Authors: Shelby Reed
Her vulnerability. The warmth of her spirit.
“You’ll come back too, Billie Cort, yes?”
“Yes,” Billie said, laughing. “I’d love to.”
“I’ll look for your stories in next month’s issue of
Illicit
. Take good care of yourself, both of you. And Rudy, the big
bambino
,” she added, as Adrian opened the back door of the BMW and the dog clambered in.
She stood in the driveway and watched them depart, waving until they rounded the corner onto Massachusetts Avenue and her lone figure disappeared from Adrian’s rearview mirror.
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The Fifth Favor
They drove in silence gilded by Sade’s silky, mellow vocals.
Behind them, Rudy turned himself around three times and curled up to sleep on the back seat. Adrian didn’t try to make conversation, and Billie seemed content to gaze out the window in wordless contemplation. He struggled not to look at her, but his gaze was drawn to her profile every time they stopped at a traffic light.
She was unaware of his troubled thoughts, of the dangerous path they’d started down tonight. The tranquility on her face, the sweet peace that marked her a content woman, screamed at him. He would wipe it away with a few truths eventually, no matter how much he wanted to keep her in his life. Without wanting to, without being able to stop the inevitable, he’d add a new set of scars across her tender heart, and he detested himself for letting it go this far, to the point where they could both be hurt.
When he pulled into the driveway in front of her apartment building, she stirred and flashed him a look of surprise, one he understood too well. After the intimacy they’d shared tonight, it didn’t make sense that he’d bring her back here and drop her off to her own world, when he could have easily taken her home to share his bed and seal their relationship.
But Billie said nothing, and the mild dismay marking her features smoothed into cool acceptance. She gathered her purse and leaned over the back seat to pat Rudy’s head.
“Thanks for tonight,” she said, pausing with her fingers on the door handle. “I had a good time.”
Adrian searched his heart for the right response, for something that would preserve her feelings and his wall of defense simultaneously, but there was nothing. “Thank you for coming.”
He made no move to kiss her, just sat watching her, while inside everything shifted once again to autopilot: feelings, desires, the wild yearning she’d stirred in him over and over in the last few hours.
Finally, hesitantly, she leaned toward him and paused, waiting for him to meet her halfway. Adrian acquiesced, lifted a hand to her hair, let it sift through his fingers as his lips brushed the soft, fragrant skin of her cheek. A fleeting indulgence.
In another time, another place, he could have loved this woman. He could have deserved her love. But the sentiment was as far removed from his grasp as reality was from Avalon. He’d forfeited it in exchange for life in a gilded cage, and his relationship with Billie was a casualty of that choice, plain and simple.
The leather seat squeaked a little as he withdrew, and they stared at each other, a million questions hanging in the air. Then Billie offered him a tremulous smile and climbed out of the car, and all Adrian could think was,
Thank you for caring
.
* * * * *
115
Shelby Reed
The shrill jangle of the phone jolted Billie from her dark ruminations and she glanced at the glowing clock. One a.m. Only Adrian would call at this ridiculous hour.
A shiver of relief went through her. He’d been so quiet on the ride home, preoccupied by something that darkened his features and stole the sweet remnants of pleasure between them.
“Were you sleeping?” he asked.
“No.” She scooted beneath the covers and pulled them up to her chin, ignoring the slow simmer of need he stirred down low in her belly. He wouldn’t seduce her tonight, even though the mere sound of his voice had the same arousing effect of a physical caress.
Tension lay thick between them, something she didn’t understand but dreaded with all her heart. “Just thinking,” she told him.
“Me too.”
“About?”
“Did you like my family, Billie?”
The question surprised her. She’d expected him to drop some sort of bomb. “Oh, yes. Rosalie was wonderful, warm and funny. And the kids, so cute. So bright.”
“They liked you, too.”
“Will I get to see them again sometime?” It was out of her mouth before she could staunch the nervous flow of uncertainty.
Adrian paused, seemingly as taken off-guard by her question as she was. “I don’t know when I’ll get out to Bethesda again.”
Heat suffused her cheeks. “I’m not inviting myself. I just meant…they’re great people.”
He was quiet. Then he said, “Jesus, Billie. What are we doing?”
A question wrought with confusion and hopelessness and…fear. The bomb. Her heart leapt, charged with a surge of dismay.
“Well…” She fingered the edge of the sheet, dreading the loss of her fragile peace of mind. “We’re seeing each other, I guess.”
“It would appear so.” The phone rustled as though he were switching ears. Then his voice came stronger, firm with conviction. “I told you I don’t have relationships.”
Her heart slipped another notch toward her stomach.
“Do you remember, Billie?”
“Yes,” she said tightly, mentally kicking her own behind. She knew this moment would come. She’d been so foolish. “I remember.”
“You know why I don’t…why I can’t. But I’m making a liar of myself with you. I thought I could tell you goodbye tonight and end it. We’re only a few weeks into this thing. It shouldn’t be so difficult. I’ve been telling myself that all along, that I can stop it.
That it’s nothing.”
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The Fifth Favor
She listened to his unsteady stream of words, her brows drawn down in confusion and dismay. He didn’t sound like the Adrian she knew. He sounded…afraid.
“…and I owe you an apology,” he finished. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She rubbed a hand over her face, pressed fingertips against her eyelids to staunch the mild burn of tears. Ridiculous to cry, really. There was nothing to cry over. Nothing to break between them. No promises made, only the guarantee of disaster for playing with fire, an inevitability that had been there all along, and now it was time to pay for dabbling.
“I shouldn’t have taken you out to meet my family.”
She opened her eyes. “So why did you?”
“I needed a date. To reassure them I’m living a normal life.”
Billie sighed, exasperated with him, disgusted with herself. “Bull. Can we just be honest for a minute, Adrian? You may have started out with that reason, but you took me, you chose
me
, because you feel something for me. You can deny it, but then you really will be a liar.”
“You give me too much credit for having a heart.” He was recoiling, reining in his emotions, regaining control. “I feel nothing for anyone beyond a basic curiosity. It’s the nature of my job, my lifestyle…it’s
my
nature. You knew that about me from the beginning.”
His voice grew more remote. She wondered if he was calling from his condominium, where he’d lost his best friend, or from Avalon, where he’d lost himself.
“I like you, Billie. You’re a nice person. Good company. But tonight was a mistake.”
She flung an arm over her eyes and swallowed the lump of tears that had lodged in her throat. “Oh? Which part? The part where you introduced me to your family and exposed yourself as coming from a perfectly average, wholesome background? Or the part where you touched me and turned me inside-out while swaying in a hammock in the rich, beautiful woods—one of the most searing sexual experiences of my life? Which part do you regret, Adrian?”
“All of it. I can’t have those things with you. You know what I am.”
“Yes, Adrian, I know what you are. A gentle man. A likable one. Smart. Cultured.
Sexy. I know what you are.”
“But the other part—”
“What about the other part? You hide behind the other part.” She yanked the pillow out from beneath her head and winged it across the bedroom, furious suddenly. “Did you call to tell me I’m not going to see you anymore? Because if that’s the case, hurry up and say it. Then hang up and go back to work, and don’t worry one bit about me. I’ve been on my own a long time, and I’m tougher than you think. I won’t cling to any man who’d rather be a-a—” She stumbled, bit back the ugly words rushing to her lips.
117
Shelby Reed
“A what?” he countered softly. “A whore? A gigolo? Go ahead and say it, Billie. If you’re going to waste your time caring about me, then you’d better get used to the idea, because I can’t change. I won’t. Not for you or anyone.”
She bit back a sound of pure derision. “How about for
you
? Think you could walk the straight and narrow for yourself?”
He didn’t reply. He didn’t have to. Billie already knew the answer. “You’re afraid.”
She sat up among the sheets as cold realization washed through her. “Afraid to live without women clambering to pay top dollar for you. All that money…it’s a measure of your value, right? It’s your self-esteem. What would happen if you were paid in love instead of cash? Would the world end? My God, Adrian. You’re running scared.”
The half-whispered accusation seemed to permeate his impassivity. “I was fine before you.” His voice came low and furious.
Finally, finally
. True emotion. “Damn it, Billie. I want my life back.”
“Then hang up and don’t call me again, because I’m not going to pay you for sex, Adrian. What I offer is a worthless currency in your world.”
The sound of their breathing, quick and angry, rushed in simultaneous cadence through the phone line.
And still he didn’t hang up. He cursed, a bitten-off slew of Italian and English she couldn’t grasp except for its elemental frustration. “I don’t want what you’re offering—
you’ve mistaken my intent. I didn’t ask for a relationship.”
“What the hell
was
your intent? I don’t think you even know. If you had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” She clenched the sheet between restless fingers.
“This isn’t just a favor for a favor anymore. It’s gotten too messy for your taste, hasn’t it? But it’s what you’ve ended up with, Adrian, whether you wanted it or not. Things happen! You don’t always get to choose. Life doesn’t come knocking at your door as per scheduled appointment like at Avalon. This is what happens. Feelings. And—and conflict, and misery, and joy and—” She stumbled on “love” and bit her bottom lip to silence herself, quivering with a wild fusion of exhilaration and heartache.
“Every bit of it unwelcome and impossible.” Desperation blurred his words, as though he spoke to himself instead of her. “All I want is my peace back. I want Lucien back. I want everything to be like it was before you walked through Avalon’s doors, Billie. You should know that.”
Even as the declarations sliced through her, his turbulence pulled at her empathy, at her desire for him, at her penchant for giving love to a man who would only push her away.
No.
A fresh wave of coldness soaked her to the bone. She could end it for both of them, damn it.
She would.
Indignation and soul-deep abrasions spoke for her. “While we’re being so honest with each other…” She swallowed and closed her eyes, knowing what she said next would ruin the intimacy between them far more than his words of frustration ever 118
The Fifth Favor
could. “What really happened the night of Lucien’s death? Did you help him over that balcony, Adrian?”
For a long time he didn’t speak. Astonishment crackled between them. Billie couldn’t believe she’d been so callous and cruel. She couldn’t believe he hadn’t yet hung up on her, and now she wished he would. She wanted it to be over, for the hurt to stop before the damage was irreparable.
His reply finally broke the silence, soft, defeated. “He was my friend, Billie. My friend.”
Anger drained away, leaving her empty and trembling with shame. She’d stooped so low. Yet she pushed again. Pushed him closer to the edge. Pushed him farther from her heart. “But what about your alibi?”
“What about her?”
“I hear she denies being with you.” She was hurting him. Maybe more than he’d ever hurt her, and she couldn’t stop the bruising accusation that propelled her words.
“She’s a liar.” His quiet voice held an edge now, rapier sharp and unyielding. “She lied to the police, she lied to her husband…she even lied to herself. They all do. It’s part of the game.”
“And Azure? What about her?”
“She’s the biggest player of all. She lied about me, Billie. She knows I was at Avalon. She erased the evidence to protect my client.”
Billie released a deep breath, her hand pressed to her pounding heart.
He wasn’t finished. “So you’re not all blind faith and guilelessness after all. It’s about time you question me. You know nothing about me except what I choose to tell you. But consider this, Billie.” His tone evened out, all emotion suffocated. “How do you know I’m not spinning tales around your pretty head?”
She swallowed. “I don’t.”
“No.” Contempt crept into his words. “You make an easy target. For all your street-smart, savvy appearance, you’re as lost as a babe in the woods. I can’t believe you haven’t been plucked.”
Sick regret roiled in her stomach. “You’re wrong about me.”
“And you’re foolish to trust so quickly. But hey, anything for a thrill, right? People sell their souls for a thrill. They die for it, too. How are you any different, keeping company with a man who whores for a living?”
Despair trapped her answer in her throat.
“Thank you, Billie. You’ve done both of us an immense favor.”
The phone disconnected with a muted click. Billie lay there, dry-eyed, receiver clutched to her chest, and forced her illogical grief back to a place of common sense. But it wasn’t until much, much later that it really sank in…the score was finally even.
Pleasure for pleasure. Truth for truth. Injury for injury. Equally given, equally received.