The Breakup Mix (34 page)

I whispered, “You’re right. Little too close to home. Scratch Isaac.”

Dani lined through Isaac and bit her lip. The atmosphere in the room changed with that story; I know it wasn’t just me. Reality is a straight-up bitch even when it parallels a story in the bible. Dani said, “Okay that leaves Jacob, Nathan, Leland, Joel, and Elliot.”

Katie said, “For a similar reason, let’s scratch Jacob, too.”

Dani made another scratch on the paper. “Were Nathan, Leland, Joel, or Elliot involved in anything scandalous in the bible?” She leveled her eyes at Katie then glanced at Michelle. They both shook their heads and looked at me. “Alissa, why don’t you share the names you’ve come up with so we can start pairing them with these four I’ve got?”

I squirmed in my chair. “I feel like if I answer this wrong, I’m going to lose my recess.”

Dani slammed her chair backward and snapped the journal closed. “Perhaps we should revisit this later.”

I jumped up. “Whoa, Dani, what’s the problem?”

“You are all looking at me like I’m this evil, awful person for following through with this horrible plan to steal away with your baby the day it’s born. Let’s just out the elephant standing in every room in this house, shall we?
You
are the one who got knocked up with a baby you didn’t want.
I’m the one
who has been robbed of the privilege of having a baby of my own.
This
was supposed to be the perfect solution to an impossible situation. Yet I’m constantly walking on these glass shards of your decision, and I am tired of it.”

She took a breath before continuing. “I’m not the bad guy, here. There
is no
bad guy in this situation. There are two women eager to love the same little miracle, so personally, I think Isaac would be the perfect name! And Katie and Michelle? I realize you’re both mothers and think Alissa is making a huge mistake. And I also know that Alissa, herself, wonders if she’s making a huge mistake. However, no one has ever once considered if I’ve wondered that myself.

A single tear ran down Dani’s cheek. “You see me as this greedy, salivating baby snatcher with no care outside of getting what I want. Do you not know how much this is going to shred her the day she hands the baby to me? Because I do. The happiest day of my life is also going to break my heart, because my best friend’s heart is going to break. I haven’t spent my life in a career where I have to read people because I like the desk. So I would appreciate it if you would
all
quit with this bullshit of holding your breath when I speak about the baby and stop treating me like I’m too stupid to know what you’re thinking.” She picked up the chair and her journal and stormed past a wide-eyed Chance.

Chance turned to watch Dani run up the stairs then turned to look at me. “Did Dani just say bullshit?”

I shook my head and tried not to laugh at Chance’s well-timed icebreaker. I took a deep breath. “She said a lot of things. Holy shit.”

Chance took a sip of her coffee. “Yeah, I heard. Which one of you gets their ass kicked first?”

Katie and Michelle looked at each other and sighed. Michelle said, “Katie, you go first and wear her out.”

Katie put her head in her hands. “This is bad. This is really bad.”

Chance frowned. “No, it’s not. I’ve been waiting for her to blow for a while. I’m kinda surprised it happened with you two here, but then again I’m not. You two make life normal again. Like we’re all sitting in someone’s living room back home.” She took a drink of her coffee. “Not a soul at this table can be pissed about what she said. Take your ass chewing and be done with it. I’ve been guilty of it, too, so I take my part as well.”

I nodded. “I know.”

“What can we do to make up to her?” Katie asked.

I felt my eyes widen with the idea that blasted to the front of my brain. “Oh! What if we throw her a baby shower?”

Chance said, “Lis, we’re trying not to buy a bunch of stuff here. The Navigator was packed tight on the way down. We won’t have much room for anything else.”

Michelle said, “We could still do cake and punch.”

Katie said, “If the baby is going to be born around the first and you’re not leaving until the thirtieth, you’re going to need all kinds of stuff in that time.”

I looked at Chance. “We could get a crib and changing table then donate it before we leave.”

Katie said, “You’re going to need a bathtub, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, lotion, soap, clothes, a car seat, pacifiers . . .”

I looked at Chance and squealed. “Can we? Can we? Can we?”

She looked at Katie. “You’re in charge of refreshments. Cake, punch, those cute little mints that no one ever eats, and cake pops. I have to have cake pops today. Michelle, you need to make a list of everything Katie just said plus whatever food she wants and keep it in your hand until we get in the car. Alissa, you clean up the kitchen from breakfast and go get ready. I’m going to go lie to Dani and tell her you guys are all upset so I’m taking you out for a bit. We leave in thirty minutes. Go!”

Chairs scooted away from the table as everyone went about their missions. I cleared the table and thanked God over and over for something to do to stay in motion and not let Dani’s words sink into my guilt-ridden soul.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Bridge Over Troubled Water

Chance

I knocked on Dani’s door and didn’t wait for her to answer. I opened the door. “Hey, sister. You okay?”

Dani sat in the rocking chair by the window and sniffled. “Yes.”

I closed the door. “You’re not the bad guy, Dani, so you need to get that out of your head. I know looks can be deceiving and that this situation is uncomfortable at best, but I think you’re handling it very well. I’m surprised it took you this long to blow up, sister.”

Dani shook her head. “I should go apologize.”

I put my hand up. “No, just let them all think about what you said and take time to cool off. I’m going to throw on some clothes and take them out for a bit. Then we’ll all congregate back here for a big group hug.”

She smiled. “If you think that’s necessary.”

“I do. Want me to bring you a Starbucks?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

“Alissa’s cleaning the kitchen, so why don’t you just relax up here for a while, and I’ll text you when we’re on our way back.”

She nodded. “All right. Thanks Chance.”

I tipped my nearly cold coffee at her. “It’s what we do. I’ll see you after while.” I slipped out of her room and sped through the fastest get-ready routine I’ve ever busted out. It was impressive, really. Exactly thirty minutes later, we were loaded in the Navigator on a mission to make Dani feel like the mother she was about to become.

We were like the folks you see on television with four thousand dollars to spend in thirty minutes or less, or whatever that show was. Michelle and I grabbed one cart, Katie and Alissa grabbed another. I said, “Okay, chickadees, we divide and conquer. Lis, show Katie around the food section, and Michelle and I are going to head to baby stuff. When you’re done, come look for us in the car seats. I’m sure that’s where we’ll get stuck.”

Katie yelled, “Ready? Break!” And we were off.

The only time I’d ever spent in a diaper aisle, I was checking Facebook while listening to Katie or Michelle bitch about buying something a baby would violate once then be thrown away. Michelle said, “Okay, you want these, not these. That kind leaks something awful. Never buy them, got it?”

I said, “Got it.”

She continued down the aisle. “These kinds of wipes? They’re a no-no. They have too much perfume for newborn bottoms. Always use these kinds until you see how sensitive his little ass is.”

“Sensitive ass. Got it. Go.”

We rounded the corner and stopped in front of row after row of baby toiletries. Michelle said, “This is the best one for—”

I cut her off. “Michelle, I don’t give a shit. It’s not my baby. Just load up the cart and save the advice for the mother.”

She looked at me. “You’re a douchebag.”

“Massengil, baby. I will never need this information and we’re on the clock. Alissa’s going to have the baby by the time I develop a give-a-damn. Seriously. Let’s roll.”

Michelle mumbled, “I should have shopped with Lis.”

“Yeah, but you’re stuck with me, sister.”

“You’re totally the man in this relationship, you know that?”

I laughed. “I know. I’ve been around way too much estrogen lately. I feel like I should buy some golf clubs just so I can go outside and clean them while Dani and Alissa cry over chick flicks.”

Michelle laughed and shook her head. “You’re a mess. I forgot how pleasant Morning Chance is. I’m looking forward to my real friend.”

I looked at the clock on my phone. “You have another hour before she actually wakes up. And, to make matters worse, I’ve only had one cup of coffee that was cold before I got to finish it. I’m a little pissy.”

“I can see that.”

I watched as Michelle-the-parenting-expert navigated the baby aisles and tried to nod, smile, and croon when the moment called for it. The cart was nearly full by the time we made it to the car seats and cribs and met up with Katie and Alissa. Their cart wasn’t much better than ours, but I grinned when I saw champagne and orange juice. I pointed to it. “Who’s my best friend, today?”

Alissa said, “Always me, baby. Always me.”

“I think I love you.”

She said, “I know. They all do.”

We found a reluctantly helpful store associate, asked her opinion about the car seat and crib, made our selection, and had her wheel them to the front of the store so we could check out. In an hour and ten minutes, we’d managed to get everything on the lists and a few dozen outfits the mother twins insisted we needed. Katie made a fast trip back down to the laundry soap aisle and came back with a huge jug of Dreft, then we all left the check-out lane to get sheets and mattress pads for the crib. Good lord, babies are expensive.

I made Katie and Michelle go pull the Navigator to the front of the store. I didn’t want them to faint when the cashier announced the total of our shopping spree. It’s a good thing, too, because I nearly shit my pants as I swiped my card. Alissa offered to pay, but that just seemed inappropriate. Plus, my balls were bulging as the only “man” in this group, so I felt it was my duty to pay.

When the lady handed me the receipt, I said, “Shouldn’t I get a free year’s supply of coffee or something for that ring-up?’

She smiled as Alissa pushed me in my back. “Move.”

We loaded up the Navigator and headed toward the house. I made a fast detour through Starbucks and instantly found my good mood in the bottom of the cup. By the time we got back to the house, I was ready to throw a party. Plus, I knew mimosas were on the menu. I was a happy girl.

I handed my phone to Alissa. “Will you text Dani and ask her to take Chubs for a walk down the beach? That’ll get her out of the house while we’re unloading.”

“Where are we going to take all this stuff?” Katie asked.

“What about the pool room?” Alissa suggested.

I shook my head. “Glass walls. She’ll see everything.”

“What if we take it all to her room?” Michelle said.

“No, I think we should do it downstairs,” Alissa answered. “We could throw all this stuff on the other side of the big couch. We can stuff the gift bags over there.”

I looked at Michelle in the rearview mirror and bit my lip. “Did we get gift bags?”

“Got ‘em.” Michelle smiled.

“Shew. I’m such a dude. I think we should send Alissa down the beach to go make nice with Dani, which will buy us more time. You two probably need to talk, anyway.”

Alissa sighed. “Probably so.”

“Okay, that’s settled. Katie, you’ll be the look-out from the porch while Michelle and I lug all this stuff inside.”

Michelle flexed her arms. “Beef cake.”

I laughed. “Hot mess.”

Everything went according to plan. Dani was a dot on the beach when we got there, so we sent Alissa to stall her while Katie kept watch. Michelle and I hauled everything into the house and dropped it in the middle of the floor. We both broke a sweat while stuffing bags and ripping off price tags. Michelle took Katie’s place so she could come in and set up the cake, punch, and all that shit I know nothing about. Except mimosas. I know mimosas. And I had two before Alissa and Dani made their way back to the house.

Michelle stuck her head inside the door. “You’ve got about one minute before party time.”

Katie clapped her hands. “Done!”

I flipped the last gift bag into place. “Done!”

Michelle came in and grinned. “Aw, it’s so pretty. She’ll love it.”

I said, “Katie, you got the camera ready?”

“What? No way! You’re on camera duty.”

“Shit. Okay.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flipped it to camera mode. “Video or pictures?”

Katie said, “Video. Totally video.”

“On it.”

Alissa and Dani walked in with the conversation lingering over their heads. Chubs bounded in and left a little trail of sand where Dani forgot to wipe his feet. Oh well, I’ll clean it up later. As long as my OCD doesn’t make me stop everything and do it now. We’ll see.

Dani lifted her eyes and gasped. Her hand flew to her neck as her eyes bugged and chin quivered. “What is this?”

“Surprise!” We all yelled. Alissa joined the party-thrower’s side and clapped.

Dani buried her face in her hands. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it. Thank you so much. A baby shower. A real baby shower.” She looked at the cake and pointed at the blue booties. “Oh that’s so sweet.” She wiped her face. “This is amazing.”

Katie handed her a glass of punch and guided her to the guest-of-honor chair. We should have gotten balloons. Every picture I’ve ever seen of a baby shower, there’s a helium foil balloon in every shot bobbing just over the head of the mother-to-be. I watched Dani take her place and look with disbelief at the massive display of gift bags on the floor in front of her. It looked like the carpet had puked rainbow sherbet. I downed the rest of my mimosa and went for round three. This was challenging my good mood.

I’d probably have more interest in the gift exchange if I hadn’t just participated in the dash-and-stash shopping spree. Nah, I wouldn’t have been interested either way. I stood next to the kitchen island thinking it would be more appropriate for me to have a cigar. I smiled and alternated between pictures and video footage of the baby shower. I was careful not to get any pictures of Alissa’s belly even though we already had the plan of telling people she was Dani’s surrogate if we got careless and uploaded a picture to Facebook that revealed Alissa’s condition.

Watching women’s faces at a baby shower is priceless. They keep a silly grin on their faces in anticipation for the full-face smile which precedes the gasp and, “Awww. . .” Michelle and Katie were at Dani’s feet schooling her on every product. Michelle turned to me and stuck her tongue out. “See? Someone appreciates my experience.”

I tilted my mimosa toward her. “Do your thang, sister.”

Today was day one all over again. I’ve had sixty-seven of them in the last three months. Operation Phase-Out-Tony wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped. Even standing in the midst of one of the happiest days of Dani’s life, his freaking face pops into my head. I researched hypnotism around day fifty of “day one” but couldn’t bring myself to do it. You just never know what they’re going to do when you’re under hypnosis. The last thing I needed was to bark like a dog every time I see a flashing yellow light or some shit like that.

Alissa sauntered over and leaned against the counter. “Penny for your thoughts,” she whispered.

I smiled. “I’m trying to imagine Dani changing a poopy diaper.”

She grinned. “Liar.”

I sighed. “Nope. Honest truth. Scout’s honor.”

She nodded and gave Dani a grin over her latest treasure. “I can read you like a book, Chance.”

“Really? What am I thinking now?”

She stared at my face and scowled. “No, you don’t want to go to prison for killing me.”

I smirked. “I do look awful in orange.”

“But, you’d make a great play toy for some six-foot-nine triple homicide lady.”

I nudged her. “That’s nasty.” I took a few more pictures of Dani and looked at Alissa. “Look at the little hens just clucking away.”

“Do you remember Michelle’s first baby shower? God, we were so hung over.”

I put up my hand. “Don’t say another word. I remember it very well, and I still can’t eat fried chicken.”

“That’s the last time I ever drank Jaeger, too.”

“You’re going to make me gag if you keep it up.” I shivered. “How’d it go on the beach?”

Alissa shrugged. “I told her I had a lot of that coming and that I was sorry for making her feel like my enemy. The same conversation we’ve had a few times already.”

“Think it held this time?” I glanced at Alissa then took another picture of Dani holding one of the outfits Katie had picked out. “That’s super cute, Dani.” She flashed me a perfect grin and sipped her punch.

Alissa said, “Yeah, I think this time she believes it.”

“I’m glad she had that blow-up. I think it was good for her. And I think this shower probably settles a lot of mixed emotions she’s been having.”

“How so?”

I took a deep breath. “If I were Dani, I’d live in complete torment wondering if you’re going to change your mind at the last minute. Now, before you interrupt me and explain for the four hundredth time why that can’t happen, hear me out. It happens all the time in the adoption world. I think legally the birth mother has something like three days to change her mind. If she does, whammo. Done and done. I realize this situation is unique in that you’re friends but still, shit happens, and I don’t think she’s going to breathe that sigh of relief until she has that baby in her arms. So this shower is symbolic in that she’s opening the gifts and getting schooled by the mama hens. I think you’ll see a big difference in her.”

Alissa sighed. “I hope so. Come on. Let’s get the crib and car seat.”

I followed Alissa to the other side of the living room and giggled. “Alissa, you’ve got that pregnant waddle going on. Haha, that’s awesome.”