should give it a shot.”

“Give what a shot?”

“Dating.”

“Dating?” A second later, the puzzled look on Hutch’s face gave way to something like shock. “You mean… like, date each other?”

“Sure. Why not?”

There followed another moment of silence between us as we looked at each other. We were sharing the same thought. That became apparent when Hutch said, “Wow. This is weird. I don’t think I can do this with you, Jerry. You’re my friend.”

“Yeah. But that kind of makes it easier, doesn’t it? I mean, I already like you. And you like me, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.” He looked away, smiling. “Actually, I had a crush on you once.”

My face seemed to catch fire. “You did?”

“Yeah. Back when I first met you. I thought you were kinda hot.”

Now my head swelled up like a blimp. It’s a wonder I didn’t float away. “You did? Seriously, you actually thought I was hot?”

“Yeah.”

“I never knew that. You never acted like you…
liked
me.”

“Duh, dude. Remember the whole in-the-closet thing?”

“So… do you still think I’m hot?”

“Well, not as much as I did when we first met. You’re still good-looking and everything, but I think of you mostly as just a friend now. It’s Mac who really turns me on these days.”

That let the air out of my ego. “
Mac
?”

“I didn’t think too much of him at first. He’s nice enough, except he’s got kind of a mean streak too. But, God, it’s hard to ignore all those muscles he built up over the past few months. I can’t even get within ten feet of him in the showers now. If I did, it’d be boner city.”

Musclehead Mac had stolen the spotlight once again. Jealousy thumped me over the head like a brick. I folded my arms across my chest the way Lissandra does when I piss her off. My face slumped into a pout. “Then maybe you should ask him out, since he turns you on so much.”

Hutch didn’t seem to catch the sudden change in my mood. He laughed. “Yeah, I’d do that if I wanted to get my face punched in.”

The wind had picked up, making it feel even colder. The moon had disappeared behind a thick spread of gray clouds, and the night had gotten darker. It all made me want to be home, in bed, tucked under the covers. I shuddered.

“You look cold,” Hutch said. From the way he was looking at me, I could tell he wanted to do something like huddle close to me or put his arm around my shoulders. He didn’t make any move to get closer to me, but his look gave me that weird feeling again.

“Yeah, it’s freezing out here,” I said. “I think I’d better get on back home.”

“Well… okay. I have to get home too. Mom only gave me a half hour. I told her I was meeting you to get some homework for tomorrow that I missed. If I’m not back, she’ll send Dad to get me.” He stood up. “But I think I’d like to give that a try, the two of us dating. We’ll have to be careful about it. We are friends, though, and that’ll give us some cover. Nobody should get suspicious about seeing us hanging out. We’ll get together tomorrow, after school.”

“Where?” I asked, getting to my feet.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find a place. Mom’s letting me use her car this week to reward me for getting an A in Trig for the first six-week grading period. We’ll ditch Mac, tell him we have to go to church or something. You know how he hates going to church.”

“Hey. I just thought of something. Why’d your mom let you come out to meet me this time of night if your folks are worried about you gettin’ busy with other dudes?”

Hutch laughed. “Man, they figure you’re safe. You’re the only guy whose house they’ll let me go to. They know your family’s into the church and that you have a girlfriend. They figure there’s no way you’d ever be gay.”

“Shows you what they know.”

Chapter 8

“W
HAT
’
S
up with you and Hutch?”

Panic bloomed in my chest. I was sitting at a table in the school library on Tuesday afternoon, trying to plow my way through the first three chapters of
Moby Dick
for English class tomorrow. It was study period, and I’d gone to the library because it’s quieter than the study hall, where there’s usually more talking than studying.

Mac plopped his backpack onto the table and sat down next to me. He pulled out a notebook and started flipping through it as if he was looking for something, but it was obvious he was actually waiting for my answer.

It should be equally obvious that I’m not much of a quick thinker in panic situations. “Uh… what? What did you say?”

“You heard me, man. What’s up with you and Hutch?” Mac made a quick glance across the sprawling room at the librarian’s desk. Her eyes were glued to her computer monitor, and apparently she couldn’t hear us. Otherwise, she’d have already been staring in our direction. Mac looked at me. “You two mad at each other or something?”

“What’re you talking about, Mac?”

“You barely said ten words to him all day. You wouldn’t even look at each other in the cafeteria. Did he do something to you?”