Allie opened the door after he knocked.
“Hi, there.” He went in and closed the door behind him. “Now that Mardi Gras is over, what do we need to look forward to next?”
“The Easter bunny bringing a large chocolate egg.”
Mark nodded in thought. “Well, that does
sound like something worth waiting for. Will you share yours with me?”
“Sure.”
Laura Jo came up the hall. She wore nothing but a simple collared shirt that buttoned down the front and slacks but he still couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Hello.”
“Hi,” she said, shyly for her.
He had gotten to her. She must be feeling unsure about them after the amount of time that had passed since they’d been together.
“Allie, would you do me a favor?”
She nodded.
“I’m thirsty. Would you get me a glass of water?”
As soon as she was out of sight Mark pulled Laura Jo to him. “What I’m really thirsty for is you.” His mouth found hers.
* * *
Laura Jo had to admit that Mark had done well in choosing a place that would suit for a celebration and one Allie would enjoy. The pizza place was perfect. He’d even provided Allie with a handful of tokens so she could play games. Laura Jo was reasonably sure that this wasn’t his usual choice of restaurant for a date.
“Thanks for bringing us here. Allie is having a blast.” Laura Jo tried to speak loud enough to
be heard over the cling and clang of the games being played and the overhead music.
“I love pizza, too,” Mark said, as he brought a large slice of pepperoni to his mouth.
She liked his mouth, especially when it was on hers. His kiss at her door had her thinking of calling Marsha to see if Allie could spend the night then pulling Mark into her bedroom.
“So tell me what happened today about the shelter,” Mark said, after chewing and swallowing his bite.
“I collected all the donor money.” She grinned. “They didn’t remember but when I showed them each the promissory note with their signature on it, both men called their accounting departments and told them to cut a check.”
Mark chuckled. “Mr. Washington knows his buddies well.”
“The only glitch is that the bank keeps throwing these roadblocks in our way. Today’s was that we had to show we have a full board. It couldn’t just be Marsha and I.”
“Did you know she called me?”
“She told me afterward that she had. I would have told her not to if she had asked.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to put you on the spot.” After
the other night she didn’t want him to feel obligated because of their one night of passion.
“It’s not a problem. Besides being extremely attracted to one of the board members, I do think the shelter is a worthy cause. I’m more than happy to serve on the board.”
Allie came running up. “I need one more token to play a game.”
Mark handed her a token. “After you play your game, I want you to play one with me.”
“Okay,” Allie said, all smiles.
“Stay where you can see me,” Laura Jo reminded her, before Allie ran back to a nearby game.
Mark leaned in close so that he was speaking right into Laura Jo’s ear. “Is there any chance for you and me to have some alone time?”
“You’ll have to wait and see,” Laura Jo said with a smile. “There’s one more thing about the shelter I wanted to tell you. Just before you picked us up, Marsha called. The city has decided to take bids for the house. They know of no one else who’s interested but they want everything to look aboveboard so they have to offer it out for bids.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“Yeah, but what if someone comes in and outbids us?”
He looked at her and said in a serious tone,
“Then you’ll just have to raise the money or find somewhere else. You now have new board members you can depend on to help you make a decision. You and Marsha won’t be all on your own anymore.”
She smiled at him just as Allie returned. “I’m ready to play.”
“Are you ready to lose because I’m the best whack-a-moler you’ve ever seen,” Mark announced as he puffed out his chest.
Laura Jo and Allie laughed.
He really was fun to be around. “Famous last words, the saying goes, I think,” Laura Jo remarked. It had just been Allie and herself for so long. Was she ready to share their life with Mark? She smiled. Maybe she was.
“Come on, young lady,” Mark said, taking Allie’s hand. “Let me show you.”
* * *
They arrived back at Laura Jo’s apartment, laughing at something Mark had done while trying to best Allie at the arcade game. When they had gotten into the car to leave the pizza place, he’d looked back at Allie and then turned to her. Laura Jo had placed her hand on the seat belt and said, “Thank you for seeing to our safety.”
He gave her a wry smile before he started the car but he seemed less anxious.
“It’s bath-and bedtime,” Laura Jo told Allie
as they entered her apartment. “Why don’t you get your PJs and the water started? I’m going to fix some coffee for Mark and I’ll be right in.”
Allie left in the direction of her room and she and Mark went to the kitchen. She took the pot out of the coffee-maker and went to the sink.
Mark came up behind her and took the pot from her, setting it on the counter. “I’ll fix the coffee while you see to Allie. Right now, I want a kiss.” He turned her round and gathered her close, giving her a gentle but passionate kiss.
Laura Jo’s knees went weak. Her arms went around him and she pulled him tight.
“Mama, I’m ready,” Allie called.
Slowly Mark broke their connection. He brushed his hips against hers and grinned. “I am, too.”
Laura Jo snickered and gave him a playful push. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Behave yourself while I’m gone.”
* * *
Ten minutes later, Mark walked down the hall in the direction of Laura Jo’s voice. He stopped and stood in the doorway of the room where the sound was coming from. The lights were off except for one small lamp with a fairy of some sort perched on top. Allie lay in bed and Laura Jo sat on the side, reading a book out loud. He leaned against the wall facing them and
continued to listen. Allie’s eyes were closed when Laura Jo shut the book and kissed her daughter on the forehead.
His heart constricted. What would it feel like to be a part of their inner circle?
Laura Jo looked at him and gave him a soft smile. She raised her hand and beckoned him to join her.
His heart beat faster. This was his invitation to find out. But if he took that step he’d be lost forever. He couldn’t take on the responsibility of protecting them. What if he failed them, like he had Mike? No, as much as it would kill him to do so, he couldn’t tangle their lives up in his. He’d let them down. Hurt them, disappoint them at best. They’d both had enough of that in their lives.
Laura Jo’s smile faded. He backed out of the door, walked to the kitchen and sat at the small table.
* * *
What had just happened? Didn’t Mark recognize that she’d just offered her life and heart to him? He’d turned it down. Flat.
Laura Jo could no longer pretend this was a casual thing between them. She couldn’t afford to invest any of her life or Allie’s in someone who was afraid of their ability to share a relationship. She needed a confident man
during the good as well as the tough times. Mark didn’t believe he was capable of being that man.
Even if she believed in him and convinced him they could make it, Mark had to believe in himself. She couldn’t take the chance of Allie experiencing that loss and devastation, the almost physical pain of believing no one wanted her, if Mark decided he couldn’t do it. Allie wouldn’t be made to feel as if she were a piece of trash being tossed out the window of a car. No, she wouldn’t let it happen. Wouldn’t go through that again.
She had to break it off before they became any more involved. Her heartache she would deal with, but her daughter’s heart she would protect. Maybe with time, and many tears during the night, she would get over Mark.
Laura Jo found him a few minutes later, looking at his coffee cup as he ran a finger around the edge. She poured herself a cup of coffee she had no intention of drinking and took the chair across the table from him.
“This isn’t going to work, Mark.”
“Why?”
“Because I need someone who’ll be committed to the long haul. I deserve your wholehearted love and loyalty. I won’t risk my heart or Allie’s for anything less. That is the very least I will agree to.”
“You know I won’t take the chance. What if I can’t do it? I won’t hurt you. I’m no better than your ex-husband. When things get too tough to face, I’ll be gone. Just like him. I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again.”
“You’re still punishing yourself for something that isn’t your fault. Mike’s in a wheelchair because of a choice that he made, not you. Your way of atoning is to remain uninvolved emotionally with anyone you might feel something real for. That translates into a wife and family for you. I can see that you care about Allie and I think you care about me, too. I’ve spent a long time not trusting my judgment about men. You got past that wall. You’re a better man than you give yourself credit for.”
He didn’t look at her. Her heart ached for him but she had to get through to him. Make him start really living again. He deserved it. She loved him enough to do that and send him away if she had to.
“You can’t create someone else’s happiness by being unhappy. You can’t fix what happened to Mike. Even if you had been wrong. What you can do now is try to be a better friend than you were back then.
“The problem is you have run from and hidden from the issue too long. You’ve left the subject alone so long that it has grown and festered
to a point it’s out of control in your mind. Based on what I saw from Mike the other night, he feels no animosity toward you. To me it sounded as if he just misses his friend. Face it, clean the ugliness away then you can see yourself for the person you are. Good, kind, loving, protective and caring. It’s time for you to like yourself.
“I hope that one day you realize that and find someone to share your life with. It can’t be Allie and I.” Those last words almost killed her to say.
His chair scraped across the floor as he pushed it away from the table. He pinned her with a pointed look. His eyes were dark with sadness and something else. Anger? “Are you through?”
She nodded. She was sure she wasn’t going to like what came next.
“I have issues, but you do, too. You carry a chip on your shoulder, Laura Jo. In the past nine years you have finished school on your own, raised a wonderful, happy child and started and helped to run a shelter for women, but still you feel you need to prove yourself to the world. You don’t need your father and mother’s or anyone else’s approval. It’s time to quit being that girl who had to show everyone she could do it by herself.
“You let your ex overshadow your life to the point it took me using a sledgehammer to get
past your barriers. Laura Jo, not every guy is a jerk and doesn’t face up to their responsibilities.”
“Like you have?”
Mark flinched. She’d cut him to the core. But she had to get through to him somehow.
“I think I’d better go.” He stood and started toward the door.
Shocked at his abrupt statement, she said, “I think it’s for the best. Goodbye, Mark.”
CHAPTER NINE
T
HE ONLY TIME
Laura Jo could remember feeling so miserable had been when she’d taken Allie home from the hospital, knowing the child would have no father or grandparents to greet her. The pain had been heartbreakingly deep. She’d believed the scar had been covered over enough that she would never return to those emotions. But she’d been wrong.
They had rushed in all over again when Mark had walked out the door. The overwhelming despair was back. The problem this time was that it was even more devastating.
Looking back, she could see her goal when she’d been nineteen had been more about breaking away from her parents, standing on her own two feet and discovering what she believed in, instead of following their dictates. Turned out she’d let pride stand in her way all these years. It hadn’t been fair to Allie, her parents or herself.
She appreciated Mark’s fears, even
understood where they came from, but she couldn’t accept anything less than full commitment. Allie deserved that, and even she wouldn’t settle for anything less.
Experience had shown her what it was like to have a man in her life who didn’t stay around. She refused to put Allie through that. If she felt this awful about Mark leaving after they had known each other for such a short time, what would it have been like if they had been together longer?
The past had told her that the only way to survive disappointment and heartache, and in this case heartbreak, was to keep moving. It was Monday morning and Allie had school, she had to work.
Was Mark working the early shift? Moving around his big kitchen dressed only in his shorts? With them hung low on his hips? Barechested?
He’d called a couple of times but she had let the answering machine get it. If she spoke to him it would be too easy to open the door wide for him to come into her life. She just couldn’t do that.
She groaned, afraid there would be no getting over Mark. She needed to stay busy, spend less time thinking about him. Forcing herself to
climb out of bed, Laura Jo dressed for the day, making sure to have Allie to school on time.
Allie asked her during breakfast, “Why’re you so sad, Mama?”
Laura Jo put on a bright smile and said in the most convincing voice she could muster, “I’m not sad. Why would I be sad?”
Allie gave her a disbelieving look but said nothing more. For that Laura Jo was grateful. She worried that she’d break down in tears in front of her daughter.
At midmorning, after just releasing a patient home from the ER, Laura’s cell phone buzzed. Looking at it, she saw it was Marsha calling. It was unusual for her to call while Laura Jo was working. Something must have happened with the shelter.
“Hello. What’s going on?”
“Someone has bid against us for the house. It’s far over what we have and I don’t see any way for us to come up with that amount of money.”